SHARK-A-THON!!! Day 25 SHARKTOPUS!!

Day 25 Sharktopus

What hell has man brought upon himself that an octopus and a shark would become one and the same?

Did these two get wasted and bang at some under sea mixer? Did science go mad? Was god wasted and decided, “You laughed at the platypus, try this one mother trucker”, I just don’t know. All I know is this is what we’re watching.

When I was picking movies for this 30 day list I went back and forth between this, and one of the truly early classics of the Asylum, Megashark vs Giant Octopus.

I REALLY, wanted to talk about that movie. But I had seen it before when It first came out back in 2009, and I did setup the guideline for this whole months film selection that they should all be films I’ve never seen or heard of. So this would definitely fill that crack.

I had seen this sitting in stores when it came out 12 years ago. I just side stepped it usually because the name alone, and the box art seemed too much for me.

Me, a guy who watched Toxic Avenger when he was 10. And Sgt Kabukiman AND Teenage Catgirls in heat by 14. The early days of cable were amazing. But yeah. THIS movie was just too much for me back then. But here we are. I am ready to face it down, and hold hope for this one, as its another Roger Corman Presents. So if it’s anything like his other classic, Dino Shark? I’m all in. Last nights movie was a fun ride. So lets keep that train goin. Without further ado, slap on your snorkels and lets dive on in.

Sharktopus

Tagline Half-Shark. Half-Octopus. All Killer.

Synopsis: It is known as S-11, a diabolical hybrid of shark and octopus created by genetic scientist Nathan Sands, and it is the U.S. Navy’s next super weapon. But when its control implants are damaged during a training experiment, the 8 tentacled eating machine escapes to Mexico for a taste of sun, sand, bikini babes, jet skiers, spring breakers, and beyond.

Wow.

Just. Wow.

That’s a lot to take in right there, and they left barely anything unchecked for this thing to go after in the synopsis alone. Alright movie, lets see the military mess with mother nature once more. Because for some reason we always go back to the well that is killer animal super soldiers. If you think this is extreme, Oh man do I have a movie waiting on this list for you.

ERIC ROBERTS IS IN THIS!

I just wanted to announce that as it’s kind of a big deal. Especially If you are Eric Roberts. We can only hope good things for him, and not an evil science person. But that’s getting ahead of ourselves. For now its all about the beach, sunshine on your face, or backside. The tightening of your skin as it turns sunburnt, and that horrible smell of baked on body sweat which smells like sweaty pennies in your palm.

Your welcome for putting that in your head.

But yes. Stock footage galore of people enjoying the beaches and looping music, but still music made for the film which we always will applaud.

In the midst of all these families, backsides and bouncing flesh. We settle on two blondes. Well at least one blonde and one fake blonde. I’ll let you decide which is which. Actually I won’t. It’s Lisa. We are introduced to Lisa and Bree. Two friends hanging out and enjoying the scene. Well at least one of them is. It’s Bree.

Bree wanted some fun in the sun and to hang out with her beach bestie. But bestie Lisa was more wanting to enjoy texting and relaxing. Versus actually swimming, “In the ocean? There’s fish in there.”, you can laugh, but I support her logic. Especially here now in Washington, away from the beaches of California. I went with my ex to go cool off in the water, and I declined when all around no matter where you stood, all you saw were waves of jellyfish. So yeah. Smart move Lisa. But her friend Bree is having none of it. She came to have fun and experience all the beach has to offer. So she goes to cool off in the water and swim.

Which brings us our first practical? And CGI shark effects. Which I say practical. But it could be bad CGI too. We see a fin pop out of the water and begin to fallow Bree. But if you look carefully enough at the fin? You can make out(If it is practical) the very bottom rigging for the fin on the track they have it attached too and are dragging it under the surface. If its bad CGI. They could’ve spared the few extra bucks for the rest of the shark. But I am pretty confident that it is a practical effect.

Well we could easily have our first kill, and of course as nature deems necessary, it’ll be a blonde.

Bree is up off her lazy ass and screaming for her friend as she stopped texting long enough to alert her of the fin chasing her. Hell the rest of the beach now seems mildly interested as well. Thankfully Lisa can see her friend on shore alerting her to danger. What doesn’t help in this moment of realization, is that the shark chasing after her which is a rather large great white from the look of it, is almost swimming right beside her. Before it stops and remembers “Oh shit, I’m a shark” and flips around putting some chase space between them and takes off after her like the apex predator it is.

But here comes man made science to interfere! Like a hero from the deep as the shark is about to attack. Large octopus tentacle arms nab the shark and lift it out of the water. So we can see in all its CGI glory who the real threat of the ocean is. It’s Sharktopus! Which honestly looks about what you’d never expect in your deepest darkest fears.

It’s silly, it’s hidden in shadows, for now. And it’s a mess.

I love it.

Well our blonde lives to swim another day. The two friends embrace and we are down one nasty shark.

More importantly? It’s time for some Eric Roberts in our lives. HE IS playing a science man! He’s the dastardly mind behind this S-11 project! But his daughter Nicole Sands, is the brains of the operation he tells us. And yes don’t worry. From here on out I am just calling him by his name. He deserves it, not his character Nathan Sands.

It’s about Respect!

