SPOOPYWEEN DAY 8 SHORTCUT!!!!!

Day 8

Shortcut

There ARE no shortcuts in life

This is a lie.

When I was learning welding many years ago. Our teacher gave us his greatest wisdom, “If you see a job listing, and it says ‘must have 5 years, 8 years, 10 years experience’, and you know how to do the job? Lie. Lie on your resume, lie to them. Because its just code for them wanting someone that knows how to do the job they’re looking for.”

Does it work? Actually yeah, until they ask you to list where. Then you gotta work that ol razzle dazzle on them and makeup some place.

But I also have had two jobs where my manager said to ask for so and so numbers years experience, just to weed out the people he’d have to train so. There is something there.

Another shortcut I believe very firmly in is the saying, “The fastest way to a mans heart, is through his stomach”, I mean sure feed him something he loves and he’ll love you. But there is a better shortcut. The fastest way to anyones heart? Is through the ribcage.

So here we have a movie I know again nothing about. Not seen the trailer, don’t want too. I kinda like not having a single clue to any of these. For all I know this could be a comedy. I actually pray it isn’t but. We shall see.

It has your basic setup is all this old man knows. We got a bus of kids headed for a shortcut home, and they end up encountering a monster. Will it become their friend? Will they have an adventure to last a lifetime? Will they get their skulls exploded into each other? Anything is possible with the power of imagination, and friendship.

Because Friendship. Is Magical.

Anwho, lets get it on!

The film

Honestly I really do have hopes for the film. Especially once the synth track kicked in. Even if it has a sound like paying homage to Carpenter and the Duffer Bro’s. It’s a nice melody and unlike the Duff Duffs, this actually has more of a Carpenter vibe played through it. I really dig the look they’re going for.

Between the European country side, and the bus these kids are traveling on. It has an almost other worldly feel to it. It makes it feel kinda unique and hard to really place. I dig it and especially our introduction to the characters. They all play off each other like. Well. A bunch of kids and friends. Go figure right? But its done in a way that’s not beating you over the head or annoying with presenting who they all are and what roles they fill. It’s just a quick glance around the bus, a few jabs and conversations between them, and boom we have all we need to know about who they are.

It's refreshing and interesting because it really does carry that films of yesterday feel to it.

And again the bus. This thing is like a character unto itself.

Too bad they’re gonna be running for their lives soon.

Which itself is fun.

Not their struggle for life from terrors both seen and unseen. But the setup. And I do mean setup. As the bus driver entertains the kids on the slowest bus of all time. They come across a detour. In the most messed up forest of all time. I mean sure its normal for forest to have the decaying bones of wild animals and poor creatures that became pray. But here we are free of that. Sort of. Instead we have a whole ass tree think blocking out road, and if the driver, or anyone had looked closer. There are human limbs, some still with flesh.

This is a trap.

I mean obviously but still it’s sorta fun when you look at the little details. There’s a mini tractor nearby, and it looks like a road crew had been working there but. Something happened. And now its diverting people off the only road, to a shortcut.

YES the title of our film!

So our intrepid bunch head off the beaten path off onto a dirt road and…Well hope about that. There’s a dead deer in the road. ALSO conveniently setup. Are their human bodies? Sadly no. This time though, there are more long dead bones, and skulls. It looks literally like a feeding ground.

Did our monster and or monsters set this up?  Well. That’s a little hard to tell. And I like it. I have a theory, but I am going to hold onto that for now.

Fuck it no I won’t. I have restraint, but I like this shooting from the hip. Lets see if we end up right, or horrible, horrible wrong.

Because we are meeting one monster right now. But not at all the monster we are promised I think.

As the bus driver pulls the large dead deer from the road so he and the kids can get the hell home or back to whatever School for enhanced humans they came from. He encounters an armed escaped prisoner. Who introduces himself as a new passenger on the bus.

Part of me. Feels there’s another force at play here. The dead deer in the road feels like something someone on the run would absolutely set up. For sure.

