Spooktober Day 9 Nightmare Sisters!!

Day 9 Nightmare Sisters

Is it a horror? Yes and no

Is it a comedy? Absolutely but not entirely.

Then what the hell is it?

A David Decotaeu film

That should say all you need to know. But don’t click away! This is early David. This is when he actually had a budget and would try. Like really try.

Okay maybe not really try but. The guy had fun.

I mean, as much fun as you can have with a man doing a racist Indian accent while moaning saying “Ride the stallion of love” while contacting the spirits.

That’s the kind of David Decotaeu we are working with this time around.

This is a fun one and has a fun cast on top of it too

Like Linnea Quigley, Michelle Bouer and Brinke Stevens, and Dukey Flyswatter

You need to know these names. They matter.

As did this film. To someone…

To a LOT of someones! It’s a hell of a lot of fun, corny, and spooky. So as the racist man doing an Indian mystic accent says after being killed by a succubus.

Now I’ve gotta sing a song and it won’t be long!

This movie opens the best way it can. With nerdy college girls. Each one fitting a different nerdy stereotype. We have the book nerd, a music nerd, and a somewhat clueless chubby nerd.

The 80’s was a very odd time you see. If you were curvy, had a bit of a chubby mid section? You were dubbed fat. Therefor avoidable. It’s what we now refer to as 80’s fat. Which is not fat. But back then it was. For some reason.

Anyway these are our three female leads. Embracing their nerdiness and sadness of being dateless, bored and bummed out.

Which is great seeing these three women made to look, and act like. Well nerdy losers. To a point of being satirical. But it works. So our nerdy trio is trying to plan a party for the weekend. Looking to invite some boys over and hopefully have fun. We can only hope that will be the case. I mean, what could happen?

A lot. Actually. All bad. At least in regards to this movie. Yeah.

And likely before things get into the horror segment of the film too!

So the savior of the girls bored weekend are. Well. Horny geeky boys. Because if Revenge of the Nerds taught us anything. It’s that putting on another mans costume and having sex with his girlfriend is rape. But that’s an aside. Honestly though, if Revenge of the Nerds has taught us anything. It’s that geeks and nerds are the horniest of the species. We learn this as we are shown the boys house and. The walls are covered in naked girl posters. The boys are asleep with nudie girl magazines, all but the bookworm who is busy studying. Who offers us a great scene of unreal dialog and wonderful acting as the blonde dorky Linnea tells him they need boys for their party and that means him. But he’s unsure because “I’m afraid I may take advantage of you” to which the girl chuckles and tells him “Hey last time, I practically raped you”, which she informed the girls she had. She didn’t literally rape him their last date. She did however grab his hand and put it inside her bra. Which resulted in him getting his fingers stuck and running off with her bra snagged on his hand.

It's Well. The 80’s were a different time.

Case in point, the girls fraternity is Tri Eat a Pie.

When the guys get into a scuffle and some chads walk in they ask the boys if they’re “Queering off down there”

The 80’s was truly as open, understanding and inclusive as Netflix tells us it was.

So we got the basic ingredients for our nerd pie. Three horny nerd boys being choosy over their dates, and three lady nerd looking for a good time I again ask. What could go wrong, when everything is going so well

Well to start with. The chads who called them homosexuals. Are keeping them from attending the pie party. No pie for them. They also are mildly upset as they weren’t invited to the Eat a pie party. So they might just go instead. Which raises an interesting question.

Why would the popular chads be upset for not being invited to a party hosted by nerds? It really messes with your mind man. They’re supposed to be opposed to it. But they seem cool with it. But not with the nerds going.

In fact the nerd boys are told if they go, they’ll be expelled from the fraternity. Humiliated and beat.

So the nerds go anyway.

What happens after, is similar to the scene from Event Horizon when the crew decrypt part of the recorded crew footage showing the members of the Event Horizon taring each others bodies apart during a bloodied orgy of hells delights.

We have music nerd hammering on the piano keys singing the worst version of ‘Row your boat’ since some asshole gave your nephew a recorder and sent them in front of the family while your suffering a migraine.

The chubby nerd is shoveling 4 different types of food down her throat while her nerd boy drones on about his family . They even pan down to the table to show us three open bags of chips, a basket of candy bars and a literally 7 packs of Wriggly gum. Because she’s fat. Get it?