So he’s showing off to some of the Navy’s top brass what his freak show creation was capable of. The shark aside having a control collar, has cameras as well. So they were able to record the field test with not only its attack on the deadly shark. But also a butt shot of Lisa swimming. For reasons. Which he seemed to pause on and mark for later review. You think I’m joking but…

So Nicole tries to explain to the general about how this project works exactly and how they are able to tell the shark what to focus on and attack. She explains that, again for the hundredth time. Sharks. Electrons. Identify targets.

It’s a great scene because after explaining to him how it works. He stares at her and says “I didn’t understand any of that.”, it’s just funny and I laughed way harder than the line deserved. But its one of those moments that I like hearing movies do. All he needs to know, is that it works and the sharktopus is ready for action..

But not too much action. It’s still in the early stages of kill monster freak show weapon. But that’s not enough for Mr Navy man! Even after he called it stunning and amazing for what it was able to do with saving that blonde, and showing her ass in 4k on their monitor. He needs to see more. With all the money the government has pumped into Blue Water, he wants to see what this shark can do before giving over any MORE money. So he demands the shark follow two guys having fun in a speedboat.

“You said this thing can do anything. Its supposed to get in close and unseen. Take out drug runners and pirates. Well get that shark as close to that boat as it can without being detected!”

The order is given, and Eric Roberts nods, while telling his daughter, whom he calls Pumpkin in front of everyone, that he wants her to make him proud, and leaves it all on her shoulders.

Even with her protest not to do so, that S-11 is nowhere near ready for this kind of thing. She still does it and we wait eagerly for failure on an epic level.

Which is pretty mild actually.

Sharktopus gets up close under the boat, just as asked. Enjoying itself and its covert mission theme music. Until the propeller from the boat scrapes across the top, knocking out its control collar and unfortunately setting free a horrible monstrosity on the public at large.  This is not what the military had in mind. Nor did the guys in the speedboat. They manage to escape death from the tentacles of doom. But find it instead while going full throttle into a bunch of rocks. Exploding themselves into a fireball of doom and barbeque.

Obviously this did not end well, and Nicole sits in disappointment. She told them the shark wasn’t ready. But she also let down daddy.

As the Navy man blows a gasket all over the place. Eric Roberts tells him to chill out and have a snickers. They got this. They will recover S-11, slap a new collar on them, and things will be back under control soon enough.

However for now, lets enjoy some chaos. Which means yes. Two official kills for Sharktopus. Which is a pretty poor setup but again. Still funny.

W get two men, comically sitting on a board held with two ropes. Cleaning and or painting a large ship. They’re on break and one is ask the other if anyone ever fallen off one of those things. Of course they have and his friend has no problem with telling him that and explaining how your body just goes SPLAT. Which is naturally not how our friend wants to go out. So he would rather not talk about that anymore.

Well, fortunately for him, he won’t be talking about it ever again. Because we learn another fun fact about Sharktopus. The tips of his tentacle arms? Yeah they’re lethal. Which the man with a fear of falling to his death and going SPLAT finds out first hand. As one of those tentacle heads pierces his chest and SPLAT down his body goes. That’s not the fun part though. Oh no. The fun comes from his friend as he soon see’s the tentacles and one wraps around him. He weakly begins crying out and says “Oh no! Not like this! NOT LIKE THIS!”

I can be easily entertained. But again stupid silly dialog like that sometimes works for me. I don’t know why. It just does, and I’m glad the film gave it to us. And the sharktopus even makes SURE that guys body goes splat, when we see him hover the mans body above water before forcibly slamming it down into the water. Forming a puddle of blood.

Which brings the conversation point. The Sharktopus CGI.

DINOSHARK was more polished, and textured. This thing is shiny, smooth and you’d almost swear it was hand drawn at times with the CGI animation on it. It’s sort of funny but also cringy, just how bad it looks, and especially the wide full CGI shots of the backgrounds, foreground. The shark and water. This thing just sticks out and not usually in a good way.

What’s even weirder to think about. Is this film came out the same year as Dinoshark. So not sure what happened between that film and this. Maybe it was a different visual effects group, or they had more money. But it is really noticeable.

What also is noticeable and pure Corman. The shark has decided to, much like the Dinoshark. And most reasonable people today. To leave California. The shark is leaving Cali, and headed south to…wait for it.

Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.

Yep. They are back here and thus it explains the rehashed beach scenes, and same locations as Dinoshark.  Actually this film used it first, but for us having seen Dinoshark first. Well it makes sense it comes off that way. Dinoshark was released in March of 2010, where as Sharktopus came out in September.

Which REALLY begs the question on the effects here! Either someone really did get a hefty paycheck after this schlock, or a better company stepped in. Eitherway. This is what we get, and a trip back down to Puerto Vallarta.

And it’s a fun lesson to everyone about filmmaking. Had we seen this first. We’d realize just how much of things shot in Puerto Vallarta they reused in Dinoshark. It’s all production value, and if you got footage sitting around you can use that saves doing more during filming? It’ll save you money and time. Two elements all films need more of.

So a good deal of everything we see is from Dinoshark. It’s fine, its all. Just fine.

But still…

So we are headed toward adventure. Daddy Eric Roberts is on a tight schedule. They only have him for so many hours of filming, so he sends off his daughter Nicole to go and fetch his killer creature freak of science. Which is leading us poolside to a man who loves his alcohol like he loves his woman and large sombrero’s. over priced and comical.

I don’t know where I was going with that.

But this guy, Andy Flynn. He’s not here for science. He’s here to drink away his problems and play water polo with drunk women. Because that’s his mission in life. Which is made clear when his friend Santo’s comes looking to talk to him and alert him that Blue Water is looking for him, and they need him back. Because apparently like a lot of these movies. They booted him out for reasons, and took him off their project. But now he’s their only hope.