But the large tree trunk in the road and dead road crew? I mean…that’s going to grab a lot of unwanted attention and if you are trying to spring a trap, you could hide the bodies a bit better. Sure. But looking at the setups here.

Sure I could see an escaped prisoner running into and killing a road crew, and setting up a roadkill trap. But the way they show the tree trunk and crew, it feels less. Human. So my theory? The guy saw the fallen tree and headed down the road. As he was intended to by the monster that setup that roadblock and killed the crew, setting up its own trap. Only to setup his own trap midway down the road.

Yeah, I’m going with the double threat idea. It just has that kind of feel and hey. When a movie promises us a monster. I’m not accepting it as a metaphorical monster. I am taking it as a literal god forsaken horror of creation monster. This guy just happened to find himself nearly its meal, and has now brought himself and a bus full of five kids and a driver to the dinner table.

And it makes for good fodder. Having the kids have to escape an unspeakable terror AND an escaped convict.

Especially when that convict is known for eating the tongues of his victims.

Yes I don’t feel eating tongues makes you a monster. Just makes you an odd person with an acquired taste.

We learn about this prisoner thanks to one of the kids in the bus, who’s father happens to be one of the detectives and or cops working to capture the guy, via diner flashback. Which is a nice little look into Karl’s life.

Karl is the big kid of the group and a wrestling fan. He talks a bit game of being tough, but the kid is a good friendo and a bit of a softy. Which I suppose as this is a short film we should talk a bit about our Breakfast Club cast here. I did mention they all fill out roles here pretty well in their short intros.

So aside Karl the not so cowardly lion. We have Queenie, who Karl teasingly refers to as I.Q. given she IS after all the brains of the group. And as proud of that as she should be. Our second female in the group is the soft spoken Bess. Not saying she’s a goody goody, but she is a bit of the reserved one. We have our resident punk and rebel of whatever cause you got for him Reggie, a fun character that one. AND we have the silent boy I’m gonna go ahead and guess is carrying the most massive crush of all time on Bess, Nolan.

This film is another one of those that, with the short run time of exactly an hour and 20 minutes. They did a good job setting them up quickly, not just giving you a taste of each and their role, but establishing quickly that the group of misfits from all different backgrounds here, are a good unit of proper friends. They sell it better than most and honestly? It has the good vibes of a believable friends group you get from say the latest telling of IT.

Which is a good thing and not always easy to pull off unless you really get lucky and nail down the casting.

Honestly the kids from IT had a lot more believability between them as honest friends than their adult versions did as a group.

I also should mention the thing I really dig with this movie is the tone. Like, it knows what it is. But it carries itself…a little differently. It already has that other worldly feel about it, but the underlying tone. You know something bad is coming. But the way its being presented thus far, and with the prisoner too. It has an almost fairy tale feel to it. Not in the same sense that Hatching did. But in the sense of hm. How to put it.

A sort of aloofness. Think Monster Squad meets Piranha. Minus the copious amounts of nudity. It doesn’t feel tongue in cheek. But it does feel like a bit of nostalgic horror. Which yeah the music should hint at that pretty damn heavily. But these days you never can tell. All I know is we’ve got one hour left and I’m invested with our friend group here. Also we’re about to meet our monster.

THERE IS a monster!!

Well I mean I’m hopeful here.

See our merry group of fun having kids and Mr. escaped prisoner with a gun, were all enjoying their pleasant valley road trip. Until they entered a tunnel and the bus decided to die.

Which is always a good sign of things to come when your bus dies in an empty tunnel, and you see a shape sitting covered by shadows in the center of the tunnel not far from the bus.

Unfortunately we need our horror to begin. So it means someone must die. And that someone is our friendly Bus driver. Which is sad! The man was actually fun, and the kids liked him. Pluss he told them a long riddle at the start of the film which I really want the answer to. But now NO ONE is solving riddles. Now. We have a dead bus driver.

