SHARK-A-THON!!! Day 27 Trailer Park Shark!

Day 27 Trailer Park Shark

So we have had sharks all over the place. Rivers, ice, glaciers. Ancient Native American burial sites, even the Ozarks. Oh and toilets. Can’t forget House Shark. No one should.

But a trailer park? I will give them credit. There’s a film I didn’t include on this list because it looked too good for what we were wanting for this list. It’s an Australian film called BAIT. In that film there’s a shark in the grocery store. I thought that would pretty much be it, but here we go. A trailer park. With sharks.

It sounds hopeful. But it also feels like something that might benefit from not being made for TV. But in the name of fairness, a lot of these are made for tv. And not all entirely bad either. So we will remain hopeful. Until thrown under the trailer.

I gotta say, these last few films we have yet to get into. They were chosen for their premise and posters alone. So I’m just hinting that, Even though we have had some absolutely astoundingly great finds. The worst and best, may yet come in the next few days.

Will this be one of them? Lets dive on in and see.

Trailer Park Shark

Tagline: They’re Gonna Need A Bigger Trailer

Synopsis: A tropical storm floods Soggy Meadows trailer park and forces a hungry shark upriver.

Simple and to the point. That usually works out in the end. I can only imagine the number of redneck jokes and trailer trash awaiting us. I’ve lived in a Trailer park and they aren’t all that horrible. But there definitely are some absolute truths to some of the things you hear and joke about.

But this is in the south, and no good will come of any of this.

As we learn the moment the film begins. We have country music blaring aout the speakers. Trailer trash blonde in horrific makeup, and a man with a pet…squirrel or gerbil…a varmint on his shoulder. Like a trailer park pirate.

But thankfully we don’t linger too long on it, as we begin following a van out away from the park, and toward a shark fin racing through the river. Where we also meet up with a redneck, in a very nice diving outfit. Either from an illegal meth operation or they know a guy that knows a guy. We can’t say. But what we can for sure can say, is that he is busying himself under water, messing with power cables for. Reasons. We don’t know these reasons but. The reasons have him down under the water working on making a lot of money with this job he’s doing. Well as tubs the underwater scuba redneck works on his, project. We have a lookout of sorts riding a jet ski with a GoPro surveying the water, waiting for his uncle/friend/who knows to finish. However in that moment it suddenly pours down a hailstorm of rain. But more importantly? A large explosion not far away goes off.

We have no idea what it was or what caused it, all we know is it was loud, it shook the land, and underwater our scuba diving pioneer woodsman is swept off his feet by a bubbling torrent of water which…somehow doesn’t effect his friend above? It’s odd to say the least.

But to top it off, He catches sight of a man running down along the bank who looks very suspicious. He records him with his GoPro to catch his image for later detective work. But as he does so and the man takes off. He goes to check up on his uncle. Which is cut short when he ends up coming head to head with a very large great white. Why is it always a great white. Oh right, Jaws.

Well the movie suddenly pauses about now. Not by choice but design. Our character wishes to rewind things and catch us all up on how he ended up in this particular spot and moment.

So we get an actual title sequence to the film, Mixed in with another take on our initial walkthrough of the trailer park. Which is a bit the same, but a bit less friendly. There is no captain Trailer with his squirrel parrot friend sadly. But there are hoes. Like an actual woman in cut offs and a top offering to “Make it worth your while” if he comes over and fixes her dryer, he reminds her he’s with someone already. So she counter offers “Well I can make it worth…her while? Both of your, while?” he considers this but ultimately declines. Of course a lot of these people have the names we were expecting. Including yes stripper names. Because well. Yeah.

But the main thing we learn is our. I guess hero? Well our main guy, his name is Rob. Rob is a good guy. He looks out for everyone around the trailer, everyone knows him as a good guy, and he’s the only one that looks least like he belongs there. Even though his character says he’s lived in ‘the park’ his whole life.

Honestly I give them all a bit of space, because they all are playing Jerry Springer rejects in an attempt to out do the other, and though it borders are being so dumb I should turn it off, there are times It. Works. I will grant you an example.

We had two men engaging in an arm wrestling match for a huge wad of cash. In the middle of this match. A heavy set man shoved one of the men, declared himself the winning bet on who would win, and grabs the money. Another redneck did not approve of this and slapped the money from his hand. The two begin a chase around the park.

