SPOOPYWEEN DAY 3 HELLRAISER 2022!!!!

Day 3

HELLRAISER 2022

If ever you wished to see something beautiful.

Lets say a rose.

If you look at a rose and appreciate its unique beaty. That is Hellraiser 1-2

If you take a rose out of the vase and press it between wax paper in the center of a book? That’s Hellraiser 3-4

If you take a rose, and cover it in black ink? That’s Hellraiser 5-7

If you take a rose, push it up your ass, shit it out on the ground then piss on it That’s Hellraiser 8-10

When the author of The Hellbound Heart, the novelist who also painted the cenobites, created them, and made Hellraiser his first film, Clive Barker. When Clive Barker famously refers to your Hellraiser film as “I had nothing to do with this piece of shit”, you pretty much know. This is a franchise prime for a remake.

Seriously Clive Barker actually did say that and he was right, that Hellraiser film ‘Revelations’ 2011 was an absolute waste of shit pushed out of someones asshole. That is the kindest thing I could ever say about that film. It also gave us Value Village Pinhead.

I could, and I think will one day do an entire season on the Hellraiser films at some point. They’ve all gone through literal hell in development, production, and editing, and in some cases was shoe horned into another film, just to salvage a shitty detective story and keep the film rights.

This was a film, that when it was announced I was hopeful for. For once.

The first rumblings came out when it was said that Clive Barker was getting the rights back, and he was going to be making his own remake. Taking the series back on track, away from the sodomy shitfest it had become.

Which again. When even Doug Bradley tells you he won’t star in these pieces of shit, despite a paycheck. You know its time to rethink what the fuck you are doing.

So giving Hellraiser back to Clive. That had possibilities.

Then it came out he would be producing a remake, which would have his 100% approval. Something he’d be involved in.

Then it just shifted to, the weird joker film phase of. We are getting both a remake, and a television series. Which is worrying.

Why make two of the same thing unless you tied them together?

So Hulu wins the day and puts out a ‘Retelling’ of hellraiser.

Does this cause skepticism? No.

Again, this is a series that fans had to watch turn from something beautiful, to just okay, to mediocre, to being violated and discarded down a public shitting well. Once you get to that point with a film franchise? Anything is considered up.

Which is funny considering the reaction of the studio and everyone else.

They were ready to hear fan backlash the moment it was announced we wouldn’t have Doug Bradley, AND that Pinhead would be played by a trans woman. You could tell they were ready for this, and were shocked overall when the fans were like “Yeah sure why not”

Again. The shitwell. Anything is up.

The first look we got of our lead cenobite? People were sold, as was I.

Everything was looking good and grand. We were headed on an up swing.

Seriously Hellraiser 10 was the lowest you could go without going experimental.

The film came out and, well here we are

Does it resurrect the franchise? Does it find new depths to throw itself down?

Anything is better. Than a Hellraiser film. Where Pinhead spends the whole time sitting bored on a stone chair, doing nothing. Nothing but telling us they’re bored.

Seriously.

So let’s gooooooo

The Film

How best to start your film than with horns blaring and the industrial part of town.

It’s not subtle and its time to let go of Christopher Youngs beautiful score.

Immediately this movie wants to set itself apart which is exactly what it needed to do, however as we’ll get into later. It did do a bit of self sabotaging.

This is actually a nice opening. Much like the first film, and other Hellraisers after it. It opens with the anonymous purchasing of the lament configuration. I mean we don’t KNOW that as we can’t SEE it. But we absolutely KNOW it. Because we HAVE seen it.

From there we move on to exposition mansion. Which sets up a few of the pieces to our story that work behind the scenes as the film progresses. We are moving from Siberia to the home of Daddy Morebucks Mr. Voight. The purchaser of the famed puzzle box.

He’s hosting a rather lovely get together. Thankfully not a rich person sex orgy like we usually see in huge mansions. No. This is Massachusetts. They don’t do sex party orgies with old rich people. I think…

Mostly we are here to set the tone and back story for our new Hellraiser.

We have a young model we’ll just call Pretty Meatbag. He’s making the rounds at mr. Voight’s home and comes across his lovely assistant, the lady we saw purchasing the configuration in Siberia, Menaker. They make small talk that lets us in on the big to-do that is Voight and her connection to him. Which immediately lights up Pretty Meatbag’s eyes, and pulls an odd look of both amusement and sadness from Menaker. I love this.

At a glance, you watch these two and it comes off a little bit flirty. Which it is. But the moment she realizes this kid is hooked on Voight, the look she gives him is great, especially if you watch this a second time, or pay attention to the small subtlety in her face. The reaction she has is one of silent remorse. She knows immediately this kid is going to unfortunately die. She considers it a shame but…she knows not to get in Voight’s way, so she directs the poor guy to his fate.

A large room filled with rich guy artifacts, and at its center. Our new puzzle box. Which he immediately feels the need to pick up and play with.

This has got to be one of my favorite parts of this new film and the direction it went. The redesign of the box is spectacular.

It doesn’t seem right honestly, to call it a redesign. I’d honestly go as far as to say it’s an alternate configuration. When you dig into the world of Hellraiser those do exist. Through the films and into the comics as well. There were many different designs from the toymaker who built the original. And all of them served different purposes while, ultimately achieving the same goal.

The original box was a gateway. You were granted that which drew you to the box in the first place. In the case of Frank Cotton it was seeking the ultimate pleasure. So the cenobites grant this. But they expect payment for their gifts. So after you receive what you wished, they take out their own pleasures on you, in the form of extreme unending suffering and pain.

This configuration, is similar in design. Enough so that it gives you that look of familiarity while staying new. It also has a very different shape. This box is a living configuration. Where the first films box was a doorway to hell and the cenobites. This one is a direct line. One that requires sacrifice to obtain the distinct honor, and pleasure of the cenobites company.

At first glance the box as its presented is. Not really a box. So much as a rectangle. Intricate and beautifully designed. Pretty Meatbag while admiring it meets Mr. Voight. Who’s all too happy seeing him play with the box. It’s a fun scene as it plays out like a snake watching the mouse just dropped in its enclosure. Voight quietly stands back a safe distance and encourages him to play with the box, telling him it’s a puzzle of sorts. When the guy ask him if he’ll get a prize for opening it, Voight smiles sinisterly and answers “I will.”

No sooner than you could fart the fart of Hershey squirts after just finishing your first taco bell burrito, this poor boy has solved the configuration, and is rewarded with a fun new addition as well to the design of the box. Upon each solving, a razor sharp blade emerges from the box from an unknown position. Claiming the blood of the one who solved it.