As the bus driver is told by the armed man to move whatever it is in the middle of the tunnel. He heads off to investigate. Once he arrives at the seated thing. It finally stands up and reveals itself. We don’t see anything of the creature. All we see is it’s form when standing and unfurled. Is massive and imposing. The bus drivers face drains of all life and he just holds a look of absolute terror. Goodbye Mr. Bus driver Joe.

So what do we do when an unholy terror attacks the only one who could drive and repair the bus? Scream and panic naturally. Even our resident escaped prisoner is shitting himself thinking what to do. But he know what he wants to do. Get the hell out of here! The kids are on board with this plan. Naturally. It’s a good plan. But they aren’t the ones with the gun. But no one is going anywhere, because Joe was a responsible bus driving man.

He took the bus keys with him.

SO.

Someone is going to have to grab those keys off the body.

Good luck finding volunteers. Yes please. Go out into the dark tunnel where you just heard and saw someone get lifted from the ground and die. Best of luck, thoughts and prayers.

So obviously no one wants to die. But you can’t live forever either. So the man with the gun is looking for a designated meat bag to rush out, get the keys and get them to freedom. Which seems rather pointless given even WITH the keys. There is still the issue of the engine not working. But one problem at a time I guess.

Well after some debate over who should rock paper scissors for the honor of dying via horrible beast with sharp teeth or crazy scared gunmen. Bess. Bess decides to nut up and run out the bus to retrieve the keys.

That was. A shocking turn, but damn. Go Bess.

Does she die?

Of course not. Well at least not yet.

She manages to retrieve the keys just fine, and also get an up close look at what happened to Joe the bus driver. Who is 110% certified not having a good time and is absolutely dead. His throat is missing pieces and his blood is fleeing the body.

Well Bess isn’t going to hang around and find out whats out there, that’s enough terror in her life for, a lifetime. So she runs back, hands off the keys and finds a way to comfortably sit now having shown herself to have the biggest balls of anyone on that bus.

So keys obtained! For anyone who has played the Friday the 13th game or Seven days to Die, you know this is only step one in the survival process. This group is not familiar with those games. But they are quickly learning. As once again our escaped prisoner continues his one looped track of “Do what I tell you or I’ll shoot you”, and demands one of the kids drive the bus. Once a kid is picked, which just happens to be our resident rebel Reggie. He gets the unfortunate task of reminding Mr. Pistol Prisoner tongue eater, that the bus wont start because. The engine is still declining to cooperate.

Now, this will not do for our prisoner. No. So he is going to let these kids in on a little secret we adults learn about automotive repair.

It’s an ancient technique mastered by backwoods people. Passed on to country folks with red streaked necks. And told in trust to outsiders. It is the never failed method of engine repair known as “You start working or I’ll fucking kill you”

Now. Believe it or not. Trucks respond to this. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve witnessed my dad, my uncle, my cousin. They’ve all cussed out their car, promised death and just like that. The car starts up for them. It’s shaman like magic I can’t explain.

Unfortunately Mr. Prisoner only heard second hand about this magic. So instead of threatening the bus. He just falls back on that oldie but goldy of pointing his gun at the kids and threatening to kill one of them if they don’t make the bus move. Naturally, this is not as effective as one might imagine. Which sucks for the kids.

However they might just be in luck. The monster outside might be a certified mechanic. I mean it’s possible. You laugh but if you think about it, this creature has been around we can assume for many years. So its safe to assume maybe it picked up a few traits and hobbies. Like basic small engine repair. Deisel truck maintenance. Give it an hour and it could have an 18 wheeler road ready for you.

However before the monster can start making repairs, it needs to do a 15 point inspection on the bus. Which it begins doing, banging around and testing the tires. The shocks, and the roof. Much to the fear of those in the bus. Prompting our prisoner to run out of the bus. “I didn’t escape prison just to die in this metal box”, no. Sir you escaped prison to die in a dark tunnel beside a bus.

It’s not exactly a fun death, or a visual one. But hey at least he’s no longer the kids main problem.

Meanwhile the monster is taking a look at the engine and figuring out if it’s a distributor problem, something to do with the starter, or hopefully just an issue with the battery.

