Found Footage February Day 6 Delivery: The Beast Within!!

Day 6

Delivery: The Beast Within

Ah babies. That wonderous creature that gestates in your body and crawls out of your insides. One of the world’s most treasured gifts.

I had an ex, who used to write me messages, they were very sweet loving messages that always included one of the three things, sometimes two of them, and on rare instances all three. She would say things like “I can’t wait to grow old with you”, and “I want to have your children and look forward to being a mom” to the charming “I want you to paint my face like a pornstar”

She was a special lady, who had babies on the brain to a point it was nearly scary.

But then came an ex, who said to me, in the sweetest way possible when we saw a very cute kitten, “Either put a baby in me or buy me a baby something!”

So we bought the kitten from some hippies backpack. I loved that kitten.

Also everything I’ve just said is entirely true.

So why we talkin babies?!

Well todays film is all about the delivery of babies! Kind of. More importantly it’s apparently about having a devil baby!

While this isn’t our first rodeo in the baby court of found footage, it did sound like a fun premise.

I’ve seen Devil’s Due, which was an okay to hilariously dumb movie about a woman who got a little drunk and brought to a satanic club where a demon baby was put in her belly. This however seems to be going the less hostile route, and going the more fun one of a TLC style show about expectant parents that goes horribly wrong. So of course I wanna check it out.

So without further waiting, let’s push this delivery though. Grab some snacks and lets settle in. It’s time to watch and review.

The Film

In 2009 a couple, Kyle and Rachel Massy were picked for a television show about expecting parents. The two made video diaries for 6 months during the production. However the episode would never air on television as Rachel died at the end of those 6 months.

This is another documentary style found footage and kicks off immediately with interviews from those involved with the production that were close to the family during filming and talk about their remorse, and the events that took place.

The couple like in Glendale California and it absolutely looks it. Do I miss California? Not in the slightest.

More importantly about this family, is they have a dog. A dog named Maddie. Maddie is the best boy and friend to all. I fear for Maddie because. Any time demons are involved for SOME reason. They always go for the dogs so. Let’s hope for otherwise.

So they mix things up this time around. Which is both a bit of an odd choice, but let’s see how it works for them in the finals Cotton.

Our last movie embraced the documentary style until the final act of the film and it paid off really well. This one chooses to begin with both telling you in text “She dead” and then giving us an interview with someone involved in the shows production who was there from the start to its end, before they begin playing, basically the edited episode.

Which plays out how you’d expect one of these shows to go.

One of the ex’s I mentioned at the start was obsessed with shows like this, The Bridezilla, 90 Day Fiance, Sister wives, Cheaters, Blind Date, Fifth wheel etc. So I was subjected to a lot of these shows and I can tell you these people. They did their research. Everyone from the overly wholesome joyful music of the show, to the intro for the couple, the interviews. Its all straight up trash tv and it works.

We learn this couple has been trying for a while now to get pregnant and they just so happened to get lucky both figuratively and literally, and he got the job done. Good job Kyle.

A sort of odd moment but we’ll put down to just, well delayed reaction. Is when the couple decides to tell Mom about the good news. She just seems to stare off at them a while then reacts with a forced smile before getting up to hug the expectant mother, then turning a smirking eye to Kyle and letting him know this is a BIG responsibility.

Apparently mother does not approve of Kyle putting cream filling in her daughters pastry, as she lets us know by saying in the politest way she can that “He’s young for his age, he has a joy for life but this is a lot of responsibility.”

So mama is saying sell of your xbox, get a career and don’t fuck this baby up. She is absolutely going to be amazing during that kids life, and a welcome guest in their home. You can tell.

As I too could tell my ex’s mother would be fun at the holidays when she began trying to assert which family would be more important in my relationship with her daughter and the need for me to make sure my job would cover her daughters medical needs, as well as raising any baby Catholic, and what Polish names we should consider. She was…a mother that would be fun at the holidays and amazing during any kids life and a welcome guest in what would’ve been a super happy home.

Which I escaped.

In One piece.

But I digress.

So what better way to celebrate telling your mom you are knocked up and on a show about having a baby, than to go out for dinner and drinks at a Mexican restaurant. I’m not saying anything. But I am saying they all had wine.

Anyhow we are beginning to hit our stride it feels, and the movie wants us to be aware of this as well. As we go from a few minutes of interviews, friends offering heart felt congrats and condolences on the pregnancy. As we switch from the recorded show footage they edited, to ‘capturing a very dramatic moment on film’ as we are told.

It’s a funny transition as well because they set us up for what is hinted at to be a very serous, very haunting development. And the first few shots are the Rachel and her Mom shopping for baby stuff, and the mom not wanting to buy a stroller “Can’t you just..carry the baby around?” and her daughter looking incredibly stressed.

But that is NOT our drama, no no no. That’s coming up. We are having a nice little get together with nameless friends straight out of a SEARS catalog. Though everyone had fun, Rachel wasn’t feeling so well after I assume her fifth jager bomb, so she went to sleep it off. Later that evening though to their shock, her husband came to drop a load off and invite the camera man to film what he felt would be his own big baby, only to discover his wife occupying the toilet. But before he could thank her for warming the seat for him. We notice she has blood on her dress and on the floor.

Crotch blood.

