Found Footage February Day 7 The Bay!!

Day 7

The Bay

Every time I see this title. And I have seen it pop a lot. Every single time only one thing keeps popping into my head.  The Badman skits. There is one video they did, of Batman taking forever to say goodbye to Gordon and Catwoman as he readies to fly off with the bomb to save Gotham, and while they scream at him he talks about leaving to fly the bomb over the bay and he starts singing “Dock of the Bay”

I lose my shit every time, not because he sings it so much. But because of the shitty whistling he does and small dance in the batwing. Fucking hilarious.

This film however is not hilarious. It is fucking scary. Well, apparently according to reviews it is a ‘scary thinking persons movie’, it is also called a horror for smart people.

Whenever I hear these things. It raises red flags for me. It usually is said to defend something that makes the logic part of your brain question what it is seeing, it’s also used to cover films made by artistic filmmakers.

I remember seeing Nymphomaniac part 1 and part 2. Thinking that was pretty fucked up. They sold it for all the raw sex, and celebrity nudity. They had posters of all the actors orgasm faces. Reviewers. The ‘smart’ reviewers. Called it a brilliant comedy and parody film.

A movie about a womans obsession with sex, love, and fucking. Showing us in detail each affair and encounter. Was a parody and brilliant comedy. That film was not.

I have admitted I am not what you may call, a smart man. But I know what the fuck I am watching.

BUT. I will give this film the benefit of the doubt, and not let this cloud my judgement. I mean it sounds incredibly promising, and I love the concept of the film.

I especially love when people have said films like this fuck them up. That sounds promising to me and gets my attention.

I really am that person who would buy or find a cursed vhs tape and either keep it in a crate and tell people about it, or I’d be the dumb ass to watch it and tell my sister she can have my movie collection when the curse kills me. But also bury me with my Vinegar Syndrome films. Those are my treasures. They are mine.

So what happens when people try to cover up an incident in a small town over the celebration of our independence leading to the deaths of hundreds of people? We are about to find out, so grab that bottle of living bacteria you paid money to put in your body, and lets watch this thing. HIT IT SAM!

The Film

2 million dead fish washing ashore, thousands of black bird falling dead from the sky. Ya hate to see it happen, and it does happen. Well did happen. Does…happen, and is the backdrop of things to come, as we are told the media covered some of what happened on July 4th 2009 in a small Maryland town. But all the coverage was confiscated and tapes collected. So one reporter has decided to share the truth that is being covered up for some reason. Fearless reporter Donna is not hiding, and she is releasing all the footage she has managed to gather and let the world make of it what it can.

She’s a likeable actress and character. She’s from this small town, a summer intern finally interviewing people and beginning her career in broadcasting. It’s fun seeing a legitimate small town enjoying what small downs do. Real people just having fun. The film also in a very subtle way is setting up things yet to come. As we are shown specific shots. Things that feel a bit more important to pay attention to, in the mix of random event crowds. Specifically these shots all involve people in the water, Being dunked in water, and innocent games involving the water. It sounds like its hammering it in when you say it, but it’s really not. It’s just a thing you pick up on if you look, how certain moments specifically with that element are slowed down. Not a lot mind you. But just enough to draw your attention. And with the news about fish washing up ashore dead in the millions and the birds falling from the sky well. We can guess where this chaos is coming from.

Since the film is presented as a rogue report to expose those who covered it up, they aren’t going to rest on subtle moments and build ups. We are here for a reason and they are going to get right into it. Which I appreciate and can get behind. We go from the beginnings of the towns fourth of July festivities, to Donna adding in additional footage of what she believes was a warning and precursor to events that would come, but again no one said anything, nor did the mayor whom she later discovered was very involved in this mess.

Apparently the day before things went south, two oceanographers, which is a career I really wanted as a kid because of my love and terror for the film JAWS. They were found dead, their bodies washed up ashore, wearing their dive suits and scuba tanks. They were tracking water conditions, bacterial growth and links between the dumping of waste in the water from the large chicken farms, They kept video diaries for all their findings for their entire trip. They uncovered a toxic stream following the current leading through the town we are focused on, Claridge. The town was aware the factories were overrun and dumping chicken waste into the water. But the mayor always debated that the EPA is constantly testing things, and the water is still fine. Which apparently is not going to be the case.

