SCORETOBER!!! Day 22 Tenebrae!!!

Day 22

Tenebrae

As we enter into our top 10, we do so in style.

Italian style.

More specifically, well. Gialli. Italian horror!

If you are unfamiliar, then I am glad we can take this journey together. Because this film? Oh it’s a trip. It’s a trip and the music itself is an experience worth of its own dance room.

It’s stylish, artsy, the blood is bright fire engine red. The kills setup and shot in the most beautifully lit angles you could ask for, it makes dying look good. The music though? Oh this is going to be fun so lets get into it already. I can’t wait any longer.

“The impulse had become irresistible. There was only one answer to the fury that tortured him and so he committed his first act of murder. He had broken the most deep rooted taboo and found not guilt, not anxiety or fear, but freedom. Every humiliation which stood in his way could be swept aside by this simple act of annihilation: Murder”

And with that we are into our film Tenebre…An unknown hand in a black glove holds open the book under the same name of the film and reads the opening lines. Before tossing it into a fireplace. It a pretty honest if scary look on the subject, But no time shall we waste on matters such as discussing  material! We got an Italian movie to get into! Which means grab a cannoli and hold on, because these movies do not mess around. We are going in fast and free here. No sooner than the book is tossed on the fire, assumingly by our killer, we are whisked away to the most dangerous bike ride on a busy street. It's like a Seattle cycler decided the freeway is also a bike friendly zone. Which would not at all be surprising. We are meeting and following the author of the book set on fire, and also the name of our film, Peter Neal(Anthony Franciosa), he is preparing for a trip it seems. A publishing tour to promote his best selling novel, Tenebre. He’s a fancy man packing a leather bag that I remember my parents and I think everyone back in that time period carrying. I can actually still smell the leather from it the more I think of it too. No idea what that says about me.

But our author has an admirer, and a. Well. Free spirit we’ll say.

I shouldn’t warn anyone, but I will just say that, Italian people. Bless their hearts. They can be very blunt, and sometimes. Well you’ll see. As our author readies to board a plane, a very lovely lady is following not far behind him, her name is Elsa Manni(Ania Pieroni)  she has the coolest damn sunglasses of all time, and it needs to be said because. Well they are. I wouldn’t say she’s stalking the man but. She is rather happily following him for a bit before he takes off, and then decides, ‘while I’m out here, why not steal a copy of his book Tenebre. Like it’s a crime or something? Ha”, Well it is a crime lady, and her ass is getting pulled around the store by its manager who saw her shove the book into her purse with as much subtly as a 5 year old. Which is to say not at all subtle.

As she is found out and now faces criminal charges. She. Well.

She decides to flirt with the man. Bending herself over his desk, waggling her hips, trying to be charming to him and challenging his manhood with the classy flirty line of “What, are you gay?”, It was a different time people. Also remember this. This was the time when if a woman told you she didn’t have a crush on you, but you knew she was lying, you forced a makeout kiss on her and this won her affections. Forced affection was the turn on back then, instead of you know, being assault.

ANY. WAY.

She’s moving on with her life, her feminine wiles having saved her from jail time somehow. She’s strolling oh so happily to her home, which happens to neighbor rape street. It’s the only explanation I have for the fact we are in a rather nice neighborhood, until she comes across a wooden fence used to keep the local homeless rapist away from the townsfolk, unfortunately he finds an opening in the fence and decides to grab and grope at her while lewdly licking his lips. She kicks him swiftly in the balls three times, which is still the traditional way of saying ‘No, leave me alone’, or in this case, an extreme no. She runs for the locked gate to the front of her house, quickly letting herself in and securing the door before Mr. Rapey homeless man can make it to her.

Now. Does she call the cops?

Does she phone a friend?

Does she tell anyone about the assault?

No, she’s had a full day already, so it’s time to strip down to her shirt and panties and ready for a shower. Because that….is appropriate? I. I don’t know…SO

So as she is readying herself for a nice relaxing shower, possibly to calm herself before contacting the authorities. She goes to her window only to be startled as the hobo rapist man is there staring from outside at her. She is rightfully scared and backs up fearful for her safety and well being. But the man does not break into her home.

Instead, from behind her, a black gloved hand grabs her throat, another holds a straight razor to her neck. The person begins taring pages from the Tenebre book she stole and shoves them into her mouth. Stuffing it full. The camera artfully focuses on her eyes as a tear falls and then over to a single shot of the very bright reflective straight razor being held above her. Before it is brought down across her throat, and all we see is her eyes, up close, as she looks off to the side and slumps over dead. The horny hobo rapist having seen this runs off fearing for his own life now. The killer meanwhile poses her body and snaps a photo of her before leaving the murder scene.

If that seemed sudden, what the fuck, and made little sense? It’s not just my writing, though it’s that too. It’s gialli.

Honestly it’s a very fun genre and the music within is sometimes fun. Though this film is the cream of the crop.

So our author has arrived and is mobbed immediately by the press as well as John mother trucking Saxon!! Yes John Saxon is in this film, he’s playing Bullmer, Peter’s literary assistant. He’s also a good friend, and well dressed.