Naturally this is not good and is cause for alarm, so. To the hospital we go!

Once at the hospital the couple is informed that after two different attemps with two different ultrasound machines. They were unable to detect any heartbeat. So they were given two options. Either they could have a procedure performed that would remove the fetus, or they could let it pass naturally. The family opted to let nature take its course and they went home with crushed spirits and the realization they would not be on American Broadcast Television.

With their hopes and dreams bleeding out before their eyes, the couple awakes and something seems amiss. Rachel is telling her husband to take her to the hospital. Something inside her is telling her to try just one more time to check on the status of the fetus.

The return to the hospital, the doctors check her out again and….sure enough. We have a heart beat. Which conflicts me.

It is a choice that feels both, jokey, but also like it could’ve been handled differently.

They told us at the beginning of the film Rachel will die by the films end. We know this. The title of the film tells us this baby is going to be the cause of her death, and is highly likely a Satan baby.

On the one hand, it’s pretty cool. I like that we know where this is going now, however at the same time, I don’t like that it was spelled out for us and they don’t even try to hide it.

Not only is there a heart beat, but it is a very strong and lively one. Rachel also tacks on how that night in the hospital, she felt like someone was there with her, that she wasn’t alone and that someone was watching over her. So that’s why she thought to come back to the hospital.

She tells the camera sweetly how she believes that someone was her father, and everyone talks about how blessed she is, and how blessed the child is, and how it likely was her father with her in that room, and not the devil.

It just comes off a bit cheeky and a little too on the nose.

I mean I get it. It’s just having it spelled out and teased at that is kind of rubbing my ass a bit. It’s a fun choice don’t get me wrong. I like that we learn very clearly as this is all presented that, her baby died, and a demon and or Devil has moved into it.

At first I felt maybe it would go wildly different and tell us either that, she miscarried and then got pregnant again and this time was super protective of the baby and it ends up being a cursed demon baby, like maybe she prayed and begged for a child and the wrong person answered her prayers.

Or the Toxic Avenger Citizen Toxie approach, she could’ve had twins, and the evil baby inside her defeated the good baby.

Again, it’s fine! I like the direction. I just feel it’s kind of having a bit too much fun with the fact we know what’s coming and the film is like that friend who tells you that you have GOT to see this crazy movie, and then they sit through the whole thing telling you to get ready, and ‘oh dude here it comes watch this watch this!’ and you just had a narrative experience of a film thanks to your friend verses experiencing the film itself. That make sense? I hope so.

So this is where things turn toward the creepy fun times. As we are told in an interview clip that, this is when Rachel began to change, and other things began happening. Like static shots on camera, distortion in the video. Rachels mood began changing dramatically, and other events took place.

The film also updates us with the message that, what remains is over 270+ hours of footage, that has been unaltered, and edited solely for the purposes of this film.

So the nice production stuff has stopped, there’s no happy music or cutaways. Just raw video footage of a couple dealing with carrying a parasite in her belly.

Which right off the bat immediately brings up my earlier fears. The dog. When Kyle gets home he tells his wife to slam her pregnant ass on the bed and fart herself to sleep while he takes care of things. As soon as she goes into the bedroom to do just that, the dog is currently in his crate. Begins borking at her and growling.

So yes, once again the dog is the first one to detect evil. The couple just chuckle it off as Kyle assures her that the dog is just confused with things going on and likely was anxious and acting out. Just acting out toward Rachel specifically. And her demon baby.

The dog goes one step further as Rachel shows Kyle one day that the best doggo ever, pissed on her pillow on their bed. Asserting its dominance in the face of baby evil.

But hey who cares, dogs gonna dog amirite?

Apparently that’s how they treat it, and enough with the dog piss! It’s time to make things better! By establishing anti-mother defenses. What better way to show you are a responsible adult, who is up for the responsibility of raising a child, than to purchase a home you can’t really afford.

That’s right, this couple is purchasing themselves a surely cost effective home in California, With open floors and a good room for the baby.

So that means they should celebrate, since the house is near Kyle’s Armanian family! Well nice we hadn’t met his family yet so let’s do so, It’d be fun for a contrast between them and Rachel’s mother.

However we will not be getting this bit of fun. Because the moment Rachel steps foot inside the house, Kyle’s mom begins screaming “Devil!” at Rachel and grabs a knife from the kitchen, which she chases after Rachel with until they leave their home.

This should…um.

That should deeply concern the couple right?

Like, having your in-laws, who for the sake of argument are awesome and really love you, to have them go from loving you, to screaming Devil at you and trying to stab your baby. That should be something you and your partner might look at each other and go, okay what is going on, what was that about? Instead of, you know. Treating it as a ‘Well sometimes my family can be a little weird, I guess she was just upset, I don’t know’.

People, again. If someone in your family, is telling you, that your baby. Is a DEVIL. THEE DEVIL. That should be alarming the holy spirit up your ass and through your brain. But apparently who cares, they got a new house! Let’s fucking gooooooo!

And a house, which the film crew makes the couple even happier, by installed security cameras all over the place. Including their bedroom. Why I don’t know. I mean statistically according to Pornhub, pregnant clips and models account for a lot of popular clips, so there is a market there. But I don’t believe they are looking to begin an OnlyFans just yet.