As they are chasing one another the skinner of the two trips the other, and that tons of fun man lands face first in the dirt. Well out of their trailer comes a brunette named Barbara Wire, Barb for short.

She’s wanting to know what the hell is going on outside her trailer and tells the skinny man to leave the useless sack of a turd fat man alone. Because he may be useless, but the man may one day pay his child support for their kid. Which, as the fat man gets up, he informs her “That aint my kid and you know it!”, So those two begin fighting about how this kid IS indeed his kid. Which then draws out from her trailer the before mentioned blonde with too much horrible makeup. All the women save one named Cappy are wearing denim cut off shorts and a tube top of some form and fashion.

So out comes this blonde, and she’s getting in the face of Barb for trying to…crotch trap her man. Again.

Well these two are now tangled into it and Out comes the girlfriend of Rob trying to understand whats going on. Which then sets both girls after her because she acts better than all of them.

It’s just one giant terrible place where everyone is backwoods dumb, never watched a makeup tutorial in their life, and they’re either breaking the law, or strippers.

About the only thing they give us that we needed and learn. Is just what the hell Uncle Jeff was doing out there earlier in the river. He’s trying to steel electricity from across the way to get it for free. So that’s why he was out there in scuba gear doing what he was doing.

But there is, a darker side to this whole ordeal. Of course we need a big villain, and that comes in the shape of a big bad land developer who regularly harasses the parks residence. Bullying them for money out of every little thing they can. He’s a big bad rich man and is about to uncover more story for us. This thing is just unloading itself all over us and I’m not minding it too much. 15 minutes into this thing and we get a quick roundtable meet and greet as well as backstory for just what the hell was going on in the beginning.

So we know what Uncle Jeff was doing down there, and Rob helping him. But what of the strange man running away after the boom? Well we learn that too. The movie is being very gracious to us.

That man was of course a henchmen for Mr Evil land baron. This guy wants these hillbillies off his land so badly, that he’s willing to send a man in a van with a plan, to blow up the levy and flood the place. To wash out the garbage that is their home. How can he possibly get away with this? Well he knows there is supposed to be a huge nasty storm today. So when he blows up this levy, it’ll look like a natural disaster by the time its all said and done.

Well there we go. It only took 15 minutes to get that out of the way. Now we can figure out just what the hell happens after. I’m not hating the movie for it. It’s actually entertaining. But it does worry me because that leaves us an hour and 5 minutes for our story to unravel.

But hey, that could be a good thing. A quick shark adventure in an hours timespan. It can work, and I’ll hope for them it does.

So we see the evil henchmen setup the timer on their explosive charges in the van they drove up there in. Which good on them for being competent as they set a 5 minutes timer, which was actually set for 3 minutes, and they can safely run off. That is until one of them realizes they forgot the license plate. Which means they can trace it back to them and their boss if its left there!

So as one unlucky redneck is sent back to get that license, well. We know what’s coming. The explosive goes off, the man is blown back and likely dead. The levy is gone, and our larger than the river shark is free to do what he does.

NOW we are caught up to the point where Rob looked like he was about to be swallowed by the shark!

Which is isn’t! Thankfully. Though we get to watch the shark comically chew on and try to destroy his jet ski. Apparently sharks are like snakes and unhinge their jaws when they attack things. Never knew that.

Well it’d cost too much to show a tsunami through the park. So the best we can get is an already flooded trailer. Everyone has their home under water, and their precious nascar valuables are now worth as much as their collector plates. Which is not worth anything the TV tells you its worth when you buy it. They are scams.

Rob is frantically working to save his uncle and get out of the water. But the moment he finds him. The shark thinks ‘hey humans might be softer than a jet ski’, so he attacks Uncle Jeff, and we are now down a hero.

That said, we also have a trailer park in need of saving! Well people in the park more specifically. Fuck the park. Jolene the girlfriend of Rob is stuck in her trailer and fearing drowning. So we get a hero of the park. The only man there who has a horse. Which is not a cheap thing to own and care for. So that man? Rufus? He’s got some serious greenback.