As Pretty meatbag realizes he’s critically injured and see’s the rich guy smiling. He rightfully runs for his damn life. Only to be stopped by our good old friend in this franchise. Chains with hooks.

This is both the fun and falling point of the movie.

Its fun, seeing the classic hellraiser tools at work. Always. What isn’t so fun however. Is realizing this is a film made on Hulu, with the feel of someone holding back. As we do not get a look at any of what happens to Pretty Meatbag. Just his screams. The sound of chains. Digital blood here and there, and a grumpy Voight. Eventually we -do- get a distorted view of a hanging body. But it’s nothing to really write home about. All the while though, the box is shifting and changing configuration. As it does. Voight places it upon a pedestal and begins the final step. Which we will get into soon enough.

Because now it’s time for some flesh on flesh action!

What better juxtaposition can you ask for from taring flesh and limbs to pancaking ass cheeks and ball slapping sex! NO it’s not a preview of next months No Nut November porn reviews! It’s cinema!

Yes. We are moving from the images of torture and hell, to straight up fucking and the best way to fuck up a no strings attached fuckbuddy situation.

If you are with someone, and you only meet up for sex. You hang out, and always have sex. You never ‘date’ you are forbidden from calling it dating. You just hook up and fuck. You know what this is, and you know the rules, and so do I. You don’t complicate it, and you keep it simple. No drama, walk away whenever, and keep your emotions out of it, it’s just sex.

Well it’s the greatest instant clit kill when you moan for someone to bang your booty like Donkey Kong on Guitar Hero’s highest difficulty, only to have your partner do so and immediately tell you “I love you”

It genuinely made me laugh how quickly the woman we meet, our leading lady Riley. How quickly she went from moaning in pleasure, getting right up the stairs to that peak, hearing those words and immediately turning around like “Bitch you just what?” and WAP, pussy shut down, all dicks exit immediately. Ride is over. I love her.

It’s made even funnier when they exit the bedroom and the couple find a room of people in the living room. All of whom heard the two slapping skin and shoving hands in pots of mac and cheese.

A fun scene and quick introduction to our supporting cast.

We have Riley and Trevor, a simplified relationship between two troubled people. Riley is a recovering addict, Trevor is a troubled shady guy with love in his eyes.

On the opposite end of the room, the ones who had to listen to the bang bang boom, we have Riley’s brother Matt, his boyfriend Colin, and house mate..friend. Nora. Matt is a good boy. He’s protective of his sister and wants the best for her. Though he has a bit of a chip on his shoulder. It’s a somewhat familiar feeling, when you are trying to get your shit together, and you have a sibling who loves you and cares for you. But they also give off this sense of, you’ll never do better, and you are a pain in their ass. But they still want to help you just. They have the right to tell you what to do and what they think is best.

It's hard medicine to take and after a while can get old, and for Riley it is. You know they love each other, but he comes off over protective and a bit bitchy. SO naturally when he tells her to not hang out with Trevor, she immediately hangs out with him.

Because yeah. You don’t tell someone what to do after getting them grumpy.

It’s a fun setup though, as its moving us along swiftly to what will become our ‘moving day’ of the original film.

See, Riley wants out from under her brothers thumb, she wants a life of her own, she wants her freedom without feeling judged daily and watched constantly. So she needs better work. Trevor has a solution, and also is one of the things that make me laugh about these kind of movies.

Trevor is a troubled guy who dresses like a junky. But his apartment. Is one that would cost at least $200-$400k a month. It’s a huge open studio, with pinball machines, nice furniture, art work and. Well it’s the best a poor city boy can make do with, according to movie logic.

I would give my left nut if I could have his huge ass place for under 4 figures a month and be considered ‘barely scraping by’, just saying.

Well thanks to Trevor, he has a solution to their problems. He works security for a large storage facility. I have a friend who did similarly. He tells Riley that there’s a storage container left behind by some old rich guy that likely has old rich guy riches, so if they break into it, they should find expensive old rich guy things they can sell and get rich off of. So Riley is balls deep into this plan and ready to go.

What do they find?

Nothing you didn’t already expect them to.

Yep. An empty container with an oddly placed safe, containing a familiar wooden box, covered in little blood droplets. Within the box, is our box. The puzzle box. Only this time, in its more traditional 3.5x3.5 box configuration.

I know the measurements because, I own this movies box.

Actually I own this films box, the box from Hellraiser 7, and the first film. This box is a tiny big larger than the others. ANYWAY.

Trevor has no idea what the hell it is or if its even worth anything. But assumes it has to be as it was locked away in a safe. Riley calls dibs on the box and heads back home. Only to disturb her brother and his lover during one of the oddest acts of foreplay I’ve seen since Billy Madison when Adam Sandler played strip history with Chris Farley.

They’re reading poetry in the bedroom and trying to guess who wrote it. It’s kinda cute but. Well I guess everyone has their games. As Riley comes tromping home, interrupting their oral report, her bro decides he has to lay into her. Because its late. Because she’s loud, he immediately assumes she’s drunk or using again. Which leads them to fighting, harsh words. And Matt rushing to judgement and kicking her out. Neither one of them wants to admit defeat or back down, so. It happens, unfortunately. My sis and I can be that way sometimes. But thankfully we do calm our collective tits down and reason things out.

Sadly that’s not the case here. Well not really sadly. We need it to happen, so that it forces Riley to  take some pills, get fucked up, and play around with her box.

Not. That. Box.

SO where better to play with a puzzle box than a playground. As you can imagine, she solves the box and. Fortunately for her. She manages to not get struck by the blade, unlike Pretty Meatbag.

I love this as our introduction to the cenobites, and the rules of hells configurations.

In the comics, and through the books involving the cenobites. We learn hell has a hierarchy. It has set rules within its domain, and those attached to the boxes they produced. In the original film the box was opened based on your desire. What ‘you’ called on from the box. If you came looking for fulfillment, you were taken to hell and suffered. If you came looking for experiences beyond what you knew. You would be taken to the Leviathan and made a servant of hell, a cenobite.

In this film, this configuration is different. It’s driven by ambition. How far you’re willing to go, for what you want. This box demands sacrifice. Each time a life is marked by the box and claimed by the cenobites. The box changed to the next configuration. When you reach the final configuration, then you are allowed. Granted favor from hell.

When Kirsty solved the box in the original film. It was out of curiosity. She had no desire in her heart. Nothing to call the box to her. She’d taken it from Frank, it wasn’t meant for her, but she solved it. That is why when she did, she wasn’t taken by the cenobites at first. But they did show up, and with her asking for nothing when opening the box, her soul was up for grabs freely. That’s how she was able to bargain with them.

