SHARK-A-THON CONTINUES! Day 3 SHARKS OF THE CORN!!

Day 3 Sharks of the Corn

Yeah.

You read that right.

Well, to be even MORE specific its, Steven Kang’s Sharks of the Corn.

Even I had to do a double take and wonder just how, and why.  Then I saw there was a trailer and…I avoided it. I wanted to be surprised by this. That’s what happened with the last Shark film so. Why not again?

Well this one was a surprise alright. It was. A lot of things. Entertaining? Was one of them. So here we go.

Steven Kang’s Sharks of the Corn

Tagline: You’re Gonna get Stalked!

Synopsis: Strange things are happening in Druid hills, Kentucky. People are saying there are large Great White Sharks swimming in the corn stalks! Meanwhile, serial killer Teddy Bo Lucas is arrested for killing dozens of people using shark teeth.

This film seemed to have it all. Sharks. Corn, a serial killer killing using shark teeth. I mean it sounds about right, yeah? Well. It did. Then it started.

Sharks. Everywhere you look. Sharks. Imagine the opening of JAWS, the epic John Williams score playing while we have a sharks eye view of the ocean floor and vegetation as the shark swims through it stalking its next meal.

Now replace that iconic score with a horn shoved up someones ass farting out music, a cornfield with multiple shark fins moving back and forth between the rows. And yes. A sharks eye view swimming through the corn fields. Until we see the actual shark. Which. Might look very familiar. In fact. It is familiar. The ‘great white’ they use in this film. Is the same damn puppet from Virus Shark. Which is not as surprising as I’d like to make it out to be as this film is indeed made by the same company of shlock SRS. But it was still fun to see this pop up! Perhaps there is hope.

Hope for a film.

With sharks drifting through corn fields.

And an upskirt panty shot.

What? Oh sorry. The film once it finishes with corn row shark swimming, shows us a local carnival and corn cobs being grilled not far away. Which leads us to our first set of victims, a bearded man with a mohawk drinking vodka by the gallon beside his best gal. A lady in a black mini dress with a black scarf and matching black panties. We know this because well. Sometimes you just don’t care, and people shouldn’t be looking anyway, as an ex told me once.

But this man decided to indulge himself in liquor because, well. He was the winner of the corn eating contest, which he has an affinity for. And he was tired of drinking…corn whiskey. So he felt drinking vodka would be a nice changeto indulge himself in.

Which this fine lady friend of his uses this opportunity to inform us that there’s lots of weird stories about the corn out in these fields. How they use growth hormones, and they make the corn grow super big, but there also might might alien technology being used to help with all this corn growing.

He doesn’t but it, and its interfering with his drinking!.

Well thankfully she has decided drinking is boring and since they’re all up in the corn fields alone. Maybe he might wanna go play some hide and seek and find her in nothing but her birthday suit. Well. This is a wonderful scene. Mostly because I love this woman. She’s trying to entice her boyfriend by stripping and tossing clothing, and also calling him a drunk bastard, Drunky and fuckhead. It’s like revisiting my 20’s.

She is midway finished with her cornfield teasing when she finds. Not a shark. But a very odd scarecrow. A sharcrow.

I’m not joking.

It’s a scarecrow, with a rubber shark head, human body, and a stalk of corn shoved in its pants sticking out. Which excites our semi drunk horny lady. Who has already stripped off one layered top, her dress, her slip, a second top and now officially is topless. All while our male drunken mess of a man hunts down her trail of black clothes through the cornfield. Which we are now down to black shoes and black panties for those wondering and not watching.

Now. Where Virus Shark was restrained. This film definitely is not. We get a coasting tit cam which follows our brave actress through the cornfield alerting us that there are breast. They are bare, and she is not afraid to show them. Which I mean, good on her. Well good on her until she steps out of the corn field and notices a hand held puppet shark head chasing behind her, to which she screams out as best she can and bone chillingly as possible, “SHAAAAAAAAAAARK”

Which makes sense, yes. But I would’ve thought a “What the fuck?!” would fit the bill more appropriately as its not common to find sharks hover surfing through corn stalks. But each their own.