Well he calls out his horse Duke and the two manage to save Jolene. Its as heroic a scene as they can make and its kinda funny. Duke gets a heroic theme and everything.

So you know they’re gonna die. I mean it’s going to happen. But lord it’d be funny if Duke doesn’t. Like imagine the horse having to climb around on the top of the trailers to avoid the shark. Rufus riding him across each of the rooftops.

But no. Rufus spots the shark fin, and he’s unholstered his revolver. He’s going to take on that shark head on. Horse on.

Anyway like all these movies, the horse is killed, they die being swallowed by a water leaping shark.

It’s always a water leaping shark!

WHY IS It ALWAYS a water leaping shark!!

Well Rufus is now dealing with intense sadness and he’s going to need a lot of reflection and Pabst Blue Ribbon to get over this.

Meanwhile on the other end of the river, Rob is floating in a rubber raft, trying to get his ass in the dark. The mans lost.  But help is on the way! Cappy, our redneck lady with a boat. Well. She’s on her boat and zooming around the river. It’s a genuinely funny scene, as she finds Rob floating around she calls out to him, “Hey! What you doin? People are dead!’.

I mean, jesus. That was pretty random and good.

This movie may be happening lightning fast, but It’s got charm to it, and their characters like I said earlier. Though they really border on annoying. They work, and serve their purpose. Just like Cappy. She loves boating, and she makes a mean electric eel sauce.

Another character of mention I need to bring up though? Is the trailer parks holy roller preacher. You can’t miss him. Even if you tried. Hell if you were blind you’d still see his outfit its that unhinged and and captivating in the same way a roadside accident is.  He’s a treasure in this film and one of the weirdest characters to grace a screen in a long time.

But back to our movie, we’ll get into his BBQ and outfit soon enough. Phrasing. I know.

So Cappy is offering to help Rob and get him back to safety aboard her much sturdier solid metal boat which can hold at least 8 people. So likely the whole trailer park. It’s again played for laughs as she tells him to come to her and he’s barely moving at all paddling his heart out as she sits there in a huge boat that could easily drive circles around him. Well of course the Shark gets between them and simply says hey, hi, how’s it going. Giving her another fun line and great moment for a reasonable laugh in the movie. As she eyes the giant sharks fin she points and shouts “How is that possible?” She is not wrong to ask this. At all. She tells him to paddle harder as he explains to her how he thought he killed the shark. He tried pulling a Jaws 2 on the shark getting it to bight into the power cable Uncle Jeff hooked up. But the shark survived, obviously. She informs him how Electric eels in those waters grow up to 7 ft and have enough juice to rival a three prong power socket. Which as she demonstrates that with her hand, she’s. Actually making the shocker. If you don’t know what that is, have fun googling.

Also your welcome.

Now this bit of knowledge is useful for whats about to happen. Which I have no reasonable explanation for. But the shark is headed toward Rob’s raft, so he does the first thing that pops into mind. He tosses his only paddle at the shark. Which then. Jolts the shark?

I…I don’t.

So I checked my water to make sure it wasn’t vodka. It’s not. And I stared really hard at the screen. For some reason. I guess, the shark is now electrified?

I would guess, his having the shark bite down on the power line imbued the shark with the power of, electricity?

Which is pretty great, but also what in the fresh hell.

Apparently that is the case because after the tiny jolt fizzles out from the paddle hitting its fin. The shark emits a huge electrical burst under the water! Which then, somehow, by science? Causes a fire to ignite on Cappy’s boat! Now SHE has to be rescued and leave her ultimate water craft, for a smaller rubber raft.

Well no fear as Rob makes his way over to her and is thankfully able to save our comedic captain of the trailer park.

And shark leaps up bites her and she’s gone.

What the hell?!!

It’s pretty damn funny as she was chuckling thankful to be alive and then suddenly WHAP. Gone. The movie is not being kind to Rob and I love it. Anytime he tries something, he’s failing miserably. I can relate.

A little too much.

So as Rob comes to terms with the fact his luck sucks. The other residents of the park are trying to gather and count their numbers. We have Cymphony along with Wyatt on top of their trailer, Throwing insults at our painted up blonde hussie. Who is lugging insult after insult as well. They’re trying to figure out what best to do to get everyone gathered, and rescue themselves. As well as the preacher who was heard praying to Jesus to take the others and let him live. Which no one appreciated. But the most tragic of news this group has to tell us. Is Wyatts dog is missing. Could it to be a victim of the shark?