But Kyle is definitely not a fan of the cameras, Which again make sense given the show, The producers are in for the long haul, and making a show about newly weds having their first baby. That’s a couple months dedication and I would hope a hefty paycheck in the end.

So with camera placed and their purpose explained. We have the setting for our spooking to begin. Which is done in both a fun way, but also again kind of a cheeky way. Maybe it’s just me but it really feels like there’s just a little bit too much of self awareness at times.

Rachel’s mom seems pleased with everything, and keeps Rachel company while Kyle works to pay off the house they just bought. Because of Maddie the dogs behavior, they tend to lock her outside at night now. Which is a choice, Rachel is also apparently no longer a fan of Maddie, as she taunts the doggo, and it visibly upsets hubby having the dog outside instead of protecting them inside.

The film wants us to remember that she is carrying evil at all times. So we have to be reminded and shown that, again. The recordings get jittery, static pops up. Doors even suddenly slam shut, and anytime the baby is moving, well you get it.

But the most interesting night which, they take in stride for…………….some reason. Is when the couple discovers their home was apparently broken into. They discover that someone had smudged mud or fecal matter on the windows. And also laid out shapes on the floor using carefully placed sticks. All of these were displaying the same symbol. The Deathly hallows.

Well almost. I mean it’s a circle with a triangle in the center. All that’s missing is the wand marking.

But she isn’t carrying Voldemort. Though that would make this film a Shyamalan worthy twist.

So they walk into a home they swore they locked the doors of, found shit on the walls and sticks in the babies room. Immediately they are bitchy with each other as Kyle tells her this wouldn’t had happened if Maddie the wonder dog was left inside and protected the house. Finding no signs of life outside of their own present. The couple decide to turn to the security and helpfulness of the security camera spread throughout the house! Surely those will  reveal the perpetrator!

Nope.

For “unknown reasons”, the camera all cut out at the exact same time, and then came back on, at the same time. How weeeeeiiirrd.

We know the evil is there, but they just want to keep reminding us. It feels like Grandpa Simpson when he just kept shouting “Evil! Evil! EEEEVIIILLL!!”

The only new bit of information we get, and is ear shatteringly sudden. Is “The first recording of, the voice.”

Now the catching of the Voice is absolutely enough to warrant anyone seeking a priest and screaming at their television ‘Dear god what is that thing?! How does it speak!!!”, but in this instance they mean a demon voice. Which is less a demon voice, and more a series of hell ASMR. Which is to say screaming, growling and the sounds of the damned. So for some it’s relaxing. For others it’s a bit unwanted.

So does this scare the family out of their contract? Hell no! They are going all out. They contact a paranormal expert. You call it a demon baby with growing evil powers, they call it production value!

With the help of a paranormal specialist, we learn the figures drawn on the windows, and placed on the floor, is called The Thaumaturgic Triangle.

The purpose of said triangle?

Oh you know, the usual, summoning demons.

So your cameras go out, 5 at the same time. Someone or something goes around the house making this symbol everywhere. You capture very obvious screaming audio. Repeatedly, on different days. All the exact same thing. A paranormal expert tells you “YALL GOT THE DEMONS!”

What do you do?

Nothing!!

They do absolutely nothing, and why do they do nothing? Because Kyle didn’t like the guy.

That’d be like my ex telling me her doctor said she found out she’s deathly allergic to chocolate, and I tell her “Well I don’t like your doctor, I don’t trust them, Now eat this easter chocolate, it’s what Jesus wanted”, my ass would end up on the ID channel and my story repeated on 5 different shows on the same day.

So yeah sure, fuck it. Call in a specialist who tells you someones summoning demons, and then tell him to summon a taxi and fuck off.

So things naturally get worse, and the couples relationship becomes more strained. Rachel is upset with Kyle because she is scared there might be a spirit or something worse haunting them. She hears the screams in the recorded audio and Kyle does not give a shit. The man is not-a-vailable.

He cusses her out for thinking they have ghost, because microphones pick up lots of noises, so she immediately thinks its evil. He blames her hormonal pregnancy and is getting close to the end of his list of shit he can deal with, while being filmed.

Well because things can only go worse, and add onto our list of things they can just ignore. Rachel we learn has become obsessed with not just the noises and activity happening around them. But for some reason she’s grown obsessed with the name, Alastor. She writes it everywhere, she dreams it, hears it. It comes to her. Kyle just shakes his head like “We ain’t naming MY son that. Suck on that!”

Meanwhile the Paranormal expert informs us that Alastor is a demon of revenge. And that if Alastor had become obsessed with Rachel, or even possessed her. It would be astronomically bad, that “There would be nothing essentially we could do, to remove the demon from her, until it got what it wanted. And Rachel believed the demon wanted to use her baby to be born into this world.”

So again, Kyle will not hear this because, he wants to out do Mica, possibly the dumbest and funniest alpha boyfriend in the Paranormal Activity series.

When a guy buys a Quija board, purposely to taunt a demon and call it a bitch, then threatens to kick its ass, and continue calling it a beta cuck, because it won’t show itself or do any cool tricks. I mean…you get what you get.