Its time for a press junket! He just got off the damn plane so of course it makes sense to rush the man right into one. He’s spent the past three years writing back to back so I’m sure he’s cool with it. Especially with how successful Tenenbre is now.

Well he was ready, just not for the trial of feminism! Among a seated group of reporters asking him questions, there sits one woman, smiling as he speaks about his novel and how amazing he is, who then declares boldly that “Tenebre” is a sexist novel. Why do you despise women so much?” But he’s a cool cucumber to this apparently, he chuckles it off passively, and tells her he doesn’t think it’s sexist what so ever. The rest of the group roll their eyes as it seems she’s only getting started, “Women as victims, ciphers, the male heroes with their hairy, macho bullshit! How can you say it isn’t?” Tilde(Mirella D’Angelo) Did not come here to play games. It first hit me as just so sudden and WOW the first time I saw it, and I loved it, especially when his only response was to look at this woman with concern and remove his glasses, “Tilde, what’s the matter with you? You’ve known me for 10 years ever since you studied in New York. You know very well that I.” She cuts him off before he can begin to protect his character under attack and informs him she’s not talking about him. She’s talking about his work. BIG difference there my dude. HUGE!

Does he understand that? Hell no! Even when she tells him she means his work is sexist, his response is to say ‘Well I don’t know what to tell you. Uh, would you like me to tell you that I supported the equal rights amendment?”, She seems to only be getting frustrated at this point and ask him to explain his books then if he supports equal rights. “Do you write to a fixed pattern or do your publishers tell you this kind of sexism sells copies?” just as she begins to gain supportive chuckles from women as she questions him, John Saxon comes to rescue his client by suggesting that he arrange a private interview between the two and that his client be allowed to rest as he just got off the plane…to a press meeting he arranged. With an open bar. She sighs in frustration “I guess so.” She relents and surrenders her battle against sexism and, just like that she’s suddenly very pleasant, all smiles and teasingly tugs on Peter’s coat as she tells him her mother was hoping he’d call her. It’s just a subtle change from angry interview asking the hard hitting questions to friendly. He smiles and assures her he shall do so and with that Bullmer whisk him away, but not before tossing out the line “Those dykes really want your balls”,

I…well, that’s certainly a line. And boy did they certainly..handle. That. Situation? Question mark?

ANYWAY moving right along. Peter is headed for his hotel, gathering his bags and wouldn’t you know it. Some angry airline worker ruined one of his suits with what looks like blood stains, and destroyed a watch of his in one of his bags. The nerve! Could it be the work of BALL hungry lesbians?! Who knows!

Apparently its no big thing to worry about, when you find bloody clothes in your own travel bag. I mean they are in Rome so, I guess…while in Rome?

Well the party doesn’t stop there, from mystery bloody murder clothes to his apartment with two official investigators waiting, things are just getting started. He is greeted by Captain Germani(Giuliano Gemma) and Detective Altieri(Carola Stagnaro). They have some questions for Peter. About the death of Elsa Manni, he mentions that she had died of several deep cuts, five hours ago. They felt they should question him as she’d been found with pages of his book stuffed down her throat and well, he does write murder novels, and in his new book the killer apparently uses an antique fancy straight razor sooooo. Kind of a connection? He shrugs it off and ask the logical question of, “if someone is killed with a gun, do you question the president of Smith and Wesson?”, I mean he does have a point, except for the fact he has a bag with murder clothes, and the killer killed someone with a straight razor like in his book, oh also there was a note left for him in his room before he arrived from the killer. Complete with the classic cut out leters from magazines clue. A single sentence from his novel, “There was only one answer to the fury that tortured him.”. So you know. These people have reason to ask him about the murder and ask him for any help he might be able to offer. Rome also apparently is very relaxed with how they do investigations, as the inspector ask for a glass of scotch. Because well again. While in Rome.

But Peter, after hearing this news, does have the after thought.

The after thought to mention “Oh hey, there actually is something you might be able to help me with. My bag from the airport.”

Well praise be to the thought, that maybe. MAYBE TELLING DETECTIVES SOMEONE STUCK MURDER CLOTHES IN MY BAG!!

I mean come on! There’s only so much ‘while in Rome’ can cover.

Well the inspectors are thankful for this morsel of evidence and immediately like bloodhounds sniff away at the torn by razor garment coated in blood. Meanwhile Peter is back to his happy go lucky self and receives a telephone call.

It’s the killer! With a rather odd distorted voice. It could be female, it could be male. Who knows! But they again quote his book about murdering and inform him how they shall meet him soon. For once the author is being actually helpful first without it seeming like an “oh hey this might be helpful to you” thought, he’s snapping his fingers for the investigators and motions it’s the killer. So our Chief Detective Germani whips out his revolver and heads down stairs while his partner Detective Altieri glances out the window. They spot the killer making the call from a nearby phone booth. They ask him about the woman he is with, letting him know they can see her from the window, informing him she will likely die as well because well they’re a killer on holiday in Rome and all that. He’s trying to buy the detectives time and keeps thinking of ways to keep the conversation going, only to slip up by asking the killer “Say why did you kill that lady today, wanna talk about it?”, so naturally a killer who just killed someone a few hours ago would panic knowing you know they killed someone when the press hasn’t even mentioned it yet. So they politely hang the fuck up and bolt away. Moments before both Detectives are outside waving their pistols at random cars and hunting for the suspect. Only finding a hanging phone from the phonebooth the call was made from. And nearly causing a driver to crash into a tree because a gun was pointed at him as he drove over the speed limit like a normal Italian.

