Spooktober Day 8 DOLLS!!!!

Day 8 Dolls

When your parents are being dicks, and you imagine a 10ft teddy bear devouring them in graphic detail? You are a special kid, and you are also watching Dolls.

If you are a bit of a tramp, and are all to proud to show it, until dolls decide to kill you because dirty girls don’t prosper. You are likely in need of a life change, and are also watching Dolls.

Basically this film is a good course study on how to survive an evil doll or, killer doll attack. Which we will get into.

This is another odd genre where, there is a good number of killer doll films out there. But not many good ones. Lots of low hanging fruit in this group. But not all of them can be Chucky. But even Chucky had his roots. Hell even Sir Anthony Hopkins did a movie with a doll. Well. A ventriloquist doll. Twilight Zone had some as well. But this film is neither of those. It simply is. Well. It exist for us to watch some doll violence and try not to come off corny.

Which is a challenge. Especially when you aren’t wanting to put in too much work. Because you feel toys and dolls are creepy enough on their own.

With that in mind. Lets dig into another piece of my and my sisters childhood. But bring the wine, you’ll need it with all this cheese.

So we begin with a fun trip. A family trip. A family trip with a well to do dad, who doesn’t love his daughter. His new wife, who also hates his daughter. But both adults seem to enjoy having money and share a hatred for ‘roughing’ it like commoners when they have to drive at night, during a storm.

Which introduces us as well to two other characters we’ll likely see sometime later. Two roadside hussies. Well punk girls, but we’ll get used to calling them hussies for now.

These two girls almost get run over because. Well rich parents don’t stop for anything.

But all isn’t lost entirely. See Karma is a bitch. So as these people almost hit and killed two ladies on the road side. They happened to unfortunately end up stuck in the mud. Run off the road themselves. Which the father is not a fan of. Let alone the new stepmom.

I am not joking when I say they hate this child. But the child to be fair hates the stepmom, and isn’t the biggest fan of her dad either. Which I can understand as the dad is sort of a douche, and whenever his daughter says anything. His common response is to blaim her mother, or say he wants to kill her.

So father of the year.

Well their car as I said is stuck in the mud. Which means they must traverse the terrain ahead on foot. As luckily for them, there is a home up ahead. Will they find safety from the storm? Will they find joyful people dancing while a sweet transvestite from Transexual Transylvania builds themselves a man? Unfortunately no.

But before we get to the house. We get treated to a scene my sister and I remember fondly, and oh how we enjoy it. The stepmother decides to go for bitch of the week and tosses the little girls teddy bear into the woods. Because they don’t need it. Well the little girl, in her mind. Sees the bushes begin to sway and swoosh and suddenly. Out comes Teddy! A giant version of him.

Which looks pretty cute. Until its fully skin is torn back and reveals an almost werewolf looking nightmare bear. Who promptly rips the stepmom apart and snaps the dads back.  

The most emotion the girl shows is to whine and say “daaaddy” but not so much in a oh no! way, so much as in a “Oooh well” way.

So she watches her beloved Teddy tare apart and devour her parents, turn around to face her covered in gore and blood, only to respond with a bit of disappointment “Teddy…” To which, the giant wolf bear hysterically responds by shrugging with his palms held up. I love it.

Sadly though her parents are very much still alive and she’s snapped back into reality and dragged along this walk to sanctuary.

Where instead of RiffRaff at the door with Magenta. We find David Lynch and Betty Crocker. They care for the large empty house. Which happens to be filled with, why yes. Dolls. Of all kinds. But not ‘those’ kinds. This was the 80’s.

But man what a different and horribly wonderful film that’d make right?

So mom and dad are far from impressed let alone caring for David Lynch’s home and its awesome decorations. Even as the house keeps them dry. It’s just a shit pile for them.

But for the daughter. It’s incredibly interesting. She also might be mildly psychotic as she hears giggling voices and excuses it as nothing.