Kyle going from a loving understanding partner. To just not caring is, odd. But I guess the stress of the television crew, the constant recordings, working late, the dog issues, the break in. The guy is dealing with a lot, and his wife is in the ‘I look like shit’ phase, which means no sex. So the guy is stressed out and backed up. But still a dumbass for ignoring these things.

Meanwhile a crew member is beginning to claim that Rick, the guy being interviews from the production staff of the show, a crew member is claiming he staged the break in AND the EVP recordings. As a way to try and raise the ratings, or possibly bridge this into another project.

I mean, Ghost baby sounds like a cool show or “The Demon wants my baby” would be a lifetime show likely.

You might snicker, but you can see it happening. It could work.

So. You are a man, working 12 hour days to pay for your family. You come home, no sex, wife complaining about ghost and demons, paranormal expert telling you a demon may want to possess your wifes baby, and a production crew claiming weird events being recorded. So what do you do after dealing with all that? That’s right. It’s Tequila time.

Because nothing says responsible adult more, than leaving your trouble insomniac pregnant wife alone at home with a dog that can’t stand her, and a show you agreed to let film you for the full term of the pregnancy 20 hours out of the day, like going to the bar with friends and an oddly touchy friendly single girl as your drinking pal, and pounding back a few shots of tequila.

Without calling to let your wife know where you were as well.

When I got my very first tattoo, which is pretty large. I had no idea how long it’d take, or cost. My cousin offered to help me buy it so he could have the honor of saying he got me my first tattoo. Much like he had the honor of gifting me a porno for my birthday in front of my parents, because I joked that I wanted porn. My family is full of special fuckers.

That tattoo in total took about 7 hours. Mind you this was at a time I did not have a cellphone, they were still pretty expensive back then. So when I got home that night. My family were freaking out. All anyone knew, was that I went out with my cousin somewhere and we never checked in, we never called. Nothing. I am someone that always called in and checked with them, unlike my sister. She was a rebel. So my mom was worried sick, my dad was upset and when I came home I didn’t think it was that big a deal. I had fun, it was an experience and then I realized okay yeah, they thought we were dead in a ditch somewhere, because I’m the responsible child. Or at least I was.

So I learned my lesson, I apologized, and naturally my parents reacted to my tattoo as you’d expect when your 19 and get a near full sleeve tattoo, they told me I was going to community college and to choose my career by next week.

This guy drives home drunk, ready to jerk one out and pass out. He finds his wife worried sick and not amused. He can’t understand why she’s upset, and when he finds out she locked his dog in a bedroom, because she couldn’t deal with Madden. Because madden was growling and snapping at her. He tells her to stop antagonizing his pupper and goes into the room to comfort his best boy. He doesn’t want to deal with his wife and her arguing, so he takes his dog for a walk, versus dealing with things.

I am not what you would call, an incredible smart man. But I do know when someone you share a bedroom with is mad enough you feel flames from their gaze pointed at you. You better man the fuck up, say the right things, realize why they are upset, and make amends. There are times to bicker, and times to discuss what you are and aren’t guilty of. This is not one of those times.

It is one of those times, you check on your pet, you comfort them. You step out, go to your bedroom and take the first step of “I’m sorry”, tell them what you did, tell them you understand why they are upset, and how that would make them upset. What you should have done and did not do. And cap it off with an apology as well as the added note of you caring about them, and a good, not combative reason for your actions which lead into your affections for them and wish for things to get better.

It sounds complicated. Until you find yourself in a bed you never realized how so much space someone could turn their back on you and move so far away, and have so much room still to be comfortable.

But that’s not for us here. This is movie land. This man just wants to love on his dog. He tells us he isn’t ashamed or mad at himself for the drinks, he’s glad he got hammered, it was needed. He cares about this family, he’s responsible. Everything from this man, is the most you are not responsible, you sound like a kid who’s mad because someone got mad at them too.

Which isn’t that how we all feel when we have fights? I may have got that from one of Jerry’s Final Thoughts.

Moving on.

We are getting more filming from Rachel’s point of view. What she’s had to deal with when Kyle is gone. Ranging from strange noises, and the feeling that someone is watching her. Horrific nightmares about clawed hands reaching for her and blood everywhere. None stop knocking at the door and no one being there when she answers it. And her friends questioning her art. Rachel oil paints, and she’s rather good at it. She sells her art and as she can’t sleep and finds herself with a good deal of free time. She’s begun painting.

Her friends are deeply disturbed at her painting. Which again. HUGELY reflect bad nasty not good things that are less red flags, and more like flaming flags being waved erratically.

One painting, called “The Gift” depicts a woman and a large clawed hand reaching into an open green box. Another depicts a naked woman from behind and a dark figure watching her.

The last painting called “Alestor’s Harvest” depicts two nude women, around a dark presence.

Again. This is far from subtle, and It feels like the movie is just shoving our faces in a puddle of piss asking if we see what we did and smacking us. “DO YOU GET IT?! IT”S EVIL! DO YOU GET IT?!! DO YOU!!!!”

I mean all that’s missing is a night vision video, of a guy in a leotard with horns, doing a comical creeping walk around the bed, and dancing on tip toe with a pitch fork while facing the camera and pointing at Rachel’s Belly laughing, while making holding their nose, wave a hand because something stinks motions over at Kyle.

Honestly if it happened I wouldn’t be surprised. I’d laugh and it might start making sense that the film went dark comedy instead of horror. But alas. No.

