SCORETOBER!!! Day 4 CREEPSHOW!

Day 4 Creepshow

METEOR SHIT!

I can’t tell you how many times as a kid that entertained me coming from Stephen Kings mouth, and how much it still cracks me up hearing it.

I can however tell you that Creepshow is one of those beautiful moment in time films that the world needs more of.

Unfortunately we won’t get that. Because there was a secret to that lightning in a bottle that happened when George Romero teamed up with Stephen King. There was a third party to that magic.

KYO-KANE!

Or Cocaine to the rest of the world.

Yes that’s right. King was a big fan of the nose candy, and Romero was a friend as well. Between the two of them, a typewriter, AND a synth machine. These two put their minds and blow together to create a genuinely fun comic book horror film with a creepy fun comic score, and made an anthology that could never be replicated again.

Much like Maximum Overdrive. Which also was fueled by cocaine.

No I’m not kidding. I am dead serious. It was made entirely on cocaine. It’s a well known fact. If you look it up.

But this film is not that white powder trip into madness, no. This film is a fun work of art and I am over joyed to talk about it, and its amazing music. Which no they did not use the music made up by King and Romero. Their loss.

So lets not jibber jabber. Lets dig up the corpse and get right at her!

The film.

Not only did I love Creepshow so much as a kid I would rewind and watch it over again. But as a responsible adult who is actively irresponsible with his money, I own not only the new 4k Shout Factory release. But I also went out of my way on ebay and picked up the original big box vhs version like what I’d rented and saw multiple times on the shelves in our local video store.

Horror movies were my comic books, and this movie, is a living comic book that taught me what was possible in film, and prepared me for what would come later, Tales From the Crypt.

So this is heavily inspired off of and by EC comics which gave us such things as Tales from the Crype and Vault of Horror.

Which this movie actually got me curious to try finding in our comic shop.

For the uninitiated here we go.

The movie is several tales of horror told through a comic book that a poor kid was enjoying. Until his father tosses it into the trash. Each story unfolds one after the other while giving us small updates on the kid and his father. It is important to note right now. That all of you hold onto your asses. The father is played by our man from yesterday, Tom Atkins. Oh yeah. Your welcome!

And his son, is played convincingly well by Joe Hill, Stephen Kings son and later as he grows up, best selling author.

This is one of those really fun times in horror where not only are the stories insane and over the top fun. BUT. They cast well known television and movie faces for the film. There was a time well known actors, and stage actors would do ‘horror’, it sadly just…doesn’t happen much anymore. Which is a shame.

But take in all the Tom Atkins you want because there’s plenty to go around!

So yes the film opens with Tom Atkins having an argument with his son, slapping him because that was parenting in the 80’s. And all over a comic book. As for the slap well. That was more because Joe tried defending his having the comic book which his father called trash, by bringing up the nude magazines his dad has and where he keeps them hidden soooo. Slippity slappity don’t talk back at daddy.

But as our poor slapped boy growls out his frustrations. He is greeted by a floating rotting corpse at his window. The Creeper. It’s a fun sequence as you see this life action rotting puppet with really creepy eyes staring back at the boy through his window, all while the boy smiles back with wicked glee. Before we see the creeper transform into an animated sequence. Leading us through the opening credits, our main title theme and our first memorable tale.

The first story is very classic EC comic story telling.  It starts slow with some background on a rather well to do spoiled group of snops, all gathering for a celebration. There’s a new addition to the family played by Ed Harris. He gets told the story of the families patriarch. Aunt Bedelia, played by a legend of film herself, Viveca Lindfors.

The story they share is about the rumor around Bedelia possibly having killed her father, inheriting his fortune which all these family members now greedily wait for their part of with her eventual passing.

Aunt Bedelia was taking care of her father during the later years of his life. He lived to torment her and was responsible for driving away the love of her life. She finally snapped on all of days Father’s Day, and while decorating his cake. She flipped and bashed his head in with a marble ash tray.

It’s a sad story, but one we all can’t help but love because the old man is seen sitting at his chair, slamming his cane into the wooden table repeating “Where’s my cake!”, which yes. Our family happily would announce the same every birthday and fathers day.

The family through tradition, always gathers on Father’s Day. They have a fancy dinner. A few fancy drinks, and Bedelia visits his crave site, always bringing flowers, and a bottle to drown out her hate for him. While paying her respects.

However this time, Bedelia isn’t going to have her fancy meal and fancy drink. As it seems her fathers rotting corpse has risen to show himself on his one time favorite holiday.

But that’s not the truly horrifying thing. Even though he strangles her to death. No. The real horror is watching Ed Harris freestyle disco dance. Seriously you think I’m joking here, but the man does a dance that would rival JCVD in Kickboxer.

That is a fact. Look it up.