You think I’m being mean to the Italians, but I am not. In Italy they literally live in a world where traffic laws and speeds exist in another world separate to their own. All the movies that show you beautiful cars roaming Italy are a lie. A majority of their cars on the road are dinged up for, reasons of traffic laws seeming to be suggestive versus enforced.

I am cool with Italians, just the driving in Italy….not so much.

ANYWAY, we got some group sex and breast to enjoy.

What? No I didn’t switch the film off to review Pornhub. Seriously. We are entering a…memory. Dream sequence. But it is a memory, just a very dreamy memory. From the killer as it appears their mind is tortured. The memory is of a very beautiful woman on the beach in red heels and a white dress.  Enticing 3 young men by showing off her breast and inviting them wordlessly over to her for some fun. But when a 4th shows up beside her, she smiles and shakes her head no. 3’s a crowd but fours too much. So being rejected, the fourth young man slaps her, busting her lip. He runs off and the other boys take chase after him. Tackling him to the floor where they hold him down and…spread his legs. Allowing the woman they plan to bone to kick him repeatedly in the balls before shoving her heel down into his mouth.

It’s. Well traumatic yeah, but he was kind of a shit for not thinking to maybe wait and try another day for a threesome, or you know, be tagged in later on. But alas, a killer was formed that day.

As the killer comes back from this wonderful memory of their past, we are moving along to date night! With Tilde, our ball hungry lesbian! Who’s actually a very nice woman and I feel bad for them. No not because they’ll be murdered eventually. But because their life is not entirely wine and roses, and they aren’t taking seriously by their colleagues. They brought up some good points to Peter but Bullmer just wrote them off as part of an angry man hating lesbian crowd.

But tonight she is trying to relax and unwind on a date with her roommate, and lover, Marion(Mirella Banti) Who, as it so happens, is bi sexual, and enjoys making Tilde jealous. They have an open relationship. Which Tilde is not entirely okay with. She hates seeing Marion with other people, men or women, and though she may have agreed to no commitment or jealousy well. It doesn’t work for everyone.

She watches Marion wonder over to a well built very tall man at an arcade machine and talk to him before turning to their table to inform her that, the man has nowhere to go so she is inviting him back to their place. She reminds her not to get upset and to please give her an hour alone at the house before returning.

To say Tilde is unhappy is an understatement, but she is doing her best to balance out her love/hate for this woman and the fact that though she drives her mad with jealousy. She knows Marion thrives off of it and will soon enough be hers again. It doesn’t however change things once she returns to their shared home and finds the woman having just finished a shower asking her if she was going to come up to bed with her or not, Tilde considered this and lets her heart do the talking. “You cheap little hooker, I wouldn’t come near you if my life depended on it. You make me sick.”, Well that went as well as it could have, and it prompts Marion to boldly stand her ground, naked save for a towel which thankfully she kept covering places the camera did not need to explore, while declaring from the top of the staircase that fine, she’ll admit the man was a fantastic lover, better than Tilde! She’s about to go further into detail with all the things he did right to make her feel amazing. But Tilde kindly declines to further expand on the conversation by tossing a glass vase at the wall behind Marion.

The two part ways angrily and Tilde decides it’s time to get changed for bed and consider making up tomorrow. As she does this though, the soundtrack kicks in. Which I have not mentioned much because, well we will talk a LOT about it soon enough. But as it kicks in with the grooviest damn music imaginable. We are now aware the killer is nearby and breaking into their home.

Leading to what turned out to be the most beautifully framed murder, and coincidentally the greatest vinyl cover to the films soundtrack.

As Tilde is sliding on her white night shirt. The killer spins her around and slashes out at her with their razor. Immediately slicing open a cloth portal to frame her eyes in shock just before the killer strikes again, and her face is coated in blood. Poor Tilde is now gone from this world, and her very open semi bitchy roommate/lover soon follows, being killed in her expensive looking bath towel. Once again the killer is taking photos of their work before parting the murder scene.

As they part. We are given a glimpse into their home. Displaying a very empty open space, a basement of sorts, with a table where they cut out their threatening letters for later assembly. Maps, and they also develop their film. Hanging the murder photos to dry, and running their precious murder weapon under water to clean off the evidence of their crimes.

One thing I love about a lot of these films, Gialli and Argento’s. is they’re always beautifully shot and creative with how certain things are framed and setup. It honestly makes for fun horror and makes them stand out beautifully when they decide to add art to the film. This is just one of the better examples of that genre.