Things are just getting worse, for everyone. And Kyle remains uncaring and unmoved. He believes the producers are pushing this on his wife and feeding into her delusions. That being pregnant you get hormonal and unbalanced so that could explain things as well. He just wont accept that its ghost or demons.

At one point one of the sound editors plays back a recording from Rachels mic. As that seems to be the only one that is ever effected with these odd recordings.

They play a pretty eerie finding, As she is talking and laughing with friends, you hear a static scream. Which when they single out and clean up. Sounds like a creature screaming and growling.

They found a total of 87 instances in her recordings which that sound popped up.

87 recordings….if hellish screaming and growling.

Kyle’s reaction, is to chew out the sound guy, telling him to stop playing those recordings for his wife, stop messing with them, and stop bringing it up.

I’m reminded of my favorite photography quote, If you take a bad photo once, it’s a mistake. If you take a bad photo 100 times, it’s a style.

If you have one weird evp, that’s interesting, but explainable. If you have 87, get a priest and find yourself a god.

Rachel is going through some things. She’s feeling alone, uncared for, no one listens to her, and any time she turns to the one man who should be there for her. He’s not being the adult she needs.

She’s growing more and more scared of what is going on, and isn’t sure how to deal with it.

But who cares! Baby shower time! That’s right, just like the time tested parental way of dealing with grief when your pet dies, by buying you another. What better way to make you stop thinking about the demon spawn clawing inside your womb, than by inviting over your friends and eating cake while everyone talks about their vaginas and dance drunkenly to “What ever Makes you Stronger”, I don’t know I’ve never been to a baby shower. I just assume that’s what happens.

Well we can see she isn’t interested, and seems like even when she tries to smile. It’s the most painful thing for her. But she is doing her best.

That is until the event.

Kyle is being a good boy, and he is cleaning up the party mess, Madden is being the best boy and helping out as well. Rachel and her mom are doing dishes and cleaning up as well.

As Kyle steps out onto the patio to clean up the cake and such, Rachel cries out for him. Not in a scared or screaming way. It’s a very traumatic state of shock cry. One of those where you are unsure what just happened, but you know what happened.

Kyle runs into the house and enters the kitchen, We hear Madden borking very quietly and whimpering now and again. Rachel stands in the kitchen with a bloody steak knife which she drops, tiny little droplets of blood are on the floor. She tells him she didn’t mean to do it, he just came at her. And with that. Yep. You guessed it. We called it. It was bound to happen.

Rachel had stabbed, repeatedly Madden. Who had retreated under the dining table. Kyle lifts him up and announces he’s taking him to the vet.

All the while Rachel is having a break down, crumbling up on the floor as Kyle calmly and quietly comforts his dog, asking Rick the camera guy to help him move Madden. As they do, Rachel begins sobbing , repeating “I did it, I did it, I did it.”

Kyle quietly takes off with his doggo, only to return later that night, shirt and hands covered in blood.

It’s a really sad, and growl worthy moment. You have Rachels mom sitting at the dining table with a cup of coffee, Kyle ask her how his wife is doing. She tells him she’s fine, she’s upstairs passed out, and she tells him, in a genuinely, seemingly not giving a shit way “I’m sorry about your dog”, It’s one of those you can hear there’s no sincerity behind it, and it’s more of a “Sorry my daughter had to defend herself from your rabid dog.”

He checks in on his wife, who is crying and ask if Madden is okay. We learn Madden did not survive and she breaks down. Crying and telling him she has no idea what happened. She turned around and there he suddenly was. Biting and snipping at her belly. He doesn’t say anything about it. He just comforts her and leaves her in the bedroom. He tells the camera as calmly as he can to leave him alone and not to film him, he sits on the couch and the night comes to its end.

The next day when they try to interview him about what happened. He doesn’t care to talk about it. He quotes his wife as to what she said happened, and leaves it at that, then walks off from the interview.

The guy is checking out, and seems more shaken by his dogs death, and the fact she stabbed it, versus anything else. Which. Is understandable. But you would think they might show concern of some kind. Like maybe, “Hey, I should have a doctor look at her, have someone see if she’s you know…mentally sound.” Or you know, maybe. Just maybe.

Add things up. So far we are at; 87 demonic recordings. Demon summoning symbols, dreams of blood and clawed hands reaching for a pregnant belly. Disturbing artwork depicting a pregnant woman and a demonic figure, your own mother calling your wifes belly “DEVIL!” chasing her out of her home at knife point. Your fucking dog trying to chew out her belly.

I mean…again. Leotard devil man, dancing around the room. This guy could see it and say it’s just the wind.

But wait!

It gets even better!

His wife is completely in despair and removed now. As his own friend. His best friend mind you. Tells the camera crew, that one night while they were all together. Rachel put kyle’s hand on her belly, asking him if he could feel it, and then saying to her husband, “It’s inside our baby”

This man. Could have the devil from Your Pretty Face is Going to hell, just walk out suddenly, and fix a cup of coffee and be like “Hey Kyle, nice morning huh?” and Kyle would just ignore it. I mean there is dense, and then there is just fucking stupid. And Kyle is a special kind of stupid.

The man is just, not there. His dog is dead, and he’s just trying to get through each day.