But we need some backstory don’t we? Well we do. Which David Lynch provides while Betty Crocker cooks soup for their guest. Which I honestly have no idea what it is, but its. Something.

It’s a fun scene as we learn her mother, her real mother is in Chicago, while she’s out here with dad and his new regular Saturday night thing.

David Lynch also expresses a kindness, as he notes the girl has no doll, and he believes all girls should have a doll. Which she did have, up until her evil step mom tossed it into the bushes. But Lynch won’t have any of it, so he gives her a new doll. Which is creepy as all hell. His name is Punch, he is a jester, and he is creepy as all unholy hell. So she loves him naturally.

While we are about to get some backstory though, in from the side door comes crashing two soaking wet hussies, and not for the reasons you’d imagine being wet. It’s the two ladies they almost ran over earlier! But they come with a man friend. A portly gentlemen who saw two ladies in need on the side of the road and decided to take them into his car and drive them to this house for shelter.

The hussies make themselves welcome and well liked immediately by cussing in front of everyone, laughing at anything for any reason. Wearing corset tops that show off nipples and mocking the man who helped them.

They even commit the evil of smoking in the room they are given and. Clear the fireplace mantle in the nicest way possible to make room for their portable radio. By swipping the dolls off the shelf with little more than a coin of shit worth of care and begin blasting their rock and roll.

But we still need some character building and story before madness. Even if it was interrupted earlier by the introduction of these hussies. We get that story in a pleasant conversation between the polite pudgy man and David Lynch, as they discuss dolls and toys. Apparently pudgy is a very kind man who still enjoys toys. We get to hear some fun stories of his time as a child trying to catch his toys playing without him and how because of him his parents home became infested with insects and fly shit because he left food out for them.

Truly a renters wet dream.

But Lynch likes him and his child like innocence he managed to hold onto in a world that seems to have forgotten about magical things and dolls. While Miss Pigtailed kid is fixed on challenging his world views and interrogating him on where goblins and elves live. Lynch doesn’t like interviews so needless to say he politely tells her to shove off and play with the ancient doll he gave her.

Meanwhile her father is trying to wine and romance his rich new wife. Telling her he’ll send his daughter back to her real mom. Leaving them young and free of obligation, able to fornicate across the coast of whatever rich people villa they visit on their trip around whatever corner of the world. Honestly it doesn’t matter. The stepmom and dad are just horrible people and there is rarely a moment they’re on screen together where they aren’t just seething with hatred for the little girl and their situation.

Which is a bummer, because crazy pants kiddo is actually pretty fun, and even if her doll was formed by the fires of hell itself. She’s not so bad. Just don’t piss her off.

So we are watching a horror film right? Well that means we need some horror. So we gotta start somewhere. Why not start with the hussies! Who are still jamming to their punk music. But begin to discuss the idea that they could get rich off this house. See. Betty Crocker is old and rich. Because America loves her cookbooks, and it’s a very old house. Which obviously means American Pickers would have a field day raping the house of all valuables. So that’s just what they set out to do. Roaming the house under the veil of darkness, looking for old jewels and trinkets. Even nick nacks!

But what one girl with wonderful nipples finds. Is the opposite of wealthy. Do we get to see her nipples? Yes. Yes we do. Aside them peaking through her corset. She gets attacked by some very strong tiny dolls. Who drop her to the floor and toss her around. Which accidentally makes her part of the #FreetheNipple movement and well, yes there we go.

But the horror is not in the form of her areola. It is in the act of the dolls peaking her up on the floor and…ramming her into the wall. Repeatedly. Breaking her nose and bloodying her face. I get what they’re doing. But at the same time. It’d take a lot of dolls, of a certain height to pick someone up off the floor, and heave ho them into a wall repeatedly. But they do it. And do it well.

So much so the girl ends up tossed out into the hallway, where our child friend is and stares down at her like “Damn girl, you got tore up” So tits reaches out to her for help. But then is quickly dragged off to her demise.