Not wanting to disturb the kids as they cry and try to decide what to do, where to go. He attemps mind melding with one of the kids, or rebel yeller Reggie. Honestly it’s a very cool scene, it’s very old school and unique. The radio on the bus turns on and slowly turns through scattered scrambled channels, until finding a low signal and eerie lady singing. As it plays Reggie seems to drift off for a moment and soon invisions himself, and his friends covered in blood standing in a slaughter room. With a large unholy creature screaming at him. Startling him back to reality.

Apparently he didn’t interpret the monsters notes the way it was intended. But then again give them a break. They’re a monster and it’s doing the best it can.

It attempts to communicate through the windows of the bus. But every time it approaches the windows, the kids scream in bloody horror. Which. I mean, is understandable.

The design and look of the creature is. Pretty fucking rad. Imagine an Orc from Lord of the rings. With a puffer fish mouth and shark teeth. With elongated fingers and claws.

Now imagine it wearing a MIDAS jumpsuit with a little gray hat.

It’s genuinely creepy and cool looking, and they should be proud of it. In fact. They ARE proud of it. You know when someone loves their creation and trust it enough they decide to let you see it in light.

Just. Not willingly we will say.

Seeing as these kids can’t hear it through the glass, the monster. We’ll call them Wretched Ralph. Wretched Ralph decides to force open one of the doors and introduce himself. He begins by apologizing for the misunderstanding with the driver, tells them there is no need to thank him for the rescue from the prisoner. But he needs to address a few concerns about getting the bus back on the road and them back home, so he’s going to need to see proof of insurance on the bus.

Needless to say the kids don’t listen. They’re too busy screaming for their little lives and trying to flee the bus. Noticing the door is a little stuck, Wretched Ralph tries to walk over and help them out. Apparently he got to close to the kids safety bubble, so they blind him with a flash light.

Wretched Ralph is not a fan of light it seems. But then again who honestly is a fan of getting a 100k lumin light in the face right?

It looks even cooler in the light, In darkness this thing is just a walking slippery oil slick of grotesqueness and terror. In daylight, its skin is a sickly pale gray and looks even more like something that really is more of a night person versus a sun loving day person. It’s relatable.

Well no one is getting home any time soon, and the parts for that bus are going to be delayed even further until these kids learn to talk with their monster mechanic. So for now they take off running down the odd tunnels and begin exploring what most of us can identify as a maze of death.

It’s some sort of old factory, or…well I don’t know. Maze of death sounds good enough.

Thankfully our group run and run, until they  can’t run no more. Finding themselves a nice little….candle lit room. With a map. This is a starting room for video games. Not only is there a map for them, there’s also a torch and fire. This is a rest spot and save point they can return to.

This may be low on gore, and the scares may not be terribly high. But its really fun. Honestly this is a fun little setup and even if not a scare a minute piss yourself ride. It’s proving an interesting and fun one.

Like I said, I miss kid horror, so this is fun.

As our group rest and Nolan looks over the large map of game corridors, seriously this place looks like it turned into a real version of Penumbra. They’ve discovered our first mission in game. Find and explore the control room. If this place is wired up still. They could power it up, and make finding their way out a lot easier, as well as possibly a phone. But more importantly, lighting up the place and keeping Wretched Ralph and his automotive repair bills at bay.

So we come to our split adventure. Not everyone wants to head off into the dark to explore this place. Even with a torch. So Nolan and Bess decide to go off together in search of the control room and the next step in the story. While Reggie, Queenie and Karl stay together and discuss food and why beat boxing in a large room with echo chambers while hiding from a monster is a relatively not wise idea.

Let the game of survival begin. Folks? We are at the 30 minutes left time mark of our movie. Its about to get pretty hot and heavy.

Which, okay let me rephrase that given our group.

Let the body count begin.

So we get two fun roads of adventure here. We get a dash of story, and a helping of violence.