As for their deaths? We have no idea how they died. Their bodies are recovered from the shore and. It’s disturbing. Their eyes and lips are swollen. Their stomach and abdomens are completely torn to shreds. No one can identify the bite marks. They believe it could be shark related. A bull shark. But no one had ever heard of a bull shark deciding to tell its victim “I’m gonna nibble on your tummy”, but the bodies were stored and no one discussed it.

Now comes the fun.

So we have a small town, with a toxic water problem, during the summer, when everyone is out in the water, drinking the water, and looking to cool down with the water. Everyhing is about to go to shit and It is terrifyingly great.

A woman we saw earlier in the film who volunteered for a dunk tank who ended up soaked, wonders the street in a wide stance, shouting out for her husband, pleading with people to help her find him as she needs him to take her to the hospital. When we focus on her, the very short time we are given to do so. Her cheeks, neck, chest and arms are covered in red welts. Like a cross between an allergic reaction and pox.

Soon, we start seeing others who had similar encounters. Kids who were splashing around in small pools start showing up with large boils and red marks across their arms and legs. Men and women competing in crab eating contest begin throwing up, turning red and losing their shit.

The whole place begins turning into a panicked frenzy. Ambulances begin loading up people into the meat wagons and taking off for the hospital. Doctors are being notified with no idea what is going on, just that, it’s spreading among the people.

One of the doctors working at the Emergency room, Dr Jack Abrams, who ended up treating over 350 people, over the night of this event, was the first one to contact the CDC about what had happened as the first 30 patients began to show up. Unfortunately, and we don’t know how or when yet. We are told he would die that night. So…we got that to look forward to I guess! In other words, don’t get attached.

It’s a quick and nice introduction for us as to another branch we will follow in this story. Thus far we have Donna narrating as well as her own film contributions, the two oceanographers and their video diaries leading up to their deaths before the main event, The emergency room doctor and his communication efforts with the CDC,  AND we have Alex and Stephanie. Two boating parents with their none demon born baby. They rented a boat for the holiday so they could head out and see the fireworks display. We will be hearing from them a god bit down the road. For now. It’s time for chaos baby!

What we first saw, was just the beginning. The panic through the streets of the festival. People being rushed off to the hospital. Now we have Officers reporting to deaths, and people covered in blood in residential areas not connected with the festival. Introducing us to two Officers, Jimson and Paul. They were the first two officers to report a death from this sudden outbreak, but certainly not the last. Soon reports of other deaths begin flooding in. Including a woman they thought was a victim of domestic abuse as they found her with her stomach torn open and tongue cut off. It’s creepy, but not nearly as creepy as what’s yet to come.

Our oceanographers finally give us a hint of the horror, as we cut quickly to them and a video they made of their first look at one of the local fish infected by the toxins in the water. They put a camera inside the dead fish and all over its insides, all we can see. Are parasites. Larva attaching itself to the insides of the fish, devouring the fish from the inside. They inform us that the water toxin levels are worse than they’d first thought. Not only from the large amount of chicken crap falling into the water and being dumped. But also the large amounts of fertilizer used at the farms. Both are working together and playing havoc on the fish and wild life. They seem to be effecting the growth rate of, and acting like a steroid of sorts for a parasite. A parasite which, thanks to their videos. We learn are having an interesting effect on the fish. As one of our scientists shows us a table full of dead fish. They all have similar outcomes. There stomache devoured from the inside out, and their tongues missing. Yes. Fish have tongues.

And with that, we get new footage that introduced us to our official killer. A fishing party video tapes one of their friends displaying proudly his lil fishy he just reeled in, only for him to notice something off near the mouth of the fish. And with that, a half second later out skitters onto his arm, biting him then rushing off back to the ocean, an Isopod.

Yep, those terrifying looking bastard parasites.

Which have become super versions of themselves thanks to the combination of chicken shit and fertilizer. The isopods are growing at a rapid rate and spawning even faster. To a point its created an infestation of epic haunting proportions, killing off large sections of fish life in the process, and anything else they come across.

Including two teenagers experiencing forbidden love. Yes, it’s a classic tale of Girl liking a bad boy, the mom not wanting her to date him, but the daughter saying “He cute though” and dating him, only to end up making smoochy time for each other behind her mothers back, and ending up murdered in water along with her boyfriend by isopods.