Well according to Cymphony, in a line she actually says because. Southern trash gonna trash saying words. “That tsunami? That hit in Mayonnasia? All them animals ran out and up to the hills before that struck. They got some sorta survival sense in them”

She meant Malaysia. Even Wyatt knew this. But bless her heart.

Well no sooner are we told this, do we get to return to rob, Literally just to show us that floating by him, completely safe and free of harm. Is Wyatt’s dog! They are floating by, safe from harm riding ontop of their dog house. Somehow. Science.

The main thing is, dog’s alright. So we can continue onward.

Onward to some slapstick and a moment of my childhood.

Rob was presented as the gifts guy that’s gonna make a name for himself when he gets out of here. But everything he does or tries ends up fumbling, crumbling and going to pieces. So it’s a pretty fun jab and play on his character. Well this continues as he sails on past the pooch and toward a tree. Drifting lazily into it and popping his raft. We hear the comical air escaping and he needs a solution fast to save his skin. All he has on board is a soggy white bread and bologna sandwich. So he smashes that over the hole.

It works!

Until it doesn’t!

He repeatedly tried the sandwich but it just wont hold. So he just so happens to run across the best friend of all redneck kind, and any homeowner. Duct tape.

NOT duck tape!

But Duct. Tape.

I know it’s a dad thing to grumble over but. If I had to learn as a kid its proper name, we all should use it.

Just like an ex of mine thought the ACDC song Dirty Deeds said “Dunder chief”, she thought the song was about a native American super hero that would do things for you. I was going to laugh until my dad said he also thought the same when he was a kid.

Anywho.

Now armed with his trusty duct tape, Rob begins the most overly used amount of duct tape to patch a hole ever. He’s not just patching this thing to make sure it’ll be alright for the trip back to the park. He’s making sure this thing is sealed for years to come.

Suddenly he begins losing his mind and goes from repairing the raft, to now wrapping his hand repeatedly in duct tape. Which I used to do for fun as a kid. But I’d do it the opposite way around so I could grab things with my sticky glove hands. I was a special child and we didn’t have the internet.

He has done this wonder of modern redneck ingenuity so that he now has. A paddle hand!

A paddle hand. For waters you know a shark is swimming through, and leapt up to nab a woman by her head which was dangling near the edge of the boat. You want to put your hand in the water and risk losing your ling to make a redneck paddle. Okay fine cool do it, whatever. Lets see where it goes. ONWARD AND UPWARD!

He’s either going to have the sorest arm, or the most built if he makes it to the trailer park.

Speaking of we got some morons to deal with back there. Which lord almighty bless all their hearts they are absolutely not the wisest minds. Wyatt has spotted his pooch Bucky. Happy and save on his dog house. Meanwhile blondie has been busy spreading her laundry across the roof to spell out S.O.T.

Save Our Trailer.

She…this woman is um. How to put this.

Well firstly her name is Daisy. As said before she’s in daisy duke denim cut off shorts and a top. Her shorts though, as a style choice we’ll say. Have the top undone. Which is fine. Most woman like wearing their shorts, and some pants with the top button undone. It happened in Sharktopus with our reporter too. The thing is Daisy has hers undone enough you are getting a clear picture window of the first two inches of her panties. Which are pink.  Her shorts are short enough. The best thing I can say is they leave very little to the imagination, and whoever edited this for tv. They had a lot to work with. Her character is something of a cross between stripper, and jealous lady…semi harlot.

Which isn’t bad. She just. They really over did her look and makeup. By a thousand. Something she shares in common all these woman seem to. They’re all sticking out what little tummies they have. Because I guess its backwoods lady appropriate? I don’t know.

Anyway back to our movie. I just realize I hadn’t gotten that much into these characters which is sort of a sin because they all have a look to them that makes them an individual eye sore.

So these three dingus bats are on top of their trailers and spot Bucky. So Wyatt decides he’s going to get his pooch and bring him on home to safety. Which means climbing into the water and swimming over to them.