This time around, as no blood was given to the box when it was solved. Hell still has to answer that call. And they are not pleased.

I like the introduction to the new cenobites this way because it stands out exactly as it should. A new experience, something familiar but scene for the first time. Which it really nails that feeling of.

I absolutely love the look of them as well. These cenobites are not clad in black leather laced through their skin. Their outfits are made of their own skin. Stretched and reformed. It immediately reminded me of the reaction I had to seeing the original 12’ Clive Barker Tortured Souls figures, and calling them Grotesquely Beautiful. They have that look of elegant pain, and tortured beauty. It’s disturbing in the best way seeing someone in a flowing gown of their own skin. It’s also an interesting site seeing a cenobite with their scalp pulled back, eyes replaced with crystal beaded pins and their stomach and genitals cut in open display.

It's a ballsy move for the film, but also again, a bit of its failure. Don’t worry. We’re getting to that.

So with no blood offering, the cenobites are angry. Angry, but compromising. Riley is sobered up out of her drug haze at the site of these walking horror stories and hissed out “That blade, was meant for you”.

It is then, that we are introduced to our hell Priestess, the Pinhead. Which I will always, forever love. Because this one, is closest to the original stories description of Pinhead. The moment I saw the tiny bell at the center of their throat, I geeked out. I still remember reading in the book about how when they’d enter the room, you heard the faint jingling of that little bell with each step and reverberation as they spoke. Jamie Clayton. She’s a beautiful nightmare as the Hell Priestess.

Much as pinhead in the original picked up the box after Frank had solved it, and began to reset the box. She does similarly. Commanding the box though this time. “If not you, then another”. As she commands this and manipulates the box. Riley is getting a super wicked tattoo on her chest! Well not especially tattoo so much as her flesh being carved as the box is binding to her, using her to summon another to take her place.

Which of course is her brother because, reasons.

Bro bro gets up out of bed, rushes out to find his poor junky sister. Finds her, and oopsie daisy he stabs himself comically badly with the razor box. Seriously its kinda funny how incredibly painfully bad he stabs himself ‘on accident’

I mean shit the other day I was using my pocket knife to open a package, I dumbly rested my thumb on the base of the blade trying to move it out of my way and accidentally cut a tiny part of my thumb. This mother fucker stabbed himself straight through his goddamn palm with a 2 inch razor sharp blade. Which, sorry my dude. You’re gonna need a lot more than a sink to take care of that.

With that though, Bro bro seals his fate, in what would’ve again been a really cool scene if played out fully. Matt is in a dingy bathroom cleaning his bleeding hand, and as he does. He begins to feel distorted and drunk. He looks around and see’s his reflection staring back at him. The scene genuinely reminded me of one of the best random moment scares I had played Silent Hill 2, where you stand and look at a mirror in a bathroom. If you stay long enough and keep watching? You’ll eventually notice the reflected room begin to decay, and you begin to bleed out. It’s disturbing so of course I loved it. I got similar vibes with this. Next thing we see is wall begin to crumble and open up, presenting us with a glimpse into the labyrinth halls of hells domain. Where Matt is chained up and taken away screaming in agony. Leaving a confused Riley who wakes up to her brothers screams, runs into the bathroom only to find. Nothing. Just that the puzzlebox has changed shape and configuration. It has claimed its first sacrifice and moved to the second configuration.

The scene plays out nice, but it also, like I mentioned before with other scenes involving the horror of the film. Holds back. WHICH IT SHOULDN’T!

Part of what made Hellraiser, it wasn’t the gore perse. It was more than just that. It was the fact it didn’t hold back in what it wanted to show you. The sites it showed you were meant to get under your skin, in some cases rather literally. It was meant to be beautiful and macabre. Sexy and bloody. To illicit something from you. The music just made it that much more am Opera of orchestrated pain that you just couldn’t help but watch play out.

Where that film flourished and grew from the puddle of blood dripped on the floor. This film holds back. Where it should not. It’s not just about the blood and guts, its about the display, the visuals and giving reason to fear this vision of hell. Show us the cost. Let us see what waits, but they don’t. They instead tease us. But not really in the way they think they are. To them, they’re making the viewer crave more. For the viewer, it’s like telling your gentle lover they can be more ‘rough’ with you in bed only to have the most polite “Is that better?” fucking from a sweetheart, instead of the pull my hair slap and squeeze my ass, try to break the bed fucking.

Anyway

Matt has gone to hell, and Riley is left with horrific images of people dressed in skin, and a missing brother.

She has no where to go, and no one to believe her. Her brothers lover and friend can’t trust her word. She admitted she was high and blanked out. So her visions mean jack diddly shit. The only guy she can talk to who ALSO doesn’t believe her, is her fuck buddy Trevor the sex destroyer.

Which I give the guy props for as its hard not to laugh when she tells him what happened when she solved the box, how her brother is gone and she heard him screaming, then tries handing the box to Trevor only to have him tell her fuuuuuuuck no.

I mean, smart man Trevor, but also yeah. No shit you don’t touch it.

Hell I always laugh when I have friends over and they see the horror props I have. They see the Freddy glove I made? Everyone. EVERYONE wants to put that on. We can’t help it. But the puzzlebox? I’ve yet to have a single goddamn soul look at it, and give a hesitant smile and chuckle when I tell them its okay to pick it up. It’s from a goddamn movie, they all know it. But people still have that funny little hesitation. But they do. They always do. They always pick it up.

That’s how I gather my souls. Anyway back to the film.

So Riley is roleplaying detective now with Trevor. Through their detective work, or google if you want to be honest about it. They discover who the cargo belonged to, and from that, they locate Miss Menaker. Whom is in a…we’ll say Wellness center. She isn’t doing so well now. She’s coughing up her lungs and on oxygen.

When confronted by our dynamic duo about the box and her boss. She already knows they are fucked. She knows the box has changed configuration. She knows Riley’s brother is super dead and gone, and tries to save them by taking the box back.

This is our first stupid moment in the film.

So, you are living your best life, the last years of it. Staring down the barrel of regret. Knowing you did some messed up shit.

Some lady and her fucktoy show up, mentioning your messed up former boss who’s gone missing, and they present you with the source of your regret, and deaths. Lots of deaths.

Now. You could explain to this person very simply. “This box, kills. Once you open it? You begin a cycle of death. Everyone around you will suffer, and die. There is no hope within this thing. Only death, and pain. Trust me. I fed this box, I watched it take lives, and in the end. All it brought, all it is made to do. Is bring suffering. It was kept in that safe, to keep it away from the world. But you found it, now please I beg you. Give it to me before more people die, and let me destroy it. Save yourself and those close to you.”