Well he shall have none of that, you hear? NONE of that!

They can kiss his ass, and pay for his booze for all he cares. Until his friend Santos informs him the hentai fantasy shark has escaped containment and is roaming free without its leash. Now. He’s all in.

Speaking of all in, here’s another blonde.

Wearing a bikini that answers questons on a persons grooming habits, as well as reminding us low rise anything was a thing back in the day.

Seriously old fashion trends are horrific if you look back on them now. But I’m not perving. It takes a lot more than that, trust me. Just saying. She stands out. She also is going to be shark food because her name is. She has no name. She’s cast as Bikini Girl with Bum, and that bum? Is Roger Corman.

Of course he is.

Like the previous deaths, they’re played with comedy. This one being a setup bit where the hot babe in the bikini is wondering the beach with a metal detector and happens to find something. She poses unnaturally and bends down to scoop it up. While our beach bum unbuttons his shirt a bit and checks out her bum. She seems to have found a very old and likely valuable to a collector, but only for maybe $70 coin on the beach. She’s super happy about this, and doesn’t notice the octopus tentacles coming out for her from the water. Roger Corman does though, and his expression is priceless. He’s watching with a “Now what do you suppose that is” look, even as she’s pulled off her feet and dragged into the water kicking and screaming. He never once helps. Just watches with this funny unconcerned and mildly curious look.

I also noticed, and had to laugh a bit, that while she is being dragged across the beach by two grips holding her legs? I’m going to assume it’s the angle she was dragged, and partly mother nature. But her breast were leaving drag marks in the sand. And the film chose to show us this. Because woman have breast, and you should be aware if you never in your life up until experiencing this film knew that.

. As she is dragged off, jabbed and devoured. Our beach bum walks over. Picks up the coin she found, and is showing emotion! He’s smiling like a man about to be rich as he bites the coin to prove its real, pockets it and walks off. Shine on you shiny diamond.

So we need to further this story along. Yeah? Yeah. So lets do that.

Flynn is meeting up with Nicole and her people, as well as a quick meet and greet from Eric Roberts. They’ve still got him! So here we go. Magic time! They plan is to locate and lure the sharktopus out so they can inject a new controller on him. Now the previous one was secured by a belt, and had a needle that was dug in under his skin. It helped with controlling it and sending direct wave commands. However, they only have two of these control devices ready to go, and that means only two chances for success.

The way they plan to attach these to the shark? Firing them through a grenade launcher.

They’re going to noob tube the sharktopus. Even Flynn can’t believe that’s a thing they wish to do. So he interjects, politely. The idea of. “Well why don’t we just take a spear underwater and jab the controller onto the shark?”

Eric Roberts gives the best response and reminds me again why I love Roger Corman produced films. “This is about accuracy, and the most accurate way we have for getting that control on the shark is using a grenade launcher.”

Ah yes. The most accurate tool known to mankind. Revered for its accuracy. The grenade launcher.

Flynn does not like these odds, or that they only have two chances of this thing actually working. But he agrees to it. So long as they’re willing to meet his price. $100k up front for helping them, and $200k once they catch and secure S-11. Eric Roberts looks up from his contract agreement for this film and glares. He’s not going to pay this kid $300k! Especially as he puts it directly. To a kid who waste his time and life on cheap booze and cheap women.

Flynn can’t argue with the fact, but he can tell Eric Roberts, either pay me what I ask, or I’m going back to my pool with complimentary cheap booze and cheap women. They apparently really need Flynn on this, so Daddy Eric laments and agrees. He shall be paid. But only once the sharktopus is contained and the controller secured. Then and ONLY then!

Our team has a goal, we have a scientific grenade launcher, and things are looking good.

So that’s the A plot. Now for the B plot. Because all films need one to pad things out. This comes in the form of the most confusing interaction. But another great line of dialog.

We are introduced  to Stacy, a private investigator, her assistant Bones, and a man she tracked down about a report he made concerning a giant monster shark with tentacles, named Pez.

It’s confusing because the two spot Pez at a table. They see him attempting to look at a centerfold in a nude magazine, which it isn’t. And he’s also doing so at a public bar…brave choice.

She see’s this and decides. She needs to change her appearance for him. So she loses her coat. Adjust the thin straps of her top. Pushes up and squishes her breast together to push them out, and even gives her shorts a little tug. Bones can’t believe she’s doing this, but she tells him she knows what she’s doing. Remember in Dinoshark when I said Roger Corman was known for a few things in his films, and nudity as well as the female form was part of it?

Yeah.

So the camera begins a new shot, following the mid drift and low low cut shorts of a waitress, passing a just in frame womans breast in a bikini top, and finally settles on our investigator coming up to Pez’s table. She gets his attention immediately and ask what he can do for her. She then tells him, after having changed her appearance to come off sexier and putting her breast on display, “You can start by stopping staring at my chest.” This confuses the man, and I have to say I too am mildly taken back as it seemed her whole setup was to in fact get him to stare at her breast. But it was a distraction. For. Some reason.

But it gives us a great setup for her follow up line, Which was great. “They’re just boobs. They’re not gonna get up and dance or anything.”

I mean she’s right. She’s really, really right. And it’s funny, Awkward setup but funny delivery.