Fortunately though for us, it’s the last time we will have to suffer such horror. As unfortunately Ed harris’s character isn’t long for this world. He actually gets the second worst death of anyone in this anthology to be honest.

He decides to step out for a smoke and…stroll through the family cemetery. Which is oddly close to the house. Which raises some concerns and questions.

Like, if this is where Bedelia was while visiting her father. It’s where she died screaming, in broad daylight. How did no one hear it? Well the disco music was rather ear shatteringly horrible and loud so. It makes sense. Maybe!

But yes poor Ed Harris wonders the grave yard and stumbles over the body of poor recently deceased Aunt Bedelia. As he falls down and chuckles to himself. The headstone above him begins to move. Cueing the music for danger time. He discovers the body of Bedelia beside him but even more terrifyingly. He discovers the corpse of the dead father, standing at his feet.

The corpse begins channeling the force and is able to cause the gravestone to slip fully off its base. Crushing Ed Harris directly under it. It’s a terrible way to go and in my eyes yes the second worst death.

These stories, like the comics aren’t made to be terribly long. They move pretty quickly and that’s no complaint. But if you were hoping for a backstory for everyone else still with us at this gathering. You are going to be disappointed. If however you came for the body count well. Enjoy the show.

So now we have Aunt Bedelia missing, and Ed Harris now. His wife who was busy disco dancing with him earlier. Is still disco dancing and to the same song as before no less. Praise be royalty free music.

Much to the annoyance of Sylvia played by Carrie Nye.

Well Sylvia is getting upset as both their missing guest are causing their ham dinner to be late, so she must go check on the kitchen staff. Only to discover her cook dead! But it’s not really all that horrible a situation for her. In fact it’s very short lived. As she is about to become short lived, as the rotting corpse dad comes up to her. Grabs her head and with a flick of the wrist cracks her neck turning her head around and gooooodbye Sylvia.

Now we just have two annoying siblings. Richard and Cass.

Neither really cares for the other. But Cass doesn’t want to roam around the dark empty house alone. So her brother begrudgingly agrees to follow her through the house.

But their search is thankfully a short one as they too decide to go through the kitchen and Just by chance. They run right into The walking talking rotting corpse of papa!

Carrying a serving platter with Sylvia’s severed head sitting center of the platter. Covered in frosting with a few lit candles on her head. As the two siblings scream bloody murder, the music hits its high pitch and the director has the most fun with gel filters and light that I’ve ever seen. The rotting corpse announces happily “Today is fathers day, and I finally got my cake”, and with that we get a freeze frame and our story comes to an end.

It's a great start for the anthology, and definitely a taste of what’s to come.

Which thankfully is another classic, and one I mentioned earlier that gave me and my sister something we were too young to repeat. But we both loved laughing at when we heard.

This story stars Stephen King as Jordy Verrill, in. The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill.

Jordy is a yokel, or country bumpkin if you will. Out on his farmland one night. Who catches site of glowing meteor falling from the sky, and crashing on his property.

He quickly locates the meteor crater and descents on it with dollar signs in his head. Beginning what will become a series of fun sequences.

After discovering the meteor and finding it still in tact. His head begins racing with the prospect of getting rich selling the meteor off to a doctor. Who he tells to pay him 200 dollars for that meteor, and not a sent less.

I mean…he could’ve asked for more, a lot more. But nope. Jordy Verrill is a lunkhead. Which. We are about to find out for ourselves.

So the poor man is a simpleton who can’t help but need to touch the glowing mystery meteor. Which he unfortunately does and immediately burns his fingers. Prompting the genius to decide he needs to cool down the meteor. So he gets a bucket of water from the well pump and splashes it over the meteor. Immediately resulting in the meteor cracking and splitting in half. He cusses himself out for being, a lunkhead. And sees his fortune go away. As he dreams of the doctor he was going to have pay him $200, now telling him he wouldn’t offer him 2 cents for it!

Well now he’s gotta collect two meteor halves in his bucket and see about gluing them together tomorrow in the morning.

But he notices something odd about this meteor. Each half of the meteor is hollow and holding a glowing odd liquid. Well he doesn’t want that obviously! So he empties it onto the ground and stacks both pieces of meteor into his bucket.

This. This  moment. Gives another great quote that again. Me and my sister would repeat over and over. Even though we weren’t supposed to at our age. But we grew up in the best time. So we only said it when not around our Grandparents.

Jordy looking at his hand realizes he got some of that meteor liquid on his fingers. So he stares at them and proclaims “Meteor shit!”

We were children. And it was the funniest damn thing to hear from an over acting Stephen King. So of course we said it any time we got something on our hands, or spilt something.

Well unfortunately for Jordy Verrill. Those fingers he burned earlier, are the same fingers that got meteor shit all over them. And being a simple minded man. He can’t help but suck on his aching fingers to dull the pain.