So morning comes and with it comes Peter who ask for help with his water not properly working. So the manager sends up his teenage daughter to help him. Who he should not be attracted to but rather obviously Peter is rather happy she was the handywoman they sent up to him. It’s kinda creepy, and for the man who supported equal rights well. Tilde is likely watching from above and pointing judgingly at him for being proven correct on some things.

But more importantly, he has received another letter from the murderer! Whom he thinks he spotted as they make yet another getaway from him. He rips open the letter, not thinking to wait for the cops, and reads it immediately. Again a single sentence. “So passes the glory of Lesbos.”, his assistant ask him what could that mean?! His conclusion is that, the killer must have a higher education, as that was translated from latin. “Maybe he’s killed again.”

Peter is…well. It’s fair to say some things escape him.

So leave it to the police to inform him there’s been another murder and who it was. Suddenly making sense of the letter. Which thankfully is shocking to him! He knew her for ten years! Of course it should be!

But he’s over it and ready for his next interview, with a very happy man ready to discuss how his book Tenebre is about deviants and human perversions and its effect on society and our lives. Peter is a little offended at this, so the man informs him that two of the characters are deviants. Which Peter takes to mean the man is talking about the gay couple in his book, whom he portrays as being very happy. Though the killers motivation is to eliminate what they call corruption. The conversation seems to be getting a bit too heavy for Peter and he wonders if they should be having that kind of talk on an afternoon show. But thankfully the man decides to drop it and, well. It was kind of needless to even bring up.

OR WAS IT?!!

So Peter is busy dealing with the press, dealing with interviews, talk shows, his new book. Oh and someone murdering people like they were murdered in his book, right down to the order they were murdered. So to say his plate is a little full is appropriate. But it doesn’t mean the detectives are going to cut him any slack. They’re following him at the studio. Questioning his agent and assistance. They want to make sure he’ll be safe, but also to clear him as well of being a potential suspect.

Really the only thing I appreciate about Peter is him telling Anne that he regrets ever writing that book given all that’s happened and how people took it. I mean for him the killer was insane, but everyone is reading far more into his motivations than he’s put into it and it seems to upset him. Which being a writer makes sense that he’d feel more jilted about peoples take on his writing versus the actual killings themselves.

But who cares about that!

We got a killer to worry about! A killer who is looking out for their next victim, a lady of the night, a woman you can buy the affections of, Someone who will do the things your wife won’t, okay it’s a prostitute.

Only they are unable to do so. See, being a killer is tough. You gotta prepare for these things, and if you slack off even a little, you end up arrested or worse cops stop you. Which I mean is good but, well anyway. They realize they left the keys to their murder lair in their murder door. So they need to get back into their murder car to return to the murder lair to get the murder keys, so they can then murder the prostitute they need.

Murder problems, am I right?

Well on the other side of town, the buildings young repair woman from earlier, Maria Alboretto(Lara Wendal) is going on a date with Peters driver, another young guy Gianni(Christian Borromeo), They seem to like each other and he has a motorcycle which instantly when your young means your cool. But their night is cut short for reasons of Gianni apparently being an asshole. Perhaps he went a little further on their date than she would’ve liked or the guy made her pay for dinner because he believes the person who pays for the date should be the person who asked for the date. We don’t know, so who can say?

All we do know is that she is angry at him, gets off his motorcycle and he leaves her there. In the middle of a street, for her to call him a bastard, and spit on his name in the street.

Forced to now walk home on her own, Maria is left to reflect on the nights events, that is until a murderous barking dog jump scares everyone out of their pants and lunges at her from a nearby fenced in yard. She is appropriately scared, and even more appropriately upset by this. She could walk away and leave things be. But she’s in a pissy mood. So she picks up a nearby branch and smacks at the fence and the dog, poking the dog which seems to only further and rightfully provoke the pooch.

Now I am no fan of assholes, or dogs attacking and barking. But this dog is doing its job and he wanted to let her know that he was watching her and to stay away from the property he guards.

So feeling challenged by her he begins to empower his barking to include insults about her mother and her dating habits. This scares her appropriately and she takes off down the street leaving this terrible foul mouthed borking dog.

But the dog is not done with her, don’t let a stick write checks your butt can’t cash!

The dog almost comically roams around the fenced area until it finds an opening and crawls out, the girl looks back and sees the dog galloping full speed after her. The dog has a bone to pick with this human and they’re gonna fight it out.

This is very obviously a fight she is not prepared for or could possibly win. She cuts across a field in an attempt to escape the doggo, only to learn that humans who aren’t Olympic runners, are not capable of out running a guard dog in its prime. He takes her down with a bite to the butt and begins his biting clawing and borking.

He manages to cut her thigh and she, manages to find a stick near by. Her signature weapon and the bane of most dogs. She smacks it hard across the head and the doggo is stunned. She runs off and stumbles upon a house. Moving to quickly get inside and keep safe from the killer pooch who didn’t hear no bell and wants to keep fighting. Its only once she’s safely inside that she soon finds the room is full of photographs of murdered ladies, cut out letters from magazines, and a bright flashing yet somehow classy Italian sign that says Murder Lair.