She she introduces herself properly to him as a top private investigator, and she’s here to inquire about his story. Only. He doesn’t want to tell that story! It’s given him anxiety and he can’t even bring his boat out on the water because he’s so afraid of the hentai fantasy beast.

At least he was until she drops about $500 in front of him. Then he’s all ready to tell the inbreastigator what she wants to know.

But we don’t get to stick around for that story. Oh no no no. We need another shark kill. Which there are a lot of and we are just breaching the 20 minute marker in out hour and 26 minute film. Seriously they are keeping up a nice body count. Why stop or slow down now!

Something else I definitely notice, and oh you shall too if you hadn’t already, even from my typing this as the movie plays on. But every death in the movie, is a setup, they’re all like short film segments. Which some are fine, but it’s also nice when a kill is allowed to happen naturally. These are still fun, because the deaths are cheesy one offs. But still it can get a bit much when it’s all you are given. Compared to something a bit more natural and less played for a comical scene. But you didn’t come to Sharktopus for classical film.

So this time around, we have a boyfriend any woman would be rightfully annoyed at, and I would highly question the logic of. He and his girlfriend are taking a run around the beach, which she is not a fan of. But he said they need to do it, so they can “Run off those burritos we had for lunch.” She even has to remind him, they are on vacation. Take a chill pill dude. Worry later.

But he will hear none of it, he instead decides they shall move on to stage two of his grand plans. He is going to take his girlfriend Bungee Jumping. She reminds her thoughtful boyfriend, she has a fear of heights.

His response? “Well no better way to get over that fear, than to face it head on and jump”

Incase you were wondering. This is not how you cure phobias, and real fears. With time and effort sure. Why not. But saying, hey lets cure your fear of heights by you leaping off a tall platform. It’s like saying “Babe you don’t have depression, I make you happy right? So your not depressed anymore, your over it. You are welcome.”

However, his girlfriend is far too understanding, he can see this will take a little convincing so he makes a bet with her. If she does this. He promises no more jogs, runs, exercise or scary activities. Tomorrow she can spend all day relaxing, being lazy and even a spa treatment. So she smiles and says hell yeah!

They strap her in and push her off. She’s screaming and laughing. She’s cured! They bring her up and she says it was a lot of fun, super wild and she loved it. She loves it so much, she wants to do it again! He likes this side of her now that he’s unlocked an adrenaline junky. So they strap her back in and she leaps off the platform herself this time, and she’s having a blast! Nothing could possibly ruin this moment in her life for her what so ever.

Except for Sharktopus leaping up out of the water under her and swallowing her whole, much to the dismay of her now single boyfriend.

Yes you could see it coming a mile away, Especially if you saw the trailer for the film as they used it in that. But now? Now we move on, to something even more awkward. Flynn flirting with Eric Roberts daughter.

She has no time for him and his horniness. She’s focused on what might be the best thing to be focused on. Which is finding the freak of nature they created in their lab. So she humors him, and it doesn’t end well, thankfully. Though I am hopeful it stays that way. The last thing we need is these two falling for each other. She can do better. Pluss he’s a mercenary into cheap women and cheap booze. But on the good side of things, they are off and ready to attempt tagging that creature with a controller from ther trust grenade launcher.

But the movie feels we need another interlude before that. Why I have no idea, I would love and welcome a good bit of story to further us along. But I am going to guess ahead here and think. If they really only have two rounds to fire at the beast. They are going to want to draw that out and fail the first attempt then succeed the second. Possibly. So maybe they want to wait until we reach the chaotic middle point? We shall see.

But for now we are introduced to two people who DON’T die! Surprisingly. But it seems actually a setup excuse for a musical interlude as we have a radio DJ going by Captain Jack, and his bikini clad first mate, Stephie. They are the host and hostess of Pirate Radio, playing what they want, when they want. But the only thing we get out of them is a quick news story about a creature near the coast with octopus tentacles and a sharks body, so they tell people to be on the lookout. Before getting to what I felt was the main goal of this segment. Which was introducing and naming a band who’s song they play in full, and that song would be Hot Rod Hell Kitten, by Cheetah Whores.

The Cheetah Whores.

Well get ready for that, as well as replayed reused stock footage of their time on the beach in Mexico as well. Because there is a lot of it.

If you were feeling the movie needs to get up and go. Don’t worry we’re approaching that. They know we didn’t come for the musical talents of The Cheetah Whores. We are still following Flynn and friends, which is sort of funny itself because you have Flynn and Nicole along with Santo and a few people from the institute with them on a small boat. Their job is a two step process. Once they locate the sharktopus. They need to feed it tranquilizers to make it more agreeable and relaxed. Then they can shoot it with a grenade launcher in the name of tagging and controlling it peacefully.

Eric Roberts keeps repeatedly telling us how he trust his daughter to do this and bring back S-11. Every time they flash to her, she’s getting calls from him or being told in his presence, how he knows she can do this and he believes in her. He says this. Yet directly behind their small boat. Is a huge yacht belonging to her father. Who is following them to make sure they succeed. But remember, he believes in her and she can do this. But his ass is gonna stay right behind hers to make sure she doesn’t fuck up. And that he remains safe.

So we got our A story going and reading for an encounter. We also, meanwhile return to our B story. Yep Stacy the private investigator reporter person is ready to interview Pez live on tv while reporting on his story. Which for some reason she belies to be top news.