Naturally little girl decides this needs to be reported to the proper authorities. So Judy goes to her father. Who simply tells her to get on with it. So she begins to lay out the facts in a way that would make Joe Kenda proud, but her father is just not caring. So he tells her to move to the end. Short story version for dad? Bitch dead, elves did it.

At the mention of elves dad no longer cares about the death of a hussie. He only hears elf and checks out. The step mom enforcers her position by informing Judy that, while the dad can’t slap her. She’s all too happy and up to the task.

Seriously, if you have a child, and your first thought when they come to you scared and carrying on about a body, is to tell them how you wish you could slap them but you can’t, then your ride or die step bang backs you up saying she’ll beat the shit out of her. You are not a good parent. You need to rethink your life choices.

Thankfully she has a manchild friend who will listen to her. Because he answers correctly to her queston about trusting her. Which you know how to feel for a kid when they have to ask if you trust them.

So the two embark on a quest of dead hussie hunting and the hope of proving her sanity.

Which is a test itself.

But a fun one!

While on their journey, its rather sadly hilarious because just when her manchild friend is about to give up on this venture. They come across a trail of blood. A literal real trail of blood. Does he freak out? Not really. He just follows along with Judy.

Which is hilarious as they search without result for the body, only for us the viewer to spot the body. Covered by a doll face mask, bound to a chair and gagged. Wriggling for sweet release. But no one sees her, and instead Manchild takes a tumble down the stairs. Tripped by toys and falling down the stairs, nearly dying. Instead finding his leg covered in blood and his hand as well. Even more a sign of foul play. So it’s time to alert the house!

Which does not pan out, unfortunately. He manages to wake the guest of the house up, worrying appropriately the other hussie. And as expected annoying mom and dad. Even a panic is something to whine about and hate their kid for. Which is an odd. Odd scene.

Let me play it out for you.

A man tells a group, we believe a girl is in danger. We found blood, and she is missing. She is still somewhere in this house we believe. I was tripped and fell down some stairs, tumbling into blood. My pant leg was torn and seems to be bleeding. Your daughter saw this and lead me through this potential crime scene.

That is what manchild says and does essentially.

Hussies friend is worried, she wants to know where her friend is, what happened. Why manchild is bloody. But she decides he is involved, because he’s a nice guy and obviously therefor a creeper and must have killed her when she turned him down for sex.

Meanwhile the dad decides that, because manchild fell down some stairs almost dying, and now has a bloody leg, that means he is a child predator, obviously. So he orders him to “Stay the hell away from my daughter” and tells her she will be sleeping in his room, so as to protect her from the child predator.

This is how these people react to news of a potentially dead person in the house.

But it moves our story along as he yanks the doll ‘Ponch” from his daughter and she takes off not wanting his care or forced imprisonment in his bedroom.

So now we have a chase! Daddy is chasing after his daughter trying to call her out so he can likely tell her again how every day is a struggle and when he sees her face he just wants to punch her over and over. While Step mom flicks cigarette butts, lit cigarette butts at her in bed.

Well his calls to her go unanswered. So its time to resort to terrorist tactics. He begins the best decision one can make. In a house full of dolls, with a doll gifted to his daughter, he tells her he will tare her doll apart unless she comes out to him.

Now I can admit, growing up if me and my sister acted up, and wouldn’t respond when our parents were upset, if we didn’t respond to them sternly calling for us. They would use the threat of a potential spanking. Which rarely if ever happened, and was always a sign for us “okay, we need to go to them.” Which we always did. Because no one wants that.

He could’ve opened with that. But this dad, if you didn’t know. Is a total dick and is all aboard the train of taring down his daughter.

So he begins attempting to do as he promised and tare the doll apart. Which. He is unsuccessful with.

And prompts another moment of, is this an appropriate reaction.

After failing to rip the doll apart. The doll bites him. He drops the doll, and watches it tumble to the floor. Barrel roll and leap up into a seating position onto a chair.

