SPOOPYWEEN DAY 15 PRAY FOR THE DEVIL!!!!

Day 15

Pray For the Devil

Whaaaaaaaaaat an excellent day for an exorcism!

I simultaneously love and hate the exorcism genre. It is an endless field of overly fertilized content. There is just shit stacked atop shit, mixed with cow shit, thrown in with some bull shit, a hint of horse shit, and just absolutely abysmal shit.

Which is why this field is so very rich with content.

I like to think of the genre as a field of overly fertilized jalapenos.

Why?

Because Jalapenos are curious bastards. They are tasty, for sure. But you never know until you pick one whether its going to have any real spice to it? If it will be mild and flavorful. Or just bland.

Sometimes its best to let them sit and turn red. Because THAT is when you get some different flavor, and it kicks good.

That is how this genre is. Sometimes off looks alone you can tell its not worth picking up and taking home, other times it looks big and promising, only to lack anything of value. But now and again you get that prime spicy bastard and all is right with the world.

This is not likely one of those.

I looked at the title, and it made me sigh.

I looked at the box art, and it made me nod knowing I was right.

Then I read the synopsis.

We are presented a possible gem in the field of, maybe it’ll be fun and stupid, maybe it’ll have a scare or two. Yes it’s highly likely going to be bad. But god it sounds fun.

The church is opening its doors to start teaching priest how to perform exorcisms, because evil is on the rise and they need to combat it! But a talented, gifted young nun is about to change the views of the church, as she becomes the first nun allowed to learn how to perform exorcisms.

What is there not to love about schlock like that.

Let us pray that this will be entertaining and silly. Because we could use that about now. And if it does happen to turn out good, and maybe a little scary. Even better. I won’t hold my breath for it, but we will see yes? Yes, lets.

The film

If you are going to go into evil, you might as well go in head banging.

Our leading lady, Sister Ann, is recanting her life with mom. Mom was Schizophrenic. Ann tells her sister therapist about praying one night and her mother bashing the door to her room in, using her head.

She tells us how her mother could be very loving, and sometimes…not so loving. They also set up that mom would hum a song that haunts her, so mark that down as something to look forward to down the line. As she goes over these stories, the sister therapist comforts her about how difficult it can be, living with a loved one who abuses you, suffering a mental illness.

And then this movie blesses us with exactly what I was hoping for.

“My mother was not Schizophrenic…she was possessed”

BOOM begin credits

I love it. I don’t care how fucking stupid this may and will get, I love it. That’s on par with Captain Kirk and his great line in the Trek Episode Court Martial “But that’s not the way it happened”

The movie throws at us the fact that in 1835 A.D. The Vatican established a school, in rome. To train priests on performing the Rite of Exorcism. Interestingly, you had to go to Rome for these lectures in class there to learn the rites, nowhere else in the world could do so. Surprisingly a lot of priest attend. It also cost about $400 US to attend the lectures. Fun stuff to know.

The movie THEN throws at us an alarming fact! That in 2018 A.D. Reports of demonic possession reach UNPRECEDENTED NUIMBERS GLOBALLY!!! So the Vatican responds to the devil and starts opening exorcism schools outside of Rome…FOR THE FIRST TIME! As well the film MUST remind us. MUST!! That Nuns serve in a nursing capacity, they are educated on patient care but are prohibited naaay. FORBIDDEN!! From exorcism training. It’s the men and men only club.

Like a lot within the church.

I will give the film credit. They could’ve added a final card at the end and put in “Until now”

But yes, that is our setup. The devil is going to have to get used to equality in the realm of exorcisms.

Am I against equality?! Fuck no. I’m all for it. I just think its funny the way this film is doing this and giving us a head strong, questions authority, but loved by all her patients Sister of Exorcism.

And believe me this is exactly what we are getting and they are not holding back. She questions teachers who try to tell her possession 9/10 times is just in the mind and not real, she comforts patients in a super ultra high tech mega church ward. The priest don’t take her seriously. It’s hilarious.

It’s hilarious not in its message, but how it chooses to relay it. In the most over the top way possible. But we are embracing this. Because my god this movie is oozing with potential for what we are needing.

Especially when Sister Ann is favored by a sick her, who declares her as, her favorite, AND has a skill to escape rooms with security locks. Just to let her know they like her.

Seriously its hilarious. She sneaks into forbidden classes she isn’t allowed to attend because its boys only. But no one stops her when she does. Even more so, no one stops her when she reads files and listens to recordings from terminal exorcisms.