Now, this is, something.

One the one hand. We have a homage to the opening of JAWS obviously. We have the girl being flirty with her drunken guy friend. She skinny dips in the water, this one strips in the corn. Both drunk boyfriends pass out, and both girls fall victim to the shark. And thanks to 4k JAWS we know that swimmer was indeed, very naked. Thanks to the Boobs of the Corn shots we got AND about 20 seconds of up close to the blood dripping off the breast and oh hey lets showcase her nipples. We know this lady was also very naked.

The shark attack is funny as its meant to be. You have the rubber puppet shark head chasing her. The girl falls down on her side. The shark playfully is biting her belly as CGI blood and squishy effects are spurting and applied appropriately. Leaving us with a lady in black panties laying dead outside a cornfield as not to obstruct the view of her blood trickled large breast. One can only help but to think and ask, would Spielberg had done the same? No one is asking that. Its pale boobs in a low budget film.

Why focus that much attention on them? Well because the next series of shots we are greeted with all have breast, and bare ass.

We are greeted to a shark shrine of….some kind. With various printed at the library photos of great whites. Some behind the scenes stills from JAWS, pictures of topless women with the words BITCH! Written on them. A topless woman with a sharks head pasted over it. Shark jaws next to toy sharks and rubber shark dolls, and more topless woman, and women with their asses out and copy cut out and glued pictures of sharks mouths open near said naked girls.  All as part of a shrine, belonging to our shark serial killer. He has candles lit all around him and we see him put on an orange hoodie, with a great white open mouth face mask. A glowing shark tooth necklace. A shot of for some fucking reason Stone Henge.

ALL of this in flashes before we see him killing big breasted woman. Stabbing them with large shark teeth, Smashing a sharks jaws onto a blonde girls head. BUT FEAR NOT!! All the women he kills were not brave enough to go topless and new better. So they all have very well covered bras on while he kills them in a corn field.

But that’s not enough. We have to see our shark man kill a woman. So he picks up a druggy prostitute outside his country bumpkin hotel. She ask him if he wants to party, showing him she has a syringe which means drugs, only it’s a syringe pen with a cap on it and no needle. So maybe she actually was looking for a roleplay partner to roll some dice and do a character sheet. She also tells him he has to pay $60 up front. So our prostitute and shark man head back to his room. Where he tells her about great whites being goddesses of the see, and the most powerful and beautiful creatures of the world.

Just before making actual funny as hell chomping roaring and biting noises and hammering her face with a shark jaw. Which is made even funnier when you see apparently smashing her face with this. Has given her a split open mouth resembling the Predator. All while flashes of great whites, the roar from JAWS play in the background.

This movie is special, and I kinda am falling for it. It’s taken me out for Chinese, and I’ve already decided I will go home with it, but I won’t tell it that, and I will wait to see what else the movie has to show me before I commit to anything.

So as our dear prostitute friend falls victim to Manshark. The film wants to remind us that there were breast earlier in this film. So we return to the now cornfield murder scene with an extreme close up of the dead huge breast on the ground. They are REALLY making the most out of this.

But the real fun comes after. When our bearded drunkard is being investigated and questioned by the lead detective. Who informs us that this girl who was killed in her panties and shoes was not only a beloved member of the community. She was loved by all the towns people, she was a church going pure girl, and more then that. She was a librarian! A God fearing honest American librarian! Meanwhile in the background we have a deputy getting tangled in caution tape as she tries to figure out how to close off access to the cornfield with the tape, and another officer informing our detective that the cornfield has no clues. Just booze, a scarecrow with a sharks head and corn dick, and a lot of condoms. A LOT.

Things like this are why I love early Troma films. Because they had maximum fun with the scenes and gags you’d have to look out for to find. It makes it even funner watching the second time and noticing these things.