Which would be fine except for yes the shark. Which I have to say, as big as this shark is? It is moving with super agility through the river. Like Jason Vorhees it just seems to almost teleport where it’s needed.

So of course as Wyatt gets in the water and over to his precious pooch, the shark arrives and the ladies are as impressed and scared as they can be, “Oh dang” ,”Oh, oh wow.”

The shark is glad to make an impression but it has a job to do. Which brings back the question of the movie. Does the shark actually have electrical powers because of Rob? Or is it somehow connected with the power cable which is draped also across the trailer park grounds.

I’m gonna say shark because I really do like the idea of a shark inheriting the abilty to shock people. If it was a 90’s film the shark would be voiced by Andrew Dice Clay. And that is a compliment.

Well you can guess why I mention the electricity, as Wyatt receives a shock and temporarily stops moving. No the shark doesn’t bite him.

But the girls get jolted as well, because they are ontop of metal roofing.

Well its nothing major and they shout at Wyatt to get moving again. Which thankfully he does. Dog house rope in mouth he is swimming for gold now. But this time there is a HUGE jolt of electricity. Causing his chonky body to wiggle and jiggle before going still again.

But worse. Far, far worse then that. We have Daisy shaking on her roof.

It goes from a simple jolting “im being electrocuted” jiggle. To her twerking her hips. Then her doing a hip hop dance. Then her doing the “Sprinkler head” dance, and ending with a rip off of the macarena.

All of this, is played with different generic music each time her jolting changes to a new beat. The only funny part out of this is when the Daisy is watching rather confused and says “Is this real life?”

I’m asking the same damn thing Daisy.

Well thankfully for all of us it stops when she manages to jolt walk herself onto a piece of clothing severing the connection. She informs those alive and present she was being electrocuted and mentions HERSELF that it could be caused by the power line or the shark. So we have confirmation it could be either. Let’s goooo power shark!

Speaking of going. It’s time for our shark to flex for the ladies, and kill Wyatt. The shark is somehow able to rush upward from under Wyatt and propel itself into the air showing off its magnificent white slippery tummy, arching to the side and diving back into the water.

I KNOW it’s a movie but COME ON!! It’s no more than maybe 8 feet, feet at most from the ground to the roof of their trailers, and this 20ft shark is able to swim underneath this man and scoop him up directly under him? AND land fully submerged sticking straight up without crushing its body?

Namaste. Namaste. Moving on.

The whole scene is capped off with the ladies looking at one another in fear and terror. Until Daisy giggles and tells her neighbor how funny she looked being electrocuted and dancing. The two share a laugh, until the Shark leaps onto the roof of her friends trailer and chomps her in half. Staring over at Daisy, roading and sliding back into the water. She is now alone, with Bucky the dog, and I sincerely hope more fearful of the water.

It's about time to check in with Rob. Who is about to meet up with a very special guest. A VERY. SPECIAL. GUEST. He happens across a trailer stuck in some brush. A nice country song is playing and we have another blonde. A special guest blonde in fact. Her name is Billy Jean and she is played by none other than Tara Reid.

Yes that’s right. Costar of all the Sharknado films.

Her role here is essentially a trade store. She’s been collecting everything that floats down her way and selling them off to anyone in need with cash. She’s also here for the sole purpose of a Sharknado reference too. Which is corny yes, but it’s also fun. Rob tells her she needs to be careful. There’s a shark in these waters and its already killed several people. She looks at him oddly and ponders. “But the weatherman didn’t say nothing about a tornado.” The camera pulls in on her face and it’s a giant wink and nod to us the audience as we get the reference.

Well she just so happens to have a paddle he could use. So he makes a deal with her that’ll put that paddle in his hands for old times sake. She hands it over and he is on his way down river once more. Eventually and hopefully to the trailer park. 

Which he does! He’s made it back! Much to the joy of his girlfriend. And the others, who remind him that Duke the horse is dead “He killed Dukey”, it just. The jokes write themselves. Even the poor ones.

Meanwhile, and sadly. Our special guest can’t be in the whole movie. Unfortunately. She meets up with the shark, and begins fighting it. Tossing everything she can at it. Finally settling on. If you’ve seen the Sharknado films you know. A chainsaw.