You could, and should do that. Paint a very clear picture, in simple words.

But no. She tells her its evil, bad news. Her boss was bad, she did bad, now I’m gonna take the box. And immediately instead of talking it out, following it up with other questions. Riley begins fighting a dying woman over the box, all while semi solving the box, until it punctures the hand of Menaker. Which would be a perfect moment for a Trailerpark Boys “I fuckin toad a so” moment from Menaker.

Instead she resides in the fact she is fucked, lets Riley keep the box as the configuration changes to its third, and we get one of my second favorite deaths in this film.

As Menaker is wheeled around the hospital to be looked at. Reality slowly dissolves and hell comes for her.

It’s our first real look at a couple of the cenobites and their world. Its really wonderful as the look of it all. From spinning wooden pillars drying sheets of flesh, to background cenobites pacing about, and the design of the halls themselves. It all fits right in with the established world of Hellraiser. Which again is what this film needed. Not making itself a remake, but a new story in the Hellraiser world. Stringing together the collective flesh and showing up other levels of hells domain and the servants within it.

The flesh gowns of the cenobites and tight fleshed suits all have the same beautiful intricate design as the leather and flesh of the original and you could easily see this all being just another branch of hells domain instead of its own thing trying to reshape or out do the original.

The look we get at these cenobites for Menaker’s death are stunning. The female cenobite who approaches her, known as The Gasp, is a walking bloodless work of art.

Her skin is pierced with barbed steel with pearl ball bearings. Her scalp pulled back and draped over metal that cascades like an umbrella of flesh to her shoulders. Where her throat has been splayed open and intricately dissected to showcase her muscle tissue. Her breast as covered in criss crossed laced ribbons of flesh. The skin that remains on her arms and center of her chest have all been marked in symbols and patterns. Stitched to her body with strands of her own flesh. Seriously either pause your film, or google the new cenobites and just. They’re beautiful works of twisted art. The amount of detail in each one is just. Beautiful.

Unfortunately we are again robbed of the womans death. But all is not lost. As she cries knowing her end is here. She drops to her knees and pleads. Telling them how sorry she is for what she had done, For everything. Only to be told sympathetically, “Save your breath, for screaming.”

Its cold and exactly what you’d expect from the cenobites. They aren’t here to offer salvation or forgive your sins. They want to hear your suffering. Your pain, is their pleasure. So much like Riley dried up like the Sahara desert when Trevor said I love you, don’t ruin the moment for the cenobites by asking for forgiveness.

So, with two dead now, and the box having changed to its third configuration, we are nearly there. And not even to the halfway mark either. This is a long one and it’s a good trip. Just has a few bumps in it.

We learn that Mr Voight after the night of his party went missing. Never to be heard from again. He sold off his assets, leaving only his mansion behind, untouched and locked up. Tucked away in rich people land. So Riley, thanks to the power of google, is off and running to the Neverland Ranch of hells biggest simp.

Does she find hidden treasures? More puzzle boxes? Nazi gold?

No, unfortunately. This isn’t storage wars.

Instead she finds the grail diary of hell. Voight’s how to contact hell book, which details everything one would or could want to know about hell and its servants, but were afraid to ask. Including, the stages of the configuration. Which are as follows

Lament = Life

Lore = Knowledge

Laudarant = Love

Liminal = Sensation

Lazarus = Resurrection

Leviathan = Power

The six configurations, 2 of which have been achieved. All of them lead to one thing ultimately. Which we will get too. For now lets just bask in the beautiful fact that, giant mansions owned by weird rich people who vanish from existence, and get locked up, all their shit sold off. STILL remain fully stocked with all their personal belongings inside, and comfy chairs for people to lounge in while exploring.

Well we can’t have Riley getting too comfy. In fact she can’t get all the answers without some shit going down. So we need shit to happen!

Which comes to us in the form of Colin, Nora and Trevor! All coming to find their friend and get her the help she desperately needs. Because you can only take so much crazy talk about mystical beings, killer boxes and brothers reaching from hell for you to save them, before someone thinks you need a good shocking and some pills.

Thankfully though, Colin is a good guy, he likes Riley and not just because Matt had good dick game. He’s a kind caring human. They exist. He lets Riley try to explain to him what it is that she’s discovered and what the book she found has told her.

So here it is people. How the configuration works.

The box has six configurations, each one opened by way of sacrifice. Once you reach the final configuration and the sacrifice is made. You are granted an audience with hell. Where you can ask one wish. Hence the configurations names. Life, knowledge, love, sensation, resurrection, and power.

Each of these are a gift of the lord of hell to the one who holds the solved configuration. The ultimate genie in a bottle, and grand trick of hell. You want to become all knowing and seeing? Want to bring back your brother? Power over humanity? Well find 6 souls to sacrifice and hell will oblige your request.

Maybe.

The problem here. Is that for Riley. She’s accepted Matt is dead. She knows he is. The others? Not so much. The cops have no idea. There’s no blood, no body. So hearing someone tell you ‘hey this box could resurrect my bro bro and all will be cool. We just need 4 people to die and we’ll be cool”

Its well done and sad because you have a guy, trying to hold it together, having lost his love, and while trying to figure out what happened to them, where they are. You now have to deal with your lovers cranked out sister going off on a mad quest. The man is trying, and he is reaching the ends of sanity.

Meanwhile Nora and Trevor are busy exploring richmans land. Which means Trevor raids the bar which is still surprisingly stocked with nearly 10 year old left open alcohol and dusty 10 year uncleaned glasses. While Nora the explorer ends up pushing buttons and finding herself now stuck behind a hidden wall, now on her own in a hidden passage.

Where she happens to run into a deranged and oddly mechanical looking tortured soul who stabs her in the back with, the solved puzzle box.

Bringing us the 4th configuration.

Well Nora is not having a happy time at Rich mans palace.

But it won’t matter too much longer as she is now marked as a sacrifice and we enter right at the halfway mark my favorite death in this film.

The visuals in this, are what we needed to see during the other deaths, or at least more than we were teased. Nora is entering a drunken state of zoning in and out of reality, as her friends work to rush her into their Scooby Doo van and race off the property to a hospital. Meanwhile as they bicker over where to go and what to do. Nora is dealing with creeping hell blending into reality, as she watches the back of the van slowly transform into a bricked hallway that pulls her into it and soon she finds herself kneeling in the center of a hallway. Guarded at both ends by idle cenobites. At one end we meet our new iteration of the chatterer cenobite. Another great design, and at long last. We have the hell Priestess here, to play. It’s one of the closest to the book and lore cenobite interactions we’ve had on film and I love it.