The lesson here is always listen to your parents, you’ll likely live longer not having forbidden romances.

Seriously though, the film might have been dictated by parents discouraging romances, the couple with the baby on the boat? They’re enjoying themselves, sure. But not for long! These people are in for what I would call, the long game. A slow setup that will ultimately pay off in a horrible way down the road for us. We see the seeds of this being planted as the husband is being playful with his wife, and tries to throw her in the water until she warns him she’s carrying the expensive camera documenting their trip. So not wishing to destroy the camera, or risk being put in the penalty box delaying sexy time, he sets her down. Sensing this moment of weakness from her husband she attacks him viciously and pushes him off the edge of the boat railing into the water. As the music gives us a little sting. We also hear the skittering on the soundtrack letting us now. His ass is the only one that’s gonna be eaten soon. He is not attacked in the water. But he does make the fateful comment “Some of the water went in my mouth”

The man is doomed. Dooooooomed!. DOOMED! Love is doomed! Relationships will doom us all! That’s how the isopods get ya!

So, thanks to the oceanographers we know what this is, we know it’s killed off 40% of life on the shores of that town, and these isopods which should not be in brackish water, are not only there and flourishing. But they are growing to abnormal size.

More freakishly and terrifying then that though. Is just how they can attach themselves to people.

The CDC discusses with the good doctor, how this could be a bacterial or viral infection like Vibrio vulnificus.

Don’t ask. But essentially you catch it through contact in the water. Which, scary story to relate for you all.

My parents home is in a pretty wooded area, and there’s a small boat launch area which the city opens during the summer for swimming and such. Two of my cousins and one of their girlfriends went swimming out there . The next day they all felt pretty damn sick, like. Really sick. The next day there were reports in our local news, that ‘swimmers need to beware’, they said there was bacteria in the water in elevated amounts(As I recall) and it was causing severe symptoms in people. I can’t recall what they said it was. I just remember it was the worst any of my cousins had felt and it lasted days. After that the parks started posting signs warning people about swimming in the water, instructing you to not swim if you had any scrapes or cuts, and to seek immediate medical attention if you noticed inflamed skin or irritation. My cousins ignored there’s and well. Yeah. Was not a fun choice.

THIS. This is why the movie gets me and I love it. It’s scary as hell because it’s using science, fiction and its believable enough to make you want to carry a water test kit at all times.

The movie is amping up and not slowing down what so ever. Once the oceanographers show us a ‘live’ fish that is being eaten alive by these parasites. We of course need to cut into showing the same happening with people. We get a man showing his doctor video of shapes moving around his stomach under the skin. So you know, let that image follow you when you drink water now.

The hospitals are piling up with people all suffering the same and worse. Legs and arms are being amputated in attempts to stop whatever is happening. Only to end up having to amputate more limbs after. Young and old are suffering huge welps, stomach cramps and bleeding. Tongues falling out and not just from having been in or near water. But drinking the water and, even better. Having eaten fish from the water.

But it gets.

Even.

Better.

Well worse. Like a lot worse. But in a comical way. Maybe. Not only are these isopods dining on chicken shit, steroids and fertilizer. The CDC discovers there was also a spill from a nearby nuclear plant, which was supposed to effect the town in like 6 or 7 years. But because it likely seeped into the soil, it appears to be effecting the waters now. So we have the makings of Miralurks from Fallout.

Super Mutant Isopods sounds like a cartoon waiting to happen. Only it’d traumatize children. Which maybe they need, we grew up with Dark Crystal and The Secret of Nihm, and we turned out just fine! It builds character!

Anyway…

Are the people drinking this toxic, heavily shit filled steroid backed toxic water? Hell no! You can’t drink brackish water. You gotta play SimCity and realize they need to put in a desalination plant. Which they did. Which would help, if not for, you know, getting its energy from dirty sources.

So yes, the towns water levels were rated at D- and not suitable for any one or any thing to consume it. But they did.

The movie does creepy very well, and eerily at times. It’s not showing a lot, yet. Bt its what we hear that fills in those gaps. Whether we want it or not. For instance the police officers investigating a home with an open door. One officer goes inside and minutes later we hear gunshots. His partner joins him and from enhanced audio, we hear them panicking as the officer who fired said, the people are dying. The people in the house are covered in parasites, begging them to kill them. So the officer did. As the two argue over what to do, what is happening. We hear one of the officers shouting that one of the isopods climbed onto his leg, and the audio cuts out.