Of course we need another jaws reference, so we get asked the all important to a corn growing town. “Are you going to close down the corn fields?” Well of course not! These farmers and towns people need to make money to live, and they can’t do that without the corn!, to which our investigator scoffs openly “Sharks in the corn..HAH!”

This movie is growing into something wonderful. Evolving and we’re lucky enough to witness it.

So now that this is all done with and those breast are finally covered. We gotta add some more confusion. So now we have a Subaru in the woods and two people wearing black mask, black shirts, black pants, black shoes. I have no idea who the fuck they are and this movie won’t tell us until it’s the right time. All we know is these people are in the woods with a crowbar and a log ready to….fight shark cultist?

So we have people dressed in black, here to fight more people, dressed in black. BUT wearing black hooded robes, AND shark face mask. Obviously this is a cult. And they are….cult…sharkest. I don’t know.

All I know is they are in the woods, knocking out shark cultist. Taking out booby traps and find a large boat shed which is filled with….jesus this movie is great.

The shed is full of small human skeletons, ALIEN skeletons Shark skeletons, and at its center. A vile with some sort of baby blue shark. Which when touched triggers flashes of again. Stonehenge. This must be what they came for as they quickly pick it up, triggering several different alarms to go off. Leading to a fun scene where these two masked bandits run casually out of the shed, and as they run out, two cultist pass them running into the shed. Enter some random beeps and bloop sound effects and you have a bomb rigged shack. Which explodes killing the cultist.

And you thought floating sharks in a corn field and a shark serial killer were the only things to worry about. HAH! HAH I say!

Seriously I don’t know what these people were smoking but its entertaining and I’m loving it for its pure dumbassedness.

So apparently these two people in black that stole the sacred shark vile. They were mercenaries hired by someone to steal said shark in a vile. They meet up at a fairground parking lot (I know because I’ve seen enough of them to recognize it) and they exchange money with a man in sunglasses and a suit. But as our mercs are headed out with their money. The masked man shoots poisoned darts into them. Collecting the money he paid them, and also getting rid of ‘loose ends’. Well that was odd as hell but I guess back to the sharks right?

WRONG!

Instead the writers decided to try cocaine for the first time, and thought of a new idea. Why not suddenly follow an older blonde woman through the corn stalks, calling out for someone only to find herself. Being stalked by a big foot. In the corn.

They also realize we have no idea who the hell this lady is or whats going on? So they suddenly stop the film and put up a cue card stating this is Druid Hills Realty, Jonathan Gottieb, Realtor.

Which turns out to be…a commercial. For Jonathan Gottieb realtor of Druid Hills Realty. He is willing and ready to sell you haunted and bigfoot roamed property out in beautiful Druid Hills today.

When things don’t make any sense and the movie just keeps on going. You know it’s doing something.

What that is who the hell knows. But its something.

SO, still no sharks for us. Instead we get the chief of police, a blonde woman. Wearing the second funniest cheap costume for a police officers uniform. I will also mention. I know it’ll make me sound horrible. But. I am noticing a majority of the women in this movie. All have a. Particular look to them. I’m not saying they could be ‘dancers’, or that they potentially had careers in fields related to such. But I am noticing they seem to have, a lot of qualities that…well anyway.

She is relaxing in her squad car, until a car being driven by a man in an orange hooded mask with a shark mouth face mask drives by and stares at her. Prompting her to pull him over and ask for his license and registration. Which once she notices the severed limbs, brain, split open head. Bloodied seat coverings. The fact he has severed fingers in a pocket protector, and severed fingers stuck into the magazine holders in the back of the car. She realizes this man is the Manshark serial killer! So she takes him down hardcore and awaits backup. So that’s one threat possibly eliminated, and one more to go.