He spends most of it flirting with her and trying to build up what he saw to near mythical story telling. It’s almost painful. Until we see our Sharktopus hentai beast resurface near them. Pez is freaking out and shouting at the beach party people to stop their partying! If they want to live, they need to move their collective asses!

But not one soul is hearing him, nor do they care. We got footballers playing football. Bikini ladies playing splashy splash. And yoga people, wearing yoga pants in the fucking sand, Namaste my ass, what is wrong with this lady. Do you purposely want to become Sandman and gather all the sand on the beach? Because that’s how you do it. Wear those bad boys on the beach and see how clean they stay.

Well the carnage is about to begin and just a heads up? We are 31 minutes in and this is happening.

Now don’t go wiggling against the edge of the sofa just yet. This isn’t a blood soaked chaos massacre like Dinoshark. At least not yet. For now it’s a mild massacre. Yoga pants gets a tentacle spear right in her perfectly toned abs, namaste. Football bro #2 gets devoured. Some girl chilling to tuns through her ipod gets smashed and devoured. It’s all a pleasant day in Puerta Vallarta.

Even if poor Pez is filling his pants, at least Bones got some good stuff to report and confirm the existence of Sharktopus.

But as quickly as it began, it is just as quickly ended. Our freak hunters are still tracking its signal and not following the screams like they should. So while people are being murdered, these clowns are out at sea without a clue, and plenty of drinks.

The only one with any idea what’s going on, is naturally the hero of our hearts. Eric Roberts. He stopped pursuing his daughter once the chance came up she might actually encounter it. He’s rather enjoying a nice drink and the sea breeze. Until his people inform him that a certain reporter did in fact report the story of the Sharktopus massacre.  Which he is understandably not happy with. Nor is the Navy as they are contacting him as well. The group hasn’t even found the thing, and everyone else seems to have seen it so, it’s understandable confidence may finally be teetering.

There is hope though, or likely the possibility these parties will come crashing together in one big setup. See Pez, bones and Stacy in a hotel room. She’s talking to her boss and, for some reason. They inform her she is being replaced on this story. I am guessing they want one of their established reporters on the job. So she’s upset as well, like everyone else. That is until Pez the helpful informs her that he thinks he’s cracked where this beast might be hiding at and attacking from. See octopus like large rocks so they tend to hand around them. They also are extremely territorial. So this is a good and bad thing obviously. But an even BETTER thing for our reporter, as she feels if this intel is correct and they know where the sharktopus will be. She can continue to cover the story and make a name for herself as the reporter who broke the Sharktopus story. So they have a heading with adventure! Or death.

It just so happens our crew in our A story also have the same idea. So they too are heading to the same location. Only they arrive first. So yes.

It is finally time for the sedation and grenade launcher!

Flynn and Eric Robert’s cronies are suiting up and heading into the water. Scoping out the den of tentacle carnage. Looking for any sign of our killer freak shark. Only what they find is not exactly what they expected, let alone were told.

The Sharktopus was waiting for them! It begins taking people out left and right like the Jason Vorhees of the sea. In a huge twist I did not see coming, Flynn gets struck hard in the leg. Splitting his leg open. Thing looks super gnarly. Usually the heroes take a little damage, but not freaking split open limbs. Good job movie, you surprise me yet again.

So yes,the entire dive team is dead. Flynn barely makes it back alive, just in time for Santo to bandage his gaping wound and joke about how this is apparently nothing, that the time he was attacked by a crazy toe biting woman was far worse. I would imagine tales like that, might truly make one contemplate their life choices and reliance on cheap booze and cheap women but. I won’t judge. Entirely.

Well as Flynn is recovering, Nicole gets a call from her dad, hoping for good news. Instead they have to tell him they gave it their best, but S-11 got away. However, she kindly ask her papa, if things were on the up and up with S-11 because. Flynn is telling her the creature planned its attacks. It was waiting for them and it isn’t even killing and eating people. It’s just killing them and moving on. Of course the truth at last 47 minutes in comes out, and she learns her daddy has been altering the sharktopus’s programing that she coded and installed herself. Meaning the creature that was meant to be the ultimate hunter. Is now the ultimate killer. He tells his baby girl to deal with it. That life isn’t a happy place like Disneyland, it’s full of monsters and liars and wicked cruelty, like Disneyland.

So she is not so happy anymore with Papa Eric Roberts. But they have bigger problems now. Our fearless private investigator and news reporter Stacy is on the scene with Pez and Bones. Ready for more footage of S-11.

What they get instead is our boat of heroes shouting at these fools to get out of there and fast! Then even resort to shooting at them to get the point across. NOT WELCOME!

Well Pez is more than happy to get the hell out of dodge. Stacy not so much. She grabs his kets to the boat and tosses them downstairs. She’s no coward!. Pez is a man that wants to live! So he grabs at his keys. Only to be dragged into the water by slippery slimey tentacles, and have his torso chewed off. Leaving a terrified camera man and Stacy. Well and a gun happy firing Flynn. Who is emptying his magazine into S-11 as it moves to attack Stacy. But is unsuccessful. Ending up hurt by these bullets and retiring for the time being. This would be a good time to rescue Stacy and Bones, bringing them on board and to safety. But hell no! They knew the risk when they got there. So tough nuts pals!

It's actually pretty funny, I mean they could’ve stopped and saved them, teamed up even. Something. But nope. They got their own troubles so #thoughts&prayers.

