Day 9 Night of the Living Dead & Dawn of the Dead

ZOMBERS!!! ER MUR GURD!!!

It was inevitably. Honestly if anyone out there hasn't seen either of these. Hell even the remakes? I'd be surprised. Pleasantly though! But I'd also shake my head.

Admittedly though, I hadn't always been a fan of the original. It's an odd thing. Also one of my rarities where I enjoy the remake Tom Savini did of Night of The Living Dead more than the original. But I still enjoy the original on its own. I also will never watch the remake with Sid Haig they did in 3D because that one was just like eating drywall with warm water, by choice.

I doubt it's needed but just for the save of bravity...The story goes as such. Brother and sister visit their mom's grave in a cemetery out of their way,which causes trouble for the brother. While deciding a cemetery is as good a place as any to annoy the hell out of his sister, the duo pay respect to their mother, and proceed to piss on one another. Well mostly he's picking on her for how easily scared she was, is, can be. Which leads to our first ghoul.

We have to remember also, back then no one called them Zombies, they were called ghouls. So the brother ends up slipping, falling, hitting his head and a coolie ghoulie over takes him, Sister runs like a girl and tries to escape the old white men trying to grab at her. Which leads her to finding a nifty old house that looks like the safest best place ever to stay. Of course there are a few bodies not to worry about, a ghoul or two but OH MY GOD A BLACK MAN!!! Not being racist, just how it happens, Also it was a different time!!

So she decides now is a good time to take a break from reality and check out completely, leaving the truck driver Ben to talk to himself while trying to talk with her. It's during this time Ben does what any person now feels is second nature in this situation. Search the house for usable weapons, food, check to make sure the doors are locked. Slap a lady till she calms back down. #Justghoulthings

Eventually the two reach an understanding and just as they begin to ready making their Dungeons and Dragons characters for a long campaign, into the house comes bursting a balding horrible creature, a judgemental asshole checking to see if the people he heard earlier were still alive, and if they could use a bard in their party. Ben angrily slaps him around and informs him Bards are useless until a certain level, but mainly for not helping them.

Then the house starts raining white people. A country boy and his best gal pop out of the cellar, and still yet to show themselves is grumpy McBitchalots wife and daughter. Seriously the guy lives to complain and contradict people. Which is the point of his character, It just gets annoying after a while.

So once the group establishes they don't all know the rules of Dungeons and Dragons, it's decided they should return to panicking about the ghouls outside. After much debate it's decided they should take a truck parked outside, get some gas, fill up the truck and head to safety! Well that would work if not for human stupidity as the pump was locked, tossing torches in your truck also isn't a good idea, fire arms near gas pumps in fact is always a never good idea.

So Ben watches these two people screw up on an epic scale even keyboard cat couldn't play them off of. So that plan now out the window it's time to fall back on the best plan. Mass chaos! The house the team spent boarding up and prepping for doomsday falls apart as the ghouls decide they had enough of their crap and human drama, Mr complainer thinks this is the best time to discuss who can have the firearm in the house, and that the best place to stay, is still the basement of the house.

This was a key debate in the film. It takes up a good portion of arguing time and still remains a relevent 'what if' argument. Is it safer in a house, surrounded by zombers, to lock yourself downstairs in a stone basement with no way out and a door you can slide a large bar over to secure? Or in an upstairs, possibly attic space where if things go tits up, at least you can escape through the window.

Had Mr complainy face actually tried reasoning it might've worked out better, but choosing to be a selfish prick from moment one. But it doesn't matter because he's gonna die! Everyone will die!

It's pretty dire but yeah. Super quiet lady from the beginning see's her brother now a ghoul and gets taken out, The rarely seen and heard from wife of Mr Complainer discovers what happens when you don't tell people your daughter who was inactive for the entire movie, wakes up and decides its time to join team ghouls for the health benefits. Which leads to Ben taking care of Mr Complainer decides once the house is overrun with ghouls, that's a good time to revisit the upstairs downstairs debate for safety. So he locks himself in the basement. Finds a murderous little ghoul girl and backhands her into death.

So Ben Lives! Yay! But not really. The next morning hunters are out shooting ghouls and....mistake him for one and shoot poor Ben. The end!