He sees this. Witnesses every moment. But thinks nothing of it. So time to make attempt number 2 on the dolls life and his own. He picks up a candle and even acknowledges the doll likely is alive by saying “Alright funny man” and proceeds to try burning him. Only to end up melting hot wax onto his feet. Dropping the doll and barrel rolling off to safety. Of course this just fuels the dads need to destroy that doll.

But have no fear. Ponch is perfectly fine. He made it downstairs into the kitchen. Where manchild is cleaning the blood off his leg and Judy is discussing dolls, elves, and the creeping madness taking over her mind.

Until the madness manifest itself into reality and the doll. Ponch begins talking. Rather clearly and slowly to them both. Which does not somehow freak them out.

But who cares about that. We have some scary business to tend to. While dad is off trying to fight a toy he can’t find. Step mom is having her own struggle. In a creepy scene for anyone. We return to Stepmom in her bed. Filing her nails as pissed off as she can manage being while doing so. Suddenly the covers begin moving and we hear. Giggling. The mom throws back the covers ready to unleash her bitch rage on whatever is doing this. Only to find many dolls under the covers nibbling at her legs. For reasons.

She rightfully is terrified and reacts as such. Leaping out of bed to get away from the threat. Only to find herself surrounded and dogpiled on by the dolls in her room. This is no small attack either. These bastards are out for blood. Literally. They are taring flesh from her wrist. Speaking of. They are suddenly a lot more violent than they were with the hussie earlier. Mama gets knocked down to the floor and within moments has a doll with a saw, sawing through her wrist. Which she is able to stop and stand back up. Only to have a doll leap on her back and stab her.

Mommy dearest makes an escape and heads to another room. But this house has dolls everywhere and that means this room of course has many many dolls. All standing and ready to take her down. Again.

You might think to yourself, why are these dolls so suddenly THAT violent and trying to take her apart? Well that’s simple. She’s a child hating rich lady who only gets off when she’s disgusted and annoyed while putting down those around her.

But we aren’t done with her yet.

As she finds the new doll room. The dolls begin stage two of ‘Take the Bitch Down’. As she stands staring at the army of dolls. Two dolls, at her feet. Are sawing through her ankle. And they aren’t leaving scratches. They are straight up making progress hitting muscle. They past the skin and they are about to hit bone at this point. Its like pure nightmare fuel. She’s stomping on these dolls, breaking their backs and fighting for her life. Until she tries to run and finds the stairway blocked by more dolls. Not just any dolls either mind you. But dolls with missing eyes and bloody sockets. Pitchforks and knifes. They are ready and willing.

But just as they begin flashing gang signs and the bandanas come out. Mommy Dearest decides to nope out. Actually that’s not fair. I don’t really know what she was thinking here. But she decides the best option. Is to run toward a window, leaping over a row of dolls and….screaming Nooooooo as she leaps through a window. To her death.

Though I need to ask you all right now. Do you have enough nightmare fuel to last you?

Do you need some more?

Because lordy are we gonna get some now.

Since Mommy dearest is out of the Doll games. We are now down to hussie and daddy. So lets check in on hussie. Well she’s kindly stalking the halls with a candle light, calling out for her friend. Thankfully no dolls have discovered her yet. Or they’re simply waiting for her to fall into a trap.

Instead she happens to hear her friend. Even finding her heavily shadowed form. Her friend is quietly, painfully whimpering for her friend to go away. To leave while she still can. But she wants to check on her friend and ignore this. She instead needs to get closer, and investigate her friend. Which grants us a lasting vision of joyful horror.

We see her face has been replaced as said earlier. With a doll face/mask. But more creepy however. Is that her eyes are not in their socket. As she moves her head and the eyes go tumbling out. Onto the blood pooled floor she sits on. Hands blindly reaching for those eyes. Giving us another wonderful sight as we discover the mask. Is actually her face, and her sockets are cleared out.