Egads! The murder house!

This girl, then does something, that no other person. In any of these horror films of the time thought to do, and even to this day do, let alone get away with. She begins grabbing evidence. The photos, letters, anything that could link the killer, their bank statements, copies of their ID in triple form, family photos. You name it. Yes of course she is confronted by the killer. But she is young and the killer is old. So she bolts off back outside. Sure there is a dog out there with a score to settle, but its better than dealing with a murderer, right?

Well unfortunately it doesn’t matter in the end. We still have an hour to go and her ass is getting murdered. What’s worse is the accuracy caught on camera for how little Italians care for other peoples problems, as we see a gardener mowing the lawn the girl ran across. Mowing over murder photos, and evidence. Only thinking to stop once they come across the body.

I know it’s done for style and an “oh no they’re destroying the evidence!” shock value shot, but come on. Who doesn’t look 15 feet ahead while mowing and notice a body, let alone think to themselves I should really gather all this paper or it’s going to get shredded with the lawn trimmings.

So now with another body on the list, another letter of course gets sent to Peter, this time however the Detectives are there and more than happy to do their job and read the letter.

“I grieve for this child. Her death was the only way I could be free to go on. I will eliminate those who disgust me, the human perverts. Soon now, the Corrupter himself.”

Well that makes Peter feel warm and fuzzy knowing he is the end goal here. But it’s also nice of the killer to show remorse that he had to kill someone he didn’t plan to. She was innocent and it ruined their overall plan.

But who can stay mad or emotional about murder. The Detective Germani cheerfully tells Peter he finished his book Tenebre, and guessed who the killer was back on page 30! Hah, such good natured humor.

Hell even her failed date, Gianni isn’t giving two shits that she was murdered. Then again maybe he doesn’t know? Or he really was as she predicted, a bastard.

One thing we learn, in all of this. Is that Peter has a not so very happy ex named Jane McKerrow(Veronica Lario), someone he briefly mentioned he felt could be trying to screw with him, if not directly IS the murderer, only because he thought he saw her outside his window in a car driving by the hotel. But she should be back in New York, not in Rome. Unless she WAS connected!!!

Well as Anne readies to leave for the night, into the best lit prettiest, brightest red car I’ve ever seen in my life. She notices across the street a glaring judging ex! Why it’s Jane! She tries to approach her, only to see Jane get into her far less fancy silver car and drive off, likely giving her the middle finger from within.

It seems we are getting some confirmation and possible suspects now! Finally!

But we have more yet to come. Peter was putting his murder writer brain to work and tried his hand at an early murder board. Attempting to connect these killings and try to pinpoint a central location the killer could be hiding or using as a murder lair. This is exciting to Gianni, so when a possible murder lair is located, he volunteers to drive Peter, which is his job in the first place, and the two are ready to play detective.

Instead of you know, contacting the actual detectives. Because what are they even paid for am I right?

Anyway…

Peter and Gianni take off for the murder lair, which. Turns out to be. THE MURDER LAIR! Gianni goes out on his own, splitting up the party which is never a good idea but onward and upward as they say. As he ventures on his own. Our killer is busy destroying evidence. They are destroying the photos, notes, and even destroying their murder weapon! What gives?!

The most shocking thing however to Gianna is he see’s someone in the murder house! Who you ask?

Well our friendly neighborhood Daytime show host, Christiano Berti(John Steiner). Who would’ve thought!

Well don’t get hung up just yet, as it appears Christiano is not alone. Gianni hears an unseen person tell them “Yes, I was the one doing the killings!” and the boy is then finally, actually traumatized! As he see’s poor Christiano get an axe driven straight through his skull. It’s actually pretty scary for the fact the axe doesn’t stay in his head like it usually does in the films, but seems a bit more realistic in that Christiano flails and pulls the axe free as his body falls to the floor dead. Gianni takes off fleeing the murder scene and runs to find Peter. Who was knocked out on the back of his head with a rock. Which is deeply concerning considering there appears to be chunks of skin on his scalp that. Can’t be good.

But who cares about possible concussions and brain damage, when your traumatized driver is driving you home and you get to make out passionately with your new girlfriend of 4 or 6 years Anne.

These people are, a different breed.

Yes I mean the Italians.

Well it’s been a while since we got a view at the killers mind right? So why not another weird memory dream, as our killer tries to calm their troubled mind full of rage. They begin to recall a party, with the lady in white with red heels who had a 4 way on the beach which the killer was excluded from. Only as they see the lady in white at this party, the killer steps out from the bushes and stabs her! Killing the ball kicking heel in mouth lady! The killers first taste of murder most fowl!

But let us not linger on important facts of the killer. Lets get sleazy. Real sleazy!

Peter is meeting with Bullmer, and telling him he feels maybe he should leave Rome for a few weeks and check out Paris. Which is a very good idea, I fully support this. Paris is lovely. Traffic laws are slightly more enforced. But only slightly.