People complained when Pinhead was allowed to talk more. The more he talked the less scary he became for them. Others enjoyed it because all he did was talk about suffering and wax philosophical. Hellraiser 3 was a bit much toward the end but not bad. It was still him. But by 4 and up. It was just…yeah.

Here though, the interactions are well done. It’s not Shakespearian. It’s not an ode to pain. It’s a thinly veiled in disappointment conversation with a person about to suffer a thousand lifetimes, pleading for god to save them. You can tell from her reaction hearing this, exactly what Pinhead eluded to in Hellbound, that they’ve done this many, many times, and the waste of suffering that is tears pleading for forgiveness, for their souls.

I love it because Nora is embracing her end. As chains and hooks claim her body and raise her from the ground. Then begin to twist to lay her out in the middle of the hall held up from the ground. All so the hell priestess can have Nora look at her as she talks.

“What is it you pray for?”

“Salvation”

“And what it’d feel like? A joyful note? Without change, without end? Heaven? There’s no music in that.”

With that she pulls a pin from her head, and slides it in one side of Nora’s throat, out the other end. Nora pleads to her and as she screams. The Priest slowly turns the pin. Each turn of it, you hear Nora’s voice change its screaming to a higher pitch. Its creepy as fuck and I love it because it sounds just like the ear shattering scream that came out of Rickles in Day of the Dead when his eye was gauged out and head torn off by zombies. That high pitched almost autotuned scream it’s just…damn.

Add to that her taunting tease to Nora of, “But this, there is so much more the body can be made to feel. And you’ll feel it all before we’re through.”

That is, as classical a cenobite line as you could hope for. They were not silent killers, these people wanted you to know what they wanted and how much they enjoyed it. To taunt and tease you for your sins, hidden pleasures and secrets. It’s an erotic dance like in sex. You toy with each other, you tease and learn from them, and their reactions what they like, how to get them to confess what they really want. Finding ways to tease and pleasurable torture it out of them. It’s a powerful thing in the bedroom, and it can feel really good. Having that control, or giving over to it. That’s how the cenobites operate. Just. With a lot more emphasis on the pleasure of pure deadly precise suffering. Which Nora is now going to discover.

It's a prime case I make for how the deaths in this film could’ve all been handles, or at least should’ve been expanded on, instead of simply leaving them as fade to black moments.

Sometimes less is more, works. Other times, you gotta show some more. This is a film where more is the operative word. We didn’t see all of the men Julia seduced get killed and brought to Frank to be drained of life. But we were shown enough to know it was unpleasant and painful. Same with Julias resurrection in Hellbound. They showed what it took to bring someone back from hell, they showed what had to be done to heal her body. Hell we even saw Dr. Chanard feeling up and making out with a skinless bloody Julia.

Here they just hold back, and it hurts just a bit. Just a bit.

I get that it’s a progression. The further we go, the more they show. Just, again. There is a time and place, and Hellraiser isn’t very subtle.

So now we are down to Colin, Trevor and Riley. The perfect trio you could ask for when adventuring through a mansion of pain, while being tormented by hells servants.

There’s a great moment for Riley that comes as Trevor and Colin argue about what to do next. She has had enough of this. Like a junky. She had her fix, she now see’s the damage its doing and knows lives are at stake. So she’s done. She wants to toss away the box and be done with it. But the hell Priest confronts her. Letting Riley know, they want her to proceed. They want to see her complete the puzzles and finish the final configurations. Only two more remain. But Riley is done. She knows she has to kill two people to get her brother back. She only has two people with her now. A fuck buddy she kinda is secretly into, and her brothers lover.  Brother lover. They tempt her with the resurrection of her brother, Which she desperately wants and does consider. But she tells herself no. She is trying to go cold turkey after crossing that halfway point and nearing the end of the rush. Hell isn’t one for asking, and if you stand in its way. You will face consequences. So they force the choice on her. Either she finds two more people to sacrifice and feed to the box. Or they will take her. With that she is now marked by the blade of the box and they inform her, she can now be taken by them at any time, unless. She finds two replacements.

There is some debate, but I love the result of this action.

Does Riley give in? No. She even tells Colin she won’t offer him up as sacrifice. She just needs time to think. Which she doesn’t have, as the road in front of them suddenly opens, and from it come the cenobites. More specifically, the chatterer. I will always be a fan of the first chatterer, he made multiple appearances through the series. But this one, is visceral and not a slow moving threat.

It manages to trap Riley and Trevor behind the gate to the mansion. Trevor tries pushing it away only get end up offering his arm as a meal, which the chatterer politely responds with a ‘Don’t mind if I do!’ and nibbles away.

In that moment, Riley tries one thing in hopes it’ll help them. It’s a fun idea and I love it.

She uses the blade from the puzzlebox and stabs Chatterer with it. The moment she does, he stops, and backs away. Without hesitation he moves aside to the road. The other cenobites do the same, and he is claimed by them.

I can understand some people being pissed about this, thinking how can cenobites exactly be sacrificed to the box, when they serve hell? Well it is possible, and it happens. Pinhead, was the high priest in the originals. He was the lead cenobite and well known, as were those who followed and served under him. When Chanard was taken to the Leviathan configuration and Leviathan took over. He punished Pinhead and his servants. Cenobites are not free of death. They often attack one another. So it was nice seeing this. She found a way to offer a sacrifice without giving up her two friends. So they can assume now, if it works on one, why not another?

Another fun idea they bring back from the fodder ben of past Hellraiser films. Is the idea of a hell safehouse. Much like in Hellraiser Bloodlines how the toy maker created…..a giant space puzzle box ship that would hold prisoner the cenobites. Voights home, is a puzzle itself with electrical gates, symbols, and protection surrounding the outside of his home, and the inside. Which manage to keep the cenobites at bay. Forcing them to patiently wait for the final sacrifice.

Meanwhile, we learn a bit more about our films threats. Of which there are many. With Trevor how bleeding out and needing first aid. He finds himself visited by someone wanting to give him a little pep talk to help move things along. The creature lurking in the hallways of the mansion. Well yeah it’s Mr Daddy morebucks, the rich weirdo Mr. Voight.

OF COURSE HE WAS STILL ALIVE!

Color me shocked and my butthole puckered in surprise. Right?