He tells their midwife that he wants her to look into why his wife is growing catatonic. Telling her he finds her sometimes staring off into nothingness, calling out to her, shaking her, and she won’t respond. The same sometimes when she’s asleep. Guy even brings in, a possible savior that might help flip his mind around. His wife HAD a psychiatrist!

Dr. Bob. Yes. His name is Dr. Bob.

Dr. Bob helped her with the passing of her father and got her on anti-depressants and helped her to deal with things to start living a more balanced, happier life.

Dr. Bob has noted that she has completely regressed, and boarded the trolly to crazy town on a one way ticket headed to south, deep south.

Dr. Bob also says this might be because he learned she stopped taking her antidepressants. So that’s as far as he’s willing to dig.

This was something even an ex of mine warned me about. The one who told me she looked forward to having my children. She told me she may have to stay with her mother during the pregnancy which sounded like something you’d expect to hear and find a coven or cult involved. I asked her why, and she said she would need to stop taking her medications. She feared that without them. She might. Last out at me. Or as she put it with a I kid you not shy chuckle, “Or I don’t now, I may lash out and get, really violent at you.”

This caused me concern, I put a big pin in that conversation and filed that under, must ask follow up immediately tomorrow morning.

Or I could’ve been like Kyle and just said “whatever babe, go see your mom, I’ll play some COD”, and end up with an axe in my head, or drugged placed in a bear suit and left to burn in a barn.

The point is, I heard the alarm bells, and I knew to follow this up as it sounded, concerning.

Well it only gets better.

So now we have, A Psychiatrist stating that he believes she should be looked at, however it could just as easily be that this is from her imbalance without the meds. We also have her mother who is championing, rightly championing, for Rachel to go to the hospital, and have the baby there. Let the professionals look over her, run test, and be there for the pregnancy.

And then we have a very oddly faced midwife. I don’t know what it is, But their face seems to be borrowed. It’s, weird. I’m not saying they are a demon. But I’m not not saying…it’s just weird. I’m sorry.

But the midwife believes they should stick to what Rachel wants. Which Rachel originally wanted to have a home birth. So three people, three different choices, and Kyle. Kyle the adult. Kyle the responsible. He is the one left to decide how to answer this Mass Effect conversation. Will he gain + points? Will he get a “So and so will remember this. So and so did not like that”

The guy is running on auto pilot. Like I said. He’s checked out, and you can see it written all over him. He’s done with everything. Rachel’s mom is yelling at the midwife about this all being crazy and how they need to be concerned for the health of the baby. Kyle’s answer, is to do what his wife wanted. Without asking her what she might want to do now, naturally. So it’s solved. Maybe he did it just to dig at Rachel’s mom since he already didn’t like her and he knew she didn’t like him, maybe he did it because he just wanted it done with and he felt it’s what would make his wife happy. Maybe it’s Maybelline.

But the choice has been made, and it’s not his last either.

He has also decided to tell the producers and Rick, he is done with the show. He wants out. No more recording, no nothing. He wants them all out of their lives. It’s nothing personal. He just wants it all to stop. However, that’s not what his wife wants.

“She wants to keep recording. She said this will be her proof. I think she wants someone to see what she sees”

At this point, the man would either break down crying if you asked him if he’d like an ice cream, or scream at you that there isn’t a ghost or demon. I’m not really sure why he’s surrendered himself to this point, but he is not moving from it, and that feels like a bit of a problem. But as a waitress on the last 5 minutes of her shift would say when seating one more table, that’s not our problem for long.

Praise mom for being the source of some fun.

As video continues to capture things like a presence disrupting recordings, rooms suddenly turning chillingly cold enough to see your own breath AND the breath of a demon.

Mom has decided to bring a priest into the house to bless it and the baby.

Things can only go well from here.

The priest comes in, blesses the rooms, and blessing the house. Blessing the floors, No problem! The only problem came, when he laid hands on the belly of the mama. Then we get digital interference, then we get sudden cramping and then. THEN in that moment, a moment when a priest blessing your home encounters evil. Kyle flips his shit.

The man literally loses it to a point it is both, hilarious, a collective slap to the forehead, and admittedly somewhat forced. It’s not a knock against the actor, he has been fine. But how it goes about and to what degree is enough to make you consider he’s possessed. Which I thought hey, that might be an interesting turn of events. But no.

He’s just had it. The moment his wife cries and says she feels the evil doesn’t like this, that it has a hold of their baby and she’s worried about it. He loses it. He loses it to a point he rips out the cameras the show installed, he insults his wife for how this all makes her look and sound, and the man screams at Rachel’s wife to get out of his house. It’s supposed to play out as a final straw moment, but it comes off a bit over the top to a degree that you can’t help but chuckle. Or that’s just me because, well yeah. But at any rate he ends the house blessing. He kicks everyone out of his house, throws the installed cameras on the ground, and filming stops.

4 weeks later however. He suddenly decides to let Rick film them. Why? No idea. It’s funny.

We see Kyle, he’s smoking and looking like he’s started mainlining coke. He is mildly amused at his lifes troubles. The fact his wife has gained weight, she’s not sleeping a lot still. She believes her mannequin has run off because his very pregnant not able to move much wife managed to ‘misplace’ an entire full body mannequin, that she kept in her art room. She also has a habit of going even more catatonic to a point they need to bust the lock on a door to get to her, only to find she’s fine and just staring at the babies crib.

