Spooktober! Day 1 Auntie Lee's Meat Pies!

Day 1 Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies

Picture this.

You’re bored out of your mind and want to watch a horror film.

But you want a bit of comedy.

You also want some cannibals

There’s also a need for satanism

But most of all, you want Mr. Miyagi as a sheriff eating pies and facepalming over the mentally handicapped.

So basically you want to watch Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies!

This movie is a gem. It’s SUCH a gem in fact, that most of you have never heard of it. For good reason no doubt. It was a bit hard to come by and unless you frequented some really dingy video stores, you likely didn’t see it. But should you seek it out? Well let’s see how you feel after we discuss it.

The premise of the film is, well. Really a bit hard to spell out. So lets have a little drink first then give it a shot.

Now have another ready, because you’ll need it.

Auntie Lee is the talk of the town and a prominent figure. Everyone orders her meat pies, and restaurants can’t get enough of them!

Yes they are filled with people meat, but also secret recipes of herbs and spices. Like the Coronel. So how does one procure these meats of man flesh? Well that’s where her pie eating helpers come in. She has a very diverse team of women working for her. All wayward girls she happened upon and are now helping her, she calls them her daughters. So lets go with that.

So she sends out her daughters on task. MAN task. As we discover at the beginning of the film. One sister is out driving along happily and happens to come across a nasty man. Who ends up wanting a different kind of ride! Which she is against, until she isn’t. But she is. Thankfully though this is short lived as she takes him out, and drags his bloated body to the trunk of the car. There’s also another daughter, a skinny blonde who has a taste for lean man meat. She flirts with a nice enough guy, until she’s turned off at his being vegan. But it is actually really good for the meat. To be fair, and she recognizes that. So she kills him too.

Basically all the girls do a wonderful job of seducing and all to happily killing random men. BUT!! CARE! Must. Be. Taken!

Thankfully they have the help of a mentally challenged Michael Berryman. Who is an absolute treasure.

He’s the…………well.

Mentally. Handicapped. Helper. Handyman. Dead body removal…guy.

Also an aspiring deputy. Which is one of the great moments of the movie.

Not a single soul suspects Auntie Lee of any wrong doing. She has a good racket going, and feeding off of drifters, mild mannered rapist, and people rock bands keep them off the radar. Mostly. Until the plot kicks in.

The plot that gets things moving is our vegan friend who ended up killed for his lean beef. It turns out he’s a runaway of a prominent family. Sort of. So the dad sent a private investigator to track him down and bring him back home. Unfortunately this man heard reports, and believe he indeed saw Mr Vegan go off with a blonde. So now Auntie Lee has to deal with this.

Meanwhile Michael Berryman is having to deal with a car that needs fixing. Which leads him on his own journey of discovery and adventure!

Which also is its own story.

There are a lot of stories in this movie.

One of those, thankfully. Involves the wonderful and wise Miyagi. Pat Morita. Who plays Chief Koal. Or Koala if you prefer. So Koala enjoys eating Auntie Lee’s meat pie. Pies. We get to watch it happen too. A lot. But he’s a good guy. He likes Aunt Lee and her ‘daughters’ he also plays friend to Mr. Berryman. Who desperately wants to become a policeman. Actually anything law enforcement wise. He just wants respect, a gun and a badge. But Chief Koala informs him no such luck will befall him. But if it makes him happy, He’ll make him a deputy in name only. But only if he gets a badge.

Wait, why am I telling you this? Because it’s WORTH IT! WE CAN LIKE FUN THINGS!!

It’s also one of the funnest things in this bit of cheesefest. Berryman actually goes out and buys himself a kids plastic badge. So he can become a deputy. Which Chief Koala, true to his word, regrettably does and names him a deputy.

Does it go anywhere? We’ll see!

No. No it doesn’t. Sadly there are no Adventures of Deputy Berryman. Which is sad. What we do get however, is far more than any of us could ever hope or wish for.

Which we are almost to the point of unwrapping.