That is until a nun spots her and decides this shall not do. She must reprimand her! Leading to a strong female nun standing up to a nasty old school nun who believes a womans place in the house of god is to offer prayer, healing and kindness to those suffering. But Ann is a forward thinking nun on a mission from god, so fuck that noise.

IT GETS

EVEN

BETTER

She isn’t just a head strong nun who wants to learn about exorcism. She believes it is her calling. She tells us how her mother heard ‘A voice’ which she called THE voice, and told her she was protecting Ann from this voice. Because it wanted her, not her mom!

As soon as she is in this holy of holy places. She’s hearing…the voice! It’s all around her, in the hallways. In her room. Eeeeeeverywhere.

SHE IS CHOSEN!!

For some fucking reason.

Every line of dialog, every moment is flowing with gold. I shit you not. If you want something so dumb but funny, you found it.

Ann has a moment, giving a sponge bath to an elderly patient, who suddenly begins humming, her mothers song! Oh no! How could this come into play! Who would have imagined!

So she encounters a demon, or devil, likely the devil because she’s that special. And it even tells her “We’ve been waiting for you”, she panics, it locks the door to the room and….picks her up to begin dancing.

I nearly spit up my water and I can’t hate this movie. It’s gloriously dumb in a great way. And still keeps getting better.

Now that the arch bishop of manly exorcist has seen what happened played back for him. Seen a possessed man dance with the nun and attack her specifically. It is decided.

Sister Ann must become the first female to learn the ancient art of exorcism.

This is important.

Highly important in fact. Because before all of this. Back when she would sneak into and attend classes on exorcism? The men paid her no attention. Even the priest she sat super close next to. He didn’t mind at all that she was there. Dude was there to learn, not judge.

BUT!!

The moment it is official, that she is to be ALLOWED into their lectures and classes. Suddenly everyone with a penis is smirking at her and shaking their heads laughing. BECAUSE A WOO-MAAN. Has enrolled in their classes! What next?! Nazi’s riding dinosaurs?!

Seriously its fucking hysterical the inconsistency and their behavior toward her, while the teacher of the group is the only one cheering for her. Because he too is a progressively minded forward thinking priest.

Not really. He just believes “She has….the gift!”

So Sister Ann Potter is taking the class, but this film is an hour and 30 minutes. We have no time for idle lessons! This school is like the Vatican Hogwarts. Professor Father Snape enters the room, addresses they have a female in the group, and tells everyone “Lets descend into hell”, and just like that, its time for a field trip.

If you hadn’t guessed it, don’t worry the film never tells us. But this place is specifically a hospital for the super possibly possessed. So no one ignores strange happenings, voices, or you know, girls escaping locked rooms, even though Ann ignores it.

So Professor Father Snape takes the class to a closed off section of Holy Hogwarts and leads them to little Hannibals room. It’s a clear cell with. You guessed it. Our cute little girl who said Ann is her super favorite person. She is possessed. Who knew?

This scene is beautiful.

The music grows tense, and the father ask for volunteers, to approach the demon child. Ann Potter raises her hand, but she gets ignored THIS round, Instead the two men. THE VERY SAME TWO MEN WHO SNICKERED AT HER IN THE CLASS, Father Crabbe and Father Goyle of the holy house Serpent volunteer.

The music gets even more dark and tense, and then pure magic pours out.

If Father Snape, who’s actual character name is Father Quinn. If they look familiar to you? Or even sound familiar? It’s because they played the extraction team leader in Resident Evil, the team leader who got cut into cubes in the laser room. Which just makes this scene even better.

Serious music is playing and he opens a cabinet with black leather cases, all containing the tools of exorcism. Giving us this blessed line, “The armor of God. Each of you have performed a simple exorcism, every time you baptized a child. Cleansing them of their original sin. That was Baptism by holy water. This….is Baptism by fire.”

How….

How can this movie get any better.

So the class shall watch as Fathers Crabbe and Goyle enter the large chamber of evil, and attempt their very first exorcism. This can only go well.

This place really is Hogwarts. They just push these inexperienced priest right on in, and instantly we have a demon girl crab walking up the walls to the ceiling. Face changing, skin turning sickly, demon voices howling. The whole nine yards. They are going crazy with every trope under the devils ass and it’s all just, fine. Like I said, this is the exorcism special forces training facility. This is just a Tuesday for them.

So to no ones surprise the two men fail horribly. The teacher steps in and he also fails. So its up to Sister Ann Potter to walk into the room and use kindness to call out the little girl possessed by a demon who keeps shouting at her as the old man demon did “LET ME IN!”