But the orgy of blood and sacrifice can’t start yet. Not until they begin to play…Twister.

They play Twister outside. Ours is not to ask why.

Of course it all goes horribly wrong. Because. Well. Fatty in a moomoo tumbles over everyone crushing them. Because she’s fat.

Now I get you’d be begging for some horror about now yeah? Well your prayers are about to be answered. In 10 minutes.

Don’t worry. I’ll spare you the indignities of the human experience.

So the alpha chads discover the nerd squad left for a party they weren’t supposed to go too. This upsets them and they decide they must crash this party and the nerd boys.

But these boys have the power of darkness on their side.

See the girls don’t want them to leave just yet. They’d like the party to continue. So they offer up the suggestion “Hey, how about a séance!” Naturally the boys are up for it. Because anything beats having to spend another moment with these nerd girls flexing their skills. Apparently.

So the girls whip out a crystal ball. Because of course they’d own one. Girls just wanna hold seances.

Well they get their secret hell powers together and immediately summon a spirit, somewhere a young Zak Baggins cries.

But the spirit who answers them is not, as one of the nerd boys says ‘His step dad’ but is instead, as he introduces himself as “Omar, guardian of the crystal, boogie boogie”

There are, some things. In life. We just need to accept, in order to move on.

Omar, is the guardian of the crystal.

Boogie boogie.

WELL thankfully Omar has a message from the otherside. That man should not tamper with things he was never meant to understand. But also that he has to help these girls personally. He has wisdom for them to heat but not the guys. So the girls trust Omar, for some…unexplained reason. Boogie boogie. So as Omar tells them to touch the crystal ball the three ladies do and…

Evil time!

No not yet.

Now is the time of naked!

The girls are made HOT. Like hot hot. Actually they just look like their normal selves. Only topless and in thongs.

Sorry, topless, oiled and in thongs.

This is a perfect time for the chads to show up no? No.

But they do. Because our nerdy horny boys are confused as, these nerdy girls are now sexy near naked goddesses who want them to eat their pies and honk their breast. Boogie boogie.

Meanwhile the Chads show up outside and, watch jealously as the nerd crew are fondling breast and smearing pie everywhere except their mouths.

So naturally the girls decide a bath is a good idea. But not all of them. Just the three of them.

I welcome you now, to the longest section of the film.

The bubble bath scene.

Three completely naked women, bathing each other in a small lime green bathtub while the majestic music of Haunted Garage, and their beautifully performed Yumpin’ Yiminy, Suck on my Chimney.

While the girls repeatedly soap up, and resoap up, and help eachother soap up again their breast. Sometimes their backsides.

All while the chads watch through a keyhole.

Is this scene serious? I would say so until you hear the faint sound of a wet hand rubbing a balloon playing while the girls sensually rub their soapy breast.

I promise you, like George R.R. Martin. The dragons are coming! The horror is on its way!

We just need to………………….setup character.

Well the Chads have decided, after witnesses the girls soaping themselves up repeatedly. That they need to get rid of the nerds. Who are afraid of these forward girls.

The nerds new challenge in life, is to go against everything their horny lifes have told them. They need to not think about sex, and avoid it.

Well one nerd happens to get the know it all girl alone in the kitchen. Where she. Dresses as a. Little girl. In a dress with a lolly pop, telling him ‘my mommy and daddy aren’t home and we’re all alone haha. Lets play doctor. We can do it outside.”

Meanwhile the chubby nerd, is now a tall amazon. Who has taken her date to her room and. The room is now a jungle. Where she tells him they should get primal, and the boy avoiding sex watches her deep throat a banana.

Well the chads are working fast and kidnapping these nerds before they can get down and dirty. Which they can’t figure out why the nerd boys don’t want to get down and dirty with the pies.

Well we can finally get into that as the horror is now ready to begin!

FINALLY!! THERE IS HORROR IN THIS!

Blonde nerd is afraid of his amazon so he manages to trick her into thinking there’s a white rhino and he runs off. The chads are there to capture him and take off. Amazon nerd is not pleased with this. So she snatches one of the chads and drags them to her room.

The chad considers this a win naturally and begins getting naked. I mean butt ass naked. This movie did not shy away from it either. You get almost full on hairy butthole. The lewdness of it all!