Even MORE shocking, or less. Is that Trevor has been working with Voight. He set Riley up, he gave her the box, knowing it would kill her, he was meant to claim the box and find other victims for it as well. But Riley survived, and things got out of control. So Voight needed Trevor to remember he has to finish things, because Voight has unfinished business.

It’s another beautiful creation and true payment displayed on screen of how hell works its ‘rewards’

Voight when he let Pretty Meatbag die, completing the configuration, summoned Leviathan. His wish was to experience ‘Sensation’. He chose Liminal. So the lord of hell rewarded him with the sensation, of never ending, always fresh pain. He had a device shoved through his chest out his back. That wound of nerve endings around gears like wires. Every few seconds it would tick away and turn on, turning and pulling at every nerve. Only stopping once the pain was about to dim. Ensuring that every time it ‘ticked’ he would feel the same fresh sensation every time, for the rest of his life.

So obviously you can’t go partying with people and expect them to be cool with you bleeding out your chest with a large golden contraption stringing your nerves out for all to see. Let alone the constant pain and screaming. I mean who wants that at a rich old man orgy, right?

As you’d expect things are not going to go well for our trio. While Riley thinks of a plan to let one cenobite into the house, trap it and stab it as an offering. Thus completing the configuration and getting her bro back. Voight has other ideas. Like taking the box and stabbing Colin with the blade. Marking him as sacrifice. This rightfully ticks off Riley, as does finding out the guy she was dick riding and kinda liked also set her up to kill her. This hasn’t been a good week for her. Or anyone for that matter.

Which brings me to a fun creepy cenobite worth mention here.

The Asphyx.

The Asphyx is a creepily fun designed cenobite. Its arms bound by nerves to its chest with a cylindrical device. Face sheathed in flesh constantly causing the cenobite to fight for each breath, which you hear. Having no sight, the cenobite works off of what it hears. When it readies to attack? It does not hold back. Sprinting into action, taring free of its nerve bindings and set loose like a hell hound. It’s a great side character with far to little screen time. It takes off after Riley only to end up trapped between two house gates. The great thing about it, is the thing doesn’t know how to stop, and wont stop. It WANTS Riley. Even at the cost of its own life. Showing you just how little cenobites care for themselves. Like Freddy Krueger in the first Nightmare film calling out to Tina and cutting off his own fingers, chuckling over it. If someone is willing to do that to themselves? Imagine what they’d be willing to do with you.

The Asphyx, while stuck. Struggles with all its might until its feet are no longer on the ground, and it rips the flesh blanket from its face. Which thanks to the many pins that held it in place OVER its face, removes their face with it.

And it still keeps coming for her.

It’s beautiful. I love it.

So here we are, at that beautiful 20 minute mark in the film.

Colin is now marked for death and on the run from the cenobites. Which are now freely roaming the house thanks to Riley opening the gates. Did she do it because she really doesn’t care about her friends? No. She did it because Voight stabbed her brothers lover, and was taunting the cenobites from the safety of his cenobite proof home. See Voight wasn’t happy with having pain injected into him every minute of every day for all eternity. So he literally. Not figuratively. But literally called hells customer support, by sacrificing 6 people. Just to complain to their manager.

No I am not kidding. It’s fucking hilarious.

He tells the hell Priest that he summoned them, and trapped them all in his home. Trapped hells servants. So he could demand to talk to their boss, and take back his stupid gift of suffering. Because “THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED! AND I AM A MAN WHO GETS WHAT HE WANTS!”

So Riley, with no consideration to her friends safety. Decides, fuck this male Karen bullshit, and lets the cenobites in. Making Voight nearly shit himself, and letting Riley chase down her brother lover, leaving her boy toy to bleed out and think about what he’s done.

Hellraiser!

Again, This series can only go up after what it’s been through.

So Riley must save brother lover, but how can she do so?

The configuration has reached its climax. She is no longer marked. Colin is. It was decided, and the cenobites have come to claim him. As we speak Voight is having a discussion with customer service agent Pinhead about an exchange for his previous gift of equal value.

It’s a bit of a failure on the film, again. But it does try. Keyword. Try. To make sense of its little change in rules.

Riley and Trevor find Colin. Now suspended by sharp wire digging into his legs and wrist while The Gasp oversees his torturing. Riley demands they stop this at once. “I didn’t choose him!” prompting the Cenobite to look at her and say in a ‘bitch I just work here’ tone, “And yet, he is marked”

Its fair. I mean she is right. Colin is marked so. Goodbye brother lover.

But no. With the power of Riley is the hero. She informs the Gasp that, she was told by their boss lady, specifically that SHE was marked, unless she chose another. So Riley is using the specific wording of the verbal contract as an out for Colin. As she herself did not pick him. That means she has to pick herself who gets offed.

The Gasp consults her notes on file for Riley, and finds that indeed her floor manager the High Priest -did- tell her in those words, she had to pick someone, if not herself. So though that isn’t how hell works. She has to honor what was written on file by her boss.

That is exactly what happens in a call center, and why I always tell people after having worked in one, anytime you are told a specific thing that could effect your account and you want remembered? Tell them to make a note of it, and read it back. That way if you need to call and complain? You have backup to show them, you did the thing, the company said a thing, now honor the thing.

So Riley used that logic on the cenobites and they are willing to say fuck it why not. Like I could actually see The Gasp just thinking to themselves “You know what, I’m not even supposed to be here today, so fuck it, y’all work this out amongst yourselves, entertain me”

So what ever shall Riley do to save brother lover? Will she lunge at another cenobite? Will she sacrifice herself heroically?

Fuck no she just stabs her sex ruining booty call Trevor. The guy screwed her over so. Time for payback. Even if he had some okay dick game. He still said I love you, and she was at a difficult place in her life and didn’t need that weighing down on her. Goodbye Trevor.

So with Colin now safe, and Riley free of being killed. It looks like smooth sailing from here on out.

But no not yet.

We still have to deal with contracts and there is still someone in line before Riley.

So the Hell Priest hears out the complaints of Voight as he now cries and begs her to let him die. She informs him that once given, their gifts cannot be given back. Only exchanged. Once you experience the threshold of one sensation. You can’t go back. You can only go further on. Experience more. She’s not wrong. So they compensate Voight for his displeasure. Realizing his true passion is not in sensation. But power. So they offer him the gift of Leviathan. Which he happily excepts because, and you gotta love the line. “Anything is better than this”

When you are making deals with hell. Those words. Are not exactly a thing you would consider to be true. At least not until like year 5 maybe. Year 3 if you really just give up.