When they have the midwife stop by and do an ultrasound. They capture an ear piercing electrical scream that nearly burst her ear drums.

One night when Kyle returns home, the camera crew has been locked out, so when Kyle lets them in, they discover all the mirrors in the house have been covered in newspapers. Because Rachel told her husband “I believe they are conduits to the spirit world.”

One of my favorite moments is an early morning when the camera crew finds Rachel sitting legs folded on the kitchen floor staring at the ground. Rick begins calling for Kyle and points at Rachel on the floor. She tells him “I thought I saw blood” breaks down and mumble cries about being alone, no one listening to her, being scared.

ON ONE NIGHT. Kyle goes to check on his wife. Seeing a shape in their bed and assuming its her sleeping, tells her sweet dreams. Then realizes something seems off so he pulls back the covers and finds her long lost Mannequin has returned home, covered in red substance with black over its eyes and heart. She has run off, left the home and went to a friends house for safety. When she told her friend EVERYTHING. The friend called kyle, told him she didn’t know what else to do. So Kyle BRINGS HER BACK!

9 MONTHS INTO THE PREGNANCY. KYLE FINDS THEIR TUB FILLED WITH BRANCHES, LOGS, AND A BLOODY ANIMAL SKULL…AND RACHEL TELLS HIM SHE DOESN’T REMEMBER IF SHE DID IT OR NOT!

The camera crew…..wakes Kyle up. To tell him Rachel is sleep walking again. Upstairs. He finds her sitting in a chair, catatonic, moaning. He directs her to bed, raising his voice. She gets up, and gives the first creepy moment, by turning slowly to the camera and giving a soul awakening evil grin, chuckling before walking down stairs………………..

This man, could have a goddamn demon convention, a bachelor party of demons, a gathering of tortured souls offering satanic baby gifts and sacrifices. The house. Could cry blood. From its walls. Little winged creatures could arrange a WELCOME ALASTOR! Banner out of bones.

And this mother fucker. Would not give a single fuck.

It’s supposed to be heart breaking, and the feeling he doesn’t know what to do. But it comes off so comical that the man just doesn’t even act. He just ignored everything. Passively waves it off.

Again. I know how it’s supposed to come off. I know it’s supposed to be a man who’s at the end of his rope, who does not want to admit there are evil forced. He doesn’t want to admit she could be right and his baby and wife could be in real danger. It has to be her mental state. It’s destroying him that the woman he loved who was the center of his world and so full of joy. Has become a shaking shambled mess of a human being.

It just isn’t, really hitting that note.

More on that later. Because for now, we have reached our epicenter. The main event. The midwife and Rick the camera man have been called in. It is time to deliver this evil.

This is our final act of the film. Which is just. More of the same.

We get video static. We get distorted hellish screams. Rachel sobbing that she wants the baby gone. That it is pure evil. The midwife can’t do shit, so someone called in a real doctor. The person they were supposed to try as an option to have look at her, you know. A LOT.

One look and the doctor flat out says they need to get her ass to a hospital immediately, she’s in danger.

Well fuuuuuuck that noise, it’s time to deliver the devil baby.

Which they do. After a lot of screaming and hollering. She has delivered unto this world, a baby boy.

This. This is the one moment that I will give praise to the film for having balls. But also a little too late to the game.

Rachel ask to see her baby so they give her the little crying baby wrapped in a blanket. She looks it over, says “oh……Goodnight Alastor” and before anyone can stop her stabs the baby in the skull with a pair of surgical scissors.

Not enough kids die in movies now, it takes guts to show that, especially a newborn. People are to afraid to go there. Unlike the 80’s where we got kids wearing squibs and hunted down.

With that, the film footage ends. Giving us our closure. That immediately after that night, Rachel was committed to a mental hospital. Two months before criminal charges could be filed she took her own life.

On a more sinister(I guess) note, they mention that Kyle wanted nothing to do with filming anything for the documentary after that night. He now lives in another part of California, with his new fiancé. They are expecting their first baby.

Could it be hinting that Kyle might be the source and a new evil baby Alastor is on the way? Could it be he just brushed off what happened as a “bitches be crazy” and got himself a sane woman? Who knows. Roll credits.

The End

Where to begin.

Simplest way, yeah. Keep it simple.

This film had a good concept. It was a fun idea on what it wanted to approach. However the pacing of this thing, some of the acting, and the execution. Were just. All over the place.

The film could have really used some more scares, something of substance to keep you invested. Maybe give a little bit, or hint, an inkling of a reason as to why a demon was involved. Which even then, like I said earlier in the review. I still like the idea, that when they lose a child, the demon just takes that as a portal to enter our world and use the husk of the newborn to give itself life. It’s a scary concept. But the film just handles it like an oil covered football.

On top of that, a lot of the films moments seem heavily borrowed from other paranormal movies. A lot of the possessed baby or devil is here moments, felt done better in other films like, Devil’s Due. Which I hate because that film was, well yeah. And it got a studio releasing. This was just wasted potential.