So as his dreams of becoming $200 richer are dashed, he grabs a beer and settles into his chair for some old fashion world wrestling federation Rasslin!

It’s a trip hearing a very young Vince McMahon on the tv.

Well poor Jordy is just beginning to suffer. As he downs his beer, sucks on his fingers. Itches himself and watches tv. He soon realizes he has large blisters and, of all things. Weird green hairs growing out of his fingers. He rightfully freaks out of course, naturally. And thinks to call a doctor. But those thoughts are quickly dashed aside as he again plays out the scenario in his head. Immediately he thinks he will go to the doctor, only to have the doctor. Who appears to be very murder happy. SUPER excited to remove Jordy’s fingers!

Well Jordy wont have any of that. So he decides the best course of action. Is drinking, and ignoring his problems.

I love Stephen King.

I really do, but not as much as he loved his cocaine.

So poor Jordy is left to suffer in blissful ignorance while sucking his infected fingers, until he gets the great idea of fighting off this infection. Using science and modern thinking. Vodka sterilizes things. So why not empty an entire bottle of Vodka into a large pitcher, and fill it the rest of the way with orange juice! Start drinking that ‘medicine’ and see how things go. Surely it can only help.

OF COURSE IT DOESN’T HELP!

It makes things far, far worse. He soon realizes every single thing he has touched is now covered in green odd hairs. His fingers, the tv knobs, his chair, the pitcher he drank from. His tongue! Even his chest hair and. Unfortunately. Yes. Even his dick.

The mans life is over as he knows it.

You might think that’s being overly dramatic but believe me. The moment a man finds anything on his dick that shouldn’t be there. We lose all sensibility and become religious instantly.

Well Jordy only has one thought now. A bath. Will it help? Who knows. All he knows is that a bath sounds like the best thing in the whole world. The water looks enticing and it may not solve things. But it could possibly wash them away, and at the very least. Sooth the itching he feels all over himself.

To add to the list of things Jordy Verrill doesn’t need to deal with right now. He begins seeing his dead fathers ghost talking to him in the bathroom mirror. The ghost is warning him not to get into the bath tub. Telling him. Warning him, it will only make things worse on himself, and he’ll die if he goes in that tub.

But the allure of the shimmering water, and the promise of relaxation proves too much for him. So he falls. Yes. Falls face first into the tub. Letting out a damn near orgasmic moan of pleasure as he feels immediate relief from the itching.

Only things are not going to get any better for him. Oh no. He should’ve listened to his fathers ghost. As morning begins, we find the house over grown with large patches of odd green grass and hairs. We also find, in the corner of the living room. A sitting grass carpeted Jordy Verrill. Yes, he has become plant man. The water only accelerated the odd plant like growth and fed it to a point it now covered his entire body.

Leading to the sad end of this story, as Jordy is seen reaching for his shot gun, and immediately praying to god that he can do this one thing right, and have his luck change. As he aims the gun into his mouth and fiddles for the trigger. Blowing out his plant brains. There’s really no blood what so ever or gore. His head was just full of moss and grass. Which somehow makes it that much creepier.

As his body goes limp. A radio broadcaster begins talking about the strange over growth hitting towns, and how farmers will be pleased as the forecast shows heavy rains for the next few days. All of this is being reported over the radio, as we see scenes of Jordy’s farm over run with meteor grass, to a point its over taken everything in its path. And our story comes to its end.

It’s a very fun short story and King was right to cast himself as the backwoods moron who finds the meteor. He played it perfectly and with the right amount of camp. Whether it was all him or partly the cocaine. Who can say. All I know. Is I am grateful for his performance and the story as both are a gift to the world.

Speaking of gifts to the world. We now get a very creepy and deep story. A tragic love triangle that stands as one of the films more story deep entries.

This one titled, Something to Tide you over.

We find ourselves in the middle of as I mentioned a love triangle. The husband has discovered his wife has been having an affair. He knows who she is having an affair with, and has set out to take care of things himself. The husband doesn’t like people taking his things.

We are introduced to the husband, a millionaire named Richard, played by Leslie Nielsen. Another family favorite actor we enjoyed growing up watching in the Naked Gun movies.

Well Richard has come over to the home of his wifes lover. Harry, as played by Ted Danson. The two are very short with one another and Harry doesn’t care to hear anything Richard has to say. He has the woman he loves and that’s all he needs. Only Richard tells him he has to come with him if he wants to ever see Becky again. So harry unwittingly agrees and goes with him for a jeep ride down to the beach. Where Harry discovers a hole in the sand. A hole deep enough for one person to kneel down in. Before he can retaliate though, Richard pulls a gun on him and commands Harry to get into the hole. Where Richard quickly buries him in sand up to his neck.

