Spooktober Day 28 SLAUGHTERHOUSE!!!!

Day 28

Slaughterhouse

27 days of pure obscure classics have lead us to this.

Slaughterhouse is great for a few reasons. Partly it’s one of those fun 80’s films that had an absolutely amazing soundtrack, back when bands would be approached and make songs just for those films and sometimes we get the grail of grails. A great movie, with an equally great soundtrack. Like Return of the Living Dead, and Fright Night for example.

This one certainly does not disappoint, in any of its parts. It’s got nothing to hide and wears his blood proudly on its arm.

If you grew up with video stores, you definitely are familiar with the poster for this one. It definitely stood out, just like the killer themselves majestically did. Thus earning with ease it’s place on this months last week of films. So lets get on in there and venture into the local Slaughterhouse.

We begin with a beautiful moonlit night, as the radio announcer has to point out for us even. While a local Sheriff’s deputy has taken his secret lady friend to makeout point. In a completely inconspicuous sheriff’s car.

His lady doesn’t want anyone knowing she’s seeing him, and Officer Dave would rather enjoy a nice night of tom foolery and hanky panky. But that won’t be happening. Not because they get murdered. We aren’t at that point yet! Instead he’s concerned. Concerned that they are here at this makeout spot and, there are two other cars. But no ‘noises’, the lack of moans and balls slapping skin in the night worries him. So despite his secret girlfriend wanting to swap spit and pop some buttons, he ventures out to see what the deal is. He sees what appears to be a man strangling a woman who screams out! However, as he reaches for his gun. Some kids choose this moment in time, seeing an on edge officer with a revolver out, to slam their hands on his windshield.

Thankfully for them, he has good trigger discipline. So no one gets shot, but the night is young!

We do find out though that these crazy horny teens are all here filming and auditioning for their friends horror movie, and they thought they’ve give the officer a good spook too. Which could’ve got their heads blown off.

This of course very sadly means, yes. People are now aware his secret lady friend is now not so secret. But he ask these kids to exercise discretion and say nothing of it to anyone. If they manage that. Then he won’t go bustin any heads, just nuts.

Well those kids aren’t so bad after all. They decide to just call it a night and it’s all good. No one will say anything to anyone and all is well. That is until  two of them decide not to follow their friends and leave. They want to stay behind for their sexy time. I mean it’s like going to the U.S. Mint. You can’t just go and leave without visiting the gift shop, you have to bring something back to show you were there, and herpies is common enough that it’s lost most of its stigma.

Now while these kids are fooling around playing giggle tag. They happen to stumble upon some caged piggies. Which you would imagine might be a bit odd. But it’s all fun for them. So much fun in fact that soon to be murdered meat sack guy grabs a shovel and begins smacking it against the sides of the pigs cage. All while laughing hysterically and making pig noises. Much to the distaste of the pigs.

But as the man hurls insults in Piggish. His fun is all to soon ended as he and his lady friend meet our killer. Buddy. Buddy is a built, large and in charge man with an unholy large butchers knife. Seriously it’s not even comical in size it’s just very much a super industrial made for a giant of a man knife, and this man. No joke. Is such a man this was made for.

The guy they got to play Buddy, is great. The guy is imposing, has a not made up face that needed fussing with to make scary. He is genuinely the poster child for “Do not run into this man in the woods, alone. It will not end well for you.” But I also love his name. Buddy. Buddy bacon. It’s just the making of a classic.

So Buddy hacks off half of boyfriend guys face, his lady friend screams and heads for the nearest….bus. Because when a killer takes off half your boyfriends face, the best tactic you can use to survive is. Literally moving into the very bus where half his face got hacked off in front of.

So Suzy No Clue runs onto the bus and OH NO! Buddy’s one weakness! Public School Transportation! EGADS!!

No he mutilates the hell out of her.

Bringing us the most amazing opening title sequence in a long time for a film this good..or bad. Either or.

We have a near Bond like sounding rock song, taking us through a slaughterhouse. Where we. Well. Yes. See in 85% detail how pigs are prepared for slaughter, slaughtered, cleaned and stamped with grade A approval. Not for everyone, for sure. But it is a great song. Just nevermind the blowtorch on the pigs ass.

No seriously don’t look, it’ll stay with you.

Why blowtorch the pig? I guess it toughens the skin I. Anyway.

We got a lot of partying to get too. It’s the big radio stations big Pig-out! Which every kid and person in town listens to KFAT. It’s the most rockin and rollin station folks.