Which sounds harsh and I really don’t want to be. But the film and its rushed conclusion just feel like a family guy skit. Like when Peter decided to record over vhs rental tapes, so when someone watched Citizen Kane it suddenly cuts to Peter in his chair telling you the end of the film, saving you hours of your life.

The film introduced some ideas that could have been interesting to explore. It gave a lot of questions. But it didn’t provide any follow through. Just a series of events that went by ignored by the husband and to such a level that it felt like movie logic to a degree of a special kind of stupid.

There were things to like here, there is a good story in here. I wanted to know more about the evil BUT I was happy with just having the ‘sometimes bad things happen’ angle, I wanted to know about the break in with their home. Was it a demonic cult? Was it the midwife? Others? Or just a demonic force able to physically manipulate things to that degree, for funsies.

The lack of any type of scare in the movie was a real odd choice. Like you don’t need to go over the top, you don’t need shit flying around, baby hands pushing against bellies, or anything to that extreme. Just you gotta give something.

It feels like they went too subtle, and wanted to hold off until the end, where they planted their golden ticket ending. But the rest is just. It feels like a rehash of what would have worked if you made this earlier on, say around the height of Paranormal Activities popularity. Before things felt over done.

The slamming door, the cold air, the static with evil presence, the borking dog. The mood swings. All of it is like following a playbook of Paranormal found footage to a point it just doesn’t elicit a response. It never added to the creepiness, it just gave you reason to look at Kyle like “this man is too stupid to live.” While giving off the impression that the level of scares. Ranging from physical activity to digital interference, was more like happy coincidences versus sinister behavior.

The film needed to stand out and really get behind its scares. It needed to do more with its cast.

As much as I didn’t care for Devil’s Due, that film managed to do some things that made sense. Like the demon baby using powers to defend itself, harming or scaring off others who got close to revealing what it was or could stop it in some way.

And that film went overboard hardcore with that shit. But it still knew that if you are going to go for a demonic baby movie. You either go balls deep, or you don’t go at all. If you hesitate, or try to be to subtle. It shows. Unless you can manipulate your audience with a distraction. Something. Anything.

This movie just, didn’t. When I saw this was made by Bloody Disgusting, I had both reservations given Fangoria’s films, and I also expected this might go a bit over the top. It just never even seemed to reach there, until they reached the end.

But one wtf ending is not enough reason to commit to a film that otherwise teased a lot of moments and just never got there.

It’s like receiving oral from someone that just hits that right spot and you are all in, but then they lose it and you sink back. Only to have them repeatedly do it to a point you wonder if they are trying to do this on purpose or are just not into it.

It’s called the clitoris, it exist. You find it, you give it attention. You don’t play peekaboo. Just get right on it and stop fucking around.

No that is not a lead in to an ex story or my own experience. It’s just a life lesson, your welcome.

The movie had potential, but it just didn’t have the follow through. It could have really been creepy if it trusted itself to move off its training wheels. I almost feel bad saying the acting felt poor, because I honestly wonder if it was just the material they had to work with. These people seem good enough. But how scenes played out. The mom and her bland reactions to a lot of things. Kyle’s attempt at unnatural hostility seeming almost theatrical. It’s just, wasted.

Like I said, there is a story there. There’s a good movie within this. It just lost its way and settled for a shock ending, hoping the rest of the film would hinge on that moment.

There is far worse out there, believe me.

I am still and forever haunted by memories of Exhibit X, about a man in steampunk attire who burned a building of 80 people to death or what the fucker ever they tried claiming. I remember the moment I laughed and turned it off because my mind couldn’t take the absolute shit storm of stupid fuckery being played out and the sight of their ‘special effects’ were so special it made me give up. But seeing a fat man have the fakest sex with a model, who he is obviously groping and taking advantage of, with a best buy blue filter on the camera. Suddenly inserting a man in steam punk clothing, and photoshopping, literally just cropping a gif of fire and placing it awkwardly over the mans evil face….fuck my it hurt.

There is nothing that horrible, except for that film. This was not horrible. It was just not given a push. It needed to do something to stand out, it should’ve been a really creepy story, it had the potential. But it just kept a comfortable pace and never tried to reach for better.

I wish I could have had a better experience with the movie. But alas, not the case.

I was really hoping for it to be something memorable,

Maybe they felt they were being clever with the idea. I could be reading too much into things, or highly reaching. But what if they were trying to go for what they felt would be like an Exorcist approach. In the book its well done that you don’t really know if Regan is possessed or just acting out for attention, during a time where police are investigating unsolved murders. There’s a lot of hints dropped in the book that explain her actions. Things that make you question where it’s going. Is she in danger, or is she acting out from her parents divorce. Then finally it answers that for you. But it built up the suspense, and kept you wondering.

Demonic possession films try tapping into that source, and sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t. Or they just go as I say way the fuck over the top. Maybe they felt their film was being subtle with the material and they left certain things open. While other things they very much left no question about it.

I know I’m reaching, because I’m reminding myself no. This film was not being subtle. Don’t reach for Kyle levels of understanding this mess.

The movie was alright, but overall I was hoping for more. I’d say I hope someone does better with it the next possessed baby film but. Let’s just not, at least for another 10 years, and with some fresh ideas.

Until tomorrow. Maybe don’t let the woman who spent 9 months telling you a demon has possessed their baby hold the baby after giving birth.