That is until we meet ‘the goon squad’

Remember the man who poison darted the two mercs? Well he’s back in action. Headed into the woods with his briefcase and shark totem. Meeting him in the woods are a group meant to look like imposing mobsters. We have fat Walter White, in all black and a black leather coat, A mom in a pin stripe suit, with leather fingerless studded gloves, Michael Jackson sunglasses and fedora, holding a pistol. Beside her daughter in mirrored glasses wearing a red shirt and Beetlejuice white and black striped tuxedo. Our mystery man even notes to us how they are an interesting group of goons with different personalities. They all have trust issues. Which they talk at length about. At length, and the head goon decides to at one point tell us you can never be too careful. “When you go hunting diamonds in the sky, you can never be too careful.” It doesn’t have to make sense. Until it does.

So after a lot of trust issues, and who can you trust talks. The goons end up making the exchange. Money for the item. Which is hidden. Because this man is no fool. He’s not going to end up darted like he darted those two mercs. He gives them a map, leading to the hidden item.

Of course the head goon himself is not going to go after it himself. So he sends his wife and daughter out to get the item. I am only assuming its this guys wife and daughter because well. They sort of look it.

So out into the cornfields these two go, they find their item and celebrate of course with evil laughter. But thankfully. THANKFULLY. We have sharks again! Yes!! The sharks of the corn return!! The mother and daughter casually take off through the corn. But alas, they could not run without tripping repeatedly for no reason. So the two get chomped on by the shark. Their once cool looking suits are not stained with red fluid, and faces streaked in spirit Halloween fake blood. What’s odd about this. Is the fact that that the cornfield was apparently close enough for their goon leader to hear them scream and die. But not close enough to see a shark. So the deal is called a double cross! Our bald headed businessman takes off casually, and I do mean casually into the woods, As the lead goon tells fat Walter Wight to go get….I have no idea what the hell this is but. The Chichimatul pup. I even had to google this, I regret doing that. It’s now in my search history and I fear shark cultist may now know.

So off those two go for. Chichimatul pup, and off baldie goes with the money. Coincidentally though, and also confusingly. He too is headed for the cornfield where the item was hidden. Which also is where the goons were headed. Which seemed super super close. But somehow isn’t and these three don’t….find each other?

It doesn’t make sense, but all we need to know. Is that the item is recovered by baldy before the goons get it, so he’s off running from sharks and toward his car. Which he thankfully makes it and remains safe. For now.

So if we must recap. We have the cops investigating corn sharks. We have a police chief who captured a shark serial killer. We have mercenary deals going on with mob goons and a shark cult. What else can we add onto this delicious cheesecake?

How about that real estate agent they threw at us via commercial? Well hell why not. He was using a drone to take long view shots of land for his realty business and, happened to catch video of sharks. Swimming in the corn fields. Which he had to rub his eyes several times just to make sure he was seeing what he thought he saw. And he did! He did see what he thought he saw!

Of vourse no one believes him though. Who’s going to believe sharks in a cornfield. When you have a Manshark serial killer recently captured and wanted for the shark like murders of a dozen women.  Makes sense, in a corn town.

Again I have to give this company credit. They make great use of past props. Not just from Virus Shark, but other films they have unleashed on the world. But for now? It’s fun seeing them use shark flash back sequences, and recognizing them from Virus Shark. Even the ending scene of that damn movie is used when the Manshark is going off about his hardon for great whites. Random discussions on sharks use footage of the infected sharks swimming around in large groups. Couple that with the hand puppet and this could easily be a prequel.

But I’ll stop reminiscing for now. We have a movie to finish!

Which surprisingly we’re now an hour into and the plot, yes we’ll call it that. Is moving along just fine.

So we have the chief of police transporting Manshark in her own car. Because of budget cuts. We also have bald merc man walking through the woods as his car is dead. The goons have taken off in a helicopter to track the merc man. But what of the sharks in the corn? Well they’re swimming around happily and enjoying shark life. While a nagging wife nags her husband as he tosses a frisbee dangerously close to the corn field. Of course his wife nags them that they need to wrap it up because her mom is making cowboy biscuits for dinner and it’ll be ready soon. But also she wanted to make sure their son lotioned up his hands and. I don’t know why. Anyway the son is murdered brutally. Of course we don’t see it! Like every murder we get a puppet shark head making chomping motions while fake cgi blood covers the body and fake blood splatters onto the kids head, and the frisbee. They are creating a scene, they paid attention to their filmmakers weekend workshop, and it shows.