Well now with the power of woman, the priest have a chance, because the demon doesn’t know what to do. So the 2v1 battle is now a 4v1, and the demon relents, letting the child go for now.

After having proven her worth, and her gift of being the chosen one thanks to her lightning bolt mark. Fathers Crabbe and Goyle are now sharing a drink with Ann Potter and the bestest of friends. Praising her for saving their helpless asses in the face of evil.

This really is so, so very, very bad.

But it knows exactly what it is, and its not hiding it.

That is why I love films like this. It’s just meant as good fun. None of it is meant to be serious, ever. It isn’t trying to be super scary and failing horribly. It’s not a film that failed by mistakes. Or something lazily put together.

Its pure B movie goodness. Over the top, simple premise, over acted. It’s fun. Hollywood usually doesn’t release these in theater that much anymore. But thanks to Covid long ago, we now we more of these in cinema to lure you out of your home.

You know where this movie is ultimately going to go, you don’t need to guess at it. And that’s perfectly fine. Its just nice having a break like this. Especially when movies let you down that had no right to fail as badly as they did.

Things like this? Don’t have a franchise backing them. They don’t have expectations from fans.

It’s just simple dumb fun.

So of course now Sister Ann Potter is on a mission to save this little girl. Because this girl is linked to her, and she to them. Because of, the voice!

It keeps coming up, it’s always going to come up, and this film is fully centered around it. Not to mention the terrible sadness of exorcisms. Terminal cases.

Yes. We are told that during Exorcisms there is a point they reach, where the evil has taken hold and reached a point that all they can do, is pray and try to bring peace to the person. Before they die.

ALL terminal cases die. ALL OF THEM!!

Until we find one.

See, when Sister Ann Potter was listening to an Exorcism tape earlier, she wanted to listen to the rest, and examine some of these ‘terminal cases’, but she was told FUCK OFF! Not just because she’s a woman, but also because she’s a woman, and because those files are classified. To everyone. Regardless the size of their dicks.

But now, Ann Potter has friends. Who apparently knew she was trying to access classified documents? So they decide to help her gain access to those files. Because the power of friendship!

So of course she is able to find out that yes, all people who reach the terminal cases face a 90% fatality rate. But there is ONE lady who was healed, and made it out fine. Minus the fact she’s missing half her face.

She researches these classified files and comes to the conclusion that everything we know and love about exorcism is WRONG! That priest need to stop disconnecting from the victims, and see things from the perspective of the victims. She believes that the demons shame their victims until they break them. Until those people feel they are no longer deserving of God’s love and are shunned from his sight, so they allow the demons to take control and make them suffer, because they believe they are meant to suffer.

She actually goes to her teacher, and tells him this. Admits to accessing forbidden documents and tells him everything he does is wrong! She solved the mortality rate problem! She can increase productivity in Heavens factory floor and raise the safety standards so OSHA gets off God’s back.

Why is she doing this?

Because damnit. She did the one thing the priest told her not to do, That is too dangerous. Super, super dangerous! She got connected with the possessed girl. She’s making it personal. This means the demon has a potential way to get to her. It means she can be swayed by the demon because of her female sympathies.

Silly nuns, you have to treat the possessed like they’re just a number, not a human being!

So she is warned. She is given the “Damnit you are a loose cannon! One more screw up and I’ll have your BADGE!” speech.

“If you go against the church and continue like this, you will walk alone in darkness!”

So the moment she leaves the classroom, she meets up with Father Crabbe, who tells her ‘Hey so, my sister, she was raped, and she lost the baby, and now she’s possessed, but the church wont admit her here, because she’s unwed and had a baby, Religion right? So you wanna perform an unauthorized exorcism out of the classroom with me?”

So we are performing an unauthorized exorcism with our new friend.

Bless this film.

The student, who has spent months in this classroom, is having the woman who spent a day in the classroom perform an illegal exorcism, because she is the chosen one. Surely this will not backfire on any of them.

So yes. She goes to his home, and yes. They perform the exorcism. They do everything as Sister Ann Potter dictated it should be. With kindness, sympathy, and requesting they please not give in to the demon and just, you know. Get right with Jesus.

Seriously its funny she does this. She’s praying beside her and tells her that while things may look super sad and cloudy right now. She should give Jesus a chance and tell him he’s a pretty cool guy. Then his dad will be happy and give her a thumbs up.

There’s a lot of screaming, demon growling, she suddenly becomes pregnant with demons, and after a few pleads of kindness and sympathy. They get through to the girl, the demon is done with her, and its all good.