So fun times abound for all. Everyone we are seeing is going to die. Our reporter is informing us this all along the way as well. So again, don’t be a parasite and get attached.

I’m not sorry for that one.

Speaking of dead and about to die. We need to show the death of our intrepid oceanographers right? I mean we don’t need to, or want too, but. We are going to.

The team dived into the water, trying to get an up close look at the parasites to see what they’re dealing with exactly. Which under normal circumstances would be fine and not you know, lethal. However among the baby isopods feeding on fishies and crabs. Our divers unfortunately swam right above and disturbed a large next of fully grown adult isopods. Which range from the size of your hand, to your head. They were rapidly attacked and killed. Same as the forbidden romance teens who were killed earlier.

The movie is really nailing and using rather effectively a minimalist take on the horror. We see the aftermath of events clearly. We see puddles of blood here and there. We see amputated limbs and such. But we hadn’t been shown anything gratuitous or visceral. At least not yet. YES I MIGHT BE HOPING! Even if my damn skins crawling.

Figuratively not literally. I made peace with my parasites a long time ago.

At this point it’s just a horror show of events. Any time someone touches water, we know their ass is dead. Camera cam cusses out Donna because he wanted to splash his face with water because its unholy hot outside? He gonna die. Little kid reaches into some water? They gonna die. Fart in the water? Enjoy the parasites crawling up your butthole.

It really is interesting and I like the approach they are taking, where we get a mix of narratives. We have Donna giving hers over a majority of recorded footage, mostly noting who people are as our introduction putting names to faces, and then telling us those people later died. Coupled with conversations from the CDC, showing us how they work trying to figure this out, the leads they get and more scarily how they have all this information about the town and others, concerning how bad their water conditions are. But having done nothing. It’s just scary seeing all the information they have available to them, but more so that they don’t do anything with it, or report it, until it comes to their attention, which only happens once something horrible has happened.

The moment the emergency room doctor ask for an update from the CDC, informing them of all the patients he has, the multiple amputations and no one getting better, only worse and dying. And the only recommendation they make for him as a solution. Is for him and his team to get out of town. Leave those infected behind and get to safety outside the town as they are beginning to quarantine the town. People in cars left waiting on bridges now closed off as they are being kept in the town to stop things from spreading. It’s pretty scary stuff and I am sure for some now its even a bit more so given what we all went through when COVID first showed itself. It certainly helps the films believability, which it seemed to already have working in its favor when it was released  way back in 2012.

So as I said things are amping up all around. We have news that the FBI is now involved, and have begun shutting down coverage. They issued orders to cut off cell towers, news networks were told to shut down all reports and everyone but the people themselves were being evacuated quietly out before the quarantine, those who didn’t make it out well. They’re stuck now. The Sheriff has lost contact with all of his deputies. Bodies are piling up along main street as they all were expecting to be picked up or taken to hospitals.

Our intrepid reporter has stopped recording as well. She’s had enough. They made their way into town only to discover bodies half eaten. Which gave us one of the best effects deaths in a while, as her cameraman records a man by a water fountain with half his face devoured, his bottom jaw fallen off, tongue hanging out. And suddenly we see his eyes begin to move and hear the faintest gurgling noises. It’s very well done and effective as hell. The site of that, mixed with bodies bleeding out all around them. It’s enough that she can’t function. They stop recording and begin looking for a way out.

As for the two deputies we lost contact with? The sheriff is out patrolling with the mayor. And they come upon the patrol car we saw earlier when the two deputies went into the house and killed the people suffering inside. When we find the squad car, there is only one deputy left alive. His face is covered in boils and sores and he’s crying, moaning out for the sheriff to go away. But he won’t leave his deputy. Thanks to the cars dashcam we see the sheriff step out, trying to calm the deputy down. Only for the broken deputy to pull out his gun, telling his boss “You don’t need to die like this sir”, and with that he shoots and kills the sheriff. Soon after, he turns the gun on himself and takes his own life.

So yes Officer Jimson shot the Sheriff, and he was the deputy.

No apologies for that either. Your welcome.