Now he promised Harry if he did this. If he got into the whole without a fuss, he’d reunite him with his former wife Becky, played by Gaylen Ross.

Well he’s a man of his word. And a spoiled rich man with enough money to run cable and power lines down the beach. So that harry can watch a live feed from a television monitor. A live feed of Becky buried herself neck deep in sand at a far off location on the beach. Only on her end, the tide is beginning to come in and over take her.

This is all part of Richards plan. He informs Harry, that he has a chance to survive this. All he has to do. Is hold his breath when the tide rolls in. If he does that. He could make it. He teases that he doesn’t believe his wife however will survive. As she’s already begun to panic and wont be able to hold her breath once the tide rolls in.

It’s a pretty twisted game, and another horrible way to die. But not the worst.

We aren’t there yet.

Of course Richard was lying though. There is no way either of them would survive out there. No matter how long they held their breath. So Richard watches both his wife and her lovers camera feeds from the comfort of his home with a drink. Watching as the woman who betrayed him, and the man that hurt him both suffer and drown.

So the next morning Richard heads out to the beach to recover the bodies and assumingly properly remove them. Only he discovers the bodies are gone. Swept out with the tide. He considers his job done and returns home where he can slip into his tracksuit, fix a nice evening drink and put on some entertainment. Only, Richard isn’t alone.

He soon suspects someone is nearby. But it can’t be Harry or Becky as they both drowned. Buried in sand with 5 feet of water over their heads. But there are shadowy figures outside, and a creepy mist surrounding his home. So naturally it’s time to start crapping ourselves.

But not before we see Leslie Nielsen remove his clothes and take a shower. Which is interrupted as he is certain this tme that he hears something moving in his home. So we are indeed greeted to the site of his manly hairy chest before strapping on a luxury bath robe and beginning his armed patrol of the house.

It’s a great cheesy moment that builds up to a classic reveal. We see glimpses of two slimy watery figures stumbling around, gurgling as Richard looks around, issuing threats to Harry, assuming he may have survived but unsure. He finally makes his way to the large double doors of his living room. Opening them to reveal two skin wrinkled seaweed covered corpses of Harry and Becky standing in front of him. He shoots Becky in the forehead, only to see her begin bleeding out sea water. The two begin approaching him, telling him they will take him to the beach. Down to the sand where they’ll put him in a hole and see if he can hold his breath. Richard is losing his mind and backs off, immediately closing his bedroom doors, locking himself in, away from the nightmare soaking his carpet and slowly dragging toward him. He feels safe at last, but well. Yes it’s a horror film so of course he isn’t safe. But it’s also a classic move from old horror comics as the man feels safe. Only to turn around and find the horror he locked out, is locked inside the room with him. Richard finally cracks and begins laughing out of madness as it consumes him. And the two sea zombies taunt him about his fate. As the ascend on Richard we cut away and find him now the one buried neck deep in the sand, just as the tied is rolling in. Laughing still at taunting the now gone zombies about how he can hold his breath for a very long time. Laughing again until a large wave washes over him and panic sets in, as he realizes he’s going to die. Killed by the two people he’d murdered the day before.

It's a fun story and had a feeling of being dropped in the middle or beginning third act of a longer story. I really liked the acting and the music was especially great. It’s one of the few times the score actually used a familiar piece of music on a synthesizer and made it into a creepy cool tune. Even funnier still is knowing the behind the scenes stories about filming this story. Which is reason enough to further praise Leslie Nielson and his sense of humor. The man was known from other projects he worked on for always carrying with him a ‘fart box’, which he would use during takes while filming. Before filming, and especially used while out on dates at fancy restaurants.

So there were times during the making of this film he did the same. Doing his best at times to see if he could get his fellow actors to crack up and flub their scenes. It’s great humor and I miss the man.

But now with that story gone. We reach my favorite. The best of them all, and one I still can’t get over today. Which yes it does still hold up. Not surprisingly, thanks to the work of Tom Savini. This one of course. Is The Crate.

It’s one of the longer stories and features some of the best gags, story, effects, and the always wonderful, Adrienne Barbeau.

This story opens with a very friendly crusty old janitor at a University, named Mike. Played by Don Keefer. Who we see flipping a coin he planned on using for his lunch but accidentally drops it and send it rolling under a set of stairs. Where he comes across a rather large crate with writing on it. Prompting him to contact one of the University professors to let him know what he’s stumbled upon. Which leads us to a social gathering of the best kind. The kind where someone is drunk and making a scene while emasculating their husband in the process. This woman of course, is the adorable, annoying to perfection Wilma, aka Billie. Aka Adrienne Barbeau. I love her in this. She’s a lush with a big mouth you can hear a mile away with no social grace what so ever. She’s a joy. However she is also a thorn in the side of Dexter’s friend and chess partner, Henry.