But before she can react. A lasso is wrapped around her wrist by a cowboy doll and she is trapped! But AH HA! She has a lighter! Which quickly engulfs the cowboy in flames. Sending the doll off screaming in horror. She’s now made bold by her weapon and begins setting fire to dolls in mass. Which is hysterical as one of the dolls she sets on fire goes from laughing to then screaming, and as it dances off screen, you can see the pull the effects team used to handle the fire doll as its shaken off screen.

Bless low budget movies.

An even creepier shot and bit of story is coming up though, as one of the dolls she knocks back, their porcelain face revealing a ghoulish face under. So these aren’t dolls but. As hinted earlier. Possibly elves?!

Well she’s had it with these horrors, and she is moving on from burning these things, to now kicking off the faces of every doll she sees!

Revealing a field of monster faces, skeleton faces and everything inbetween. She’s even begun to employ using her belt as a weapon. Which back in the 80’s I absolutely believe as those belts were damn lethal. Trust me I know.

But all is not fair in dolls and war. She looks like she had a fighting chance. Until the dolls called out the firing squad. Who she threatens, ready to take on. Until the trumpet man signals them to fire and. She’s taken out by smaller than a 22 bullet round multiple times. God speed sweet hussie. You did more damage than the others did.

So that leaves the horrible dad now. He’s given up his quest for burning and destroying his daughters one treasured possession, and decides to return to his room and bitchy new wife. Whom surprisingly is in bed and under the sheet! Well he tries getting sexy with her but, as she is unresponsive, and apparently this is normal. He decides a shower might help him in his quest for getting laid. So he leaves the blood soaked body and opts for a shower. Because that’s what gets you good boy points. Trust me, I know.

So I guess we’ll prolong his death until later.

Meanwhile Ralph the manchild is at his wits end. He’s an innocent man, but he’s also had enough of these dolls. For some reason. So naturally. Entering a room full of dolls. Everywhere. Literally it’s a large room with shelves upon shelves of dolls. He ask Judy if these dolls are her, ‘little friends’ to which she says no shit sherlock. He then follows it up with asking her. “Are they alive?” And she dutifully tells him. “Bitch are you for real?” so he decides enough is enough.

Logic testing time.

Your in a room of dolls. People are missing, possibly dead. A doll just talked to you in a deeply near evil voice. And a girl told you these dolls are alive. And all the dolls in this room turn to look at you. Giggling. How do you react?

Do you

A.      Nod and smile, making a peaceful retreat, asking the dolls to let you pass, if they do. You calmly leave the house before running away?

B.      Immediately ask for diplomatic immunity and state you are a good man and have done no harm and ask no harm be done to you

C.       Declare open war, whip your dick out to establish dominance and start taring them apart

He opted for most of C. He immediately says he’s done with these mother fucking dolls, in this motherfucking house and starts stomping kicking and smashing every doll in his wake.

For some reason the dolls decide to attack him for this and swarm him. At which point, he reflects upon his actions and determines he made a poor choice and immediately regrets it. So he ask them to stop and for the little girl to help him.

Thankfully because he told her he would be her friend earlier. She comes to his aid, and commands they let him go. Which they do. But now they must hold a trail to determine what is to be done with him. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes buddy.

Dad must have finished his shower by now right? Lets find out.

Well it looks like he has and he’s ready for love! He put on the silk pajamas and he’s sweet talking his rich baby. Even introducing us to their sex dynamic as he says to her with silky smoothness “Please mommy, don’t make daddy beg, he’s been a good boy.” Obviously this would have her panties turned into a jacuzzi of lust by now. But sadly for him he missed. Somehow. And I do mean somehow. The unholy large blood puddle on her side of the bed, and the sheet covering her head. But he wont miss it soon as he pulls back the sheet and reveals yet another suddenly hardcore gory scene.

Apparently Mommy dearest, when she fell out the window. Smashed her skull. Because the top part is missing, her eyes are hanging out her skull and red jelly occupies her brain cave. It’s still surprising given how low the gore had been at the start of the film, but the filmmakers suddenly realized they were making a horror film and decided to flood it with gore. Which I am not opposed too.