Speaking of cornfields and cornholes.

We need another JAWS reference right? Right. So now we have more characters thrown at us. A fast talking mayor, out in the cornfield. With the realty agent, and lead detective to discuss the death of the young boy, the topless girl with the pale breast. And two goons. Naturally the mayor doesn’t want to close the corn fields. However the realty agent has signs made up already just for this. His signs of course, naturally are amazing. They are shark fins with “Corn fields closed by order of Druid Hills PD.” Which yes that’s what the signs in JAWS said. They also take this chance to make their own colorful takes on some of the films lines, like “You better take care of this mister mayor, before it swims up and bites you in the cornhole!” “I don’t wanna be the mayor ringing the damn dinner bell in the cornfields on tourist!”, and “Hunting sharks in a cornfield aint like chasin bluegills and tommycods”.

It’s pretty smirk worthy if anything, and thankfully not delivered awkwardly like most fans end up doing when in front of a camera and made to deliver those lines.

We also thankfully get a name for our bald merc man. Get ready for this. His name is Benchley. As in the writer of JAWS Peter Benchley. Nicely done movie. What else do you have. How about an artful shot of the goons helicopter doing an Apocalypse Now helicopter in the sun shot. Well done, bravo.

Did they spring money for an actual helicopter? Or did they use a drone? Well a little bit of both, actually. This is when hiring someone on because they have access to something expensive like that saves you money. Or opens negotiations.

So goons are STILL tracking Benchley, what about the lead detective and deputy still out there in the cornfields with the mayor and realty agent? Well they’re patrolling the cornfields of course. At least two of them we know of are. Detective man and deputy are arguing as he doesn’t want to waste time in the cornfield, she also doesn’t want to investigate the cornfield because this wasn’t in her job description. Well according to him it was part of her basic training. And according to the shark in the corn field THEY’RE GONNA DIE!!! RAAAAAWR! Yes! The sharks of the corn return! They’ve killed the detective and his chesty deputy. Which is kind of sad as I liked the sass that lady was putting out there. But people need to die in a shark movie. So we’re gonna get that body count up.

Well before we can settle down our excitement from two cgi blood spurting bodies. We have to check in with realty man and mayor. Who are patrolling the outside of the cornfield a bit more successfully compared to our two dead friends. It leads us from two deaths, to our first groan worthy joke. It’s a joke my cousin would usually give you a look shake his head and ‘pffffft, this fuckin movie.’, and I’d have to agree. Realty man is going on about how these sharks even though they are on land, still may act like sharks in the water. So he made a special order. Which arrives via the cornfield. By a man in a mask, a hoodie, and cargo shorts. The mayor like the audience very rightly says “What the fuck is going on!” and we are given our answer, and horrible joke. “Oh, I made an order on Amazing.com. I’m a priority member so I get deliveries within 4 hours. I also get streaming content free and accessible on my phone.” Fucking hell.

So he ordered shark repellent bracelets.

Which are an actual thing. They put out sound using magnets and wizard magic that supposedly scare off sharks. Does it work? Who knows. 

So armed with their shark repellent bracelets, spear guns, and stories about pawn shop panties and how the Chinese are cleaning out used condoms and reselling them. Our dynamic duo head off into the corn stalks.

On the other side of the hills. We have Manshark, or Sharkman. Being driven by the chief and Benchley. Who reveals to us that he is not a merc. But in fact? He’s a C.I.A. agent! He’s been working on this shark cult for years now and trying to put an end to them once and for all!

So they make it to their side trip destination. The Druid Hills. Which means it is now…time to hunt? I have no idea. It’s a random stop and the movie is going with it so we are too.