Which we see just how big a thorn she is, as she makes the guest feel awkward, and Henry feel like one day his wife will let him have his balls back, and possibly for one solid moment not embarrass him in front of people, or make him the butt of another joke at how pathetic he is.

Well Dexter has to leave the party so he can help out Mike with his discovery as the two men end up extracting the name sake of this story. A crate.

A crate with a wonderful easter egg on it and nod to fellow horror film director John Carpenter. The crate reads “Ship to Horlicks University VIA Julia Carpenter -Arctic Expedition- June 19, 1834”, yes it’s a nod to John Carpenter and his fim The THING. Bless them for that.

So they move the  large and heavy crate from the stairs onto a table in one of the science rooms. The crate has a large old lock and chains over the lid, as well as nails securing the lid. Whatever it was. They weren’t risking anything sending it.

It’s honestly a pretty fun sequence as it really would be very cool to pull out and discover something like that from so long ago left undisturbed, waiting for you to open it for the first time.

Of course when you know what waits, that excitement goes away pretty damn quick. That’s not a spoiler. It’s just a fact of horror films.

Especially when you open the lid a few inches and begin hearing something chirping inside. Which should be an immediate red flag to anyone.

A sealed crate from 1834, being opened and you hear something inside chirping. What’s worse though. Far far worse for a red flag of danger and stupidity. Is the Janitor can barely see inside. Because they only opened the crate 3 inches. He said he see’s something glimmering in the light. The camera shows us this something. It’s two eyes. But the janitor declares “It must be jewels! Two rubies!”, so with the social grace of a fat kid reaching into a candy bowl unattended at a door on Halloween. The janitor just shoves his arm right into the crate.

What could possibly go wrong right?

EVERYTHING!!

The moment he slides his arm inside, a monster attacks. Snarling and chomping into his arm. Giving us a quick glimpse of the beast, which is genuinely creepy as all hell. It’s like a primate with 3 inch razor like teeth and a wide jaw. It’s supposed to be a yeti, and it’s name is Fluffy.

That’s what Tom Savini and the others named them.

So Fluffy begins to chomp down on the janitor and enjoys its first honest meal in 148 years. Which it waste no time in enjoying and completely destroying.

Not only that. But Fluffy manages to pull itself and the crate back under the stairwell. I guess it feels like that’s its home after all these years. So it wanted to go back there. Dexter by the way? Yeah he’s completely lost his shit. The man was a cool cucumber before he witnessed a nearly 150 year old yeti devour his friendly janitor. He runs down the hall screaming and mumbling, running into a student hanging out for no real reason other than its just the place to be.

He babbles out about them needing to find campus security, someone. ANYONE! To deal with this. So the curious student decides this beats playing pocket pool and begins his own investigation. Despite Dexter still losing it and trying to beg him not to go anywhere near the room. But in they go. Only to find a large trail of blood, and a missing crate. However the trail of blood shows the crate is as I mentioned. Back under the stairs.

Do they call for help? NO!

Of course not! This was the 80’s. You handled things yourself!

So the student decides to ignore things like, a huge pool of blood trailing under the stairs, ignore the professor rambling about a dead body and monster, ignores the bloody shoe of the janitor with half the shoe missing with visible teeth marks. He also ignores the large shadow cast on the wall from the creatures clawed hand as it reaches out for him before clawing half his goddamn face off.

Yeah. Good luck ignoring that pal.

So Dexter can’t handle this anymore. Obviously. He runs out of the building pants crappingly insane now and stumbles back into his own home, immediately ready for hard liquor. Waiting inside though is his friend and chest pal Henry.

Henry finding his friend in the state he’s in can’t help but try to understand what’s going on and ask for the full story. Which he is given and listens to with deep interest. Believing his friends every word. As he listens the man begins to form a plan in his mind.

He gives his friend enough booze to knock him out and heads to the campus to take care of the problem. He gets to the University and finds the gore from both attacks. He immediately begins cleaning up everything. The pools of blood, the torn clothing and flesh. This is stage one of his plan.

Stage two however is. Well. There’s a reason some people have a thing or two to say about this film and this story.

As Billie makes her way back home half sober. She finds her hubby is gone, the door unlocked and a note. She’s already making a mental check list of things to throw at him for this. As she reads the note, narrated for us by Henry. He explains to her that his dear friend the professor got himself in trouble. He was having a tryst with another one of his young female students and the girl got upset. He ended up striking her and the girl is now so scared she hid under the stairs and won’t come out for anyone.

You see where this is going right?

So his wife makes her way to the campus, with a white Russian in hand, and meets up with her husband, the failed man, Henry. Henry is absolutely giddy. He knows there’s something waiting under those stairs, and he’s going to convince his wife to go under those stairs, and try to coax this ‘girl’ out from under the stairs.