So off he goes, into hells sky, to claim his prize of power. Taken to the clouds by way of hells thickest biggest chain through the chest. Happy trails my man.

Now that the Priest is ready to help Riley. It is time to make the offering to her that she has earned. She claimed her sacrifice. So somehow she still gets her wish, even though Voight claimed it. Again it’s the fine print of hells unspoken contract. I guess.

We’ll just say Hell takes opportunities afforded it. Two souls is always better than one.

So they ask Riley what it is she wishes for. Lament, Lore, Laudarant, Liminal, Lazarus, Rollos, Leviathan.

She is shown her brother. Ready to return to her and Trevor. But she turns them down. She wants to live. She doesn’t want any gift from hell. She wants to be free. To leave that place, to leave the cenobites, unharmed. The cenobites let her know they are disappointed, but they will grant her what she wants. And it’s beautifully put.

“Then you have chosen, a life of regret. Knowing everything you’ve done, everyone you’ve hurt and lost. Your suffering has barely begun. You chose to live, to carry that weight. Bitter and brief. You have chosen, the Lament Configuration.”

That’s some deep shit and it’s true. It’s a proper end for Riley. She brought all this suffering on, and not just that. She really is to blame for this.

I mean as bad as Voight was, and that man was bitterly bad. But Riley. Again it’s the tying to a junkies need. She let her need to bring her brother back, drag people to hell. Offered them up knowingly, to bring him back. She lost her friends, her brother. She almost lost Trevor. She caused a shit load of death and pain. Only to at the very end. Decide it’s not worth it. Having to live now. Knowing what she caused. What she did and left completely in vein. I mean you don’t really want a love one resurrected from hell. You KNOW that wont end well, and you gotta know they won’t be the same. But still. All that, just to walk away alive. It cost her, and will continue to cost her.

But hearing the Priest sound let down. Like her lifetime of regret and pain is just a tiny piece of suffering compared to what they would offer her. It’s twisted and I love it. It also shows you what Riley now carries with her.

They touched a little on that with Kirsty in Hellbound. But just barely. She was traumatized by what she went through. But they needed her to fight. Riley is fucked up and hopefully she will never forget. Okay hopefully she learns to deal with it. I dunno.

As for Voight? His ending is turned into the one thing it did not entirely need to be, while also being interesting, but also showcasing again what was wrong with this movie.

The film lets us wrap up Riley and Colin’s story before giving us the fate of Voight. When he is struck by hells girthy chain we are given the fan service line straight from new Pinhead “Oh yes, we have such sites to show you”, hit home by the playing of Christopher Youngs original score.  All while Voight ascends to the clouds.

We get more of the original two films score, specifically from Hellbound, as we begin seeing Voight crucified on Leviathan’s table, and his skin peal back. Beginning to lace and form his new attire. We get a very fuzzy digital dong, a touch of gore, and with Voight’s eyes turning black and silver, we have the birth of a cenobite, and roll credits.

The End

Hellraiser 2022 is both the best thing to happen with Hellraiser in ages, but also one of the more meh ones.

Like I said earlier. Hellraiser isn’t something you want to go subtle on. Its part of what killed the other sequels as well. It’s also a series of odd choices. Like the end especially. In a film where you’ve shown full frontal skinless nudity on male cenobites, and damn near the same with the female cenobites. Why fuzz out digital dick? It’s not even me being a perv, it’s something I’ve had the discussion with others about where it painfully stands out as something laughable and awkward. But its what they chose to do for, reasons.

And the gore, while incredibly light, had its moments. Moments where it looked like they were going to dive on into the pool of possibilities, but they just dip their toes and moved on. They went subtle where they shouldn’t had, and when they weren’t so subtle, they still pulled back.

Hence the analogy earlier of a gentle lover trying their best to be ‘rough’ for you and give you what you want. But as sweet as they are for trying, it’s not the same, and you accept that you still love them, you just won’t be getting what would really get you there.

It’s also, unfortunately. A film that feels like it wasn’t sure about standing and walking on its own legs. There are awkward moments, especially again at the end where the film dips into the pool of member berries on the original first two films. Between music cues throughout an otherwise great soundtrack, and repeating lines that felt painfully forced. The movie needed again, to not be subtle. It feels strongly like a mix of unsure minds.

Is it fandom to blame for that? Filmmakers wanting to show respect for the original by not remaking it, but instead making their own hellraiser story. That while wanting their thing to be original, still throw in cues from the original to bring in the familiar and rely on that to help you be okay with what they did? Fear of upsetting fans of a franchise can do that, but at the same time. That feels really unfair to say. Even for me.

Honestly, this feels like Prometheus almost.

You had a solid film that told an interesting story, had interesting characters and felt more like something from the comics(which is great) and very much a Hellraiser film within the same universe as the best sequels.

You had this.

And then, especially with the end. It felt so much like something from the studio, in this case Hulu, or a producer. Where they left a note saying we need to remake the birth of a cenobite scene, reuse the original music and lines people remember from the first.

Prometheus had an original and very interesting story. It was one that was familiar, but removed enough from the original Alien to be its own thing. Yet feel cut from the same cloth. Only to tack on at the very end of the film a forced scene of a proto-xenomorph being born . For reasons.

The lack of flesh taring Hellraiser gore, the censoring of nudity. That feels like Hulu.

Watching the film, and I’ve watched it now a few times. The more you do the more it really feels like someone had the idea. They had the support of that idea. But either they battled forces which told them “Okay we love it, love it! But you gotta pull back in this scene….and that scene. In fact let us edit this for you. A lot.” And, though I hate this idea it does hold water. It feels like a director who was either told to submit to the mpaa, or didn’t have the backbone to hold onto their vision when they should have.

For a film that felt like it really tried to please fans by respecting the original material, making its own story and doing right by Hellraiser. It just couldn’t help but also feel restrained and tampered with. A lot of people felt this way with the film too. It’s one of those that brings up the argument and what I touched on a bit ago. Do you make something that’s garnered to pleasing the fans, or do you make something that’s respectful to them while doing your own thing. If you do both, which they did. It just makes it awkward. Which is sad especially when you were on track for making such a good thing.

I bring up the comics and the books a lot because the world fleshed out in those made the entire world of hell and Hellraiser that much more interesting. You were shown the hierarchy of hell, the different cenobites serving Leviathan, how they function. Establishing lore, and rules of hell. It helped some. SOME. Of the later sequels feel like ‘yeah okay, this works in the comic book sense, I can dig it’. Like the idea of people being forced to live through a repeating moment in their life, an eternal hell they can’t escape, but only further be tortured through. Being shown why they are there, and having to live with that realization over and over. Shit even the worst fucking film in this franchises history, as much as I loathe it with every bit of my being. They managed one. ONE character moment that felt right from the hellraiser mythos. A character that eats a record of your sins, to determine your punishment by vomiting it out.