Speaking of. We need some more kills! This time we are back to the beaches. Because we have more stock footage. Also we have three jet ski punks looking to cause some problems for rich people and their big rich boats. So they take off and begin circling the poor rich boy and his girlfriend as he is attempting to fish. But they are scaring his precious fish and ruining the peace and tranquility he was so close to building. But don’t worry rich man. Sharktopus was built by your kind, he’s got your back. And within moments Sharktopus is killing two of the three people. As people from the beach was in absolute horror and the 3rd lady jet skier screams out.

It's brief but they movie again is tending to our need for death like a well tipped waitress.

On the subject of waitresses. I truly hope Bones is a good tipper. He and Stacy managed to make it to safety. Bones is taking the death of Pez very rough, and the fact it happened a foot or so away from him. Meanwhile Stacy is taking a turn into the obsessed reporter trope as she could care less. All she knows, is that they have a story, and she looked up about the boat that fired on them and left them for dead. She now is aware it belongs to Eric Roberts rich company that dabbles in military weapons and has enough power and cash behind it to play Frankenstein and create hentai fantasy sharks. This means her story is EVEN BIGGER than she though. So she needs Bones to sober up! Which does not feel possibly as the man has single handedly emptied well over a dozen beers, which she is just now absently beginning to notice.

Honestly the most disturbing thing in all of that is the fact Stacy was given an outfit that did not fit her, or she was having some serious digestive issues. All of her scenes except for 1, the top button of her shorts has been left undone. I kinda feel bad for her and hope she was fine.

But yes, those two are off, following a map Pez made before his death of the spots Sharktopus was using for hunting. In hopes it will lead them to another encounter. And hopefully one involving Flynn and big daddy Eric Roberts.

Meanwhile we have more people to kill. Remember the rich boy and his partner? Well, Sharktopus remembers. He’s going to pay them a vist. The setup this time? Easy. He’s still trying to hook his fish. In fact he is determined that shant return to the resort, until he catches his BIG fish. His partner is rightfully worried since they saw a freakish shark attack and kill two people. But its seriously downplayed from “Honey I am worried a shark with octopus limbs will kill us like it did those people.” To a lot less concerning “I am worried about that shark we saw still being out there.”

Yeah. Much tamer. Well he assures her there is nothing at all to worry about and it’s a big ocean after all. So that shark is likely long gone.

Well no sooner is that said, that we spot our shark returning. Just in time for Rich boy to catch himself a giant fish no less. He struggles and grunts, using all his stretch to fight this big fish and reel it in. Only to show us he was teasing and caught a small red snapper. He endlessly teases his partner about her falling for his dumb stupid how could you be so stupid and dumb to fall for it big fish trick.

Well S-11 is not happy with this and decides to show his impression of a Kraken. His tentacles wrap around the boat and begin to tare it down, causing the couple to leap into the ocean as S-11 tares the boat apart, before turning its jaws of persuasion toward the couple. Rich boy gets the jaws, his woman gets the tentacles. But does she die? We will see.

We also have another loose end to wrap up. Which didn’t really need it, but we introduced them, so we are doing the one thing Shark Encounters of the Third Kind didn’t do. Taking care of everyone we introduce. Remember Captain Jack and his bikini first mate? Sure you do! Well they are still hosting a pirate radio show from Jack’s boat. He’s stll denying Sharktopus, and STILl playing music by the Cheetah Whores. You can hear their songbird voices in the back.  Well bikini first mate has another Sharktopus story for him to relate. Which he hates, so he treats with as little respect as his semi drunk mind can muster. This upsets her very much. She feels this could be a really real bikini story, and he isn’t giving it any possibility of respect on the off chance it could be real. Instead of people trolling them. He steps out side with her to discuss this and says those immortal words that never end good for anyone in his situation, “There is no killer octopus shark, this isn’t a movie!”, and he dead.

So so so dead. He even did a jiggle and wiggle with his arms in the air as he died. Don’t worry we’ll talk about these deaths at the end. As well as the staggering number of deaths in this thing. Dios Mios.

So back to the main important story right? What is out man with a plan Flynn up too. Well he’s decided to chum the waters. In another hysterical blindness moment.

They stopped chasing the shark signal. Because it keeps going in and out on them. So Flynn tells them to stop. Because he’s done chasing this thing, and wants it to come to them. So he pulls out his secret weapon. Chum.  

He’s going to begin chumming the waters and hope to draw out S-11.

Well no sooner did he drop the waters, Santo decided to look around them and alert Flynn that, he should see ‘this’. What’s this? Well apparently no more than a hundred or hundred and fifty yards away from them. Was the rich boys boat that was torn apart.

How they missed a large sailboat. The screams, explosions, and roar of the sharktopus. We will never know. But there by the grace of Poseidon it is. Flynn is ready for a rematch but Nicole stops him. It would see the signal is back, and S-11 is heading toward them. Only. It’s a crafty shark, a trained hunter and killer. So its hiding from them. So for reasons of stupidity. All three on the boat, Santos, Nicole and Flynn are looking over the edges of the boat for the shark freak. Well, one of them finds it. And its not the love interest. Poor dear Santo is taken under by tentacles. Then held up in front of Flynn and murdered.

The shark actually did this and it’s pretty hilarious. The shark is in full villain mode. It’s almost like Universal Soldier and the shark is Dolph Lundgren, complete with a necklace made of ears.