Yes. The man who can’t handle the fact he married a strong opinionated woman who enjoys drinking and voicing herself. Who belittles him in front of people and embarrasses him because of how small she makes him feel. Has decided to lead his wife to her death. Using the Yeti to get rid of her, instead of divorcing her, or marriage counseling, anything. He just goes right to murder.

Well of course we need to hate her and make it seem even more deserving a fate for her. So she over does it on yelling at him and belittling him just a bit more. Until he finally shoves her under the stairs himself and begins thrashing her body against the crate. Screaming for the monster to come out and get it. Only to be left with a confused looking Billie, wondering what the hell is wrong with him. So she lays into him about how weak and pathetic he is. That he’s no good in bed, he can’t take care of himself, let alone stand up for himself. He’s less than a man and a coward.

Well all of this yelling has annoyed Fluffy and woken them from their food coma. So they finally leap out from their crate and attack Billie. Who Henry watches with a hint of sadness as she’s devoured and he is grossed out watching the act.

Once his wife is no more, he searches for two locks and chains. Beginning to quietly reseal the yeti in its crate.Which initially upsets fluffy. But they retreat and let Henry do what he’s doing.

Back at Dexter’s home, Henry explains everything that happened. How he locked the yeti back in its crate. Loaded it up into the back of his station wagon, and dumped the crate into a nearby quarry. Henry assures Dexter that it’s all taken care of. That he’ll tell people his wife took off without a word. They won’t say anything about the missing janitor or student. He wont say anything and neither will Dexter. But Dexter isn’t so sure about this. Despite Henry telling him things will be fine.

And as the two play a game of chess, celebrating. We return to the quarry and see the crate at the bottom of the lake bed. Where it breaks free of the crate, and now roams the land.

I loved how scary the story was compared to the others. It still had some fun moments but seemed to change its tone in comparison to the other stories. The creature was scary as hell to me as a kid, and still looks genuinely creepy. They really did a great job with making it look like something you can’t really identify but looks nearly familiar. While also looking terrifying.

I also can admit yes, all these years later that. It is rather horrible the overall story arch of using the creature so a guy can kill off his wife, and trust me there are many, many, many out there who have written about this, and are very vocal how misogynistic the story is.

I still enjoy it, but I can agree it hasn’t exactly aged well in what’s meant to be humorous. But its still fun.

Now however. We come to the last story, and one that I hated with a passion as a kid, and still don’t enjoy watching. I don’t enjoy it for a few reasons. Which we’ll get into. This one is called ‘They’re Creeping Up on You’.

This is an odd story about an even odder phobia. The story follows a business mogul named Upson Pratt, played by E.G. Marshall. He’s a man who suffers from being a huge raging asshole, and something called Mysophobia. If you know a germaphobe, of which my ex was. Picture that, but to the extreme. This man is wealthy enough to indulge in this phobia to a point he converted his penthouse into hermetically sealed room. He walks around in slippers, clothes, a robe and pajamas. With minimal distractions. White surfaces everywhere with no artwork, and only one window looking out over the city.

Right off the bat. This man is finding a record number of vermin. Vermin in the form of cockroaches.

Like an alarming number of cockroaches. More than I’d ever seen as a kid growing up in California. Which is part of why I hate this story. The roaches.

Everything this man touches, everywhere he sits. Even the food he prepares for himself. He finds roaches. Living in California we had a pretty damn clean home. But we also had a habit of leaving our backdoor open with the screen door usually closed so it’d cool off the house. This invited bugs in sometimes.  While finding myself often sitting on the floor as a kid with a soda can watching movies. There was a time where I went to drink from the can and. Yeah. There was a bug inside it. So I spit it out, made a huge mess, stomped everywhere I could and swore from that day forward I would always look carefully at my drinks and form a tiny mouth slit so nothing could get past it like that bug did.

Another night while staring at the ceiling trying to sleep in my waterbed. A freaking bug ran across the side of my face and pillow. So better believe I flew out of that bed and tore it apart until the bug was located and immediately sent to whatever god it believed in.

So a story involving a man and his overwhelming fear and hatred of bugs. Yeah. Not my cup of tea.

So this is a relatively short story. The most we get in the form of story. Is through short conversations on the telephone and through an intercom he has with various workers. An exterminator, and a distraught woman crying and cursing him out blaming him for the death. The murder of her husband. Which he is all too happy hearing from the woman and rejoices in her hatred for him.

We also learn he’s a racist old man, as the exterminator for the building which he owns, is black and he immediately belittles the man and talks about the problems he and his people, the people of color have. So yeah this man is not loved by anyone nor will he be missed by the stories end.