Which is what people talk about a good deal too, for good reason, it was pretty damn dark, and a bit of social commentary. However. The end also changes depending which version of the story you see. In some versions Ben becomes the zombie and the girl survives. Hell even Mr Complainsalot survived then got killed too. So it's kinda odd but still a good story. Personally this one falls into the rare catagory of the Tom Savini remake for me being better, but that's also because our family saw that one in theaters I think. Pluss Tom Savini

Speaking of Savini, We get a whole lot of him and his amazing mustache coming up.

Yes the sequel best the original, by a hundred times. Yes it holds up by blowing the head off the original.

So a direct follow up by the director. The world is in chaos, having to deal with people in mass cosplaying in face paint, eating vegans because they had finally grown tired of their shit. Or I guess because zombies(yes we call them that now) are walking the earth and taking over slowly but surely. People are losing it on air and off, cops are lawless and killing without discrimination, well that's not entirely true. We have Officer Super Mario going on a race fueled shooting spree, switching from Shotgun to pistol to harsh language.

In this mix we got swat cops, good buddies over a ciggie treat. They decide they've had enough of this and want to escape the urban jungle of idiots protecting and treating zombies like people, and people treating people like animals. So they meet up with a reporter lady who has a depressed pilot friend we'll call Pilot Simp.

The four new besties set out for an adventure in zombieland USA, which take them to the loveliest mall in America. Where they begin what would become yet another long standing discussion among survivalist. Is a mall the best and most secure place to hold up and fortify? Or a grocery store. Personally I'd claim the mall and ransack all surrounding buildings, storing food and supplies until I had a dragons stash of everything.

So they take over the mall, clean up the zombies and decide, well. The world is crap, life is crap. We can do whatever we want. So they go on shopping sprees, they rob a bank inside the mall, which I didn't realize malls had. But I also didn't realize malls had large gun stores either. But they apparently may have? I dunno. Things are fun when they're fun!

They also help our preppers by showing yes they setup targeting ranges for practicing their shooting, and flying lessons incase the pilot should die. All viable smart things.

But the fun never last does it? Pilot Simp bangs the only clean lady they brought with them and is sad about it, he also get her pregnant while he was at it, because who needs condoms in a zombie apocalypse.

Well add to this the fact they decide to build a barrier to keep the zombies and any locals out of their fun time mall During this one of the Swat buddies gets bitten. So his good friend sadly has to kill him. Which was a cool shot seeing the man go from "I'm gonna try and fight it!" to waking up undead.

So things can only go up from here right? Of course they do!

While on a helicopter flying lesson UP in the sky!! See it goes up HA. Local bikers and Tom Savini's mustache see this and decide, they need to attack the mall because. Mad Bad Bikers. Also mustache.

So our heroes find themselves in a fight to defend their treehouse from bullies and.....it's exactly what you'd expect in an apocalyptic setting. The bikers destroy their defenses, Zombies get in, and mass chaos reigns. But

BUT BUT BUT!!! Most importantly, Above all things! We get a pie fight!!

Yes, out of the blue, for no reason but EVERY reason, we have a pie fight. It's lunatic insane and I love it. Zombies are being killed, people are being killed, and we have a pie fight. It's beautiful.

All of this mind you, while being scored by GOBLIN, the greatest italian music makers of our time next to Sergio of course.

So unfortunately Tom Savini and his mustache don't make it. But to make up for this intense sadness, we get the greatest wtf moment next to the pie fight

A biker, in the midst of his killing spree. Decides 'wow, my blood pressure feels like its spiking, let me test it.' So the man....sits down and slides his arm....into a blood pressure machine.

In the middle of murderous chaos, this man decides to check his blood pressure.

Does he die???

OF COURSE HE DOES! IT'S GLORIOUS AND WE LOVE IT!

So does the movie end as down beat as the last? Hell no! That's what part 3 is for. This one ends with our two surviving heroes, because Pilot Simp dies as he lived. Like a Simp. Our prego lady and her swat buddy, take off in their helicopter and set off for greener non biker pastures.

These two movies. Hell the whole trilogy, because fuck you part 4. Are all amazing, and get better, and better. The sequel builds on the rules it set up for itself in the first one, it shows a world torn into chaos by the events of the first film, and what's left of the world by the third. It's worth rewatching if you can find part two, I think it's currently still over $100 on amazon.

But seriously check it out!