What I am opposed to is the dads stupidity in how he finds her bloody corpse and missing face. Then begins dragging the corpse around with him, as if she held onto him. But couldn’t. Because she is stone cold dead my friend.

But wait. There’s more. We have another logic bomb.

Dad, upon discovering his dead angry wife, covered in blood. Has a specific reaction. A very specific one.

Obviously the one responsible for her death, the tiny doll sized bites, bruises and cuts on her body. Can only be Ralph the manchild. The child predator, murderous manchild. Who has done nothing to anyone, That’s the man who must pay.

So here we are. The finale of this life changing film. The dolls have, in their wisdom decided Manchild must go free. For he is a good. He just had a moment of destructive behavior. But as he is set free. Dad objects to this ruling and comes down the stairs ready to exact his own justice. He’s going to bash this mans head in, in front of his already troubled daughter.

Which again is pretty damn funny.

Ralph can only quip through the assault and look for possible defensive weapons. Including. Of all things. A doll he picks up ready to smash against dads face. The doll whimpers out in horror and Ralph Wiggum’s, manchild decides ‘oh right, your alive, my apologies” but he doesn’t put the doll down. He cradles it in his arm protectively. While the dad smashes shit up with berserker attacks.

But Manchild has had enough. He balls up his pudgy fist and punches Dad in the face. Landing a blow for justice and all that is right in the world. Does the daughter care? Not especially. She’s vaguely interested. She just wants her dad to stop his bullshit. Which is understandable.

Also for anyone who ever wondered. If you tell someone Dolls are real, and they’re killing people. That they captured you? If someone you tell this too, ask ‘Then why aren’t you dead?’ Don’t answer them back with “Because I’m young at heart?”

Well dad is done with Ralph and finds a new target. The doll Ponch. Ponch taunts him by tossing a small blade into his hand. Dad obviously does not like this. So he decides to tempt face and. Begins smashing the hell out of dolls everywhere. All the dolls will suffer his blue ball wrath.

Ralph is whisked away to safety by the dolls, and Dad pursues Ponch. Who is ready to fight! He taunts dad with a power drill. Ready to drill some sense into him. HA!

But dad is a dad. Which means he’s familiar with power tools, he knows it has to be plugged somewhere. So he finds the plug and. Unplugs the drill. Wow that was. Scarily easy. He yanks hard on the cable and poor ponch is sent to the floor. Scrambling on his back, no longer barrel rolling. But wriggling like a turtle on its back. Dad stands over him like a WWE superstar with his signature weapon. Spinning the drill around by its cord and slamming it down into Ponch’s skull. Which is thankfully vacant.

Leading up to the best slam in the movie. As ponch is dead and his head in pieces dad screams out “Fuck you clownie!”

But David Lynch and Betty Crocker are not happy, or impressed. Coming down the stairs finally addressing all the noise. Which adds to the hilarious scene as dad turns around seeing them and ads “And fuck you too”

David Lynch is cool with strangers entering his home. But he is Not cool with them destroying his stuff. Or pointing out that he and Betty Crocker are witches.

So he debates with Dad about his daughter. Whom he believes should be put in a Juvenile home, because she’s a pain in the ass and he’s fed up with her. David Lynch may make questionable art on celluloid. But you don’t tell him children belong in asylums.

So dad has a new probem to deal with.

These two soul sucking creatures, master film director and renowned cook. Turn dad into a new version of Mr. Ponch. Complete with his silk pajamas.

Much to the amusement of Lynch and Crocker.

Well thankfully Judy didn’t have to witness this, and Ralph is now dressed in proper nice attire. Having had a nice nap in his chair. While Judy slept on the couch. Lynch wakes them both gently and assures them both everything was simply a dream. Despite Ralph waking up and screaming about killer dolls right into the camera.