Though, before we find out more on this party. We need to follow the sheriff and friends to the Bacon & Son slaughterhouse.

Which is crawling with carcasses, maggots, rotted caged animals. It’s largely a bad place. But it introduces us to Buddy Bacon and his pappy. The two men with the Sheriff? Are looking to purchase the land from the Bacon family. They want to bring jobs into the place and buying it from Mr. Bacon is the only solution.

But Bacon won’t have it. He’s too proud of his slaughter by hand methods, not the new fangled chainsaws and machines take over slaughterhouse. As proud as he is though, the Sheriff must tell him that the county assessor has closed his business as it’s a shit pile as well as public safety hazard. Well Pappy Bacon isn’t too thrilled with this, so he tells those men to get off his land! Which we see all of this news is upsetting to Buddy. Who’s kept his face pressed into the dirtiest window on the property. Which also happens to be the cleanest window. Making piggish faces and expressing his crazed emotions the best he can.

It’s worth mentioning that he really. Really likes pigs. Like. Relates to them. I won’t suggest he’s intimate with them. But. It’s not entirely off the table. We see him hanging out in the pig pen, happy and hugging one of his hogs in his lap. Until he spots a kitty cat who hisses at him. This causes him to pick up his customized butchers blade. And it is customized. It’s a double handed blade, wrapped in pigs fur skin, with a hoof at its hilt. Buddy likes wearing overalls and a thick chain around his neck with a pigs tail hanging from it.

Buddy is special. But does his dad know what he does? Yes. He’s shown by buddy what he did to the two kids he killed, his dad is not pleased. But tells him he at least made clean cuts, a good kill, and he feels the sheriff and those land hungry thieves trying to take his land deserve to be hung up like that. So yes. Great family.

So we got a run down business being condemned, and an upset dad and his murderous son. This is going to make a nice Gumbo of murder.

Speaking of we got some kids that need killing! But we can’t get them killed until they get where they need to be getting to. But not before our group does a few drives around town. Trying on sunglasses and costumes. Eating French fries drenched in ketchup.  But rest assured they are heading that way. But so is everyone else.

Now that Pappy knows his son killed and hung up two teens. He’s decided to call those people after his land and invite them over. For a special meeting.

But also heading that way. Are our teenagers. Why? Well their horror project of course. They wanted to find a creepy location to film at so. What better place than a now closed down slaughterhouse.  Which grants us a montage, and awesome song, all while the kids shoot weird angles and their spooky mask. However for now, they escape the wrath of Buddy. For now.

Though they aren’t the only ones headed that way. Unfortunately our officer from makeout point is investigating the slaughter house. Which is really REALLY unfortunate. As he will no longer be able to spend time with his secret girlfriend, or see his wife again. Yes he had a wife and kid. As well as his secret lady friend. He loses a hand and soon his life. All by Mr. Buddy.

But is his dad proud? Hell no! He’s not mad though, he’s just disappointed. Because his son killed a deputy. Not the sheriff. Which doesn’t make for a good song when you say it that way.

But Buddy won’t get it wrong a second time. The greedy land grabbing slaughterman comes to pay a visit as he thought Pappy was going to sell the property to him. But all Pappy is selling is death. Kosher death. Does Buddy chop him up? Heck no. he just crushes his face in his thick summer sausage hands.

Now, just because he killed one wrong man. Well three people really. Doesn’t mean he can’t still enjoy himself. Right? Of course he can! And it’s exceptionally glorious. A near 7ft 300lb+ man playing sheriff. Wearing the dead deputies hat, sunglasses, and a shirt that wasn’t made for him, but he did manage at least one or two buttons, for what turns the shirt into a cape almost. His belt fitting perfectly around his waist thanks to some rope, and he even has two pigs in the back of the patrol car. It’s funny as hell, he’s having a great time, and if not for the blood on his shirt, he’d look the part. He even takes the car for a spin, happily oinking in the car as he floors it, lights and sirens blaring while he has his fun.

Sadly though, while driving around. The deputies former secret ladyfriend spots the cruiser and decides to pull over. Thinking sexy time is on the horizon! Well it was on the horizon until the not deputy oinked at her. Yep, goodbye secret girlfriend too. Buddy is having a good time and still. STILL!!

We. Have. Not. Had. Our. Teens. Die!!

Will they ever?! Well maybe, there’s still movie left!

We also have that other business partner to deal with. He and the sheriff are all that’s left on pappies list.