But alas! We have a twist! Instead of arming the chief and the two heroically fighting side by side to end this evil. The chief knocks out the C.I.A man. She has chosen to side with Manshark!  What great evil would compel her to do so?!

Well she was searching for her sister, a woman believed to have been missing presumed killed by corn sharks, or manshark. Who the fuck knows. What matters is she is now siding with him because if there is a chance his dumbass cult can bring back her sister, then she’ll take that, if it means having her back.

So okay. Put down your pipes and ready for this. We got a new mission.

According to manshark. The Chibichabi cubracaba pupper whupper thing in the jar, is a sacred great white baby, which has been guarded for many years for its purity and magic. Which they needed for the sacred ritual. For the coming of their shark goddess. The murders Manshark committed were all done as blood sacrifices to feed the great goddess shark. They only need a sacrifice to become the great goddess shark. For the goddess to return to them. So chief is told that, if she becomes the great white goddess, it will bring her sister back to her. All will become one, and one shall become all.

So she’s totally down for this because she’s never been wanted or meant anything to anyone and if this means she can be a part of something she’ll totally go for it.

Which means she must now adorn the sacred goddess garb.

The sacred garb you ask? It’s the plaid shirt from the shark scarecrow, and the rubber shark head mask. It is something truly magical, and a moment in time you will not get back. I promise you.

So she is fully in on this now and ready to become a shark goddess.

Meanwhile we have other players to check in on. We have the mayor and realty man. Did those shark bracelets work? Well the mayor has declared he won’t wear no damn shark bracelet as corn sharks are just plain stupid, and he’d sooner wear the panties he got from the pawn shop which also coincidentally gave him crabs and gonorrhea. Well the mayor is dragged off by a shark and killed. Sending realty man off and running. Who so happens to run into Mr. CIA man. So the two decide its time to pair off because. We are entering the end game of this movie. Things are happening and it is grand. Oh it is grand.

Well now that their paths and stories have aligned. That means these two are in danger of our airborne goons chasing and shooting them from their helicopter. Or at least you’d think so. See fat Walter White is kind of dumb. So he forgot his gun and now they have no way to attack their target. Which is unfortunate. It’s also unfortunate that, even though these goons saw sharks in the corn below them. They decided to get closer to the corn so they could…potentially use the blades to…well no that’d make sense in my head. But they didn’t think to use the blades to attack CIA man. Instead they happen to be too close to the corn and a corn field shark…shark of the corn pops up into the air and destroys the helicopter, thus killing our last two goons.

So its all down to CIA man and Realty man. But will they save a willing sacrifice chief? Lets find out because we literally only have 5 minutes left and 2 of those are going to likely be credits.

What we get next is the greatest moment in cinema history I can ever recall having witnessed as a mere mortal of this, our planet earth.

The chief, in her regal goddess plaid shirt and shark mask is praised by cultist flooding the cornfields while Manshark dances around her in the corn, beginning the ceremony. Realty man and CIA guy are watching intently as, before their very eyes. Transformation is taking place. We witness as Manshark becomes Sharkman! He is no longer a mere mortal of our realm. But a….fucking thing from a halloween sale. He’s got a funky not exactly shark head mask but more like an alien with buck teeth mask on and a gorilla chest piece with fish fin arms, growling and menacingly staring at us. But what of the goddess? Oh sweet baby chichimatul.

She is wearing….an Ursala crown from The Little Mermaid, a sharkish monster mask, with a shoulder baring spaghetti strapped show the top of your breast top with the belly cut out, flowing into a queen of the sea skirt and spandex leggings. I actually choked on my water, and I had to rewind it several times to watch this again and again, and I took a screen shot. I had to. This was just too out of this world not to remember for all times.

For all times.

So now our chief is a shark queen goddess, and manshark a sharkman gorilla beast. This truly is the end of times and not good for humanity. Our heroes know this as well so it’s time for action as Realty man even tells us “Lets stop watching this like we’re watching a bad movie”, oh movie. Stop it. Just stop it. Wait!...don’t.