No really it’s all good. They succeeded, she’s bonding with her new friendo. She shares with him that she got pregnant at 15, and she gave the daughter to the nuns for adoption. Became a nun herself and bada bing bada boom here she is today. Everything is coming up roses!

Until the morning comes and she is put into exile because the church found out about the exorcism when Father Crabbe’s mother called and informed them that her daughter, his sister took her own life that morning after the exorcism. So yes. She’s in a little bit of trouble for over stepping, being super confident and going against centuries of the church’s teachings.

It’s kinda funny because as they lay into her and tell her how she is not the chosen one, and this really sucked the big one, and everyone is upset at her. She immediately ask to return to just being a regular ol nun.

It’s like electing me to the Treasury department because I play monopoly really well, and then I end up bankrupting everything because I have no idea what I’m doing. So at my hearing I ask them to please let me go back home to order some pizza and go back to writing movie reviews.

So they take her exorcism badge and holy pistol away. She’s on her own now. But on the bright side, and there is a bright side. She is told that the little possessed girl who is super still possessed and was headed for the Vatican as a terminal case? Well worry no more. She’s been cleared! The demons promised to stop, and she went back home that very day with her mother. Isn’t that wonderful?

OF COURSE IT’S BULLSHIT!!

Natalie is not well! And it’s amazingly stupid I love it.

Natalie unfortunately had a ‘relapse’. Yes. A relapse into possession. Which lead her on a wild Ambulance ride back to the church. Ending with a paramedic and priest dying, and Natalie looking bored when they arrived.

Father Crabbe tells her all this, in her exile. But why? Because he wants her to come and save Natalie. But. Why?

Because

Get ready for this.

Natalie….is Ann’s daughter!

How is this amazing bit of information given to us?

Father Crabbe tells Sister Ann Potter, that when she arrived, Natalie was holding a rosary. Which Ann tells us she was first given when she came to the nuns, and wrapped around her daughters wrist before the nuns took her away.

The funny thing about all this. Is the look Father Crabbe has. He’s looking at her and the rosary like he knew what it was. And that this was why he had to come to get her. I just….god I love this films logic.

So its time for our final holy battle. And oh dear god is it fucking amazing.

Natalie isn’t being kept in the hospital with super security. She is being moved to the catacombs beneath the school. Where they have not only holding cells from ancient times. But a well of holy water that has been there for centuries. Jesus likely built it himself or helped dig the hole its that holy and old.

So Natalie is placed in Hannibal lector like straps and taken to the catacombs, overlooked and prayed over by several high ranking penis having priest.

And then Sister Ann arrives with Father Crabbe. Only this time, she has put on her  true calling. Because why stop going against the church with just performing unsanctioned exorcisms. Go full tilt baby!

Sister Ann, is now dressed up, as a priest. White collar and all. And tight ass hugging pants. Sister Ann Potter. Is not Jedi Master Father Ann Potter.

It’s the funniest goddamn thing, in this entire movie. In any movie. Seriously she looks so awkward wearing it and uncomfortable it’s just silly. I’m not saying that as a commentary that women can’t be priest or shouldn’t. I just find it hilarious this movie had her go through a character ark where she goes from nuns robes which are given and worn upon taking your vows, to now wearing a priest garbs, Just because.

Bless her heart.

So its battle time and. The battle is hilarious.

If you’ve seen any exorcism film, you know what’s coming. All of the priest there are useless. They are all going to die. Or at the least get knocked out one after the other life referees at Wrestlemania.

Natalie is a confident demon giggling and happy that mommy accepted her invitation to the dance. Before she can even begin to convince the priest to let her do what she was chosen to do. Natalie begins tossing people around like an infant throwing a tantrum. Indeed one by one they are knocked out, and its down to The Demon Nat, Father Crabbe, and Father Ann Potter.

This film is not going to try for originality. So we get the demon staring down its mother, and Ann Potter, much like Harry Potter in the Deathly Hallows when facing Voldemort. Ann decides to sacrifice herself, to save her daughter. She welcomes the demon into her without a fight. So all these priest got their asses kicked for, no reason.

Welp. The demon takes over Father Ann, and she commands the other two to run like holy hell.

What we are greeted to, is a boring game of cat and mouse. Even though they all run. Ann contorts herself and goes through every possessed trope there is. Her head spins. She becomes a full body contortionist, her face grows long and she howls. You name it, she’s doing it. All for our final act no less. What a show!

She runs into Father Crabbe and knocks him out with the force. She finds her daughter and. Because the demon who we are told all demons are cunning, smart, fearless and unshakable. Decides to try and drown Natalie in the huge well of holy water. Holy water burns demons. But that’s not important.