What’s even funnier in this scene, is here’s the shark they’ve been trying to tranquilize, and put a control device on. They failed once already, so they’re down to just the one. They have the shark dead to rights. The thing is at point blank range, 5 feet away If that. Flynn could. COULD shoot the controller into it and saved santos. But instead he’s busy shouting NO! GOD NO! and emptying an entire clip from his automatic into the shark.  Good idea guy!

We are getting down to the final 20 minutes of movie here. So things are gonna start happening soon. At least they better.

So we are down to one control device, locked and loaded.

Our reporter and Bones are on the scene.

Daddy Eric Roberts is actually drunk and driving a boat.

And S-11 is headed toward the public beach for a murder frenzy showdown.

The heat, will be on!

Well S-11 is headed toward the same dance stage area we saw in Dinoshark that served for the dance routine and dinner show with the ‘amigos’ Roger Corman asked to quiet down. A new dance is being performed and the crowds of vacationing white people are rather pleased with the local dancing. That is until they notice a large now walking on land suspended by its tentacles up on top of a stone structure hentai nightmare mutant lab freak sharktopus named S-11.

Which is now taring us the place and killing those dancers. Every last one of them.

And.

It is

Comically amazing.

People are swinging their arms around like ragdolls as they’re attacked by something not there, and the funniest one of all these deaths is the first dancer in green. After the camera lingers on mid drift for, what feels like forever. She suddenly turns into a CGI model and is torn apart.

Why they made this choice I don’t know. But I respect it, and embrace it.

So the shark has destroyed everyone it could at the show, while some dumb kids sit around and cheer on the shark talking about how cool it is. Well its all cool until your ass becomes next to get chomped!

Well this is going horrible and quickly. Which is good because we’re down to 13 minutes left people!

No sign of Stacy or Bones, but we do have one bone for you. Eric Roberts. He’s coming for his daughter and Flynn. With guns!

Sure Eric Roberts genetic research is down the toilet now, and the Navy will have his ass on a platter. But that doesn’t give Flynn the right to kill his creation! That just gives Eric Roberts the power to do what he was put on this earth to do. Take out scum that stand up to him!

So he’s coming for Flynn and the movie gods have made it so. These two are ready to face off and let the bullets do the talking. What of his babygirl, pumpkin, little girl Nicole? She’s deciding to stand with Flynn.

S-11 is a freak of nature. It should be destroyed, It’s out of control. Her words not mine.

I actually kind of like the thing. It has a cute octopus mouth on its belly.

But her dad won’t let anyone destroy it. It’s his creation. He made it, and no one, not even his daughter will take it from him.

Well Sharktopus would like to have a word on the matter. They’re here! They arrived to meet their creator. If only it could speak out and call Eric Roberts “Cre-ate-tor” or big daddy sugar Roberts. Whichever’s easiest.

Well we got ourselves a comical shootout. These guards are useless and only meant for one thing. Jiggling their bellies waving their arms around and yelling like they’re in pain as CGI tentacles assault them. But even poor Nicole gets in the middle of things. Sharktopus has a slimy tentacle around dher and dragging her toward its chompers.

Eric Roberts is having a moment. On the one hand he wants to preserve his creation and he’s willing to sacrifice anyone including his daughter. However she’s in danger now, so he’s going to stop it from killing her and, and.

Sacrifice himself. Yes. It’s true.

Eric Roberts, Saintly as he is. Does the dyig mans truffle shuffle, and is no more.

If you need to stand outside and point your wand into the sky. I understand. But we have a movie that needs an ending. We also have more people that need killing. So Flynn and Nicole need a ride over to the next resort hutt they saw S-11 headed for. But where could they find a vehicle now?

Yeah you guessed it. Stacy and Bones. They finally team up and are headed for the second resort. The second resort? Is the exact location from Dinoshark where they tried trapping Dinoshark to keep from reaching people. Actually really glad we are catching all this now. It really is fun seeing them utilizing locations they visited and used once to make another movie in the same spot.

So with our heroes together they need a plan right. Well they got one now and it sounds. Well. Workable we’ll say.

The plan is to still snag the shark with the device. Only this time, Nicole will redo its coding and kill the shark using its programmed kill switch. Which would have been nice knowing about earlier. But her dying dad had to mumble something about killing it, still being possible. Gurgle bloody gurgle.

Meanwhile Stacy is onboard so long as she gets footage of the sharktopus being killed and or killing people. Much to the dismay of Bones. The guy really has toughed it out and should consider just not at this point.

At the same time as they ready for their plan. Sharktopus kill machine is. Well killing again. And violently too! Freakin beast chomps on a kids mom in front of him, then slaps her body into the water, like a huge F U to the kid. Much like the kid in DINOSHARK!! History repeating itself!

The kill count for this shark is officially insane and I will have a total number at the end of this for you. Because its pretty damn insane.

So While Flynn continues to empty magazine after magazine into the shark whenever he can. Stacy is on the search for more death and carnage to film. But Bones is scared for their life and missing every important shot she needs for her story. This is his breaking point. He’s stands all he can stands and he cant stands no more! So he storms off. Upsetting, but not surprising Stacy.

Well she’s a confident, capable, and determined self motivator and she will not let this bring her down.

However having tentacles wrap around her arms and one jammed right through her heart causing her to choke on her own blood in gory detail might do the trick.

Yes she is killed before us and honestly its one of the more grizzly brutal deaths. Like I get it, she was horrible for not caring about Pez, or anyone else who died. She’s a reporter. But jesus man. She’s slowly dragged over to S-11, screaming and struggling. A tentacle punctures right through the center of her chest. She’s covered in blood and choking, coughing up huge amounts of blood before being lifted from the ground and tossed viscously aside with a SPLAT.