So our heroes come out of hiding and just as it looks like they’re ready to actually do something. They are upstaged. By of all goddamn things. Something talked about, foreshadowed about. An hour and a half ago! By the way this movie was an hour and 45 minutes of pure entertainment. Suck that Shark Huntress.

Mother flipping Bigfoot has entered the arena. Carrying a boulder over his head and he smashes it over Sharkman’s head. Well realty man doesn’t want to feel left out so he takes one last did at JAWS and throws out the classic line “Smile you son of a bitch” And as his speargun was from a pawn shop it doesn’t work naturally so he girly tosses the spear and it stabs Sharkman in the chest. Well actually the ground and his arm is also supporting it so it looks buried in his chest.

Then comes the great exclamation point on this ending. CIA man runs up and does a Michael Jordan dunk with a grenade onto the crown of Goddess shark with his own quote “Have a grenade bitch”, which the goddess feels lazily around her crown for a while before her cgi head is blown up. Its priceless. She holds still, and a green screen card is held in front of her face so it vanishes, two seconds later there is an explosion, and then she wobbles over to the right of the screen where a blood splatter effect lands on screen a second before she gets there. Then we have a wide field shot of an explosion from the grenade. Showing us that all the cultist and the field sharks are dead. They scream out one last time and the movie cuts to a great white swimming in the ocean. Swimming away from us as its time to shine on land has passed.

Our heroes give a bro hug to each other and discuss the fact they just saw Bigfoot come save their lives, and how that’ll make a better story in the paper versus the sharks of the corn. They head off in victory to their car and as they start it up to head home. Two surviving cultist pop up and strangle them from behind! Dun dun DUUUUUUN!!!

The end!!

This movie, was a ride. Figuratively and literally. It was daring. It had balls, and it showed them to the audience. Yes its incredibly dumb, it knows its dumb and has fun with it. But not at all in the same way Virus Shark did, or I wished Shark Goddess would’ve. Instead they wrote this as a comedy and that’s what we got. A cheesy horror comedy. So I applaud them. Even more so and what makes it truly daring. Is the fact as I said earlier. This film was a full hour and 47 minutes.

Shark Huntress was about that length and it felt like 4 hours. This movie could’ve shrunk itself down, yes. It would’ve been safer absolutely. But they really pushed it and good on them, because it was actually entertaining. Especially, well. Solely if you enjoy cheesy bad movies. The acting is appropriately horrible. The jokes are groaners, but never so bad they hurt. Although I did at one point beg openly for the movie not to do it, when realty man sang the words “Show me the way to go home.” It was still funny. But more in a you are relieved he actually didn’t go further then that with the song.

Some bad comedy films in the low budget region of the video store try this feat of near 2 hour run time and they don’t do well. It either runs out of steam midway through, or goes so far off the rails you forgot what the movie was doing at some point.

It rides a fine line but I think it executed it just well enough. I was a bit worried at first given the large copious amounts of booba we had in the beginning. But they got that all out of their systems and carried on from there without even so much as a cleavage shot. Just cgi blood, silly shark puppet attacks, and corny jokes.

I’m only two movies in with this company and their catalog but I already give them higher marks and praise over the Asylum. Which I feel says a lot because the asylum wants to put out movies like this. But instead they went the route of Scifi channel which, is a beast all its own. With very few worthy features. So we will see, and maybe hope this company shows up again later in this months list. We shall see.

For now I highly recommend giving this a watch. You won’t be disappointed, and it’s got a little something for everyone. In fact it carries just enough to grant it the Joe Bob’s triple B. Blood, Breast, and Beast.

This also falls into the category of the poster art being as great as the film is. I even missed the first time but laughed the second time when I saw the full title, “Steven Kangs Sharks of the Corn”, goddamn movie, you went for it. Bravo.

Bravo.

And stay out of that corn!