Until it is!

Even as Father Evil Ann Potter readies to strike down her daughter. She hears the voice of her mama in her head. Calling her back!

But shes no Father Karras! She isn’t snapping back control just to toss herself out a window and some stairs. This woman….goddamn man.

This fucking movie.

Father Ann, is performing an exorcism. On herself.

She is laying a cross on her own forehead, reciting the words, and even lowers herself into the holy water. Drowning and killing the demon inside her.

And just like that. The battle is over.

Father Ann is resting in a hospital bed. Being visited by her Daughter, who is healed and happy, no longer possessed. And heads home with her adopted mother.

Father Ann is back in her nun robes, meeting with the no longer knocked out or presumed dead Arch Bishop and Father Snape. They are all congratulating her on becoming their FIRST EVER!!! Female exorcist!!

She did it! She did it boys!

She broke through the walls and crushed centuries of religious dicketry!

So now she OFFICIALLY gets to wear priest clothing, and we end with Father Snape telling Ann Potter one last piece of advice before this school year at Hogwarts School of Exorcism comes to an end, “Be careful. Now you know the devil, and the devil knows you”

Well god forbid this movie end peacefully. Ann is in a taxi headed to her first posting. Only to see a disturbed looking possessed woman. Then her Cab driver is possessed. And suddenly he’s in the back seat with her, and the possessed woman is outside her cab door.

Ann stares at them with a ‘Lets fucking go’ look and pulls out her cross, and BOOM. Roll fucking credits.

The End

I love this movie.

It is the dumbest, silliest damn thing, but it embraced it, and rolled with it. It rolled right off the tracks. It’s like taking a bowling ball and tossing it up as high as you can, having it crash down on the lane, and bounce across several other lanes. That is what this movie did, and it was glorious.

Had this tried taking itself seriously? It would’ve still been hilarious. But in a ‘I am going to tare this film apart’ way. It would’ve been disappointing, and a waste of time.

This is the kind of movie you buy pizza and drinks. Get friends together and rent a few movies to laugh at and enjoy. You put this one on when the party is winding down and people need a pick me up.

The scares were funny. Nothing was creepy or scary in this. You could see what was coming miles away, and when it did happen, like I said, you’ve seen it a dozen times over in a hundred other possession films. No trope was left unturned in this.

It felt like watching an old Full Moon film or Canon movie. Like Subspecies or Trancers. Something low budget, silly but with enough going on you watch it all the way through and enjoyed the ride.

There is no way this film is getting any deserving type of rating on Vudu or anywhere else. I bought this instead of renting it, because I had faith.

FAITH.

That this film would be a funny mess, and I was so right and bless it. I am glad to own this, and I will force my sister to endure it and hope she finds the humor and doesn’t sigh asking me why I made her watch something so stupid.

The acting was what it needed to be. Not terrible but not good in any way what so ever. I just know I was tickled pink seeing Collin Salmon as Father Quinn. It just made the movie fun for me.

But whats even more interesting about this great comedy? The real mystery that brought it together?

Its director.

The film was directed by Daniel Stamm.

For fans of possession films and those who followed my Found Footage February reviews. You might remember him. He was the director of one of my favorite possession films. The Last Exorcism.

Yep. The man who made one of the better found footage possession films, also just so happened to make one of the funnier B movie ones.

This has created a truly Yin and Yang collection for me. I love it even more now.

I honestly can’t hate on anything with this film. Even the music was a character. It was appropriately over the top and also held its proper spooky notes. It made some scenes more serious than they needed to be and just that much funnier.

The effects were alright. Nothing amazing or stand out-ish. Just pretty good honestly.

The only thing I hope and pray for with this film. Is that it does not get a sequel of any kind. Let this just be a stand alone fun time. Let us all believe that Father Ann Potter the chosen one is out there daily kung fu bible fighting demons in the streets, at the salon, and at homeless shelters. Just give us that and not make a sequel. You did good already. Be happy with what you got.

This was a short review and I am glad for it. Yes you should see the movie.Yes you should watch it with friends and pizza and have a fun night of it. Hell maybe even pare it with The Last Exorcism. Just have fun with it.

Now had INSIDIOUS 5 been this silly, would I recommend that? No, but it would’ve made for a better watch time.

So yes. Go buy or rent Prey for the Devil. It’ll lighten your day and make you popular at parties. That being said, until tomorrow, if you see your kid sister growing bleeding holes on her palms that drip maggots and her hair starts to fly into her mouth choking her? Punch her with a cross and give Father Ann a call. She’ll sort that demon out.

GOODNIGHT!