So with the law now gone in this town, what remains of it. The mayor slides over to the now vacant drivers seat and takes off at full speed. Hitting a few voters as he drives in a panic, and ultimately Karma misses their chance at him, as the mayor of isopod town crashes into another vehicle and dies from injuries suffered from the crash. Versus getting to become a feast for isopods. Somehow the guilty still get off easily.

Now with our narrator list growing shorter and shorter. We are down to Our married couple, baby in tow, and our ER doctor.

Well actually no. The ER doctor has decided to take up Vlogging. He’s started recording the bodies around the ICU, where he has locked himself up. We hear from him that he no longer has communication with the CDC, with any government office. So he’s documenting what happened there, what he has learned, and his own fate, as he shows us he’s developed a large rash as the other victims suffered as well. He clearly, for those who needed it further spelled out for them, tells us how people are being infected and dying. The film uses this moment to play back some of its Isopod infection greatest hits. Which brakes down to, touch water, die being eaten from the inside.

NOW we are hitting up the gore. We are finding more bodies with chittering little isopods sticking out of eye holes and mouths, crawling out of stomachs and down thighs. They were holding off till the final few minutes of the film to lay this out for us and reward the gore seekers who waited for something fun, and horrific.

But what you say, of the married couple and the baby. Will we get another film that says fuck kids and kills the baby? Maybe!

The married couple, having no cellphone access, and no radio aboard the boat. Never heard any of the distress calls, reports, concerned calls from family warning them not to come ashore.

So they come ashore.

When they do, finding the dock void of light and life. They begin to grumble at each other. Until the sight of dead bodies along the dock put an end to it. Funny how half eaten bodies can help end arguments we wish we never started in the first place.

We get the famous words of many a found footage film as the wife Sam ask her husband why in the name of satan’s butthole is he still recording. And he says that old time classic play it again one more time for me sam, The we gotta record this, document what happened here. People will want to know line.

You can roll your eyes all you want. But we live in a society. Where fuckheads will pull out their cellphones and record you having a heart attack, versus call for help.

I remember me and an ex having lunch one day and an elderly woman with her husband sitting at a table beside us? She suddenly fainted and hit her head on the floor with a solid thud that I can still vividly recall the sound of in my head and wish I couldn’t. Out of 18 people there? My ex was the only one to immediately call 911. Everyone else around us? Continued eating and two people pulled their cellphones out to record it.

#ThanosWasRight

So our married couple, and baby are wondering the literally and figuratively dead town looking for her parents and any sign of help. Finding none. They make their way into what I assume to be an antique store and are able to face time with a family friend. Which is interesting as the film takes place in 2009, and if I recall facetime wasn’t around for another year or so? ANYWAY….

It’s at this time we need a setup of last minute spookies. So while on their facetime chat, they try to tell their friend about what they’ve seen, having no clue what’s going on, and apparently Bill is in a nice safe area, or paid off by Big Chicken Shit because he knows nothing, So while they get their story out to their dear friend,  we hear Bill say “What’s that on your neck?” and with that, we see that yes, the water hubby accidentally let into his mouth when his wife pushed him off the boat contained a parasite and it has grown and spread its eggs inside him. Which soon, just to confirm its appearance to us, chews through her husbands neck and says “hey how’s it goin” to the camera. Rightfully freaking out his wife, who absolutely loses her collective shit.

Hubby Alex begins spitting out blood, somehow managing to painfully live while the larva pushes out of him, and later on dies as its babies continue to feast on his insides. Meanwhile Mama grabs their baby in the baby carrier and takes off down main street. Looking for a way out of parasite down. What she finds is police squad car, pushing out the body inside and strapping her baby into the passanger side, as she buckles up in the drivers side and takes off. Well attempts to take off as a dying woman pops up from the back seat pleading for help before dying. She quickly gets out of the car and works to free her baby.

Unfortunately for her. We see several isopods crawl out of the womans body, and at least one of them made its way into the baby carrier. So yes the movie had the balls to kill a kid. BUT mostly just hints at it. The mother unaware as she takes off with the baby in tow down the street, seeking help.

With that our footage ends, the bits with the mom were gathered from street cameras and dash cam.

The CDC wraps up their part in this with a call from Homeland Security. Who informs them that they were made aware, some time ago about the two dead oceanographers, how the town believed it was a bull shark, But that proved incorrect. They sent the reports to Fema, and the coast guard, then back to the CDC. The report they received back stated that, “Cause of death is undetermined due to a multiplicity of parasites, and a variety of infections.”