However Bullmer is against this, he thinks Peter should chill the hell out and you know, wait around to be murdered. Which Peter seems okay with because eh why not, he’s going to hang out with the detectives at the murder lair. Because it’s the place to be.

But Bullmer has a secret. A sleazy secret! Is he the murderer? No, maybe? But no. Though maybe. His sleazy secret is that HE is the reason Jane is there, as he lets her into his office soon after Peter leaves and the two begin mashing their mouths powerfully together, kissing in the most Italian way possible. Seriously it’s not passionate, its just two faces doing the equivalent of a child smashing barbie dolls faces together. But now it would seem we know why Jane is in Rome. She is there for her elicit love of Bullmer and his incredible hat. He’s even planning a night out with her and some fun sleazy times.

I keep saying sleazy because she tells Bullmer that she feels sleazy with sneaking around Rome trying not to alert her ex Peter, but also unable to help judge and be pissy with his new lady Anne. But he tells her to chill out and go home, he has a surprise for her and then they can meet up. What might this surprise be? Well she heads home in time to find a box and opens it, within are a pair of…very bright red heels. Interesting. VERY interesting.

So Bullmer heads out to enjoy Rome in all its Romeness. Watching people being people, and sadly paying witness to a woman being yelled at by her lover as the two break up and he makes a scene of  shouting and yelling at her. Leaving the poor woman crying on a bench by a fountain. It’s all a bit much and he turns away. Only to come face to face with, well. A friendly face! He smiles greeting them, but is somewhat confused, wondering why they would bring him and show him a cool looking cooks knife. If you thought that was confusing, imagine the look on his face when that knife gets buried into his stomach.

Yes, poor John Saxon has been murdered, that makes two films we’ve had with him in the cast where he’s ended up dead. COINCIDENCE? Yes..actually.

Anyway

He dead son! He’s dead and as a crowd gathers. We are left to the sight of. Red heel shoes and a sundress leaving the scene. Shock! Remember when I said it was VERY interesting Jane got red heels? Well it was.

Well Peter is doing just as Bulmmer told him before he was murdered, and chilling out. Actually he’s chilling out by packing for both him and Anne as they prepare to leave for Paris. Well at least we assume Paris. In actuality Anne says to Gianni they are keeping it confidential where they are going. So that way the murderer has no way of discovering their location. Well Gianni says smell ya later and tells them he’s headed for the murder lair. He believes there is still a clue there, a piece to the puzzle he may be missing and could solve things. The couple wish him well and go their separate ways.

As Gianni makes way to the killers lair he begins to replay events in his head. Overlooking the room he saw Christiano axed. He begins to remember the full conversation that took place. He didn’t hear the killer admit they killed those people. He heard Christiano saying it. But if he admitted to killing, who was he talking to and who was the killer? He seems to have begun piecing it together and recalls the axe. Perhaps the murderer had left prints on it, something. Anything!

Well he’s off to his car to go take things up with the Police. To let them know what he remembers so they don’t make any mistakes. Which thankfully they hadn’t. Honestly its one of those rare films where the police are shown to be competent and capable. Even if they drink scotch in the afternoon while working. While in Rome I guess.

As Gianni makes it back to his car, the keys are missing. Which is odd, even odder? Is someone is sat behind him and now strangling him with rope. Boy what a pickle.

So Gianni dies, with his story never getting to be told and his facts die with him. I’d say farewell but. The guy was a bastard apparently.

But we are entering the finale of our film here folks. Which means things are getting less coincidental and more down to the wire. Or so you’d imagine.

We are now joining the owner of those red heels and the sundress. It’s Jane! She is pacing her apartment kitchen in them and contacts Peter, only he isn’t at the apartment. He’s on a plane to Paris. Ann answers instead. Jane informs Ann she was hoping to talk to Peter, but she will take the moment to apologize to Anne, and begs her to please come over. She’s done something terrible, “It feels like there are two people living inside me, I’ve done terrible things.”, with that she begs Anne again to come see her, she needs to talk to someone, to confess what she’s done and tells pleads with Ann to keep her from killing herself.Anne grits her teeth but she’s not about to let this woman, even if she feels she’s an ex who came off as stalking her new man and intruding on their lives, deal with this on her own, and she won’t have her suicide put on her head either. So she tells her she will be there soon. Which pleases Jane.

Jane is, not exactly all there. It would seem. She has a pistol and she is ready for Anne to walk through that door.

Instead however, her window comes crashing open and with it, an axe. Which just happens to fly downward and sever her hand. Jane screams and stumbles around the apartment. The killer enters the room and begins hacking Jane to death. Well now there are even MORE questions.

So Christiano was admitting to committing the murders. Okay, fine, cool. But then he was murdered. On top of that, we now have Jane, who apparently murdered Bullmer, and now she planned to murder Anne. But now Jane is murdered by….The murderer? A MURDERER? Just what the Sam Hell is going on here!!!

Well before we can ask ourselves anymore logical questions. It appears Anne is arriving and entering the room. Looking around the place only to discover the body, and unfortunately. Discovers the killer. Well not discovers but rather the killer discovers them and puts an axe into their back.