She fights the shark with a chainsaw, until an electric jolt takes out her electric chainsaw. Leaving her vulnerable and the shark takes her down.

This shark just avenged hundreds of thousands of sharks her and her husband took out. But it still aint fair.

We have one element we need to revist however. As we’ve nearly forgotten it at this point, over 50 minutes into this thing. Time flies when you’re in a good shark movie.

We got the henchmen of Mr rich landowner. They’re jet skiing through the park looking for survivors and taking them out. You know. To make it all look like a natural disaster took them all out. Unfortunately these guys come across Daisy. She tells them whats happened so far. The great white in the waters. Her friends deaths, “Everything going biblical”.

They don’t care. They laugh it off because there’s nothing funnier, or catchier for a trailer than the line “Shark in the park?”

She begs them to save her, and they don’t of course. They instead knock her off into the water. The main henchmen. The same man we saw set off the explosives, and run off, well his name is Swayze. He tells his men to basically drown our blonde. They circle her with jet ski’s hoping to tire her out until she sinks and drowns. But that’s taking a lot of time. So they hit her with their jet ski, splitting her forehead. It’s actually pretty mean considering. But she’s tough and still moving. So a guy drives past her and kicks her in the face. Because goddamn dude.

Well. There’s a shark in the water, and she’s bleeding in the water. You know what this means.

And just in time too as the shark was getting ready to attack poor Bucky the dog. But the moment it sensed blood. That shark had a new heading.  Yes these women hitting, face kicking bastards die horribly! And our blonde still lives! Bless her heart.

So of course Mr Evil Landlord is being evil during all of this. He’s raising the prices on emergency kits for people in the surrounding area to make money off of them. Because of evil. And it’s just in time because we only got 25 minutes of movie left!!!

I won’t complain though. He’s almost not needed. I mean he’s a good background distraction. But we’ve rarely seen him, and when we do he’s either shooting at something mumbling wickedly, or mumbling evil orders. Which only happened 3 times, and so quickly its not really worth mentioning. The majority of the movie has been pure action and comedy. And it’s served it well honestly.

So this all works and I’m into it.

So our evil man has learned from his henchmen that there are survivors. More importantly. These survivors know he was responsible. EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY. They know they have video of him leaving the site of the explosion! So that means they all need to die, and it’s such an important job. That this means they need to go down their themselves. SO there we have it. Our main villain is coming down to get killed.

Well before that can happen. We got some trailer park people making trailer park plans. And this is. Well. Special.

They know that shark ate Rob’s jet ski. Which means it ate his Go Pro. WHICH has the recording of Swayze and the explosion. Well the case is water proof so the camera is fine. What they plan to do. Is lure the shark into the trailer park. Using racks of ribs the preacher with amazing clothing planned to bbq for everyone. Lure the shark in, get it to eat those ribs, and poop out the camera. But also, possibly they can explode the shark. Why is it always explode the shark.

I mean hell even the shark in Jaws The Revenge for some reason exploded.

So. Feed the shark bbq ribs, kill the shark. Save the park.

They’re gonna do it, and they are going to do it, for Dukey.

Which requires several things. They need the ribs from the preacher. But how do you explode a shark? Well they have no explosives. So instead, they opt for alcohol. Because rednecks. So Rob will be in charge of emptying kegs of…part beer, part grain alcohol from a still. Into the water.

But first the preacher. Cleon. Has to brave going into his trailer and finding that delicious meat. The preacher doesn’t do much. But their outfit just kills me anytime I see it. They have a white orange purple and lime green striped shirt. With a purple bow tie. Orange and white striped knee socks, and Orange shoes. With thick curly hair.

He’s a treasure.

He also dies.

He got the ribs just fine. But unfortunately the shark smelt how amazing they were and rushed straight for his trailer. Chomping away at poor Cleon.

Even his death. Hell. ALL of their deaths are amazing. The effects are as bad as they need to be, but the fact they try to give each of them one last line before they do, or just random shit to say. It’s great.

Cleon is being eaten alive and as he’s screaming in pain his last words are “I can’t get my hair wet!”

Fucking hell man.