Which doesn’t take too long to get too. Honestly for a movie that’s the ideal run time of a horror movie, an hour and 25 minutes. It doesn’t feel like it, though it does move along quickly. A lot happens and it doesn’t drag along or bog you down in too much side story. Everything is pretty on point and it’s surprising to thing we are just now an hour into this thing. And look who shows up. Man #2 on Pappies kill list. He’s here to talk about forgiveness and hoping he and Pappy can still be friends after all this. But Pappy says no and Deputy Buddy tosses the man into a giant industrial bone grinder. Which might seem impractical given its size and placement but. It’s a real thing. Believe it or not. Believe it.

So two down, one Sheriff to go. So we check back in with those partying teens rocking it out at the KFAT 106FM party. Which they are indeed partying hard at a party hall where the dance floor is covered in hay. So you know that’s gotta be smelling pretty great. As for snacks? Well only the best the station can provide. Troughs full of popcorn. Trays of hot dogs, and cold buckers of diet pepsi as far as the eye can see!

But how. HOW do we get these kids to murderland pigfarm? Or is the film subverting our expectations? Murdering only the dirty adults upsetting pappy? Were the kids an unfortunate diversion?

OF COURSE NOT!! THEY’RE GONNA GET THE HELL MURDERED OUT OF THEM!!

Well how do we get them away from this rocking party to do so? Simple. The power goes out during the rock concert party. They’re all a little bored. So the guys bet the girls they couldn’t last an hour up at that scary slaughterhouse in the dark!. Well the girls decide to make this a big money bet. Using 80’s value, the girls get the boys to bet $20 bucks that they won’t stay there an hour. So doing the math. $20 bucks in the 80’s would be like $60 today. Not bad for a bet.

So the girls brave their way into the slaughterhouse. The weather begins taking a turn for the worse and a lightning storm joins the party.

Now of course these guys can’t win a bet fairly. So they decide to stick around and scare the girls. Putting on their spooky mask and making noises all around the building. Buddy is all for fun and Halloween. But he does not like when people are dancing around in front of windows, and not inviting him. It’s a pretty creepy kill that’s been done a few times by now in these movies. The gag of a guy outside making faces and trying to be funny, while the girl inside smirks and tries telling him how dumb he looks. While spotting another figure behind the guy. Trying to warn him that someone is coming up behind them. But they won’t stop monkeying around and whamo. Down goes ugly mask guy. Cleaver to the back.

Our girl Annie screams out and runs off for safety. Unfortunately finding herself in the arms of a cackling Pappy. Who takes off with her to who knows what end. Well I can tell you. She gets hung on a meat hook along with the others. Which leaves us snake mask boy and Liz.

Well Liz is all we have left actually. Because poor Snake mask boy while exploring the rundown slaughterhouse ends up getting his head sliced in half by Buddy Bacon and his custom blade.

Though Liz might have wished for a quick end given what awaits her.

It’s nothing horribly bloody, nothing gross and sex filled. Mostly the worst thing she has to deal with is buddy shaking his sweat drenched head and hair over her face. Which we get to see in full sweaty glory.

Actually I lied she does get it pretty bad. Pappy is happy to share some knowledge with her about cutting people up. He informs her the most painful cuts a person can have, are on their fingertips. Claiming it hurts worse than having your belly split open. I would think that’s up for debate. However I would not wish to do so. But Pappy demonstrates this by. Oh. He doesn’t cut open her fingertip and bleed her. That’s bad but this is worse.

He actually ends up cutting, very slowly and purposely. Just the top later of skin on one fingertip. No blood. Just a deep skin cut that won’t bleed, and allows him to dig at her finger to waggle open and closed the flap of skin he cut. It’s like watching someone up close get a papercut on the webbing between two fingers. It’s just uncomfortable.

But they have plans for her. They’re going to skin her and cut her up like suckling pig, as Pappy tells her.  But thankfully, her father arrives. Her father, the Sheriff! Yes. That’s why she’s made to suffer, she’s the Sheriffs daughter. So now Pappy is happy. The last man on his kill list has arrived. But Liz gets away! She gets away and runs off to warn her dad. Only for them to end up chased by Buddy! They go through the maze of catwalks which I was not aware slaughterhouses had. Cool!

Though intense as the chase is, it has to end. We are RUNNING out of film here!! So just when it seems Buddy has them cornered, her dad remembers suddenly Hey. I’m the sheriff! I have a pistol! So he whips out his revolver and pops off a few shots at Buddy. Sending him off on a scream of oinks off screen and out of our lives. While our father and daughter team run for the buildings exist.