But first there is the matter of, what to do with a Private investigator. As well as a rock band on the road who happen to find themselves in need of Auntie Lee’s help. Well the band comes first, and with them a list of truly beautiful gifts. Like the gift of their music. Which include some really lyrical treats on the subject of women being beneath men, and sluts. Truly inspiring songs to sing for Auntie Lee’s daughters and help loosen those panties.

But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

See the rock band is what makes this movie go in every other direction other than one that makes sense.

Through the rock band, we are introduced to their horrible music. We are given a dinner show, and awkward dinner. We are also introduced to another treasure of the film. Baby. A pants crapping insane troubled girl wearing a diaper and in a high chair. Which you do NOT mock baby. Ever! Some might even say you don’t put baby in a corner. It’s not wise. Needless to say the bang makes a big impression on the girls. And they themselves are doing their best to leave a good impression on them. But, someone left an even better impression on the girls. Before these musical geniuses.

And that would be the man himself

The king of all spices and herbs

The keeper of a million and one recipes

The guy who can turn any party into a rockin chick fest, or sausage fest.

The man from the deep south, lord of some of our hearts.

SATAN!!!

There it is. That’s right. The ladies are all practicing Satanist. We learn this through a series of different band member deaths. One gets a sexy serpent dance, while laying on a sacrificial table, surrounded by snake pillars. Which happen at one point to turn into an actual giant satan snake and kill him. This house is a certified hell furnished castle of magic and deliciousness.

Seriously though. They take their satanism very seriously. It also is the secret ingredient of their meat pies, and a tribute to their horned Gordon Ramsey.

They just felt like making us wait for that until the end because. The movie needed it. Really. Just having murderous sexy women with huge breast hunting down men and discussing their tenderness is pretty great. But made even better when they add a dash of satanism. Because why not?

Oh, we still have the Private Investigator to deal with. Does he happen to stop these evil ladies? Is HE the vessel of god sent to battle the devil lovin harlots? No, unfortunately he is tossed into the swimming pool and the ladies, dressed in their best bathing attire and lingerie circle him while chanting to daddy devil and repeatedly stab him. Trust me this is how satanism works. I saw it on the TV.

But what of Chief Koala bear? What of him and his new child like deputy?

They still have a story to tell, oh yes. Like I said this movie has a lot going on, and this is just what I’ve covered so far.

Mr Koala is having a day. Missing people, nosey investigators over stepping his jurisdiction, AND Mr. Berryman being a general bother to him. Even if he likes the guy. Well Mr. Berryman is busy dealing with a junk car and disposing of bodies after the girls strip them of meat. His own failures in life, and now the hardship of being a deputy.

Unfortunately Mr. Koala wants to help Mr. Berryman with his car troubles. This leads to the sad scene of Chief Koala bear finding the remains of a body, and his newest deputy facing the crushing disappointment of his best friend and new boss discovering a dirty filthy bloody secret. It’s actually rather sad because the movie plays it off as such. They really want you to understand how sad this is for both men. But we aren’t done yet.

There’s still a bit of movie to get through. See, now unfortunately Koala has to report to Auntie Lee his discovery. That deputy Berrymen is a killer, responsible for the death and dismemberment of many missing people. Despite Auntie Lee pleading with him not to put him in jail and turn him in. Chief Koala decides he must do his duty. So now the hearts of many Americans break as Mr Miyagi. Must now be killed. And in fact is killed. Like a lot. A lot lot. Which makes Mr. Berryman sad, but he also doesn’t want to go to prison so, he’s all good. Satan delivers a win!

So yeah. A movie about man meat pies that everyone is addicted too. Made by a woman who takes in trophies and wayward daughters, to pass on her legacy of meat pies, and a love of Satan. Together with a dash of dark humor, some breast, and all the glory that made the 80’s and early 90’s a true treasure. Make this a memorable experience. For those of us fortunate enough to have seen it growing up, or to track it down online. Which if you want to do now? Want to experience this film? Well, pay Vinegarsyndrom.com a visit, or track down anywhere streaming it. It’s worth a look, and a genuine experience. Check it out!

Also, welcome to Spooktober reviews