But he’s not the only one to leave us either. Oh no. We are down to the last few minutes of movie and we apparently can’t have all these survivors. So who’s next but good ol Rufus. He was going to pick up the ribs Cleon died to retrieve, but the shark won’t allow it and he drags Rufus off to join Duke in his stomach. The two are finally reunited.

Even in this death. Jolene is screaming “NOooo!” but goddamn Rob, “No! We need you, this was your plan!”

It’s killing me. But in a better way than last nights movie was.

So now Jolene and Rob, along with Bucky somewhere, are our main survivors. Or are they?

No! No! They aren’t! Somehow, by an act of merciful fate. Rufus is alive!

The shark apparently grabbed not him, but his lasso! So now. The shark is swimming off at top speed while…Rufus is water skiing behind it. Shouting Yeehaw and waving his hat. He’s the coolest cowboy ever. Roping a shark and riding behind it. But the shark is not a mount! So it stops, turns around and charges toward Rufus. Letting him get out his last line as well of the movie. He swears to Duke they will be together soon and the damn movie quotes one of the funner westerns. Tombstone. You tell them I’m coming Duke! I’m coming and I’m bringing hell with me! I’m bringing HELL with me!”

And he’s for real this time killed. For real real. The shark chomps him down.

But the movie isn’t done with movie riffs yet. Oh no. They’re of course going to do what of course these movies do. A jaws riff.

Rob has an idea. He’s taking the two empty kegs, and he’s hooking them up with a chain and hook. He sees the shark as it teleports over to their side of the river again. He’s able to snag the chain and hook into the shark. And our shark now has two barrels on him.

No shark can go down with…nevermind. You know the scene.

Well get ready for more redneck ingenuity. After rob hooks the shark. He finally does something seriously smart. He notices the shark has a fondness for leaping out of the water. So he climbs a tree. Pounds his fist into it until its bloody and dripping into the water. The shark spots him and leaps up into out of the water. Rob ducks. The shark misses and. Tangles itself in the tree thanks to the chain.

I’m damn near about to applaud this movie as they finally solved, even with redneck ingenuity. How to take care of leaping flying sharks.

So the shark is out of the water and hanging like Fat bastard “Well, isn’t this magical.”

But things can’t stay happy for long. Even with the shark no longer in its element. We have our evil boss finally showing up. And in comical style with an even better what the hell weapon.

He shows up riding an airboat. And his weapon? A naginata. A Japanese sword on a staff.

This man. Was shown being an expert marksmen with a rifle. A crossbow as well. But he brings, a Japanese Naginata.

Fuck it, why not.

He’s here to finish the job. He’s got two survivors to kill. But even though he could do so with his weapon. He’s going to let the shark do it for him! That way his hands remain clean of this whole situation. Which he made himself a part of in the first place.

But fortunately for us. Rob is a sneaky prick, and he sneaks up behind Evil landman! He almost takes him out, but manages somehow not to do so. Because again everything the man does.

It’s actually a fun joke and I like that they are running with it.

So what do? Well leave it to the shark to help out. He may be suspended in air and unable to attack. But he has a tail damnit! And he’s gonna use it. So after asking the evil man what did the shark fins say to the face, the shark slaps him with his tail. He slaps him so hard, he takes his head off in fact.

Which he deserved. He was an evil man who brought a Japanese weapon to what should’ve been a gun fight.

But we need to take care of this shark and get that go pro.

So because the movie needs a spectacular death for the shark. We can’t just leave it hanging. Literally. So they decide, because its rob. “Lets take it down, chain it to this airboat, and drive it onto dry land. Let it die. Cut it open with this Naginata and get my GoPro!”

What could possibly go wrong?

Of course it doesn’t work out for them. The shark is fighting back with all of its strength and the airboat can’t handle it. And because Rob has such rotten luck with anything he does? Yes. It finally serves to help him.

The shark fights hard enough the chain holding him finally snaps free. And ends up wrapping around the windmill power station Rob’s Uncle was planning to steel power from in the first place. The shark is being once again lifted out of the water and upward toward the spinning windmill blades. Rob realizing its about to rain shark guts makes one last quip. “I’m gonna keep us dryer than a popcorn fart” and speeds off away from the carnage about to rain down.

But oh no, this isn’t the ending. We still have Swayze to deal with. Who now has Daisy with him. Apparently the two used to date and he’s gonna take her back, or kill her. We aren’t too sure.