On the one hand, whith Bess and Nolan. We get these two lovey doves stumbling upon the control room and, some very telling devices. Which I think shall help us identify our pokemon, or monster. Same thing and you can’t tell me otherwise.

They discover an odd device setup facing the rooms entryway which is. A standing device holding several large lights. Directed at the door. Recalling the monster is afraid of the light, they imagine then this means perhaps whoever was here before had fought this beast and possibly won. So there is hope!

Until they discover a decaying skeleton in the corner and decide okay maybe not. We’re all boned. Still.

Meanwhile as Karl dreams of burgers and beatboxes his hunger pains away. Queenie needs to pee. Super horribly bad. So Reggie is elected the piss protector and guides Queenie to a safe piss spot. Which she will only use once he turns away and walked 20 yards away.

Why the constant fascination with watching a girl pee in films. I will never understand. I’ve seen women pee in the wilds of real life. It’s nothing to write home about. But I guess anytime someone has to roll their underwear down and hang their ass out, it’s an experience for someone.

So Queenie finds a comfy spot to let loose Niagara Falls, and Reggie keeps watch with his torch. Even trying to flirt with her as she pees. Because that’s the best time to flirt with a woman is when she’s pushing urine out.

Unfortunately. His flirting was either not heard by Queenie. Or she and her pissing were so offended by it that she decided to storm off and leave him there to think about what he’d said and his choice in timing.

Either way. Queenie is missing.

And we may have a vampire auto mechanic roaming this place.

Reggie enlist the help of the human drum machine Karl and the two take off in an attempt to find their friend. Which thanks to her screams of agony they are quickly able to do so. She may not had said too much, but I like Queenie, and I don’t know what to expect from this movie so I can’t say if she’ll be our groups first victim or not.

And I love that. The one bane of monster kid movies is you never know if they’ll actually put the kids in danger and kill them, or if they’ll all be heavily covered in plot armor as to render them unbreakable and only vulnerable to occasional jump scares.

It could be Queenie is being dragged off to some feeding room, or struggling fighting the Auto mechanic Dracula…Dragula.

She could be completely fine.

Nope.

No she is not fine.

The two boys find their friend, having followed her screams and find her pleadingly looking to them as Wretched Ralph the Dragula of the forest mechanics feast on the blood from her neck wound.

But the boys are packin fire. Which Dragula hates. So off he goes scittering about, and Karl takes Queenie’s arm around his neck and carries her off with him to safety. As Reggie the relentless stays to fight off Dragula and his outrageous repair quotes for the bus.

Does this all bode well for the three? Fuck no. Is Reggie winning? Hell no!

You try waving a torch at a level 50 Dragula when you just hit level 9 and tell me how well you fair. In starter gear no less.

Of course Reggie is boned. The poor kid loses the torch and Wretched Ralph is all over him, ready to have himself another free sample snack. It’s like a vampire Costco down here with these sample stands.

Well thankfully someone higher up is looking out for Reggie. Nolan and Bess were able to science out the generator and bring light back to the facility! Which immediately upsets Dragula and send him fleeting just as he was ready to feast on Reggie.

So as our cut scene ends, the group now has their new mission. Regroup with the kids in the generator, while the kids there unlock more of the story.

Which is. A lot.

Thanks to the lights we now have a better look at the control room and the setup murder board. Which details a 13 year game of survival and dragula hunting. Dozens of missing people posters line the wall along with newspaper clippings and drawings. Of The Nocturne Wonderer.

I like that name, its pretty sweet for a Dragula. But we’re sticking with Wretched Ralph.

We learn from this lore room, that a young guy, Giulio Sarpi. Had lost his sister 40 years ago in that maze of tunnels to our dragula. Ever since that day he has been obsessed with it. Leaning how to track it, following stories of disappearences, detailing all of his findings and research. He returned to the tunnels as a much older man and began setting up the generator, powering the place. Creating what he needed to attempt to track it, trap it and kill it.

Only he himself fell victim to the creature. His wish to avenge his beloved sister drove him to dedicating his life to finding it and stopping it. But in reality he was too scared to fight it when faced with it. And unfortunately died.