So how do they explain the missing dad and shit step mom? The hussies?

Well Lynch being a master of telling stories and captivating people like he did with the mysteries of Twin Peaks. He informs Judy that he simply left, and wrote a note. Stating that he wasn’t a good father and simply couldn’t do the job. So he left with his new wife and they are off to do what adults do. Ralph himself ask about the hussies. Well by coincidence they wrote ralph. Simply telling him that they left and said bye. Which he questions and ask to see these notes. But David Lynch says “Fuck you, its my story’ and tosses the notes into the fire. End of story. Accept his genius.

Well the two know it is time to go. Ralph is more aware the subtle things going on suddenly. Apparently a solid nights sleep helped sharpen his senses. He’s not about to freak Judy out and tell her lets gtfo. He just agrees they should definitely leave asap and they hurry for the door. But not before Betty Crocker with her signature smile tempts them both that, they don’t need to leave. They could stay. As she says “A child, and a child at heart.” They could stay there and play with their toys as long as they like, as long as there are toys to play with. Which sounds more like a predator thing than anything Ralph ever said to convince her dad he was one.

But Little Judy is smart enough to say nah. We will go home, my mom needs me. But she wants to see Mr. Ponch first. So they let her see him and she happily embraces him, kissing him, telling him she’ll see him next summer. To which Daddy Ponch talks to her. And……..

She is mildly shocked to hear her fathers voice through the doll. But Judy has accepted she hears voices, and the shock wears off as she heads to the car with Ralph. But not before making a cute final gesture to David Lynch. She finds in the car awaiting them her Teddy! Her beloved none actual murderous Teddy. But she decides it best. Not to take Teddy but instead. To offer Teddy to David Lynch. Thinking he’d be much happier in a house with lots of dolls for friends. So he sweetly accepts and wishes the two well on their tri away from their home.

Where Judy begins her next quest. Setting up Ralph with her mom. Asking him if he’s married. Telling him her mom is very pretty. Asking him if he ever wanted a wife, and a daughter. Ralph knows where this is going.

But as they drive off and the credits roll, The camera draws us back to the house. To show us another car. With another family. Stuck in the same mud and arguing as they drag their daughters out and head up to the house of horrors.

And we get a final shot. Of the hussies. Dad and step mom. All now in full doll form. Looking at each other and shaking in terror. Or rage. Likely rage.

What a weird movie. An experience. A life changing experience. To say the least.

But if you find yourself asking, who the hell would have unleashed this on the world? Who would include that much gore and bizarre action, characters onto the screen? Well that’s very easily answered, and only adds to my ‘what if’ world.

Stuart Gordon, the man who made From Beyond. Re-Animator, Dagon, That’s who. It makes sense when you take that into account. And, if you really want to let your mind wonder. Remember that there was a time, he was set to direct Honey I Shrunk the Kids. I sincerely wonder what that would’ve been like had we gotten it. I know Disney made it, but. Damn. The possibilities.

And the poster art. Simple and effective. A full black background. A pretty doll, with no eyes. Holding her eyes in both hands. Much like Silent Night, Deadly Night. A snow covered rooftop and Chimney, with a santa arm sticking out, holding an axe. Simple and effective. Most importantly memorable.

It was one of those where you pass along the horror films lining the shelf and it always caught your eye. Until curiosity would provoke you to pick it up finally and rent it.

My sister and I checked this one out when we were little, with no idea what we were in store for, and we laughed and squirmed through it. Our dad however regretted watching it with us, and allowing us to watch it. But we were allowed to watch a lot back then. Like. A lot lot, that we likely shouldn’t had. But we did.

What a time to be alive!

Check it out and lemme know what you think.

Also stop jerkin it in front of your dolls. If you have a figure in a jar, and you KNOW what jar I’m talking about.

Take it out now, or. Well yeah.

Also. I know the dolls name was Punch, but I swear to god the accents, they were all saying Ponch. So that’s why I did it. Don’t send your dolls after me.