All through the story and these short encounters, and calls. He is constantly discovering more and more roaches. Everywhere he looks and turns there are more and more of them. He’s using can after can of sprays to get rid of them but nothing is working. To make matters worse. There’s a blackout rolling out across the city which takes out his power. This only seems to somehow antagonize the bugs even further. Like they’re just drawn to his room. Likely because the guy is a giant asshole and smells of shit.

Eventually he begins to lose his mind as the bugs have taken over his apartment completely. And just like Leslie Nielson in his story. The man runs off to his panic room and seals the door while his apartment is overrun with roaches of all sizes. He tries contacting the police but they can’t help him, they tell him he has to wait for the morning. He can’t get ahold of his exterminator because with the power out the man is stuck in an elevator. The only call he can get. That actually makes its way through to him. Is the woman from earlier. Calling to again curse him out. Which is scarily all too appropriate as she condemns him to hell and we see his bed sheets begin wiggling. He pulls the cover back only to reveal an entire swarm of roaches. The score takes off on a high note. The screen frames itself with comically drawn roaches surrounding his face and Upson Pratt has a heart attack, dying in his panic room.

But our story can’t end there, oh no. We need one more scene. The power is back, things are working again. The exterminator is back on the line and ready to enter and clear out the room of any and all bugs. Which the room is suspiciously clean of any and all bugs. All that is left. Is Upson’s body on the floor in his panic room.

Which we can’t leave well enough alone, no. We have to watch as his skin begins to wriggle, and within moments roaches begin breaking through the skin. Pouring out of his mouth, through his pajamas and robe. Eventually the entire room is seen as nothing more than a living wall of roaches, and our story comes to its end.

THAT. THAT is a scary as hell way to die. But its still not the worst no. That goes to Tales from The Darkside the Movie. There’s a story about a cat with a vengeance out to kill a man who made his fortune off of testing his products of thousands of cats, and the cat leaping out at an assassin hired to kill it, only for the cat to begin wedging itself into the mans mouth down his throat.

THAT is scary. THAT is a horrible way to die.

Any kind of animal forcing itself down your throat, choking and dying on it. That’s scary shit man. So yeah. Dying of a heart attack is horrible. But he didn’t die by roaches invading him. That happened after. And it’s just gross.

I still don’t like the story. But its less because of that, and more to do with the fact it was purely done for the scares and gross out factor. There was no humor to it and it just felt like a dredge. You just had so many fun experiences with 4 other stories and then this is the last one? Of a two hour experience? Meh. Not a strong ending. But its an ending no less.

Or..is it?

NO!

NO it is not!

We still have unresolved business. Pluss Tom Savini as a garbage man. A very whimsical loving his job garbage man.

I cannot, nor will I ever hide my man love for Tom Savini. Seeing him in anything at all, even a tv interview. I immediately want to stop what I’m doing and watch. He’s just fascinating. And I love when he’d appear in movies like this.

Well he and his buddy are taking out the suburban trash and come across the discarded comic book in the trash Tom Atkins left out there. They talk about how fun those were growing up and one of the garbage men lets out their disappointment when he sees someone already cut out and sent away for something. A voodoo doll.

Meanwhile Tom Atkins is getting his daily vitamins and breakfast while his wife irons his clothes and notes how his shirt is missing a patch from it. That’s a bit odd. Dad is also complaining about sharp sudden pains in his neck and back. Also a bit odd. Missing from the breakfast table though, is Joe Hill. Well that’s just out right peculiar.

Of course it’s not! Joe Hill sent off for the voodoo doll kit and cut out a patch of his dads shirt to place on the doll and is now using it to torture his dad for throwing out his beloved Creepshow comic.

Bit of an extreme reaction, but it does prove the dads point. That boy ain’t right!

And that. Is our films end!

I love this movie, I love it unconditionally. The same way old guys go on about hot rods and classic cars. I am the same way about this movie. Once you get me started, it’s hard to get me to stop. But that’s a good thing. Also I am trying not to go off too much and draw this out even further. Which is also a good thing.

But I can’t help but shower my love for this film and everything behind the scenes with it. There were two films I saw growing up. That absolutely drew me in and got me curious about practical makeup and special effects makeup.  That’s thanks to Tom Savini. Growing up we had a sad number of behind the scenes videos and specials. But the few we had? Were a plethora of joy. I still remember watching a tape copy of Day of the Dead over and over until the tape finally broke. Not just because the movie itself is amazing. Which we WILL be talking about at some point in time. But because the tape itself included a behind the scenes making of video after the movie. Watching how Tom Savini did gags like the head cut with the shovel. How they did effects like mouths spitting out pools of blood. Stuff like that for my kid brain back then was like crack. I loved it. And Tom has one of those personalities and comes off as just one of those genuine people that takes absolute joy not only in the work he does, but in sharing it and talking about it. So finding a movie were Romero slips him in, and he gets to have fun with effects and creating an absolute nightmare fuel of a monster. GAH! I love it.