Well that sounds, rather spot on to what happened later.

We learn that, the divers bodies were found actually 16 days before the 4th of July, and that was when this report was made, but never filed. Nothing was done and no one was told. Why you ask? Because as Homeland Security informs the poor CDC trying to help us the people. This was a small town incident. So from their perspective, it was a small town affair and at the time wasn’t deemed in need of their assistance or help. So yes, that puts them now in deep chicken shit over what has happened.

With that our documentary comes to its end. Donna informs us that she has managed to gather all the footage she can, that wasn’t confiscated, and release it now as presented in this ‘documentary’. She also informs us that the towns people were compensated and ‘reached a financial agreement with the government. Because cover ups, and big business be evil. As for the isopods? They were killed off with massive dumps of chlorine down into the Claridge channel. However the town, well what’s left of it, will never recover the 40% drop in life in their waters. Oh and you know, the over 700 people dead.

Because of big bad government and their money cover ups, no one wanted to help her with the documentary. Either they were told to shut up and were afraid what could happen if they did say something. Or people just wanted to forget about it and move on as it was deeply traumatic for them. But in the end Donna got her documentary out there, and its up to the rest of the world to decide what to do with it.

And with that our film comes to its end, as ominous music plays out, and credits roll while showing us people having fun playing in rivers, beaches and drinking water. Making those of us who drink only bottled water feel that much happier doing so.

The End

I get it now. The ‘smartness’ of this movie. It’s not smart. It’s just well done, connects its horror to science, and tells a story where the people suffer at the hands of greedy politicians, corrupt governments, and the truth is hidden. Because yeah.

Yawn.

The movie itself? Was good. I liked it. It was a good creepy film and I was creeped out at times, I remember my ex telling me she couldn’t sleep after watching it and it was the only horror movie to freak her the fuck out. I can see why it did, after having watched it. I can get why it freaks a LOT of people out.

It definitely has its layers of deep fun fiction, but was well done.

For a studio done found footage film.

This film had the budget of 2 million dollars. Was directed by the man who did Rain Man, Goof Morning Vietnam and….and he was the voice of Martin Benson in Bee Movie.

There is no escaping, Bee Movie.

The film was the brainchild of producers who worked on Paranormal Activity and Insidious. I don’t have anything against studio released found footage. I just note that those films, with much more ideal budgets, tend to be…they receive better attention, and they manage to film trickier scenes. I really am not against them. I will just say that. Well fuck it.

Compare two films, and make your own mind up, okay? I present to you, for your consideration. Rec from 2007 and  Quarantine the American remake of Rec done in 2008. The first one was made for the same budget as this, but was done by a low budget crew and not a huge studio release. The second film, Quarantine, was made with a budget of 20 million.

One of these films, is still widely considered one of the best zombie found footage films, and the other was hailed as an ‘okay’ to poor copy. Do with that what you will.

I mean I do the same when comparing things like CLOVERFIELD to a film like MONSTERS as well. But we’re getting off point.

The movie is good. It’s well shot, well acted. It comes off with a badge of authenticity, and was well made. It’s one of those moments where people were dipping their toes into a genre otherwise left to low budget filmmakers. Because money. As we’ve said since the beginning and it is proven with a lot of these so far. These films can easily be done on a very slim budget, and return a good deal from the box office, especially if you told your story well and people found it original enough or entertaining enough. So of course studios would want to release the next Paranormal Blair Witch type film. It’s why horror has its rollercoaster of popularity.

It's a nice stray from the normal found footage fodder. Tackling something more believable versus monsters and ghost always hits well, it just doesn’t always sell as well comparatively when you get spoopie ghost and demons. People like their demons.

But I love that they made a horrifying monster out of a living thing that when you look at on line, is absolutely freakish and terrifying. So the thought of them occupying your body and turning it into a buffet. Yeah, shit will screw you up. Much in the same way after watching Arachnophobia you end up rubbing your neck and any tiny hair that’s out of place suddenly feels like a deadly spider about to kill you with one bite.

It's the kind of scares I love.