Thankfully though, her death will help others. As Flynn is down below and taking aim at S-11. FINALLY hitting it with the damn controller fired from the underside of his assault rifles grenade launcher.  Seriously I’ve been waiting for that and we finally get it.

Well now that its hit with the controller. S-11 is growing tired and wear. Slowing down. But it wants to kill Flynn super, super bad before it might die. It’s struggling and pained. But not dead yet. Because Pumpkin needs to finish programming its kill switch. Which is super annoying to Flynn as the shark has its tentacles around him ready to end his shirtless life. If only PUMPKIN, could figure out her dads passcode stopping a kill switch from engaging. What could that code POSSIBLY be Pumpkin? MMM??

The passcode is Pumpkin.

So she enters the code. Our beloved shark explodes all over Flynn, and Nicole without Eric Roberts in her life, walks off with Flynn, without Santo in his life. Into the movie sunset.

The End.

Well boy howdy what a movie.

I mean that. This was something of a ride and experience. At first I was ready to believe that this movie was made years apart from Dinoshark as that film was in a lot of ways a superior film and did a lot of things right. But no. Same year, months apart.

It sort of makes sense, or an be made sense of rather.

When this came out it was during a big resurgence as I recall of B movie cinema. Which was a year prior to this film. Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus helped kick start that. In that film you had Debbie Gibson and Lorenzo Lamas taking on a big badly CGI’d shark in an obscenely dumb story. It was classic B-movie material. As I understood it and remembered. Roger Corman decided to step up ad start releasing movies like he used to make, as he was the king of B movies. So this was the result. It had his trademark fingerprints all over it, and in not so subtle ways. He just found he couldn’t really. I don’t want to say get away with the films he used too? But he had to grow with the times and make something updated, but still with his brand of touch on it. This was much closer to classic Corman compared to Dinoshark.

Dinoshark was much more tuned and better running a machine than this one was. He didn’t direct either, but a producer does have a lot of power and the man, even at his age then. He commanded a lot of respect and command period.

Both these films were enjoyable. I had a blast. Just for different reasons. Sure I prefer Dino over this. But it was still a lot of fun. The characters were fun even the unneeded ones were, okay. Just their setups were a little too on the nose. So it was less a ‘oh that’s fun’ and more a smirk and chuckle like “okay we get it, haha, dumb joke”.

The effects in this. Oh boy.

That was a big separation factor. Although just like in Dino, they did use a mix of practical and CGI. It was still as effective. But maybe not as well hidden in some instances. Like spotting the board under the fin when they used it in the beginning. You also could tell when an actress was sitting in the sharks mouth. You caught glimpses of people wrestling with actual foam latex tentacles. We also got the not as effective but still fun to see people pretending to be in peril before dying CGI deaths.

Which the deaths..

Both worked and didn’t. Largely they did. They weren’t all comically bad wiggle worm bodies that vanished under a massive effects shot. Or people falling to their side as they’re being tackled by the shark. Which did happen. Even then it just added to the silliness and enjoyment of the film.

What didn’t really, and could have used some changing. Even though every thread in this story was resolved. There just seemed too many side characters, the plots. I mean the reporter was really not that fleshed out. Their sequences lasted maybe a minute or so before we return to Flynn or Eric Roberts. Then we leave them for either two deaths or random characters where the setups take several minutes, then go to another several minute kill joke setup? Or we skip around back to Captain Jack. Which was introduced and nothing was really done with outside of his death. Outside of that, the character was pointless.

I mean I am happy with the story we got, and how it concluded. In some form of unmapped chaos. But I felt they could’ve gotten more out by cutting some of it out. Cut out Captain Ron entirely. Shorten it to a random kill moment, not several scenes. Maybe devote that time to the reporter and Bones and Pez? Or give Flynn and Nicole more time to build up.

They really are just small gripes and nothing that ruined the experience. I didn’t hate any of it. I just really do feel Dino was the better of the two, Even if S-11 somehow comes back and has several sequels fighting everything imaginable.

But I also do have a soft spot for genetic beast. I feel sorry for them. They didn’t ask to be made into what they are, But its what they are made and they usually always live a life of pain and lash out at everything around them. Only this shark was a trained hunter turned mercenary shark blood thirsty murder for hire shark.

Which is pretty cool but still. Man should not tamper in gods domain.

Speaking of the big spaghetti man in the sky.

Sharktopus slaughtered 31 souls in this movie.

31 people died from this thing. That is a LOT.

So yeah. Can’t fault Coreman for giving us what we all wanted. A huge body count, a silly monster, and his bikini babes for good measure.

Which sometimes got odd, especially the whole, lets see woman. Sitting in the sharks mouth, being eaten and blood filling the screen, while we see their backsides and breast. But the guys can fudge right off and die instantly.

We did also get in both this and Dino, a majestic shot of a shark leaping straight up and out the water into the air, swan diving ontop of its target. So that’s also a thing. Yeah>

Eitherway, you can’t go wrong with the movie. It’s entertaining, it is funny. For many, many reasons. It swims by swiftly and you never feel lost at sea with the story. It gets you there, and all while killing 31 people. Good lord almighty.

Check it out, if you didn’t watch along with the review, it’s a fun dive of a shark film and I’m glad we watched it. Though one day I will talk about Mega Shark and his giant octopus friend.

One day….