So now our kids are left to pick up the pieces where Giulio left off. Repairing his machine and completing his ultimate trap for the Dragula parasite.

Holy shit I love it. It really is a modern version of an 80’s kids horror adventure. They even gave us a montage and it works.

What’s the plan stan? Well the plan is to lure Wretched Ralph out of hiding, and into the control room. To face off against the chair of sun light. Which. Hopefully will not just incredibly piss it off, but destroy it. Because the last thing you want is a pissed off blinded Dragula mechanic. THAT is when headlight fluid and internal tire parts become costly additions to their work and labor cost “Go a bit higher than we planned”.

But these kids are committed. They want to live, and they need to avenge Joe the bus driver.

Also they really want to not become blood sucking parasites themselves or dinner. No one ever wants to be dinner.

So things are set in motion. Our kids are finding the will to survive and somewhere someone is blasting the hit song from Bloodsport ‘Kumite’. We are in the last 20 minutes of the film!

The kids smartly use cloth soaked in poor Queenies blood as bookmarkers inside issues of Popular Mechanic, luring Wretched Ralph out from the shadows. Soon the chase is on.

Our monster isn’t that smart a parasite, but it does know these tunnels better than those kids. However there are more of them than there are of it. Had this been a MIDAS center things would be different. But the creature is finding itself confused and lead from one place to another by the kids. Until they get that slimy unfairly priced mechanic right where they want him!

But. Not exactly how we thought, or at all what we expected. Like. At all.

See the kids finished the throne of light. Yeah. But they aren’t using it to kill Dragula. No. Instead, they’re using it as the best distraction possible so they can escape the tunnels back to the rising light outside.

Big hero Karl charges with all the strength and bravery he would lie to his father about having. NOW finding his strength and bulldogging Wretched Ralph with a row of powerful lights. Giving Queenie and Bess time to run like hell and make their way out of the tunnel, soon taking off himself with his friends.

As the girls make it to the mouth of the tunnel, they hear the angry sounds of not their friends bitching about how much faster the girls are at running. But the sounds of a pissed off auto mechanic dragula. Even with the sun on the rise, this beast is still willing to kill them. But oh how that natural light burns.

However just when the creature considers, do I use my power and draw the girls back to me? Or do I run ands hide. The boys show up. Baring flaming torches in their hands. They came to fuck shit up and get home for hamburgers and fries.

With fried eggs double bacon and jalapenos.

Much to the dismay of poor Wretched Ralph, these kids will not be getting the winter service package or alignment done. Instead the creature is faced with a no win scenario. If it rushes for the ladies, it dies in the sun light. If it retreats it’ll be burned. So Wretched Ralph calls his union rep and waits for an idea what to do and how to handle this.

The boys decide playtime is over and torch Wretched Ralph. Forcing him to do his best Wring Wraith impression. Screeching, screaming and flailing on fire. Which I mean. Yay for the kids. But I still felt bad for Wretched Ralph, and not just because of the story we made up for them. But the fact as it is dying, it reaches out to them as if for help before it collapses and dies.

To be honest, I half expected them to find out the creature was actually Isabelle Sarpi, Giulio’s sister. There were times we saw the creature had what looked like gray long strands of hair so. I mean it’s possible? But thankfully we will never know. Just like the best horror of the day. It’s not about giving you the whole story. It’s about scaring you and having an adventure.

Which these kids have had, and now survived, as they watch the beast burn and the proudly dedicated the kill to their friend Joe.

As the film draws to its end. We do get the answer to Joes Riddle, and I really dig it. As it did indeed serve as the underlying message and the key to their survival.

I’d say you just have to watch it to find out, but honestly if you read up to this point and you know this is all about reviewing and therefor spoiling the movies. Well.

You’ll still have to watch it and find out. Seriously show this movie some love.

And better yet? They don’t end it there.