The film had a lot of fun moments and nice setups. It had some odd ones as well that seemed a bit, out of place. But eh, nothing terrible. For instance, Donna talking about watching herself and cringing, or the joke she makes about not realizing how tight her pants were as we see her pants in the video strangling her vag and ass to a point of constriction and near suffocation. She jokes about it and its fine, it’s fun. But later when she tries doing so again, watching herself run away screaming from the mouthless body that blinked and looked at them. She quips about how, If it wasn’t such a traumatic event, and such horrible things going on, it’d be almost comical how she was so terrified she ran in circles before veering off.

I mean. I get it. But it just doesn’t hit as well as the self poking at and cringing over how you dress, and even a moment where she talks about cringing as she watches herself doing her first two interviews and trying to do what she thought real reports would do. That stuff works. But again not all of it does.

It doesn’t ruin the film which is great. It’s just one of those moments you can shrug off and wasn’t really needed, but makes sense if it was adlibbed or they needed something to be said during the scene. I mean there aren’t many happy moments in this movie, and I am not sure how it would’ve done if there were some comedy shots.

I mean the scenes with the CDC and Homeland Security are..I mean its okay, but yeah definitely joking and poking at them as the CDC mouths off at how stupid Homeland Security is, Does it ruin anything? Not really no. Had they done it a lot more through the film? Absolutely it could. You have hundreds of people dying and no answers. No idea what to do and how to stop it, so you choose that time to be a smart ass. Sure why not.

Overall it was a fun film and good time. There’s nothing that stands out as bad really. The different narratives were helpful, Even when we are told “Yeah they died that day, yeah those people died. The two people we just saw? Yeah they were eaten alive later.” It’s not a bad thing, just unintentionally kind of funny, but given the presentation of the story to us, it again makes sense. It does add to the realism I feel.

The only legitimate things I can think of that were slightly annoying. But didn’t ruin the film, just something to gripe about. Is the music and some of the sound effects.

Playing dark foreboding music during moments of water contact. During scenes when bodies are revealed, for jumpscares. It’s a Hollywood thing. The movie uses the music to draw out responses from you, it’s like a show playing sad music when we hear someones tragic backstory and its played so we know this is when we should listen and feel sorry.

Sometimes scares work better without a score, especially when you go for found footage. But we can say it makes sense as this was a documentary and they wanted to punctuate those moments. Sure.

As for the sound effects. The moment we are alerted to what the monster of the story is? We are given audible cues of the chittering. Roger Corman did the same with bubbles and the sound of chaos underwater while shaking a rubber piranha on a wooden stick to make it seem like someone was being eaten by hundreds of the fish.

It’s fine, it’s….fine. But when you are aware of things like that, it can poke you in the back of the neck now and then, and it kind of does for me. They needed something for us to know the isopods were there and doing what they do, even if they are silent and only audible if you put an appropriate mic close enough to them. It helps with the creepy factor and it’s fine. It’s all fine.

I just could’ve done without it, that’s all.

Overall this was a good time. It’s a fun story, well acted, and the scared were setup nicely. It kind of reminded me of The Crazies, which is a good thing as I love that movie, and the remake wasn’t that bad either. It’s a similar story in some respects and enjoyable. Small town horror is its own genre and seeing it used in found footage is great.

The poster is also pretty great, as it both makes you wonder, and if you look closely, it just out right shows you the villain of the film, sitting in mouth of the x-ray skull on the poster. Kinda funny when people never realized that until they took a closer look.

Any film that works in the same way JAWS did, in reaffirming our fear of the open water, is a good film in my opinion.

So definitely give that film some love and show it to your germ fearing best friends and loved ones. Especially before the start of summer. Yes it makes you the jerk, but own it, own that moment.

With that, I shall draw this to a close as my eyes have gone from feeling dry to now feeling slimey and weeping. I have only had 4 hours sleep and it is time to pass out, or try. Again I am enjoying these films, it’s a different experience for sure, and I am growing some appreciation for these films. So I hope that continues, we shall see.

Until tomorrow. Don’t open your mouth in chicken shit filled, toxic steroid infused water. Stick to drinking fungal shit water made by living mold while telling yourself its healthy, and keep taking those living swimmers when you take your probiotic power shots. Ha. You thought I was going for a blowjob joke with living swimmers in your mouth. But you do have over a few hundred thousand living sperm in your mouth when you do….Goodnight!