WHICH EVEN THAT ABOMINATION OF A FILM MANAGED TO FUCK UP GREATLY!

I CAN’T EVEN COMPLIMENT THAT PIECE OF SHIT FILM, BECAUSE IT IMMEDIATELY FUCKED ITSELF!!

Anyway…

Dipping into expanded lore, and finding connective tissue. That’s not how you can save a film or excuse it. I know. That’s entirely its own thing and we need to judge a film based on what is shown to us. Why they held back. I don’t know. It just feels like they tried, but were unsure. I also feel this film is a case for saying fuck streaming services.

Prepare for a short controlled rant, with a purpose.

I do not hide my hate for digital content. It is something that feels people will unfortunately have to learn from and by then it will be too late. But the making of films for streaming, is a dangerous game. This needed physical media. I feel if this were released on blu-ray and streaming? Maybe it would’ve gotten away with more of what they wanted, or had intended. Maybe.

But the other worry. My main worry. Is what happens to this film? Making people know the only way to see this film, is through Hulu. It feels limiting to your audience, and it could kill the chance of this film having its sequel. Which I would be curious to see and find out if they improve on it or not. But keeping it strictly on streaming just. Its limiting its success, all under the assumption people will sign up in mass for your Hulu Exclusive, Amazon Exclusive, Disney+ only, etc.

Worse though, is the reality that Disney has shown us can happen with digital only available content.

Without physical media. These exclusives can, and I fear will vanish. Disney already made the first move in showing us this is something they are willing to do. When the show WILLOW failed, which surprise surprise. Disney could’ve just tossed it down the road. But no. They fucking removed it from streaming.

The show is now no longer available. Anywhere. As if it never existed. Which. I mean granted comically that’s the best thing for it. But realistically. Knowing a streaming service can, and will just out right remove something as if it never existed. That’s scary. Even being something exclusive and made by or for Hulu. That doesn’t mean it will be safe. Had the film done miserably, would they have removed it? If it didn’t perform as well as it should have, would they say ‘Hey this is your last chance to catch it before it goes away’? Things like that should be concerning because they can do that with digital content. If not for physical media, we wouldn’t have cult classics and films making comebacks. Vinegar Syndrome would not be, and that’s a sad thought.

The thought of this film being released digitally, and a directors cut being put out on blu-ray? That works. Shudder the horror streaming service does this too. They release their exclusive films on dvd and blu.  They help these films get scene. It’s a good effort, and makes owning the film nicer, but also gives you incentive with unrated cuts, behind the scenes stuff and deleted scenes.

Again, this is a film I would love to see a directors cut, see deleted scenes. Hell HEAR the directors commentary and find out why they did the things they did, what they originally had intended. Something.

But with digital we are severely limited, and films like this, where you want to love it, and need more material on it, from it. But they wont give you that. It makes it a slow process of accepting and embracing it.

Which is truly sad. I don’t like a lot of the hate this film gets, and especially when so much of it that people expected they would be against, that they would hate. They didn’t!

You had different looking and designed cenobites that worked

A trans pinhead redesigned, and people found them beautiful and they killed it as the hell priest.

You made a trailer that worked and people enjoyed.

The story was one you could get behind and the characters weren’t insufferable meatbags.

It had the ingredients of a seriously good deal, and it worked where it should’ve worked.

But ultimately, be it through studio, producers, fear of fans, an unsure director. The film was unsure of itself and that held it back.

When it comes to Hellraiser I really hope to be entertained and to forget about the shit that’s come out with the label of Hellraiser. For you to make a film that I love the trailer, fell in love with the redesigned Pinhead, made a film score that is BEAUTIFUL, and actors that played characters you actually cared about. Its just sad when it should’ve all worked. It had the signs it would work out. But alas. It just felt stinted. It should’ve been its own thing completely, instead of mostly. Have confidence in your film and stand by it. Let the world see it and judge it as they will. Let it succeed or fail without feeling you need to meet certain marks to help win you support or points with the crowd. Just let it speak for itself and if you believed in it, put everything you intended into it. Good things can come from it.

Hellraiser is an odd beautiful thing, and has a film history that is really worth getting into. Thinking we could’ve and were SO close to getting an industrial punk rock soundtrack for the film versus Christopher Youngs beautiful orchestrated themes. I mean both are amazing to listen to, but they would’ve absolutely made for different experiences. The fights with the director and MPAA over the number of thrust. THRUST. They would allow before considering it pornographic. A first time director flying by the seat of his pants, adapting his own novel into a script, and bringing his creations to life with no experience what so ever in that industry. I mean damn.

But it worked.

They followed a vision and it worked.

This film still works. It’s still enjoyable. Absolutely.

It just could’ve been, and wanted to be more. It didn’t need to do some of the things it did. At all.

Do those moments keep it from being enjoyable? Not especially. It just makes it feel a bit bumpy and disjointed at moments. But over all it was a good film. Even when not comparing it to the shit streak across the carpet that is the other Hellraiser sequels. It’s a good film. Good story, great effects, acting was just fine. I really would like to see a sequel and find out if they learned from the first film. If  they’d find their own footsteps and stick to it more this time around. I’d like more stories from this. Will we get it? No idea. I still have no idea if the Hellraiser tv series is going to happen or not as well. Which still sounds so weird a thing to think they’d do. But we do live in a society where someone not only remade I Spit on Your Grave, but did it twice and made a direct sequel to it. How. Why. No one knows or could fathom to ask. But they did.

Of course I recommend the movie. Give it a try and you’ll either find it just fine, great, or meh. That seems to be the general reactions everyone falls on. Which is still just fine. But it could’ve been better, and feels like it should’ve.

I love the cenobites, they’re beautiful and tortured beings in this. The sets were great, digital blood will always look like digital blood. But bless them for the practical work they did and the digital effects too. The redesign of the box is great. It makes sense and works within the story. Just. Please. Don’t digitally remove and fuzz out ding dongs. It’s just awkward.

So with that being said, I will keep from ranting and end it here. We got many more films to go, and I still can’t believe I agreed to do three months of this, every damn day. Jesus wept.

Until tomorrow, if you happen to find a rich guy cargo storage, with a rich guy safe, holding a rich guy box, with blood stains. Maybe turn it over to the cops, or pawn shop. Take the money and run. No one wants demons. Or their dick ripped off.