But he’s found the Go Pro and is taking off with it, So rob is once again pursuing his Go Pro. But fate is on his side for once. As they rave off after one another. Daisy struggles to control the get ski. The two fight each other for control and end up crashing into some trees. Impaling Swayze, and leaving Daisy in what’s likely not a first for her, bent over in her panties over a log. Yes I’m horrible, but bite me, they established her character is a drunken floozy.

So that’s our end. They saved Daisy, Jolene AND YES even Bucky too. And they had to slip one last movie reference in the end. “I finally learned to stop worrying, and love the trailer park”

The freakin end!

And what an end. That was a lot of fun

The movie, was good. First and foremost. It moved along, the humor matched the theme and bordered on being annoying at any moment. They just thankfully pulled back enough that it didn’t cross that line. And any time it did step a toe or two over that line, the movie seemed to recognize it and joke about it.

Like honestly the dancing while shocked thing, that was just stupid. Why they did it, and ran with it? I don’t know. It wasn’t that kind of movie. But they did, and Daisy saved it with their line. Shit they even joked about it after. So the movie knows it’s dumb and plays into itself. Was it needed? Not especially? But it still made it entertaining. It just created some awkward moments is all.

The acting was good once it settled its ass down. The beginning just came off really super over done, like I said it felt like people were trying to one up each other on who could be the trashiest most backwoods trailer park redneck. It doesn’t take away from anything but usually the beginning of your film gives you a setup for what is to come. It helps people determine if they’ll stick around or not. Thankfully it worked out here because even though they initially came off as over the top and you’d almost expect someone to come out with a pair of billy bob teeth on, it toned itself down once it started.

Like the guy with a squirrel on his shoulder, we never saw him again. So he got taken out with the initial flooding I guess. That could’ve been too much or he would’ve proved a fun character. Who knows!

All I know is the movie was honest with itself, it had fun with its premise right up to the end. Which seemed a bit rushed. And they told the story apparently they wanted.

Maybe they had a broader vision of what would happen with their ending but they needed to reel it in and tone things down. Honestly the end with the shark was fun. I liked that it went insane with the wind turbine. But I also felt it didn’t make sense, given they had the shark already secured and no longer a threat. So why take it down and drag it through the river. Just to end up putting it out of the water again to kill it? It didn’t make sense, but it did in the context that everything Rob tried and planned never worked.

It just really felt like, after the big boss was dealt with, and the shark secured. That would’ve made a good ending point. It really came off like that WAS the intended ending point. But the film forgot it still had Swayze to deal with and his death was just. I don’t know. Sudden and with out the shark there to participate in it. It just came off a bit unneeded? Like maybe they should’ve just had him killed off during the end with the big boss.

Have the shark tail whip evil boss’s head off, and give a quick snap of the jaws down on Swayze while he has Daisy or Joloene at gun point. Feels that would’ve wrapped things up a bit more.

It’s a gripe I know, but otherwise it still was fun and I enjoyed all of it. Just felt it was a bit off there that’s all.

I’ve come to appreciate bad CGI in a lot of these films and it is funny. Especially knowing how most these people will die by their character simply being smothered by a shark. Its fun seeing how they do that, if they’ll add blood or not, and if they can somehow make it unique or not. This film had its moments like that, and the funnest thing with the kills was the fact the shark would sometimes in fact just slam their bodies into things and smear blood. Then chomp down on them.

But dear lord the proportions on this thing. I mean it had to be jaws in a trailer park. I know. But the idea a shark that big is wondering around that small a river. I can buy dam sharks, like smaller ones yeah. And they do come out in floods, absolutely. But something that huge just. It’s funny. You go for the ride of it, and its just funny. Because like Daisy said when her frienemy was being shocked and dancing, is this reality?” No. It’s not.

Honestly this was a needed rescue and I enjoyed it a lot, especially when compared to the previous one. We are getting down to the final three and if they were all horrible, I’d cry. But If they can keep up with Trailer Park Shark. I think we’ll be alright.

Until tomorrow then. Do not wrap your hand in duct tape. That shit hurts coming off you, and you’ll be sniffing your hand like a junky all day.