One of the greatest regrets in my life I will take with me is that I never pushed as hard as I should have to go and take his class, well realistically it wasn’t available yet so I would’ve gone to the Joe Blasco school. But I genuinely wish I had followed my love of effects and…well yeah. Who knows where I could’ve ended up.

I just love movies like this. Where you can tell. Not just in the film itself. But the cast, the interviews. Everything written and shown behind the camera. That you can see in all of it. That the people who made this genuinely enjoyed themselves. They were in their element. They were working on a fun project. They came up with some fun scares and gags. And the end result is a great bit of surprise horror comedy. It’s a living comic book and love letter to classic EC horror. The sequel as well. It had some great stories and effects work in there. The third one however that………well we don’t talk about that.

The television series though. That is a fun ride. It pays a nice homage to the original and feels the closest to it.

But this film. Both the film itself, and the score. Are both perfectly paired and why it absolutely earned its place on this list.

Which brings me away from and saves my rant on Tom Savini for another film of his we will cover later. And brings us to of course. The main course.

The Music.

This is, in a word. Wonderfully terrifying. It’s honestly like an evil wizard. Like the creeper themselves orchestrated this from the souls of the damned.

The main theme sticks in your ear and burrows itself deep into your brain, eating away at the gray matter within. Its both mystical, enchanting and full of dread. Just like the film. It manages to sound like you would imagine a comic book sounding in your head.

Seriously it’s really fun when you hear every jump scare hit on the score paired on the screen. The lighting turns cartoonish. Backgrounds look straight out of a comic panel and the music is like an audible version of ZAP! AAAAAH!, REEEEEE!

Yet somehow it contains itself. Unlike the crate beast. It always seems ready to burst out but then pulls right back in and soothes out.

But one of the tracks I cannot praise enough, it’s a fun version, creepy version of Camptown Races, which serves as the theme for ‘Something to Tide You Over’. It’s absolutely perfect. Leslie Nielson whistles the tune and the music itself, if you listen. It’s a creepy dread filled version of the song playing out as the two lovers drown on the beach.

Another great track comes from the first story, Nate Comes Out Of The Grave. It starts off innocently, then takes off into an absolutely menacing march as the corpse pulls itself free and attacks Bedelia. It’s a simple repeating measure that, much like the theme for the shark in Jaws. It pulls you in. Every time you hear it pop up. You know someones about to die. It’s just the same notes repeating as a high pitch note shrieks in the background.

Between that and the repeating main theme sneaking its way in at the tail end of each story leading us into the next tale. The score is near perfection. I mean it really comes close. I saw that not with the intention of saying there’s anything wrong with it. There isn’t. I just know synth isn’t for everyone, and this definitely could fit into that. But it’s also just so creatively fun and experimental sounding.

Listening just to the section of music for ‘The Lonesome Death of Jordy Verrill’, you don’t just get synth waves, and eerie science fiction music that sounds like a theremin, you also get creepy sounds of rustling grass being moves, stretches and twisted. The sound of water playing in the background mixed in with the music. It really plays with the mood of the story and hearing the score on its own. It’s a bit creepy and hearing things you missed during the film on the score itself. It really paints a picture in your mind.

Hearing this the first time I saw the movie growing up. It was like nothing I’d heard before. It just sounded spooky and wacky. Serious but cartoonish. I think it’s also why my dad enjoyed the movie and I was allowed to see it so young. The movie is a horror film yes. But its campy comic book horror and everything, from the sound and look, the music and tone. It’s almost family friendly.

Family friendly bloody murder horror film. That’s a thing.

But I know someone out there gets what it is I’m saying. It just blends so well together, and my hats off to John Harrison for the music.

Each story had its own vibe and tone, which this fit perfectly. It’s hard to imagine this film with anything other than the music it had. I’d be curious if they had an alternate idea but really I don’t think it’d hold up as well as this score did for the movie. It compliments it very heavily. Sometimes you just get a piece of music that you can tell, and sense was matched. Made for this film. Like Star Wars, or Halloween. Even Superman.

There’s a reason they still sneak the original Superman theme into the new superman films. It’s just perfect, and it ‘is’ the character. Much in the same way John Harrison really got the look and feel. The story of Creepshow and captured it perfectly in his score. From first track to last. Side A to side B. it’s a great score and one I am proud to own. It’s also one you should try to find and definitely hold on to as it always sells out and no matter which pressing it is? Someone out there marks it up to insane prices, and people pay for it.

It's beautiful music, and I’m glad I got to share my joy of it and the movie for this months theme of film scores. So until tomorrow.

Don’t feed your spouse to a yeti. If they’re that big a problem. Just tell them you think it’s not working out. Also don’t follow your spouse under a stair case for anything. Ever. Just. Just don’t.