Well amazon nerd begins licking him all over, and I do mean ‘all over’ complimenting him on his taste, to which he informs her he’s all grad A prime beef.

Well. Just as he’s enjoying getting is wee willy winky put into a human hoover. She decides to stop sucking and look at him. With SHARP TEETH!!!

Yep she does it. She bites off his ding dong.

It only took us 54 minutes. But we got there!

But what about the musical nerd you say? Well she’s putting on a personal concert for her date. Skipping out on playing Row your boat, and instead singing and rocking out to some punk music. Nicely done.

But Linnea is also hungry for the donger. So Mr dubbed chad also. Loses his dork. Complete with an audible apple biting effect, and for some reason green fog.

The door nerds are all tied up and in a room, while the chads run the house and get their dicks bit off.

Which isn’t that bad a thing honestly. A win for nerds, and a victory for birth control advocates.

So the girls obviously are succubus. They have big plans for horn dog dicks, and its now up too to the nerds to stop them and their thirst for the D.

Are they up to it? We can only pray so.

But they cant save the chads. Unfortunately all three of them had to die for our sins.

Which is pretty hilarious honestly.

So how can the nerds stop them?

Well they consider getting the girls stomachs pumped. No good.

They consider running away. Also not good.

But hey, what about an exorcist? Ding ding ding!

So how do you find one? Why in the phone book of course.

This number even promises them a 100% satisfaction guaranteed service. As long as they pay time and a half since the exorcist has to show up that very night.

He’s amazingly fun. With such great moments as one of the nerds telling him “Calm down father” to which he responds, “I’m not your father you little shit”

So he’s as legit as I am, and I paid 20 bucks for my religious certificate.

Now, armed with an exorcist. The boys must gather herbs from the kitchen, personal affects of the ladies in question, and one nerd must act as a decoy to distract the girls.

Which proves all to easy as. Well the girls are. Caught in a net, and begin yowling like cats.

It’s a classic wonderful scene as the succubus begin trying to taunt the men into sex. But the priest is unaffected as he suffered an old war wound that. Well he lost his balls so therefore no evil temptation.

It’s a tough battle that last minutes, the house nearly is destroyed, the boys show their vigor and valor in combat. Standing up for the forces of good against evil. Music swells and the succubus are dragged screaming back to hell!

Actually they aren’t. At all. The girls go silent as the succubus is pulled from their bodies, and becomes an ugly fun puppet floating around, threatening them all.

It looks like we’re in store for an epic battle!

Which we aren’t, as one of the girls tells a nerd destroying the crystal ball will destroy the succubus.

 So they do it and boogy boogy, the girls, the boys, and the exorcist are all saved.

All so the girls can tell us “I don’t remember what happened…but I have this odd taste in my mouth”, to which the boys knowingly chuckle and tell them “Oh, we’ll tell you about that later, at least some good came of all this.” The girls enquire as to what good came from this experience? Well, that also the boys will explain to them later.

I mean why tell your girlfriends they were possessed sucked and ate dude dicks and killed three innocent people. Wait and tell them after you play twister and have normal nerd sex.

Which is what they do. All while a green evil ghostly specter floats behind them.

The End!!

Yes that. That’s really the end. You made it. Congratulations? I guess?

Honestly this film is as odd as an oddity can get. But still worth it. It’s just simple fun. Pointless fun, silly acting and a large heaping of concentrated T & A with a dash of partial V & D.

Yes it’s over the top acting and as believable as a chubby man in a fedora carrying a samurai sword warning you he is not a violent man, but he will resort to violence if he must. But you got some fun punk music. The girls are fun and you can tell they enjoyed themselves. Especially when it came to pretending to nip and chomp on the guys. Even Omar has his moments. Though few they are.

It's worth checking out and experiencing just for the laughs, and if you feel so inclined fast forwarding the unusually long bath scene. I say check it out damnit!

Does the box art make promises of something entirely different than what was promised? Hell no! It delivers exactly what you get! It’s an honest movie made by an at one time honestly entertaining film director!

I had to suffer through goddamn Snow white and that shit has tarnished my soul. So if I can tolerate that for eternity. You can burden your souls with watching, Nightmare Sisters.

Boogy Boogy