They just might make it!

Just might. HA!

Well actually they do make it out the front door. Good for them. However Pappy is also there, and stabs Sheriff Daddy in the back. He stumbles off after Liz. But she’s much more agile. Also she’s only suffering from a split fingertip. Not a knife through the back of her kidney. She’s able to help her dad into a squad car and even find the keys! Just in time before Pappy can get ahold of her and continue his promise of skinning and cutting her.

Sadly for Pappy she gets the car going and takes off. Only stopping at the last minute. So she can run over Pappy! Which is a nice Troma-done head smash. Any time a low budget movie does a car running over a head gag. It always brings me back to Troma and Lloyd using melons filled with fake blood stuffed inside a mask to simulate a head crushing. It’s always fun to see.

So with her dad in the front seat bleeding out. The two rush for a hospital and safety. Things are going well and we’re at the films end.

But they broke a cardinal rule of horror movies. Always. Not sometimes. But always, check the back seat. Because back there, finally popping up. Is Buddy. Digging the blade in her dads back deeper before pulling it out, staring at Lix and Oinking out in rage as he moves to stab her and

FREEZE FRAME!!

Yep, that’s where we end our adventure. A freeze frame just before she gets stabbed. Maybe she lives, maybe she doesn’t

She doesn’t. I’m willing to call it now.

This movie is a fun fun fun bit of horror. It’s not too silly, though the director claims there are silly dialog bits. I mean Buddy Bacon and Pappy Bacon of Bacon and Son slaughterhouse is. Well yeah. But it’s not really a very conventional horror. I mean it does follow what a slasher should be. But it still stands out.

It dared to be different by only making the teens in it an after thought. It’s very much an adults horror film in that those are the only people meant to suffer. The two kids killed at the beginning were really just by accident. Pappy wants to kill the lawyer that screwed him, the land grabber trying to grab his land, and the sheriff that had his land closed down and put up for public auction.  The kids are just there in the background being kids. There’s no tales of Buddy the pig boy haunting the woods, no town legends or haunts. Just a dad who discovers his sons talent for murder and exploits it. The girls and the two boys are innocent victims caught up in this murder spree and Liz is only made the suffer because she happens to be the daughter of the last man on the kill list. Hell there wasn’t even any nudity in the entire film! That’s a rarity especially in the era of breast being a main ingredient of horror back then.

Instead of a traditional slasher we got a different approach and fun story. You’d be shocked to learn the guys who made this never made a single movie before. They shot training videos for businesses, hell they even put thought into the casting. They believed a good horror film should be well cast, otherwise it’ll stink. So everyone they hired was experienced and picked solely for that.

Well, except for Buddy. That man just showed up and happened to catch the eye of our director. He saw the man who came to the audition shirtless wearing overalls and a chain necklace. He was perfect. The only down side to him? He’s 5’9. So not the tallest most imposing scary man. But the director loved the guy and used forced perspective. Anytime Buddy was on screen with anyone else, they’d have him standing on a ramp or apple boxes to appear towering over them. Pretty nifty.  This also wasn’t his last film either. He also pops up in Blood Diner, as well as a few bits here and there in tv shows.

His dad was also in Hobgoblins, which is worth mentioning because…well that movie deserves it’s on site. Funny enough the actress who played Liz ended up doing a lot in Hollywood. Mostly as a stunt woman, while Annie landed a nice roll on General Hospital for a while. But we have a horror alum with us in this film. The horny boyfriend killed at the beginning? Kevin. He appeared not only in Pumpkinhead, but also another film featured on this months list. Killer Workout!

So not really a star studded cast, but still a good one. Why don’t I mention the actors names? Because that’s what google is for and you all should look these factoids up! Also it’s late. It’s very very late. And I am running myself up the walls of this asylum trying to get a surprise ready for everyone in time for Halloween.

But the last thing of note here on Slaughterhouse. Is of course the box art and poster. It’s a thing of beauty.  Simple design wins the day again. We have our main villain Buddy front and center. Standing imposingly on a rampway leading to the slaughterhouse, holding his trust blade, glaring out at us with SLAUGHTERHOUSE in the back in bloody text. Another one of those pieces you always passed in the video store and always caught your eye. And of course the great tag lines “Buddy has an Axe to grind. A BIG axe!” and alternatively but still fun “Buddy is going Hog wild at the…Slaughterhouse”

You better check this one out! Pappy won’t be too happy If you don’t. Believe that. So give it a look, rent it or better yet buy it and give this gem some much earned and deserved love.