Even as Karl tells us how they all made it out of this alive, and bonded as friends. How no one believed any of them and what happened. They still knew what happened, what they did and survived, and how it helped them to find themselves and their inner strength. Their courage. And as that rings out, Karl’s dad and his team decide to investigate those tunnels, Only to find there is still something lurking in those halls, snarling and screeching. Asking if they’d be interested in a 15 point MIDAS inspection.

The End.

The film

Okay so. That was a lot of fun. I mean seriously that was a lot of fun. It’s also funny for me considering my rantings so far, and how my choices In what to review next are entirely at random. That here it is I was discussing how we don’t get a lot of kids horror anymore, and here we go. This felt like it was made by someone who wanted to pay homage to that. In both a good and so so way.

I mean don’t get me wrong this movie was great, I enjoyed it. But it also. I felt. At the end kind of patted itself a bit too much on the back.

This film feels to me like a movie that may struggle to find its audience. Because like anything remotely done centered on a group of friends be it current day or god forbid in the past. Is always going to get compared unfairly and sometimes absolutely fairly to Stranger Things.

It’s the high school music shit of modern day media and I hate it.

By that I mean, there was a time, as I was a Freshmen, where my cousin introduced me to Metallica and Ozzy Osbourne. And on the other side of my family, my cousin Wendy’s husband, he introduced me to Body Count, Pantera, White Zombie Jello Biafra, Black Flag and Suicidal Tendencies.

Of these the one I enjoyed more frequently was Ozzy. So I did a sketch of Oz on my guitar in white out, punked out the rest of it in band names, and my backpack also had Ozzy and Black Sabbath on it.

No one gave a shit for it, just a few goth metal heads and that was VERY few back in the day.

But the moment The Osbournes TV show came out.

EVERYONE was on the Ozzy train, meanwhile I’m here like, you mother fuckers where were you before this?

Stranger Things has done that for 80s period films and nostalgia horror. Anytime you here synth tracks in horror? Stranger Things rip off. Kids on bikes? Stranger Things wanna be. Group of kids battling an evil monster killing other kids in a sewer? Obviously Stranger Things.

It’s gotten sickening to a point you just have to zone it out, and as I said in some cases it is blatantly done and you can absolutely tell. The challenge is trying to stand out from that crowd and proving yourself as what you set out to be.

Taking the basis of what would be an 80’s era horror with kids, but making it in current day, while using 80’s synth. It feels like a ballsy move and I’m glad for it. More filmmakers should dare to be that ballsy.

The only thing is, as this film was heavily influenced by those films of yore, As short as it was, and with the epilogue we got.

The epilogue felt a little, I really want this to come out right as its not a knock at them in any way. But the epilogue felt a bit between undeserved, and a bit much.

How?

Well with the group now being forever bonded as they showed themselves to be. They survived a terrible ordeal and found their strength together. Yeah. But the film, if they really wanted to deserve that epilogue or have it hold a bit more potency? The film should have been a bit longer perhaps.

Give us something to see more of the friendship between them. I mean it’s implied in the beginning. No ones singled out or an outcast. No bullying or people hating being stuck there. Without the background they are just 5 friends hanging out on an unmarked bus driven by their friend Joe. We are given just a tiny bit about each of them to show they are okay with each other. I liked the film for this. But going from the hint that they’re friends, to barely surviving in tact a terrible vampire attack, to now being life long friends that will always be there for each other. It has that “And that was the summer that changed everything” feel. Like It. But with that we had the group dynamic fleshed out.

Absolutely I would’ve loved the film being a bit longer? But I also can understand that ruining the structure of what they constructed, and how they told their story. Like I said it was done in a classic monster movie way. No need for lots of backstory and explanations. Just go for the ride and pray for the end.

I just felt the epilogue was a bit much. I guess is what I’m getting at. But I get it. It doesn’t ruin the film for me. It just felt a bit out of place given the rest of the movie.

But otherwise absolutely it was a spot on fun time.

The vampire creature was very well done and given the exact amount of hiding and lime light as it needed. It looked original and not laughable. That is, believe it or not. Very difficult to achieve in horror.