But hold on to your fancy hats and sexy butts.

The person who wielded the axe, was Peter!!

Who now is crying as he realizes he just killed Anne, He’s shocked and shaken. FINALLY an appropriate response from this guy.

Just then, through the door, comes Detective Germani, gun drawn. He spots Peter and takes aim immediately at him. Even as he begins to sob that he had no idea it was her. Germani watches mouth open in shock as he notices the body.

However it wasn’t Anne, Anne enters the room in shock, seeing the bloody scene in front of her. The woman he killed was unfortunately Detective Altieri. Which is truly sad. She was a good detective, and now she’s another victim in a confusing sad case.

But Peter is not off the hook, oh no. Detective Germani is still holding him at gun point. He’s figured out this whole sordid affair! I hope so at least because man it would be nice for an actual fairly reasonably priced explanation for just what the hell is going on!

So, while Peter is on the floor. Germani is going to explain it all for us. “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth…and Bullmer’s mad told Inspector Altieri he had an affair with your fiancé. Altieri was to head strong and came over here alone to check. She didn’t know that you, Neal, are mad. Completely mad! And it cost her, her life. I don’t know if I should hate you or feel sorry for you.” Peter begins to protest, informing the detective that he did not murder those other women, but of course. The detective already knew this. He realized it would be impossible for him to have done so. Instead what happened, was once Peter figure out for himself who the killer was, that Christiano was INDEED the one who killed those women, well “The rest was as easy as writing a book, hahaha A BOOK!!”

Peter, once he knew who the killer was, and that he’d killed him. He wanted the killer to live long enough to be blamed for the murder of Jane and Bullmer. The two people he hated most.

I have questions, and if you do to then, well good. Glad we agree.

So its time for Peter to be takin into custody. He gets up and is ready to be lead out. Only he seems to be searching for something in his pockets, oh there it is. He found it. His straight razor. Which he then uses to slit his own throat! Making a great murder face in the process of killing himself before dropping dead, while the detective shouts NO, mad that he had died before facing justice.  With him now dead, Germani leads Anne to his squad car and radios in for an ambulance. He then tells Anne how he got news from Interpol about Peter and discovered in his past as a teenager. He had been accused of murdering a woman, but there wasn’t enough evidence to link him to the murder so he was let go. That was what kept the detective on his trail and finally put things together.

With that said, and rain pouring down like it was on sale, The detective looks thoughtful for a moment and excuses himself to go back into the house. Perhaps he wanted a coke from the fridge or to kick the corpse in the face? Who can say? But he decides to go inside.

Only to discover that Peter Neal is no longer there! The man who slit his own throat lives! But how! As he investigates he picks up the razor he saw Peter kill himself with, only to discover it was a fake toy with a red button on the handle that spurts out blood when pressed. The man tricked them! Worst of all he not only tricked them. He isn’t dead! Double whammy. But terrible things come in threes as they say. So what does that mean? Yep. Germani is getting an Axe to the back! Thwack Whack and Splat! Down he goes. Stumbling back into a large odd sculpture of spikey cones which he admires before dropping dead, somehow between the legs of his now dead partner.

Seriously he actually positioned himself to die between her legs, go back and watch the scene he purposely did this. It wasn’t an accident, it wasn’t him just ‘dying’, dude made a point to die between her legs. It’s just. Weird man.

Well Anne is alone in the patrol car and curious what’s taking Germani so long. So of course she goes to investigate! Only good luck getting in the house lady! The doors blocked by the sculpture now. She knows something isn’t right because the door was closed and the detective is still inside. So she begins pushing harder and harder on the door. Meanwhile Peter is grabbing his trusty murder Axe, and the man is poised and ready to strike at Anne as soon as she enters. He hears her struggling with the door, seeing the door has tinted glass he figured maybe he can drive the axe through it into her skull. Why not. So Paul charged in, axe raised above his head. He’s ready for murder folks!!

In that moment, Anne is able to push the door open finally. FORCING it open, as she does it sends part of the spikey cone sculpture forward and…..impales Peter through the chest RIGHT into the wall behind him. Dude had been straight up impaled by art. He screams out and tried desperately to grip the sharp silver cone piercing through him, but it does no good. And with that be dies, left standing up and looking like he had a sad sandwich.

Meanwhine, Anne is. Well.

She isn’t well. At all. In fact Anne is the furthest thing away from well. She’s not even fine.

The man she had feelings for, and tried to murder her. Twice now, that she saw slit his own throat. Has just been impaled and dies gushing out blood in front of her. She spends the last 3 minutes of the film screaming like a lunatic. Which is in fact what they named the ending, the lunatic ending. She screams while music plays during the end credits too. And with that, the movie concludes.

The End!

This movie is wonderful. It’s fun, kinda corny, bloody at the very end without being overly gory. It has beautiful actors and actresses playing out an actually good mystery. I mean I still have questions, like what was up with Jane and the murder shoes and dress appearing where Bullmer was killed? I first thought maybe she’d killed him, then planned to kill Peter and settled for Anne instead. But apparently no. She likely came and found him dead then ran the other way.