A good example is the original Predator film. The original monster for that was A mantis like creature, with lobster claws and a huge bug head. It also was going to be played by Jean Claud Van Damme. Thankfully the director hated it so much they redesigned it and we got an incredibly memorable and often attempted to replicate monster.

So kudos on them for their team making a great and appropriately creepy ass looking vampire creature.

The music was restrained and well done. Handled well and its own thing, while sounding like a mix of both a John Carpenter Alan Howarth creation, and Videodrome era Howard Shore.

It has a touch of that Stranger Things vibe to the opening theme, but thankfully shakes it free once the movie picks up. Absolutely a fan of it and I really do love when a film score compliments a movie well.

As for criticisms? I mean.

I can see how some people might be put off by this movie. Unfortunately. But I get it. It’s not for everyone.

The film is a very tight hour and twenty minutes. Everything happens fairly quickly and during that time, between the monsters introduction and the end. There isn’t much horror shown. So gore hounds are out of luck. People looking for jump scares will be sad. You want to see people torn apart, sorry not going to happen. The worst we get, is essentially. And this is not a knock on the film, I actually love saying this. But the gore? Is the equivalent of what I used to create when I was a kid. I would take wax paper, spill out thin pools of liquid latex, and then drizzle some blood gel over it before it dried. It would create skin colored sores and bloody cuts. One of my best ones was a circular one I painted and looked like scorched skin. But when you added blood to it, it looked like a giant leech attack. That’s essentially what we got with the death of Joe, the prisoner, and the bites on the kids.

It might not satisfy the heart of all horror fans. But the effects only ever should be a tool to help in telling your story. Not the focal point. That’s a whole other ball game and this movie is not in that game.

This film setout to tell a story of taking a shortcut to a bad time. It told that story, it was appropriately nasty when it needed to be. It moved along from point A to be B without messing around, they identified the threat, they worked together to hatch a plan to escape and take that thing down, and they executed it. Surviving to tell the story.

It’s a beautifully done modern retro tale, and a welcome change among a sea of overly copy and pasted trope filled films. It’s not having a film that doesn’t rely on loud musical cues and jump scares.

Yes I still long for the day someone has balls so large they need specially made pants to hold them, and that person makes a film with flesh being torn, blood soaked nightmare fuel with kids losing their heads and towns people slaughtered without pulling back. But I also have what my therapist calls “Severe issues”. I just call it being an 80’s video store child.

Honestly that movie was already sort of made and was pretty damn scary, it was called Summer of ’84.

But back to this film and not my horrific mental problems.

I really give the director a lot of credit on this one, Alessio Liguori. They’ve got a pretty extensive resume between directing and writing and I’m tempted to check out other projects from them, and, funny enough. If I end up doing a sequel to found footage February, It appears they did a found footage film. So. Going to file that away for consideration.

I actually love when I find movies like this to review and I can’t complain about them. Because it means shorter reviews!

But no actually its just reassuring knowing people make these happen and not everything is an endless see of the same old stuff, and ‘well you tried’ films.

The cast in this was great. They’re all just starting out and only one face stood out for me as one I’d recognized, and also spoke the least. Reggie. If you are a van of the Netflix viking show The Last Kingdom, he played young Edmund. Again finding kid actors that can actually act, hold their own and come off legitimately as average kids and not ‘actors’, it’s a feat worth praising.

Everyone involved in this has the right to be proud of what they made and it deserves to be seen by many, many more people. Give it a try, it’s a good fun time and a nice break from hack and slash, and paranormal shitivity.

Which they are making another one of. Why.

Why.

Again. See this film, support it and those who made it. I’m glad we’re exploring horror I hadn’t seen and I hope for more winners like this. Because the further we get from Blood and Honey, the better we are as a society and fandom.

So until tomorrow. If you take a detour on a bus into the woods and end up in a tunnel of death? Remember the famous words of the chief, Never get off the boat.

Yes I’m ending on an Apocalypse Now quote. Chief was right, Never get off the boat. GOODNIGHT!!