It's a great Argento film and one I always recommend to people when trying to get into his movies. There’s three honestly I love and highly recommend: Tenebrae, Deep Red, and Phenomena. Argento was in top form with this film, it has all his signature shots, Goblin’s music, and well shot beautiful murders with a hell of a twist. Seriously the man had a great way with twist endings that always worked, managing to blow your mind in the end.

Tenebrae is considered one of his best and one of the better gialli films. Which I consider to be true. He’s done some amazing films but this one just. It really plays well. Even when you’ve seen it already. You find yourself picking up on things you missed the first watch through. It’s a great all round 2 hour horror mystery. And as for the music, oh me oh my.

The Music

Goblin is a music group of top quality, and are sadly missed. The score for this film was mesmerizing. The first time I watched the movie, and the score began to play. I was hooked. It was like jazz horror on synth. For a horror film? This type of music just doesn’t happen. It’s not at all what comes to mind when you consider horror. Especially the likes of Halloween, Phantasm, even Rosemary’s Baby and The Omen.

It’s just so out there and odd. But it works. So, so well.

The track “Flashing” is its own damn film. It starts out innocently, and unassuming. It sounds like something you’d expect in a scifi film or stage production, but the moment that music fades and just stops dead in its tracks. It becomes sinister and foreboding. Its very suspenseful and experimental and just as it begins to reach its peak and you expect the splash of a horror jumpscare. It moves right into the main theme of the film. Just this really deeply cool ascension. It’s a real killer on the loose sound and I love it. Having never seen the film and just hearing this track? You’d be hard pressed to make sense out of where it came from, where it belongs. But its intriguing enough to make you ask what that was. It could easily sound silly or out of place. But they tapped into something special and ran with it once they did.

It really is its own story because it has an arch in the middle and finally an ending. It takes us from stalking through a building, to the killer finding us and then finally our end. It’s really beautifully done.

The story from that song was Jane’s.

You pickup parts of it later in what was “Janes Mirror Theme”

The main theme itself “Tenebre” finds itself dropped in through out the score, and again you understand why, and love why once you hear it during the opening of the film. It’s the catchiest late disco sounding club song. It grooves and it moves, but to somehow manage to top it, with an alternate version “Tenebre (Film Version Suite), I mean. You’ve got gentle guitar, beautiful soft piano and chilling strings. It’s the same song but slowed down and torn apart. Simplified. It just hits so differently, and the main theme already hits hard and beautifully as is.

Slow Circus no matter which version you play, is just the sound of losing your mind. Simple as that. It’s the theme that plays during both of the killers flashbacks with the lady in red shoes and white dress.

However, and this is a strong, strong however. As much as I love and would say the main theme “Tenebre” is my favorite. I have to say it actually is close, really REALLY close. But the song I really dig, and sounds so incredibly out of place, but also later on like several other films later made which I highly feel ripped off Goblin and shame on them for.

Is the track, “Lesbo”

Do not judge the title. Just go find it, and play it.

Listen to it, then go and google two songs for me.

Firstly, John Carpenters “Into The Mouth of madness” main theme.

After that? Look up the Rocky 4 song “No Easy Way Out”

You will hear E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what I am talking about.

The track plays more like a song minus the volcals. It sounds like something from a rock album from a band who the moment you hear it you think of and the name immediately escapes you.

Its rock and roll and fusion.

The track is just, a stand out and something I love hearing on its own or through the album. It stands out so much it really could be on it’s own and you’d never know it came from this movie. It has no familiarity to it what so ever, no attachment to the film. You could put it on an ipod and just think its one of your random rock groups jams, and you’d not question it.

Claudia Simonetti, F. Pignatelli, Massimo Morante, all members of the former band Goblin. They released this as an album back in 1982 The whole thing was done with synth, percussion guitar and bass. It’s one of my favorite all time soundtracks, and when I discovered the movie, it blew my head off having heard their music. Before this? The only time I heard their music, which is by all means a very interesting introduction to them, was through the soundtrack for Dawn of the Dead.

Hearing that films happy silly mall music. Then hearing this? Yeah. It blew my mind.

It got me to buy the movie, and the album Waxworks put out, then got me to watch Deep Red, Phenomena, Inferno, and Suspiria.

I had a hard time honestly between picking this and Deep red. Because both of those films have such great music and the soundtracks are stunning pieces of music worthy of picking up and listening to. But in the end I went with the one that introduced me to a side of Goblin I hadn’t heard and fell in love with. Which is what earned them their place in my top 10.

Please for the love of all that is good in this world. Go check them out, give the soundtrack a listen, same with the movie go give it a watch again, it’s worth revisiting and especially seeing for the first time.

As for now, it’s time to celebrate my sisters birthday, I am in need of cake, and until tomorrow, if you go the rest of your life never uttering the phrase. Or better yet. Better yet.

If you are a lesbian, go find John Saxxon at a convention somewhere, and have him make the autograph out to “A ball hungry dyke”

Seriously I wanna see his face. Never forget it people. Never forget it.